I gotta say, there are times when I would LIKE to do this when family (it's always family, right?) say they'll be there at X time and show up 1-2 hours early. Hey guys, we timed our frantic cleaning scramble to end just before you were supposed to arrive, so now I have to answer the door in my dish gloves and ratty unwashed state.
For a while we started telling MIL and SFIL events started an hour later than reality for just this reason.
Post by undecidedowl on May 23, 2015 15:57:43 GMT -5
I get super pissed when DH's family arrives way outside of a reasonable window from the ETA. But damn, I never say anything to them. Plus, 30 minutes off a 15 hour drive is nothing, especially with a 2 hour heads up.
I get super pissed when DH's family arrives way outside of a reasonable window from the ETA. But damn, I never say anything to them. Plus, 30 minutes off a 15 hour drive is nothing, especially with a 2 hour heads up.
exaclty. The 15 hours is the issue here. Fil lives 45 mins away. NO reason for him to show up an hour early. 15 hours? Yeah, you build in some leeway. Esp w 2 hours notice.
Sorry, we arrived and were busy. BIL stuck to his guns and told them not to come til after 12pm. They arrived and since they were sick of driving and very tired they just parked and walked to eat their take out food at a park nearby. We arrived a bit later and his parents ordered pizza for all of us.
We arrived a bit later and found out bil has asked that everyone leave early Monday since they have to work Tuesday, so thankfully we will all be headed to the comfort of our home then.
Its so weird. He invited all of us here. We suggested everyone come to our house and bil and wife wouldn't come since they work during the week and would be too tired to drive 1.5 hrs for a 3 day weekend. My husband works 85 hrs a week and we have a 14month old and a dog to make arrangement for. He also sees his parents 2 times a year now.
This is just all so odd. He got married last year and has changed so much. Things used to be so much more welcoming and normal. Bil lived with us for a summer while he was working near us so we all are very close. Or were close til he randomly married. The wife seems nice but is quiet. They are terrible hosts though.
Well, next time you all get together, insist you host. If they don't come, oh well. They sound selfish. That and then also being poor hosts? They don't host anymore. You all need to NOT start pandering to this behavior. They don't get to dictate how you and your ILS spend your time.
Post by undecidedowl on May 24, 2015 7:34:25 GMT -5
It sounds like maybe the wife has some anxiety about guests. I'll be honest, I struggle with having those feelings- needing to know exactly when people will arrive and when they will leave, wanting to limit visits, but yet I don't always want to be the one traveling. I try to put myself in the guests shoes though and think about how they would feel, sounds like SIL and BIL need to do the same.
I agree with something going on with the wife. My SIL battles severe anxiety and OCD and I could almost see her doing this. She would never ask my parents to wait in the driveway, but I could see her hiding in the bedroom for two hours until she wanted to come out (when she is in one of her bad periods). It would seem very rude but it would be something she could not really control.
Now that we are here, I am thinking she has some kind of issues. And BIL is very very protective of her (not in a controlling way). There is a really weird letter she wrote to him and its hanging on the fridge. Its about how she was really happy when they were at a friends house and he held her hand the whole time. He will not leave her side. He was going to run to the store with his dad, but she was showering and he didn't want to leave her so he stayed home. It is all very strange.
He seems happy that we are all here and we are going to do some fun things in the city near him, but their behavior is odd. Their house is pretty dirty, they weren't spending yesterday am cleaning. I'm pretty sure they have not cleaned a thing here in the last year. They have no food, we can't drink their tap water (they said this). His mom went to the store and bought food/drinks and we are eating out the rest of the time.
It is all so odd to me. They pretty much begged us all to come here. They couldn't drive to our house since they work all week, even though everyone else works, his parents drove 15 hours after work and us with a baby drove to see them. He seems happy to see us. She has been sitting on the computer 24/7. I am definitely thinking some sort of anxiety or mental issues. And just an FYI we had hotels booked, but they were kind of far (but the the closest ones to his house) and he told us to cancel since we had the baby who still naps 2 times a day so it was easier to just stay here and let her sleep so we could still visit. Luckily it was just 1 night and its over. His parents are staying 1 more night til they head to see us.
I would definitely have your H pull BIL aside and ask what's up, in a loving way. That must be so hard for them
i agree. You want to be sensitive but at the same time, your family can't be dictated by her issues. That's not fair to anyone. Esp when they make your ILS sit in the car!
ETA - after reading your update, I agree that it sounds like she definitely has some mental issues. Very sad. I hope she gets the help she needs, especially if they plan to have kids someday.
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I have some anxiety about having people coming over to our house but staying at other people's houses is way worse for me. Maybe she has something like that going on and this was the easiest way for her/them to see everyone?
IL's drove 4 hours to come to our place over Thanksgiving 2 years ago. I expected them around 3 pm because the day before my husband told me they were leaving at 11 am. Instead they arrived at 1 pm. I didn't tell them to wait in the driveway because my husband would have never listened to that, but I said hi coldly and went in my room and shut the door. They sensed something was up and made up some excuse about having to run to CVS or McDonald's or something and came back in an hour. I was mad at my husband for telling me their ETA was 3 pm and then not updating me that they actually left much earlier which is why they arrived at 1 pm. It's like I needed to mentally prepare for them to come and them showing up early threw me off. I was also nearly 7 month pregnant at the time, but that wasn't really an excuse.
I wouldn't do it again now because I have a daughter and it would be wrong to pull stuff like this and set a bad example for her. Now I would have to teach her that we are supposed to get really excited when family shows up way earlier than expected because wow, what a treat! Even if inside I'm dying.
You would only not do it because of your daughter? How about because they didn't deserve your rude behavior?
Post by scribellesam on May 24, 2015 20:28:38 GMT -5
Poor thing. Now I feel sad for her. It definitely sounds like some serious issues on her part. Maybe you coming to them is the only way BIL can see his family due to her difficulty, whatever it is.