So, who's right here?

[Deleted]

My sister is pregnant (about 12w). She has stated from the get-go she wants no baby shower (OOS from everyone anyway). she is coming home for a month because her H is currently training for his next deployment, and she's homesick. My mom tells me she's going to through a surprise shower for my not even 4m along sister. Sister's MIL tells my mom (knowing my sister doesn't want a shower) to at least tell my sister.

My sister kind of freaked out, and told my mom no shower. Now the two of them have been calling me non-stop all afternoon crying hysterically about the other.

[momin2013]

I think if your sister really does not want a shower to the point of freaking out and being in tears about it, your mom needs to back off and respect her wishes.

I'm all for a surprise shower if you know the person might be up for it, but I think in this case it's pretty obvious it's not wanted. And I agree that 12 weeks is pretty early, anyways.

I would suggest to your mom that you ask your sister what she would like most, and then pool your money if need be and collectively get her a really nice gift.

[Deleted]

May 19, 2015 16:06:58 GMT -5 momin2013 said:

I think if your sister really does not want a shower to the point of freaking out and being in tears about it, your mom needs to back off and respect her wishes.

I'm all for a surprise shower if you know the person might be up for it, but I think in this case it's pretty obvious it's not wanted. And I agree that 12 weeks is pretty early, anyways.

I would suggest to your mom that you ask your sister what she would like most, and then pool your money if need be and collectively get her a really nice gift.

I've been telling my mom this all along (as has our other sister) and apparently she wasn't listening.

FWIW, my pregnant sister has severe anxiety and depression, so my mom making this all about her and the "woe is me" crap is wearing a bit thin.

[scattered]

Yeah if your sister has anxiety and depression then I'm side eying your mom for trying to spring this on her!

[minismama]

Your mom is wrong. That's my vote.

[ashb62]

Team your mom is wrong. If your sister doesn't want a shower (and 12 weeks is way early,) then she should respect that.

[Deleted]

Team sisters. Wtf is your mom thinking?! Ugh.

[lala]

Generally speaking I think if someone says they don't want a shower, it's polite to respect that. I also think it's polite to graciously accept a shower even if you'd prefer not to have one.

That says, at just 12 weeks pregnant this is a big different and I think your mom is wrong. Can you have a heart to heart with her and come up with a fun way to celebrate the baby closer to the third tri?

[Kcthepouchh8r]

It's about the mom to be not the grandma. If mom doesn't want a shower it's on grandma to respect that and back off. Your mom is being selfish and I would call her out as such.

[penguingrrl]

If she has depression and anxiety she may be very nervous about bringing baby stuff home before te baby is here. And 12 weeks is very early to even consider having a shower. I definitely think your mom is in the wrong in this case.

[cna]

Your mom needs to back off. If she doesn't want a shower there shouldn't be a shower and that should be the end of that.

[jnksmom]

I'm on team your mom is wrong here. If your sister doesn't want a shower, your mom should respect that. 12-16 weeks is really early for that as well.

[quesyrah]

Anecdotes....

My sister has really bad anxiety. She did not want a bridal shower. I talked to her one on one and she did want a shower but didn't want a spectacle and didn't want any crazy games.

We had a very small afternoon tea with just our family and her closest friends. It was totally perfect for her.

Maybe try talking to your sis and see if she would go for something small like that, just enough to celebrate her new baby.
ETA: wow- totally missed that she's only 12 weeks. Team sister- no shower

[sparkythelawyer]

Is this a trick question? Respect the "guest of honor"