What? I don't even spend 3 weeks with my own family and they live 3.5 hours away. That's way too high of an expectation.
I don't have ILs and I have never met BF's parents. They live in Germany and we live in Iowa I would like to meet them someday, but he's seen them once in the last 7 years so I don't anticipate them ever being a regular part of my life.
When I was married I usually saw my ILs 1-2 times a year, usually for a long weekend. They lived about 9 hours away (driving).
We see my FIL every Sunday unless we are out of town. Last year it was probably 45-50 days. We usually get there around noon or 1 and leave around 6pm. I see my parents once or twice a week. They live around the corner from my house so I stop by when I'm walking the dog on weekends and weekdays when I WFH. We also have dinner together once or twice a month.
FIL is about an hour from us. This past year is a bad barometer of this (MIL got sick and died so DH spent a LOT of time w/ them in the past 8 month). But all in all - we don't see FIL a lot. Now that he's alone, we are trying to have him over for dinner occasionally. That's MAYBE 2 times a month. MAYBE. For 3 hours a pop. We have two 3 day trips planned with him. Then throw in Thanksgiving, Christmas, Fathers Day and Easter... we might get to 21 days this year.
Uh, we saw them like 4-5 times last year? 2-4 days at a time. So definitely about 15 days total. We live a bit over 300 miles away and it takes about 5-6 hours to get there, depending on traffic and stops.
When we lived on the legit other side of the country, we saw them 1-2 times per year, and for probably like 5 days at a time.
My parents are the same, FWIW. We now see them about 4-6 times per year, usually anywhere from 3-6 days at a time, and we live about 300 miles away, though it's much more direct, so the drive is max 5 hours.
My parents and in-laws all live within 10 or so minutes of me. We frequently go months without seeing my in-laws. Everyone is busy. We see my parents more often, but my family is less busy overall. We also attend the same church as my parents and see them a lot of Sundays at church, which might turn into having lunch together. But still, only a couple of times a month. And never for an entire day.
12 hours and zero. They didn't really seem to give a shit, either. We're actually in our home town right now seeing a number of them but it's been almost 1.5 years. We will see them again at Christmas.
Meanwhile, we are staying with my parents and my mom has already been pouty for not taking her personally out to lunch. I'm here working all week and trying to see as much family as possible for meals. H and I spending all Sunday and Monday nights with her, as well as this coming Friday afternoon and all day Saturday isn't enough. (Had to rant because it's been slaying me all day...)
In my experience, people are assholes and this is a game you can't win. We don't waste vacation time on family anymore and instead go to Europe. I highly recommend it.
Oh, and to clarify - you asked about us visiting them? Maybe 5 times in a year. MAYBE. We invite FIL to our house. Going to his house is just... that much more annoying.
I've probably seen SO's parents about 12 times or so.....his mom lives about 70 miles up the road. We see his dad about once/year, usually at some sort of reunion with that side of the family in interior BC.
SO usually sees my dad about once each year, but he died a few months ago so no more. We normally go out there for Thanksgiving week. He lived about 3000 miles/way. so a long haul.
I see my mom a lot. Usually no less than twice a week. She lives 10 minutes away and helps with getting DD2 to acro, sometimes runs to the grocery for me during the day, sometimes takes DD1 to her ortho appts if H can't get off work, or just comes to visit during the day since she's home alone a lot (my dad passed away). We see H's dad and step-mom maybe 9-10 times a year. They live 1.5 hours away. We see H's mom only 2-3 times a year and she only lives an hour away. She is more difficult to be around (bipolar) although she's been pretty good for the last several years. She's moving to Utah soon though, so I don't know if we'll ever see her once she does that.
Before the baby was born, we spent one week with them in FL and Thanksgiving weekend at BIL & SIL so 10-11 days total. Now that we have a baby, they visit us for a weekend every other month plus the one week in Florida and Thanksgiving weekend at BIL & SIL. We spend one day a month with my parents.
FIL was 1500 miles away. We spent all 3 weeks of vacation last year seeing him and dealing with his issues. In a normal year we might have seen him 9 days total. He passed away this year in February. When we lived 8 miles down the road from him (about a year pre-marriage and right after the wedding for about 3 months) we probably saw him and his ex wife once maybe twice each month. Not much.
