Oh, and I do consider it very rude to skip the ceremony.
In general I agree with you, but in the case of trying to coordinate childcare away from home, I think it's nbd.
monsterz, I'm interested to know why you've specified that Jr wasn't invited to the reception. Was he not on the invitation at all, but you're coming from a background where anyone can go to the church? Did the couple happen to mention they're not having kids specifically at the reception? Either way, since it sounds like he just plain wasn't invited, I'd plan on doing number 2. But since they're good enough friends for your H to be in the wedding, I'd ask about number 1 in a way that doesn't put pressure on them to allow him if they're really trying to keep it kid-free.
Oh, and I do consider it very rude to skip the ceremony.
So is it ruder (more rude?) to skip the ceremony or to bring someone who wasn't invited? Because it's sounding like monsterz is damned if she does and damned if she doesn't, going by these responses.
Oh, and I do consider it very rude to skip the ceremony.
So is it ruder (more rude?) to skip the ceremony or to bring someone who wasn't invited? Because it's sounding like monsterz is damned if she does and damned if she doesn't, going by these responses.
I personally think it's ruder to skip the ceremony than to bring a child with you unless there's a major space issue (and then I would have the sitter come early). You're there to see the couple get married then celebrate with them, so not seeing the ceremony misses the point IMO.
Oh, and I do consider it very rude to skip the ceremony.
Yes, it is if it is just because you don't want to be bothered to go to the "boring" part of the day. But in this case, it is a better option than bringing an uninvited guest.
It is driving me crazy that I can't find any etiquette on whether uninvited parishioners of the church should come to the wedding. Does anyone have better google skills to help me find this?
Post by LoveTrains on May 19, 2015 12:06:46 GMT -5
In this situation, I would skip the ceremony. I highly doubt that the bride/groom will even notice that OP isn't at the ceremony. Like others have mentioned, I certainly didn't notice if any of my guests skipped my ceremony.
Junior isn't invited, so that settles it for me. The only other option is the 8 hour babysitter but it sounds like mosterz has ruled that out.
Oh, and I do consider it very rude to skip the ceremony.
Yes, it is if it is just because you don't want to be bothered to go to the "boring" part of the day. But in this case, it is a better option than bringing an uninvited guest.
It is driving me crazy that I can't find any etiquette on whether uninvited parishioners of the church should come to the wedding. Does anyone have better google skills to help me find this?
Aren't there some religions/areas where not only is the congregation encouraged to attend, but the bride and groom are obligated to feed them afterward? Like, they have a short cake and punch reception in the church basement for everyone, and then the actual invited guests get a dinner at a banquet hall or whatever?
Yes, it is if it is just because you don't want to be bothered to go to the "boring" part of the day. But in this case, it is a better option than bringing an uninvited guest.
It is driving me crazy that I can't find any etiquette on whether uninvited parishioners of the church should come to the wedding. Does anyone have better google skills to help me find this?
Aren't there some religions/areas where not only is the congregation encouraged to attend, but the bride and groom are obligated to feed them afterward? Like, they have a short cake and punch reception in the church basement for everyone, and then the actual invited guests get a dinner at a banquet hall or whatever?
Yes, it is if it is just because you don't want to be bothered to go to the "boring" part of the day. But in this case, it is a better option than bringing an uninvited guest.
It is driving me crazy that I can't find any etiquette on whether uninvited parishioners of the church should come to the wedding. Does anyone have better google skills to help me find this?
Aren't there some religions/areas where not only is the congregation encouraged to attend, but the bride and groom are obligated to feed them afterward? Like, they have a short cake and punch reception in the church basement for everyone, and then the actual invited guests get a dinner at a banquet hall or whatever?
#regional
I've heard of this, but I don't think I know anyone with this experience. Except rabbis, who have to invite their entire congregations to their lifecycle events (weddings, baby namings, kids' bat/bat mitzvahs).
Aren't there some religions/areas where not only is the congregation encouraged to attend, but the bride and groom are obligated to feed them afterward? Like, they have a short cake and punch reception in the church basement for everyone, and then the actual invited guests get a dinner at a banquet hall or whatever?
