Your relationship with your mom

[DesertMoon]

What's it like? Close? Not close? Was she a good mother in your opinion? Do you talk to her regularly? Have you forgiven her for thins you held on to?

Also would you be comfortable with having the same mother child relationship with your kids as you do with your mother presently, would you want it to be better or just the same as yours now.

For the ladies who's mothers are no longer with us, hugs and please tell us about her.

[dojo]

My mom and I are very close. I wish she wanted to help out more / spend more time with H and my nieces. Her own mother was not helpful at all. My mom thinks she's a superstar by comparison but doesn't recognize that my sister and I both cringe when we have to ask her to help with something because he makes it so plainly obvious that she doesn't want to.

[TrudyCampbell]

Our relationship is very surface at this point.

At one point, we were very close. Then our relationship became very rocky and she was an all around awful person involved in some not great things. Then she had an accident and is now a quadriplegic. Her accident happened at a low point in our relationship, but then it was kind of all pushed aside.

I talk to her regularly, I see her pretty regularly, but our conversations aren't very "deep". I basically see her out of obligation. I have forgiven her for a lot of the shitty things, but I haven't forgotten.

I will be devastated if my girls have the same relationship with me as I do with my mom currently. My main goal in life is to make sure we are always VERY close.

[blane12]

My mom is seriously my best friend. I talk to her every day. When I'm not on mat leave, she watched the kids 3 days a week. She was an amazing mother (and still is).

When I was a teenager, there were times we got into it. Mostly because I kind of withdrew and wasn't as open with her about things and I think she was frustrated with me.

It's much easier now to see her point of view now that I'm a mother myself. I love her to death and can't imagine her not being around.

[blane12]

Oh and I would love if my boys are always as close to me as she and I are. I'd be heartbroken if they weren't.

[charmediamsure]

My mom and I are not that close. She is a good mom, but I don't think I had an affectionate upbringing. We aren't a touchy feely family so I feel really awkward hugging my mom or saying "I love you". It's just the way I was brought up. I know she loves me and I love her, but I've just never felt particularly close. My parents never really showed affection either so I think this is why I have some issues. Like when H and I got married he was all serious and intense and I just giggled through the whole ceremony because I was super uncomfortable.

I'm the total opposite of the relationship I have with my mom than I am with Jack. I make sure I say "I love you" to him a lot. We cuddle a lot. And H and I show affection in front of him. I don't want Jack to grow up feeling awkward the way I did.

[fusion]

My mom is pretty amazing. We generally see her twice a week now that she doesn't work. She's on a 6 week trip right now and I miss her! She'll take one of the older kids overnight once a week and wants to start taking the baby more (he has some stranger danger he needs to work through though and it will probably be worse since she'll be gone for so long).
She wasn't as good growing up, but she has significant health issues that were happening while I was a teenager (she was in a wheelchair for a while because of them), and my dad was dying for 4 of my teenage years, so it was stressful. She also had us in her young 20s and came from an abusive home and had a lot of growing up and learning to do. She went back to school when I was in college and became a special ed teacher, which gave her even more tools to be an awesome grandmother. She's definitely the "if she can do it, then anyone can" type of example.
I'd love the same relationship with my kids when they are adults and my grandkids when they are (hopefully!) born. I really do hope they all stay close enough geographically that I can see them regularly.

[Beener]

My mom is awesome. She has her moments- she holds on to grudges, is a super neat freak and I always feel like she's judging the cleanliness of my house, and shuts down instead of dealing with matters head on- but I wouldn't trade her for the world. We've always been super close. She was a SAHM until my brother and I were in school and then she worked part time so she could see us on the bus and be home before us. I always remember her being there for me, whenever I needed her. She went to all my school events and athletic events. She took a week off when I had each kid to help me when Matt had to go back to work, and she's always calling me to tell me that Matt and I need to go on a date so she can babysit. I'm so lucky!!

I hope my relationship is just as great with my kids.

[honeybee503]

My mom and I are very close. We had some tough times growing up, and I feel like me moving out of the house did wonders for our relationship.

We talk at least once a day, if not more. She calls every morning to say hello and talk to the kids. She also lives right next door, but is never overbearing. Sometimes she will notice us playing outside and text me to ask if she can come down and say hi, but if I don't want her to it's okay. I always say yes, lol. She is great with the kids and watches them anytime I need her too. I hope my kids and I will be just as close some day.

[PatBenatar]

My mother is a great mom and grandma. She is beyond helpful and caring. We are close for the most part, but she can also easily get on my nerves. We have pretty different personalities and she also tends to nag which is especially annoying as a grown adult.

I would like to have a bit of a different relationship with my daughter. I would like us to be more like friends when we're older and be more easy going than my mom is.