My parents, 3-4 weeks of us seeing them at our house and theirs. They are 1200 miles away.
ILs? Last year? Like 2014? Zero. But a week in 2013. A week either 2012 or 2013 (it was January). Should be another week this summer and maybe 2 -3 days in December.
Eta: it's literally coast to coast. I can almost see the Atlantic, their house overlooks the pacific. Although technically both overlook bays off the ocean.
We spent a couple days at my BIL's, and a couple w/e's at SIL's. We don't stay at MIL's b/c she's a hoarder, or at FIL's b/c he is an asshole We see MIL fairly often b/c she comes here. FIL, well see above. ETA: MIL 5 hours, FIL 8 hours
Elijah and I went to my MIL's house for a week in March over her Spring Break. We also went for about 3 days around Halloween. Both of these trips took place when we lived about 900 miles away from her. She stayed with us for a few weeks over the summer.
Now we live much closer and she visits very often. We have not gone to see her.
MIL and SFIL live 45 minutes away. They watch their grandson ever Monday afternoon. I would say there is a family gettogether about once a month.
Dad is a 5 hour flight. He visits about twice a year. We haven't visited him since babyniq was born. We might next year, or this Thanksgiving, I dunno.
My MIL lives a mile away and we don't see her 21 total days in a year. I bet we spend less than 10 hours a month with her. It is about the same as the amount we spend with my parents who also live about .5 miles away.
We live 30 minutes away from FIL. I see him maybe once a month, if that, and MH visits him for a couple hours 4-5 days a week (MH works in the same town and finishes work at 3 p.m.). During the summer he might go visit him 1-3 times a week.
One set of in-laws lives about an hour away. Between holidays and birthdays/special events for their kids, we see them maybe 6 times a year.
Another set lives in the city - 30 minutes away on a good traffic day, and 2 hours away on a bad traffic day. We probably see them twice a year.
90% of the time, it's us going to visit all of them. FIL doesn't drive, the one set of in-laws has too many kids for it to be an easy trip, and the other set just won't leave their area.
For the first 4 years of our relationship, we lived in the same town as IL's. We saw them at least once a month, sometimes more if there were events going on. Never a full day, but definitely an afternoon/evening at least once a month. DH saw his mom 1-2 times a week on top of that, usually to take her to lunch or stop by after work.
Now, we live 600 miles away and go home once a year for 3-4 days, either Christmas or Thanksgiving (we rotate the holidays between families). Additionally, MIL comes out here for 10-14 days. She's retired and loves to "get away" since she lives FT with SIL and niece/nephew.
Yeah, 3 weeks is a lot, especially for OOT in-laws!
My ILs live about an hour away, and we see them maybe 10 times a year for a few hours at a time? They come see us about as often as we come see them. I like them, life is just so busy I can't see spending any more time visiting at the moment.
My ILs live 10 hours away. I think last year we spent a total of three days visiting them.
My parents are also 10 hours away in a different direction. I saw them significantly more, but that was because of my sister's wedding. And also they aren't evil devil people.
I haven't spent 3 weeks total with my MIL over the last 8 years we have been together. I am impressed!
MIL lives 2 hours away and we see her about 3 hours a year. H refuses to see her without me and rarely wants to visit. They text a lot. My MIL is also coo coo crazy.
I have not gone to visit them in the last year as we moved cross country and it's quite the production to visit. H went to visit for 3 or 4 days this past winter but I had a previous commitment.
They visited us for 4 days last summer and we did a local trip with them.
Post by purpleminion on May 5, 2015 16:16:07 GMT -5
We usually go visit for the weekend about once every other month, sometimes it might be a long weekend. It's a 3 hour drive to their house. If they want to see us more, they are more than welcome to come to us. There is no way I'd be able to handle 3 weeks straight with them, though. You're a saint.
They live 1,200 miles away and I think I spent nine days with them last year and H spent 7 (they met me at a conference near their house and we visited them for a week).
This year will be more because of a family wedding and a new baby--I think 15 (they came to us once, we go to them once, and the wedding is in a third location). That is probably the highest it's ever been.
With my parents, I see them weekly and H sees them maybe twice a month. They live three miles away.