#regional
I've heard of this, but I don't think I know anyone with this experience. Except rabbis, who have to invite their entire congregations to their lifecycle events (weddings, baby namings, kids' bat/bat mitzvahs).
I thought I remembered people on the K.not complaining about having to pay for light refreshments for their whole church congregation.
If the ceremony is in a big church or venue where you can sit in the back and just run him outside if he gets fussy, then I'd bring him to the ceremony. (Unless he was not invited. But - in my circle, anyway - it's really not a big deal if uninvited guests come to a big church just to watch the ceremony.)
OK, I have to say, I don't get this. Random people showed up to a wedding I was coordinating once and I kicked them out. It's just weird IMO.
All weddings that take place at our church are posted in the weekly bulletin about two weeks before they take place. The entire parish is invited to celebrate the sacrament of marriage with the couple. Marriages, baptisms, funerals, they are all considered open to the entire church community. The reception, however, is a private, invite only affair. I have never attended a wedding at my church that I did not receive a personal invitation to but I can pick out a handful of little old ladies that I suspect attend each and every one of them.
Oh, and I do consider it very rude to skip the ceremony.
Yes, it is if it is just because you don't want to be bothered to go to the "boring" part of the day. But in this case, it is a better option than bringing an uninvited guest.
It is driving me crazy that I can't find any etiquette on whether uninvited parishioners of the church should come to the wedding. Does anyone have better google skills to help me find this?
I think there isn't a set rule on that. I think it varies considerably, which is why you can't find a set rule. I had a lot of elderly relatives ask who I was inviting only to the ceremony, which took me aback since I thought that would be insanely rude, but apparently it used to be very common, at least among my Brooklyn Italian family (multiple relatives asked this separately).
And I totally noticed who didn't show up for my ceremony. There were two people, both colleagues, who did not come. I still remember it 9 years later, although I genuinely wasn't upset, just noticed it. I would definitely notice if a member of the wedding party's spouse wasn't there.
OK looks like I will skip the ceremony then. That is unfortunate but given the gap between the wedding and reception not much I can do.
Honestly, it's the couple's own damn fault for making their wedding hard to attend. It's child-free and there's a gap, so the whole thing is taking up an 8 hour time block? That's their choice, but obviously it's going to be difficult for some people. It's sad, but they have to accept that.
Oh, and I do consider it very rude to skip the ceremony.
Yes, it is if it is just because you don't want to be bothered to go to the "boring" part of the day. But in this case, it is a better option than bringing an uninvited guest.
It is driving me crazy that I can't find any etiquette on whether uninvited parishioners of the church should come to the wedding. Does anyone have better google skills to help me find this?
To be clear, my post had nothing to with the actual OP here and I have no idea on the venue for the ceremony she is talking about. But in general, especially in Catholic churches where weddings are a full Mass, there is an open door policy. Parishioners often attend these Masses, same with funeral Masses. If it is a tiny church with limited seating and a huge guest list, I could see this maybe being an issue, but in decent sized churches, this is not really out of the ordinary at all, which is why I could understand OP bringing her kid.
And just for anecdote time, I had a Catholic wedding Mass and a child-free reception. People knew their kids weren't invited to the reception because the invitation explicitly said "adult reception" on it, but it made no such mention regarding the ceremony. So it's possible that that is what OP is referring to when she says kid wasn't invited.
Yes, it is if it is just because you don't want to be bothered to go to the "boring" part of the day. But in this case, it is a better option than bringing an uninvited guest.
It is driving me crazy that I can't find any etiquette on whether uninvited parishioners of the church should come to the wedding. Does anyone have better google skills to help me find this?
To be clear, my post had nothing to with the actual OP here and I have no idea on the venue for the ceremony she is talking about. But in general, especially in Catholic churches where weddings are a full Mass, there is an open door policy. Parishioners often attend these Masses, same with funeral Masses. If it is a tiny church with limited seating and a huge guest list, I could see this maybe being an issue, but in decent sized churches, this is not really out of the ordinary at all, which is why I could understand OP bringing her kid.
