WG is coming over tomorrow. I fully plan on asking what he wants out of this. However, I also plan on sleeping with him beforehand.
This is more of an unpopular opinion, but I'll put it here anyway. I hate when adults where Disney attire. A cw has a side job at the Disney store and she's always wearing button down shirts wth Disney characters on them. That's bad enough in and of itself (imo) but how does she think that is business casual attire? Because it's a button down?
Sorry mp, lol. I don't think it's as cut and dry as if you have feelings for someone, you shouldn't have casual sex because you're going to end up hurt. If you have feelings, and things don't work out, you'll be hurt period. For me, sex doesn't really equate into the feelings portion of my brain. Lol.
My (not-so) flameful. One of my ways to process feelings and stuff is to write. After a couple days of just being tired of feeling sad about Vegas, i decided I'd sit down, wrote it out, and have a little cry session. So I wrote a letter to V, one which I will not send...but dammit, I want to, lol. I WONT! But it would be some what satisfying,but most likely probably very disappointing, so I resist the urge. And that is partially because I just wrote, without a clear plan, so it's a jumble of words that jumps around and doesn't present me as a good writer, so I'd never want someone else to read it. Lol.
In short, you can trample on my feelings, but I'll be damned if I give you reason to believe my intelligence is less than it is.
You have a point there friend. I did try to scale back to a strictly sex relationship, but dammit, of course I pick the guy who won't come over just for a quick roll in the hay. Ugh.
If only there was a service or something. Dick on demand.
Post by jojoandleo on May 15, 2015 14:45:15 GMT -5
mp-I agree with you and TR. I think people try and have casual sex because they WANT to, but they can't. And that is okay! You don't have to! And if you have feelings, and the guy doesn't, maybe don't sleep with him rather than pretending you are cool with it. Yes, you will be hurt either way, but you will be hurt SO MUCH WORSE if you have sex with the person. AND I am a girl who CAN have casual sex.
I have decided to stop being friends with Jan*- the friend who chose a last minute trip to Mexico (even though she has already been to Mexico less than 6 months ago) over our friend's 30th birthday in Vegas that she has been planning for a year. Her doing this really just opened my eyes to so much. We have ALL been there for her SOOOOO much, and it just isn't reciprocated. She needs us? We drop everything. Stay out until 2am consoling her. WE need friends? She only comes if she wanted to go out to begin with. And half the time brings her H. I don't want your H with us when I am having a rough time! One of Jan and my other mutual friends is all, "No, deep down she is a good person." Maybe, but I kinda don't think so anymore. Good for you for wanting to see the good in people, but I am tired of feeling let down by someone I once considered a good friend. This is flameful because I am making it about me and it's not my birthday. And I may be overreacting, but I don't think I am. I am not going to, like, delete her off FB, I am just done inviting her anywhere, ever.
Post by jojoandleo on May 15, 2015 14:49:44 GMT -5
I don't know if this is what you are talking about, mp, but I personally see a lot on here of: "Yeah, I totally have feelings for him, but he doesn't return them, so I am done." then the next day, "I know I said I was done with X, but the sex was just sooo good, I HAD to do it again." And then they fall back in the same pattern and I bang my head on the table. THERE IS MORE THAN ONE GOOD FUCK OUT THERE! I promise. I have had quite a few. Some even with men I actually liked. Some with men I pretended not to know in public.
I don't know if this is what you are talking about, mp, but I personally see a lot on here of: "Yeah, I totally have feelings for him, but he doesn't return them, so I am done." then the next day, "I know I said I was done with X, but the sex was just sooo good, I HAD to do it again." And then they fall back in the same pattern and I bang my head on the table. THERE IS MORE THAN ONE GOOD FUCK OUT THERE! I promise. I have had quite a few. Some even with men I actually liked. Some with men I pretended not to know in public.
I don't know if this is what you are talking about, mp, but I personally see a lot on here of: "Yeah, I totally have feelings for him, but he doesn't return them, so I am done." then the next day, "I know I said I was done with X, but the sex was just sooo good, I HAD to do it again." And then they fall back in the same pattern and I bang my head on the table. THERE IS MORE THAN ONE GOOD FUCK OUT THERE! I promise. I have had quite a few. Some even with men I actually liked. Some with men I pretended not to know in public.
I did this for a year. Damn I was stupid.
Nah. It is sooo much easier to see it from the outside than when you are in it. I just promise when I tell you it's probably not a good idea, I say it with LOVE, not judgment. I just want people to have good and HEALTHY sex.
