WWMLD Interview Edition

[Captain Serious]

I have an interview in Vermont on Wednesday.  I live six hours away, in New Jersey, but am relocating and getting a job in Vermont is of prime importance.

I found out about the interview on Monday morning.  That evening, we found out that my father-in-law passed away suddenly and unexpectedly.  I drove to Alabama on Tuesday, and didn't return home until yesterday afternoon.  Most of today was spent unpacking, doing laundry, making sure I had something to wear to the interview and repacking.  I plan to drive to Vermont tomorrow, go to the interview on Wednesday afternoon, and drive back home on Thursday.  I need to be back home by Friday to chaperon J's class trip and so we can use this weekend to get our house ready to put on the market (professional photographer coming Monday).

Needless to say, I'm a bit frazzled.  I plan to put my best foot forward, but was wondering if I should mention that I had a sudden death in the family last week at the beginning of the interview.  I was thinking it might help smooth-over any slight signs that I'm not as prepared as I'd like to be, but I don't want to appear to bring too much of my personal life into work.

WWMLD?

[Deleted]

Why would you mention it?

It is irrelevant.

[nancybotwin]

Don't mention it.

[gault]

This is when you'd take a half hour before the interview and meditate, calm yourself, and focus on the task at hand. Do what you need to do to center yourself. That is your goal.

Good luck. You can do this.

[Captain Serious]

Thanks, everyone.

I was talking to my mom, and she suggested mentioning it as a way of calming my nerves. She thought that way, if I was less than perfect, they might still consider me or call me back for a second interview because they might understand how crazed/stressed I've been (or, if I did well, it would show then how awesome I am under pressure). The more I thought about it, the more it felt really unprofessional, and I thought it could be a risky move. That's why I decided to ask here.

[prettyinpearls]

It's ok to acknowledge nerves if they're affecting your interview, but I wouldn't try to make excuses for why you're so nervous/frazzled. As a PP mentioned, take some time before you go in to clear your mind and focus on the task at hand. Deep breaths and positive self-talk!

Good luck!!

[cookie510]

Sorry for your loss.

I would not mention it.

Good luck at your interview!

[cabbagecabbage]

I agree with everyone. Don't mention it. If you feel nervous, there are so many things you can do. Journaling about your nerves before an event is a huge help.

If you get flustered while talking, you can take a deep breath and smile and say something like, "I think my nerves got carried away there. Let me rephrase that." Then you can smile and pause and have a beat to collect your thoughts. That would make you seem poised.

I've told an interviewer I was nervous because I was excited about the position but I've made sure to frame it in a positive light.

Good luck!

[ECB]

Apr 28, 2015 7:50:03 GMT -5 cabbagecabbage said:

If you get flustered while talking, you can take a deep breath and smile and say something like, "I think my nerves got carried away there. Let me rephrase that." Then you can smile and pause and have a beat to collect your thoughts. That would make you seem poised.

I've told an interviewer I was nervous because I was excited about the position but I've made sure to frame it in a positive light.

Good luck!

I think these are both good points.  I think to mention the death can also come across as making excuses.  And you really don't want to be seen as someone who does that in your interview. 

[marylennox]

I'm sorry for your loss.

I would definitely not bring it up. I'm sure they understand some nerves are normal in an interview. Making excuses (even if true) and bringing up personal issues doesn't look great IMO. Good luck.

[4speedy]

I think this would backfire on you. if I interviewed you and you started out this way, my first impressions would be that you are the sort of person who is already making excuses for poor performance. It would color everything that comes out of your mouth after that and I would probably be even more focused on any questionable answers that might have gone unnoticed otherwise.

[ECB]

Apr 28, 2015 8:15:58 GMT -5 @iteach said:

The day I was called to interview for my job, my FIL had passed at 3am. The principal didn't seem happy that I didn't know what school district her school was in when she asked me to come in, so I had to explain that my head wasn't in the job search game at the moment because of FIL passing that morning. She was much more understanding then.

That was the SAME DAY and much more understandable.  Not to lessen what Captain Serious has been through - but at the time of the interview, it will have been over a week and I would just be concerned that it will come across as making excuses. 

[Deleted]

Nope. If he had died two days before and you had to reschedule, sure, mention it. But this isn't really you being frazzled solely because of that, this is you being frazzled because of several issues. sounds like making excuses, so don't do it.

[4speedy]

Apr 28, 2015 8:15:58 GMT -5 @iteach said:

I did mention it, but not at the interview. The day I was called to interview for my job, my FIL had passed at 3am. The principal didn't seem happy that I didn't know what school district her school was in when she asked me to come in, so I had to explain that my head wasn't in the job search game at the moment because of FIL passing that morning. She was much more understanding then. At the 2nd interview with the team, it was the day after we buried him, so I was still out of sorts. I did my best, and then after the interview was over, they asked how I was doing, so I talked about it then. I think it worked in my favor, they saw that I was still able to show up, and put my game face on, no matter the circumstances at home, which you need to do in any job, but very much so in teaching.

This is not the same situation at all.  You mentioned it during your first contact with the principal because it had JUST happened.  Then, despite the burial being the day before, you still showed up prepared and did not mention it again until THEY asked you about it.

[4speedy]

Also, being prepared is more important than catching up on laundry. Send your suit to the one hour dry cleaner then spend the next six hours researching this company/industry/position. Buy clean underwear and socks on your way out of town if need be, but DON'T waste valuable time on laundry. There are other options so that you can LOOK presentable but NO other options for actually learning your material.

[Captain Serious]

Thank you for all the opinions. I agree with you, and don't plan to mention it. I just wanted to make sure.

Apr 28, 2015 8:42:00 GMT -5 4speedy said:

Also, being prepared is more important than catching up on laundry. Send your suit to the one hour dry cleaner then spend the next six hours researching this company/industry/position. Buy clean underwear and socks on your way out of town if need be, but DON'T waste valuable time on laundry. There are other options so that you can LOOK presentable but NO other options for actually learning your material.

To be fair, it wasn't my laundry. I was doing the kids laundry, so they have something to wear to school this week. My parents are staying with them so my husband can return to work. I am wearing the same suit I did to the funeral, but did run out for a few hours to see if I could find something better (I didn't).

I did also research the agency. I just don't feel prepared because my last interview was over 12 years ago and I've been or of the workforce for two years. I had wanted to go over a few mock questions with my husband, but that didn't happen.

[phdprocrastinator]

I wouldn't start with this information, but if given the right opportunity drop it in the conversation.

I just finished interviewing for positions. My daughter was between 2 months and 4 months of age during this process. When asked about how things were at home, I definitely mentioned having a newborn and not sleeping. Buy I didn't imply she made me unprepared... I just hoped that they would connect the dots themselves.

I got two offers, in academia, so this strategy didn't apparently hurt me.

So in your case, I'd imagine someone asking how your week's been going. And you could answer that you had to go to a funeral. But not that it left you with no time to prepare.

[4speedy]

Apr 28, 2015 10:43:42 GMT -5 phdprocrastinator said:

I wouldn't start with this information, but if given the right opportunity drop it in the conversation.

I just finished interviewing for positions. My daughter was between 2 months and 4 months of age during this process. When asked about how things were at home, I definitely mentioned having a newborn and not sleeping. Buy I didn't imply she made me unprepared... I just hoped that they would connect the dots themselves.

I got two offers, in academia, so this strategy didn't apparently hurt me.

So in your case, I'd imagine someone asking how your week's been going. And you could answer that you had to go to a funeral. But not that it left you with no time to prepare.

Wow.  Asking about how things are at home takes a lot of guts on the part of the interviewer.  Or something.