And just for anecdote time, I had a Catholic wedding Mass and a child-free reception. People knew their kids weren't invited to the reception because the invitation explicitly said "adult reception" on it, but it made no such mention regarding the ceremony. So it's possible that that is what OP is referring to when she says kid wasn't invited.
This is exactly why I was trying to figure out etiquette rules on it. I would think it is more acceptable and common at Catholic churches where people are trying to fulfill their Mass requirement (we had a priest in training at our wedding, but it wasn't a full Mass so we had to let him know). I come from a Protestant background and don't see the same need. Just trying to figure out what the is "right" thing since as usual this is a hot topic on MM.
Please do not bring your uninvited kid to any part of the wedding. It is rude to skip the ceremony, but the couple is more likely to notice an uninvited guest (particularly if this is a child free wedding) than note the absence of an invited guest.
I know it is rude to skip the ceremony but at this point I don't really see an option. Leaving my kid with an unknown sitter for 8 + hours in a hotel room is not going to go well. He will be fine for 4 or 5 hours but not more than that.
It is rude to ask to bring my son to the ceremony and it is rude to skip the ceremony. I am rude either way. I know nobody attending this wedding other than my H so at this point I will be the rude guest that skips the ceremony but attends the reception so that I don't have to leave the reception after an hour as my son is having a melt down in the hotel.
I have attended weddings in the past where kids went to church but not the reception and it was no big deal. Clearly that is not the norm.
I don't think it's anymore rude to skip the ceremony than it is to have a gap. Yes I know that's the only way it is done in some churches but really it's a pain for a lot of people, especially those paying for childcare or trying to find childcare for an extended time.
What if you went to the ceremony and your H stays at the hotel with your son (or he goes and you stay, depending on who is closer with the couple). Whoever stays back can take he kid somewhere fun. Then, you get the sitter and both go to the reception.
ETA: I see now your H is in the wedding. So, he goes, you take jr somewhere fun, then sitter for reception.
I would ask the bride if it is ok if you bring jr. You said he is 7 right? So, he isn't going to be disruptive. I would say "hey bride, I am going to have a hard time getting a sitter for all day. I will either need to bring jr to the ceremony or skip it. I would love to bring him if that is ok with you. If not, then I will skip the ceremony, but will be ready to celebrate with you at the reception." See what she says and go from there.
Yes, it is if it is just because you don't want to be bothered to go to the "boring" part of the day. But in this case, it is a better option than bringing an uninvited guest.
It is driving me crazy that I can't find any etiquette on whether uninvited parishioners of the church should come to the wedding. Does anyone have better google skills to help me find this?
Aren't there some religions/areas where not only is the congregation encouraged to attend, but the bride and groom are obligated to feed them afterward? Like, they have a short cake and punch reception in the church basement for everyone, and then the actual invited guests get a dinner at a banquet hall or whatever?
#regional
We did this because it's common to do it at my childhood church but it isn't a religious requirement. I did not want to do it but my mother insisted. She said it would be rude if we did not invite to church congregation to the ceremony. We did cake and punch after because it was expected. We had a formal reception later that evening for family and friends
If the ceremony is in a big church or venue where you can sit in the back and just run him outside if he gets fussy, then I'd bring him to the ceremony. (Unless he was not invited. But - in my circle, anyway - it's really not a big deal if uninvited guests come to a big church just to watch the ceremony.)
OK, I have to say, I don't get this. Random people showed up to a wedding I was coordinating once and I kicked them out. It's just weird IMO.
Churches are public places. You don't rent them for weddings and funerals like private properties. You use them as a member of the community.
Friends of ours had weddings the last 2 Januarys for each of their kids. Our girls were not invited and we understood. We skipped the ceremony and attended the reception. Especially for the first wedding, that would have been too much separation time for DD2. We never said anything and they understood when they saw us at the reception and nobody cared if we were at the ceremony or not.