Also - I think it's cool if people can totally separate sex + feelings, but I know a lot of people that can't and try and pretend they can. I was one of them. But it's getting cringe worthy to see so many people have "casual" sex with guys, knowing their feelings are involved even if they deny them. I just want to shake everyone and be like "It's ok! It's ok that you have feelings around sex! You don't have to pretend you don't!" Because, I promise that not having the P is worth your sanity. PROMISE.
Not that this is flameful - but kinda because it's a vague post about how I feel about the last few months of this board.
I 100% agree with this.
I, too, was one of those girls at one point in my life. Then I learned I really have a hard time seperating them, despite the lies I told myself that I didn't realize were lies to myself.
I see a lot of amazing women who settle for men who don't treat them well at all and it makes me sad (even though I was totally this person). If the guy isn't reaching out, is canceling plans and in general cannot be bothered to make you a priority it's time to tell him to take a hike. And a lot of women do. But then he comes back (and they always do) and starts giving them an ounce of attention, and suddenly they're back in the same cycle. I really have started to embrace the mantra "It's way better to be alone than to be with the wrong person."
I also realized I was not going to attract the type of man who will make me and a healthy relationship a priority if I kept wasting my time with these flaky dudes. Once I was able to get in a place where I didn't put effort into these guys, I met someone who is really great!
I see a lot of amazing women who settle for men who don't treat them well at all and it makes me sad (even though I was totally this person). If the guy isn't reaching out, is canceling plans and in general cannot be bothered to make you a priority it's time to tell him to take a hike. And a lot of women do. But then he comes back (and they always do) and starts giving them an ounce of attention, and suddenly they're back in the same cycle. I really have started to embrace the mantra "It's way better to be alone than to be with the wrong person."
I also realized I was not going to attract the type of man who will make me and a healthy relationship a priority if I kept wasting my time with these flaky dudes. Once I was able to get in a place where I didn't put effort into these guys, I met someone who is really great!
This post makes my day!!! You took your own advice and I LOVE IT @pdx18!!!!!
And damn, the highlighted part is TRUTH! It's also MUCH EASIER to be alone than with a flaky dude, dude you're not sure is into you, etc. Mindfucks are exhausting and stressful.
My lame FFFC: I'm making N and I get cable for a month (we haven't had it in almost 2 years) because I'm getting my wisdom teeth out next Friday and will be completely laid up for at least a few days. I figured it's cheaper than buying season passes to shows. I'm pretty excited about this development, however; I know I'll cancel after the month as I HATE PAYING FOR CABLE and hate dealing with Comcast. I'm going to get in ALL the reality shows.
Yes, my confesssion is cable. Lol.
ETA: I'm also a little TOO excited for your bday tomorrow night @pdx18! N and I have been on a "healthy eating plan" (and VERY limited alcohol for me) so I'm like over the top excited for it. I've been dreaming out that place since your last years birthday, lol!
redredwine YAY! I'm so glad you guys are excited. Also, next weekend do you want a reality TV buddy to come over and keep you company while you heal? Because I would totally be up for it!
I'm fairly new to all of this so I think I'm still kind of learning. I know many of you give advice based on your experiences, which I personally have appreciated. I know you're looking out for me. However, I also feel like I need to go through it myself and learn for myself. Because, while some situations may hurt me, I may learn to have casual sex without letting feelings get in the way and be ok with that.
I look back on the past 2 years since my divorce and it's close to 50/50. There were a couple of guys who I slept with casually, and more than once, and was perfectly fine when things ended. Then, there were a few others when I got hurt. Those who I thought might actually become something, only to find out they wouldn't, things kind of ended, and I was hurt.
I really enjoy casual sex, but I have found for me the only healthy way to do it is with guys I would never want to be in an actual relationship with. If I do want a relationship or really like the guy and try to have casual sex without feelings it will absolutely fail. I prefer casual sex when I see the flags up front and can have a really clear line in the sand of this will never be anything more. It's the grey area that I do not do well with.
redredwine YAY! I'm so glad you guys are excited. Also, next weekend do you want a reality TV buddy to come over and keep you company while you heal? Because I would totally be up for it!
Depending on how I feel (assuming I'm not like writhing in pain as I imagine. I'm SO SCARED!) then YES!! I need to know what all the good shows I need catch up on!
I really enjoy casual sex, but I have found for me the only healthy way to do it is with guys I would never want to be in an actual relationship with. If I do want a relationship or really like the guy and try to have casual sex without feelings it will absolutely fail. I prefer casual sex when I see the flags up front and can have a really clear line in the sand of this will never be anything more. It's the grey area that I do not do well with.
I agree with this. I think the guys I was ok having casual sex with were ones who I never saw us as being anything more. And I was perfectly fine with sleeping with them and moving on until the next hook up.
redredwine YAY! I'm so glad you guys are excited. Also, next weekend do you want a reality TV buddy to come over and keep you company while you heal? Because I would totally be up for it!
