It comes and goes. April was rough for us with M being sick and me missing a lot of work plus some other stuff. But is turning around. I get sparks when he backs me up even if it causes trouble with his family.
I've slacked off in doing small things for him, which in return leads to him not doing small things for me. I eventually remember those little things count in feeling appreciated, and it helps to get things moving again.
He is lucky to be alive with all of his appendages half the time. I am sure he feels the same about me. We were disgustingly in love before life happened. I could have that spark with someone else again maybe, but then life would happen again.
I do despite him acting like a butthead & pissing me off on a regular basis. He must because he puts up with me and gives into my ridiculous whims. Lol
Yes. It might be because he has spent the past 5 years being my man servant since my car accident. Carry me to bed because I can't move? Yep, spark. We also don't have kids so...and yes, the engaged couple better have the spark now or something is wrong with them!
Post by bohemianmango on May 5, 2015 14:26:10 GMT -5
DH and I have been together over 17 years and just celebrated 10 years of marriage. People have commented about our "spark." We still have it but we don't always feel it. It is always changing and sometimes takes a lot more effort to keep it aglow.
It ebbs and flows with my H, and it was never as strong as it was with this one guy. This guy must have had pheromones that were an exact chemical match for mine. There were sparks and raging fires, but he treated me like dirt. It took me THREE TIMES over the course of four years of hooking up with him and dating hotly and briefly before it inevitably went down in flames before I finally cut it off for good. I'll take my H and our little neatly tended campfire over the conflagration any day.
Post by NothingWrongwithOhio on May 5, 2015 14:52:49 GMT -5
In my experience, the guys I've had the biggest sparks with turned into the worst, most toxic relationships (or lack thereof). The one turned out to be a cheating scumbag (on his gf of three years!) and I played cat and mouse with the other guy for four years.
H and I have a spark, but it's more of a quiet spark. And it definitely flows and ebbs, but it's always there at least a little bit. I don't think you can base your overall happiness on "the spark."
Yes. I'm hot for that man. It has changed and changed back over the years, but I feel like I will always feel it when I see him in a crowd or when he comes in a room.
I definitely get warm fuzzies when he walks in a room.
Don't compare yourself to recently engaged people. LOL.
This is hysterically true, I posted a month or so back that DH and I hit a rough spot. He went out with some newly married friends and just sort of lost his mind thinking about how much better they said they all had it. I just wanted to say check back with them in 15 years and then I'm sure they will be able to relate.
Instead we went to counseling.
I think if you had it and want to work on it, you can get it back.
We had it once, lost it for a good while (over a year), and it's grown back to nearly where it was when we first met. I think all relationships have the ups and downs, where sometimes you feel more like roommates than a married couple.
Post by Booze Raccoon on May 5, 2015 15:11:59 GMT -5
For me life just goes along day by day and then something happens that reminds me that there is a spark there, even if it gets dimmed by day to day life.
It ebbs and flows. If both people are willing to work on it and maintain it (even if it's just making time to talk/whatever after the kids are in bed) then it will come back.
With stbx, our spark died long before I decided to leave. He was convinced it would all "still be there" when the kids grew up and moved out, so he didn't have to actually do anything to help maintain the relationship. But it doesn't work like that.
I should add that my sister has been with her fiance for about 6 years and they have a 3 year old....so it's a little different.
STILL. Different couples are different and have varying dynamics. If they've been together for six years, I GUARANTEE YOU they've gone through periods of time wherein the sight of one another made them ill. lol. It happens to all couples. If someone tells you they've never had a downturn in their relationship, they're a lying dickface. You probably just caught them at a particularly good time.
I agree with all of this and especially the bolded.
Some couples just seem to have that spark naturally, while perfectly happy and healthy couples just don't seem to spark and have the same dynamic. But that is ok.
I've had a lot of positive adult relationships/marriages in my life and they don't all necessarily have "the spark," but I've always looked up to different aspects of their relationships that seem to work well for them.