[creamsiclechica]

It is extremely complex. There's a lot of deep hurt and resentment, and I waffle back and forth on things. It's hard to explain vaguely, but there's mental health issues, substance abuse, and a long history that dictates the ever changing tide of our relationship.

But she is my mother, and I know beneath the surface, there is love and a desire to do the right thing, it just doesn't always pan out that way. There are things I hope to emulate and things I could not possibly expose my kids to. I struggle to find a healthy balance, especially because I did not have one growing up.

[angiekay84]

My relationship with my mother is very surface level. She was a good mom (not great, but at least average). She could be so fun at times and I always wished we were closer. My sister and I were always closer to my dad.

Then when I was 11/12, my parents started using drugs and our whole family fell apart. I never understood fully, my mom was a RN and my dad has a master's degree in education and we were very comfortable. Not the types of people you would suspect to fall into that. We lost our home, boat, cars, everything. I moved 9 times by the time I graduated high school. My senior year in high school my sister and I just moved in with our grandparents for good.

I forgave her at one time for everything in the past (even stealing money from me multiple times) and just the overall neglect, but since she continues to use drugs and can't be a part of my children's lives it's hard. Sometimes I feel resentful. I pray to God I do NOT have the same relationship with my daughters. It's not as easy to say of course I will because hey, I don't do drugs! But I want to be close to them and I want my girls to feel like I'm always there for them and if they needed me, I'll always listen.

[monkeybabe]

I'm very close to my mom.

I had some issues with my parents when I was younger. I was the child they didn't have to worry about, and my oldest sister was particularly demanding and exhausting and I felt like, most of the time, they just forgot about me. Like they went to all my siblings sports events, and because I wasn't overly pushy about them, they'd forget about my soccer games. I've mostly gotten over expecting my parents to let me down. None of it was them intentionally snubbing me, but I had to sit my mom down and tell her that she needs to call me if we've made plans and she changes her mind. Or, if my dad makes plans with me, then tells my mom and she vetoes, and then I hear nothing and wait for hours. It was happening a lot and I was getting really depressed about it, and Patrick would come home and I'd snap at him, because I was frustrated. Since we had that talk, things have been a lot better though.

I've always been able to tell my mom anything. I can talk to her about my sex life, I can bitch about Patrick and she doesn't hold it against him, she knows I'm just venting. I'll go over to her apartment and sit in front of her chair and she'll still run her fingers through my hair like she did when I was little. I love her to death.

[DesertMoon]

My mom and I were always so close. We talk multiple times a day, however she is an alcoholic. It's gotten significantly worse in the 5 years since I've moved to Toronto. She was my God, seriously I thought she was like a god, she was always there and dependable. Maybe a bit flustered and buzzed but she did her best especially given the childhood she had. Lately I've been dodging her calls, avoiding her and such. Her alcoholism has affected my kids twice, and I'm over it. I won't call her because she's either passed out sleeping or wasted. I love love love being around her when she's sober, she is amazing sober...but drunk she's a mess and has gotten very violent with me at times in the past. I wish I had my sober mom all the time.

I'd like for my kids to be as close to me as I am to her, just minus the alcohol.

[racheliz]

My mom and I are super close. We talk or text almost daily. We were always fairly close growing up. She had (and still occasionally has) her moments, but overall is a great mother. We became much closer about 10 years ago when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was in college (but living at home) and I was the person who brought her back and forth to chemo and stayed with her for treatment. This gave us time to bond and I think it helped me get to know her much better as a person. I could tell when she wanted to talk, vent, or just rest.

I would love to have the same relationship with my children as I do with both of my parents.

[lolaburns]

We are very close. I can't imagine not talking to her pretty much everyday.

[angiekay84]

I love reading the examples of great moms, those of you who have wonderful relationships, it gives me hope.

[kcsp910]

I wouldn't say I'm very close to my mom, but shes still a part of my life. I love her, and she did a ton for me financially growing up (nice things and trips), and she was always at my events for school and sports, but there was no affection. As I grew up, I realized I had a very material childhood. My parents only live 5 minutes away, but we maybe see them once or twice a month. She doesn't go out of her way to see us or the kids. I make sure to outwardly show affection and make sure my kids know I love them because I didn't have that growing up. The only resentment I hold on to is financial. All my high school graduation money was used by my mother. They had financial troubles and used people, including me. It was pretty shitty, especially since they still live a rather lavish lifestyle, and I lost some respect for my parents at that point.

[devonpow]

I dont have a relationship with my mom. I haven't seen her in 6 years and haven't talked to her in 2. My sister (my only sibling) hasn't spoken to her in 4 years, I think.

