How would you read this?

[InBetweenDays]

I received this email from a former coworker.

We’re inviting a few people over for a BBQ and nibbles on the deck (hopefully the weather will be good), this Sunday, May 24 at 3:00 p.m.–ish. Not sure how many people can come, since it’s a holiday weekend, but it would be great if you’d like to join us though. We’ll have drinks, nibbles, and veggies, fish and sausages to grill. Please let us know if you and H would like to join us.

We're also friends, but not close friends. I'm wondering if this is meant to mean just me and H, or if you would think kids are invited? FWIW they are our age, don't have kids, but seem to like kids And of course I wouldn't just show up with the kids - I'd email first to see - but if the thought leans towards kids are likely invited I'd feel a bit better emailing to clarify (I don't want them to feel awkward if I email and they don't want kids there).

So, I am debating if an email is appropriate or if we should just say we can't make it (I don't feel like trying to wrangle a babysitter at this point and would rather have some family time). Thinking of something along the lines of "Thanks! Sounds fun. Is this with kids or an adults only bbq? If it's adults only we'll see if we can get a sitter."

[georgeharrison]

If I were inviting people to a BBQ that had kids, I would expect them to bring their kids. If you were invited to a night out or something, then I would say no kids. But, maybe that's because I have a kid? IDK. It sounds like it's going to be a casual thing, so I can't see why your kids would not be included.

I think it's cool to clarify: my kids can come, too, right?

[InBetweenDays]

georgeharrison your screen name is totally throwing me! I had to go back and see if I missed something or if someone hacked your account

[Deleted]

i would say just shoot a quick eml and say ask if the kids are also welcome... no harm no foul.

[theoriginalbean]

I agree with Uncle Grandpa, and in my experience with friends without kids, things like BBQs and day events always included everyone. I'd be comfortable asking for clarification.

[InBetweenDays]

Thanks all. I heard back and he was thinking adults only. I don't think we could find a sitter on a holiday weekend with short notice and not sure I want to put the effort in to do so. But he didn't seem annoyed that I asked if it was for families or just adults (@lauralynne I like the way you worded that and unfortunately sent the email before seeing your suggestion)

[georgeharrison]

I'm glad you checked. I skipped over the part in the OP that said you and your H.

[Deleted]

May 21, 2015 14:24:39 GMT -5 InBetweenDays said:

Thanks all. I heard back and he was thinking adults only. I don't think we could find a sitter on a holiday weekend with short notice and not sure I want to put the effort in to do so. But he didn't seem annoyed that I asked if it was for families or just adults (@lauralynne I like the way you worded that and unfortunately sent the email before seeing your suggestion)

That seems dumb that the kids can't come. It's 3pm. On a 3 day weekend. As a non kid person, I'm a little  ^o) that your kids can't come to an afternoon bbq. 

[InBetweenDays]

May 21, 2015 16:47:35 GMT -5 @uwhuskygirl said:

May 21, 2015 14:24:39 GMT -5 InBetweenDays said:

Thanks all. I heard back and he was thinking adults only. I don't think we could find a sitter on a holiday weekend with short notice and not sure I want to put the effort in to do so. But he didn't seem annoyed that I asked if it was for families or just adults (@lauralynne I like the way you worded that and unfortunately sent the email before seeing your suggestion)

That seems dumb that the kids can't come. It's 3pm. On a 3 day weekend. As a non kid person, I'm a little   that your kids can't come to an afternoon bbq. 

Yeah, I may have to rethink my statement that they like kids  Funny thing is if I'd asked if we could bring Hoss they probably would say no problem. They are much more animal people.

[MrsPotatohead]

Based on the OP I would have immediately guessed no kids.

I agree the timing is weird to plan something adults only, but if no one else has kids then I could see wanting it to be that way? I don't think a BBQ means it has to be everyone though, I guess I wouldn't assume any 'type' of event is a certain way.

[InBetweenDays]

May 21, 2015 19:34:24 GMT -5 MrsPotatohead said:

Based on the OP I would have immediately guessed no kids.

I agree the timing is weird to plan something adults only, but if no one else has kids then I could see wanting it to be that way? I don't think a BBQ means it has to be everyone though, I guess I wouldn't assume any 'type' of event is a certain way.

I completely agree that we shouldn't assume any type of event is a certain way. I do think it is uncommon for a 42 year old to have a bbq mid-day over Memorial Day Weekend and have it be adults only. Not odd, but uncommon. I too read the email and thought he was meaning to say no kids, but since that is uncommon in our circle I wanted to verify.

[MrsPotatohead]

May 21, 2015 20:09:45 GMT -5 InBetweenDays said:

May 21, 2015 19:34:24 GMT -5 MrsPotatohead said:

Based on the OP I would have immediately guessed no kids.

I agree the timing is weird to plan something adults only, but if no one else has kids then I could see wanting it to be that way? I don't think a BBQ means it has to be everyone though, I guess I wouldn't assume any 'type' of event is a certain way.

I completely agree that we shouldn't assume any type of event is a certain way. I do think it is uncommon for a 42 year old to have a bbq mid-day over Memorial Day Weekend and have it be adults only. Not odd, but uncommon. I too read the email and thought he was meaning to say no kids, but since that is uncommon in our circle I wanted to verify.

Oh I wasn't trying to scold you or anything!  Just seems like the consensus from everyone in the thread was that a bbq is normally for everyone and I guess to me anything could be or not be adults only. I mean technically you can have a wine-tasting party at your house and include kids or laser tag for only adults. I just try not to assume things Sorry it didn't work out for you guys!