Depending on how I feel (assuming I'm not like writhing in pain as I imagine. I'm SO SCARED!) then YES!! I need to know what all the good shows I need catch up on!
In all seriousness, hearing about experiences from friends is great, but most of us will KOKO with fucking up because experiencing it is the best way to learn.
But yeah, hurt sucks, I know that mp would have done just about anything to help me avoid it...but in some ways, I am relieved that I'm in a place to get hurt. The time between my seperation until my dads passing, I felt like I had walls up and I was afraid to let them down, but that's no way to live.
I really enjoy casual sex, but I have found for me the only healthy way to do it is with guys I would never want to be in an actual relationship with. If I do want a relationship or really like the guy and try to have casual sex without feelings it will absolutely fail. I prefer casual sex when I see the flags up front and can have a really clear line in the sand of this will never be anything more. It's the grey area that I do not do well with.
I am with you here! I had a FWB situation with two guys that worked out great, because I didn't care about them even to the point of wanting to be friends with them. No interest. It scratched an itch and that's it.
One guy I really could only tolerate out of bed when drinking - LOL. He ended up liking me and having hurt feelings when I didn't want to keep seeing him... which made me feel bad. lol.
I had this happen almost exactly. I remember being over at his house one night, not drinking and thinking holy shit I cannot stand you. He ended up liking me and while I felt bad, I knew I was always honest about my feelings (or lack thereof) for him.
I had to cut another fwb off too because I really did want to be in a friendship with him, and he was a shitty friend. He just kept making horrible decisions and my anxiety was going through the roof, it wasn't a healthy friendship for me, so I had to remove it from my life.
I will say that if WG says all he wants is sex, I will be disappointed, and probably hurt too, because I expected more of him. He doesn't seem to be that type of guy. I'm at a point now that I can see myself heading in the direction of a LTR.
I agree with those that have said they can do casual sex when it's with someone they couldn't see actually being in a relationship with. My FWB is a great guy. I enjoy going on trips with him, and hanging out. But I absolutely can't see being in a relationship with him. We'll go months without talking, and I'm perfectly fine.
YG... Yeah that was me lying to myself. Thinking that I could handle it. I got burned. And am still reeling from it. Lesson learned there.
I did. I kinda sprung it on him right before he had to leave so it was a rushed discussion. He understood why I had to ask and that he realized it had to come up sooner or later to be fair to both of us.
He said he enjoys hanging out with me, but isn't looking for a gf right now. He asked what I was looking for and I said that I didn't mind having fun but that I'm at a place in my life that I can see myself dating someone exclusively. He did tell me that he's not sleeping with anyone else, that he doesn't do that. I'm not either.
At least now I know where we stand. So I find myself in the situation as to whether I want to keep seeing him and risk falling for him (I've always been attracted to him since we first met) or end things to not take that risk.
It's a bit late, but to lighten things up, here's my flameful...
I went through my closet a few weeks ago to declutter, and since I have two red hooded sweatshirts I had to get rid of one. I chose to keep this one, instead of the one with the stylish abstract design.
I did hem and haw for a while, but in the end I kept it, because Disney or not, I think it's a cool design concept, and it was my only souvenir from Hong Kong Disneyland. (Though I will also admit that the last time I wore it in public I got carded buying beer. ...And the legal age for beer is 16. :?)
I think I've had several "aha" moments about dating since my divorce. each time it's been for the better. I've tended to put too much effort into guys who were not worth my time. It took quite a long time for me to realize what i was worth and not settle for someone who wasn't up to the standards I want. I think I was anxious to be in a relationship or maybe just lonely but I definitely dated guys who were not worthy.
Post by lexxasaurus on May 18, 2015 19:06:59 GMT -5
No longer Friday but...
I wore an asymmetrical tank top to the bar last weekend... With Ariel on the front. It's greyish blue and matched my shoes and I wore the loose curls to match her hair and.... oh god I'm one of those people.
However, that is the only Disney related piece of clothing I own and I got hit on all night so at least it wasn't as bad as a massive Mickey faced button up I guess?
It's a bit late, but to lighten things up, here's my flameful...
I went through my closet a few weeks ago to declutter, and since I have two red hooded sweatshirts I had to get rid of one. I chose to keep this one, instead of the one with the stylish abstract design.
I did hem and haw for a while, but in the end I kept it, because Disney or not, I think it's a cool design concept, and it was my only souvenir from Hong Kong Disneyland. (Though I will also admit that the last time I wore it in public I got carded buying beer. ...And the legal age for beer is 16. :?)
LOL! I got carded once for beer too and the legal age was 16. It took me a while to figure out what the heck the cashier was asking me for.