Can Someone Explain CIO

[Deleted]

Baby J is about 5 1/2 months old. He is very hands on, and not so good at self soothing.  Whenever he starts to cry, it is inevitable that we will be picking him up within a couple of minutes which instantly calms him down. 

I know you're not supposed to let newborns cry it out, but what about infants?  I still feel like he's too little - it makes me so sad to hear him cry and not comfort him.  However, I am getting grief from several people that we are establishing bad habits by consistently 'giving in' to him. 

Should we be letting him cry it out by this point? Is my mommy guilt (I work FT, and he's in daycare 3x week) going to cause future problems for us?

[meltoine]

Do what works for you. If you like how things are currently and have no desire to change it, ignore everyone.

On the other hand, if you want/need your baby to sleep more or wake up less, then investigating sleep training is not a bad thing. Personally, I found Dr. Ferber's book to be the most helpful. He's a pediatric neurologist who specializes in sleep issues and he explains the reasons behind the behaviors very thoroughly, which makes it easy to understand his recommendations for remedying the issues.

[Deleted]

Here is what I can tell you:
1) Your baby is old enough for you to try CIO if you want to.
2) You are not required to do that. How are your overnights? How are you coping? If you're okay, you don't need to "fix" anything. If you're not, then you do.
3) This is the best site for sleep stuff: www.troublesometots.com/

You're fine if you're fine. You're fine to try something else if you aren't. It works for some kids (like my DD) great, and others really poorly (like my DS), and you don't know what you've got until you try.

[mannah]

Those people are idiots. You cannot spoil a baby. Cry it out refers to bedtime sleep training where you do not rock nurse or otherwise help the baby fall asleep. This usually results in some crying while they figure it out. Cry it out can mean simply leaving them to cry and sleep or a modified version such as ferber which includes being left to fall asleep on their own with some checking in for reassurance. It does not refer to how you treat them during the day when they cry. We are biologically wired to feel uncomfortable when our infants cry and try to respond to them as quickly as possible, so you are doing the exact right thing.

ETA: maybe I misunderstood your post. I thought you were asking about crying it out during the day. Sorry. If whatever you're doing I was working for you by all means continue to do it. If you do want to use cried out for nighttime sleep then your baby is old enough.

[oswin]

I think a lot of it is personal preference and what works for you and your kid. If I'm not mistaken, I think 3 months is the minimum age most people recommend for CIO techniques - that's around when we did it with DD (though she started it by showing us she could self-soothe). Either way you go, you're not going to do permanent damage or make him too dependent, etc.

What problems are you currently having? I mean, is it that it's difficult to put him down for naps, or that he doesn't sleep well at night, etc? If you're ok with the status quo right now (of having to calm him), it's ok to leave it be. On the other hand, if bedtime is long and drawn out because he needs to be picked up a lot, then maybe for everyone's benefit you could try some CIO - likely a "progressive waiting" technique like Ferber describes in Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems. Which, by the way, is an excellent book, and talks about a lot of things to do with sleep besides just progressive waiting.

[jewel]

I just typed out a big thing about Ferber, but now that I'm re-reading your post - are you referring to CIO to sleep, or just attending to a crying baby in general?

[Deleted]

Oh yeah, and if anyone is talking about CIO during the day just for fun? They're assholes.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry that I wasn't more clear. I didn't realize CIO only meant night time! But without knowing a different term, then yes, I am applying it to both daytime and nighttime situations. ie if I put him in his swing while I cook dinner, he lasts no more than 5-10 minutes before crying. At night, he's been waking up more often due to teething, no longer being swaddled, etc and can't go back to sleep on his own.

I think he is fine, although he is a little more hands on than average, but according to everyone else, we need to start letting him cry so that he learns how to self soothe. I started looking at the Ferber method briefly today, and will order the book tonight from amazon.

I don't even know what I am asking.... I think I just want to make sure that we are not 'spoiling' him, or going to end up with in in our room forever since he's still not in his crib.