It's difficult because I feel deeply sorry for my mom. She was dealt a rough hand - she was abused as a child, had a really shitty childhood, is an alcoholic, and has borderline personality disorder. It's not her fault she behaves the way she does. But she needs serious help, and she doesn't realize this. If she were to get in some type of therapy or in any way acknowledge her issues I would want to be in touch. I feel very, very sad and guilty about our estrangement. But I had to do it....I had to protect my family unit of DH and my kids.

So, I obviously hope I have a different relationship with my kids.

[Deleted]

My mom is awesome sauce. She has been a single parent to me since I was 3 years old. We have had our battles, but we are super close. We talk at least once a day, if not more. She is amazing with Wy as well. The only hang up is that she is nervous about #2 coming because I was an only child, she assumed that Wy would be an only child. She has said some passing comments that come from a place of concern, but they can come across negative. We talk through them (she says I am overly emotional, I say she see the glass half empty, to which she tells me that she just looks at things straight on lol). If I am half the mom she is, Wy and #2 are in good hands.

Oh and we are living with her for the next 2+ months. When I called and asked, she didn't hesitate. She has been trying to get me back to the city the moment I left!

[DesertMoon]

I was so close to her that I cried on my honeymoon because I missed her.

[AllieHound]

My mom and I are very close. We work together 2 days a week and we tend to see her frequently outside of work as she's always willing to watch Max.

She had me at 17 but graduated and worked her way through college and is now an OT who runs the hand department for our hospital system. She also coached softball and cheerleading, helped with homework and did pretty much everything she could for us. She's pretty amazing.

She's been married to my step dad for 21 years, and he and I have plenty of issues, but overall she's done an amazing job with her life and I love and respect her for it.

And she does a great job as a grandma too, although I see her mentally evaluating Max a lot!

[tuck]

I'm pretty close to my mom. I talk to her probably once a week, and text her 2-3 times a week. 

We had a really difficult relationship growing up, and it's taken a lot of work for us to get where we are. I would be devastated if my kids look back at their childhoods the way I look at mine. However, my mom is a pretty great grandma, and she's trying so much more to be interested in my life (and the kids), so I'm happy with our relationship.

[ashleydl83]

She was an amazing mother when I was little, but she's over protective even though I'm grown with my own kids. Our relationship is very surface (I related to a lot of what TrudyCampbell said) and I wish it was better. I just can't trust her. She's very manipulative and I have to watch what I say around her.

[spaghetticat]

My mom always needed a "project." Someone to save. When we were in elementary school, that project was my brother and I, especially because of my brother's health issues. At that time, we were very close. But when we started not needing her as much, she found other people to devote her attention to and kinda ditched us. Our relationship was especially terrible when I was in college.

Now my mom has dementia and it is really like dealing with a child. One of my biggest fears is that my girls will have a relationship with me like I have with my mom. But I've talked about that on here before.

[browneyedhunni85]

I'm very close to my mom. She goes on vacation with us almost every year and we've went on girls only cruises together prior to having C. She's always been very involved in our lives and wanted to make our dreams come true. She's a wonderful mom and grandma.

I remember being an emotional wreck being discharged from the hospital and having to leave C. She had only planned to take a week off from work but instead she took two. She did everything around the house (cook, clean, laundry) so that I could recover and focus on pumping for C. She went with me every day to visit C in the NICU. I couldn't imagine not having her there after giving birth. She did night feedings so that I could sleep. That was like gold to a very tired new mom.

[katie]

poof 

[imimahoney]

My mom was so so cool. A true NY hippy. She traveled Europe by herself the summer after she graduated HS. She had a killer beehive when she was 17 but by the time she came home from Greece she wore her hair long and had flower petals behind her ears. She did drama, sang and was very very likeable. She did a gap year before college and drove cross country with her then bf going to music festivals and really finding herself.

She eventually came back to NY for college and became a teacher. She taught English and wrote short stories for fun.

She was close to her mother and sister and was a wonderful friend to a core group of women.

I imagine she would have been a wonderful mother.

[jfh]

Oh, I could write a very strange book. We're very close now. She's incredibly supportive, and she goes above and beyond for the boys. But she was an awful mother when I was a kid. I didn't live with her much, by her choice. I wasn't at all a priority in her life. It's weird because on one hand, she's basically my best friend now, but on the other hand, I'll probably always be in therapy for the abandonment (and other) issues she left me with.

I hope to have a very different relationship with my kids.

[carawestt]

We are really close and we talk daily. We don't see each other as often as I'd like because she lives in a different state. We didn't get along that well in my teenage years but got really close after my dad passed away and have gotten closer since I've had kids. I would be very happy if my boys and I had the same relationship.