[oswin]

So for daytime awake situations, CIO is not something you can or should do, if your kid gets bored in the swing there's not much you can do besides find some other way to entertain him. On the other hand, if he's crying because he's tired, then the same techniques you use at night to get him to sleep apply during the day - the Ferber book has specific recommendations about how to do CIO to fall asleep at naptime.

[cjeanette]

May 21, 2015 17:38:31 GMT -5 sju1982 said:

I'm sorry that I wasn't more clear. I didn't realize CIO only meant night time! But without knowing a different term, then yes, I am applying it to both daytime and nighttime situations. ie if I put him in his swing while I cook dinner, he lasts no more than 5-10 minutes before crying. At night, he's been waking up more often due to teething, no longer being swaddled, etc and can't go back to sleep on his own.

I think he is fine, although he is a little more hands on than average, but according to everyone else, we need to start letting him cry so that he learns how to self soothe. I started looking at the Ferber method briefly today, and will order the book tonight from amazon.

I don't even know what I am asking.... I think I just want to make sure that we are not 'spoiling' him, or going to end up with in in our room forever since he's still not in his crib.

You are not spoiling him. The people who are telling you that you are need to mind their own business.

[Deleted]

May 21, 2015 17:44:21 GMT -5 oswin said:

...if your kid gets bored in the swing there's not much you can do besides find some other way to entertain him.

This makes me feel better about ignoring all the advice. 

[curbsideprophet]

You are not spoiling him or creating bad habits. If you want to pick him up, pick him up.

[Deleted]

Fuck those people. They are morons. Go with your gut and a big fat no to CIO during the day. Wtf are they on?

[jewel]

May 21, 2015 16:57:31 GMT -5 sju1982 said:

 However, I am getting grief from several people that we are establishing bad habits by consistently 'giving in' to him. 

As long as everyone is safe and healthy, do whatever works for your family, for as long as it's working. Breastfeeding, formula, co-sleeping, CIO, etc.

For people who like to give this sort of grief/advice....

"You're going to spoil that baby always picking him up when he cries" -usually a grandma-type

"Probably so. You shouldn't do this with your next baby" -me

"What? Are you nuts? I'm not having any more kids" -their kids are grown or have no children

"Exactly" -me

[Deleted]

Don't listen to anyone else. If you are okay with it, than leave it be! I got more stressed trying to 'fix' DD's sleep problems than just getting up and dealing with her. And everytime I tried to 'fix' it, it was in response to someone's comments. We never sleep trained and didn't do cry it out. I'm not against it and am actively pro-CIO if you have a problem with the sleep patterns. We didn't, so it wasn't for us. Do what you feel is right for your baby.

Crying during the day could be due to boredom and not just tiredness, so that is something else entirely.

You won't spoil your kid, I promise DD is demanding and a drama queen, but me picking her up as a baby didn't make her that way, being a toddler does it!

[felicity]

May 21, 2015 17:58:24 GMT -5 sju1982 said:

May 21, 2015 17:44:21 GMT -5 oswin said:

...if your kid gets bored in the swing there's not much you can do besides find some other way to entertain him.

This makes me feel better about ignoring all the advice. 

Yeah I'd ignore for awake daytime situations for sure. Sleeping is up to you and whatever works for your family. We sleep trained DS at 5 months and it worked well, but certainly not something everyone should or needs to do. 

DS is a couple weeks older than yours and he'd want nothing to do with sitting in a swing anymore. I think it's normal for babies that age to fuss when they are bored, and it would be mean to just leave them there for no reason all the time. DS is much happier when he's somewhere he can move around a lot and explore, even just the PnP with a couple toys is fun for him when I need to contain him. 

[nessness]

I agree with PPs that you should ignore the advice; picking up your baby when he/she cries is a natural and healthy response.

For sleep, trust your instincts. I remember at 5.5 months thinking there was no way I could let her cry, than suddenly at 6 months she seemed more "mature" or something and I felt like she was ready (and CIO worked really well for us). This age is probably different for everyone (and you don't have to CIO ever if you don't want to), but don't let anyone pressure you into it before you and your baby are ready.