What makes you feel confident?

[dancingirl21]

I really struggle with self-confidence, specifically regarding my weight. I'm fairly tall at 5'8" and definitely overweight, especially since having J. I often look at myself compared to DH and wonder why he is with me. He's very good looking and has an awesome body. I wonder what people think about us when they look at us as a couple.

It totally stems from my mom. For as long as I can remember, she has talked about weight. Both hers and mine. Shortly after moving into my own apartment after college, she called me out of the blue and told me that I had gained a lot of weight and that she was sure DH (then my bf) had noticed. She told me I had "too pretty of a face to get big".

On the day DH and I got engaged, I called her to tell her and immediately after congrats she said, "oh good. Now you have a reason to lose some weight." That moment will forever be part of the memory of our engagement.

She hasn't said anything in recent years but our relationship is strained because of things she has said to me in the past (as well as my parent's really ugly divorce. That's a story for another day).

I'm actively working on losing some weight. DH tells me all the time how beautiful he thinks I am and that he's so attracted to me. I just struggle with myself a lot of the time.

What do you do when you are in a self-confidence funk?

[rugbywife]

When people meet me, particularly at work, they say I exude self-confidence and they would never guess that I struggle with it at all...I fake it well in public but, like 99% of normal people, struggle with it in some aspects of my life.

My physical appearance is definitely one of those areas...not just my weight though...I have lots of moles, I am fairly hairy (in less than ideal places), etc...but at the same time, I am able to look at myself in the mirror sometimes and see beauty.

In terms of my weight...the biggest thing for me is feeling like I am strong and capable of doing things. This is why my pregnancies have been so hard for me, because I have lost strength and by not exercising and eating like crap, my body isn't as capable of doing things. But when I am working out, in shape, and am strong, I am less focused on the numbers on the scale or pants, and more focused on the fact that I can be stronger and can do things that I can't when I am out of shape.

[mlt]

I could have written your post. MH looks better every day. Meanwhile I feel like a big slug. I don't deal with a lack of confidence well - it tends to manifest in disordered eating. In terms of boosting my confidence, new clothes help. Doing my hair and makeup every day, having sex, doing things for me. All that reminds me that I'm more than a number on a scale. My biggest issue is that, I think due to my mom, I keep comparing myself to what I weighed at 17. I don't know why. It's so dumb. And yet I will always feel fat unless I get back there. It's truly sad.

[greencrayon]

I feel much like you do. I try to remember just because I'm fat, it doesn't mean I'm not worthy of love or whatever but it's difficult!

I have great eyebrows, so I try to make sure they're always waxed nicely and I always have my toenails painted.

[anna7602]

I'm sorry that your mom has given you self-confidence issues. It's so hard to get that critical voice out of your head, even if you're surrounded by people who tell you otherwise.

[arebee]

i have self confidence issues too. The only thing that I have found that makes a difference is working out. I am not sure if it is because I feel like I am doing something about the things that I don't like about myself but I always feel better about myself when I workout regularly.

[bowies]

You and I might have the same mother. In high school when I was arguably underweight, she refused to buy me a swimsuit because my stomach wasn't flat, and after I got married to my XH and ballooned in weight (comfort eating/depression) she would take pictures of me for the sole purpose of showing me how big I was. I am conditioned to automatically dislike what I see in the mirror or on film.

I've been much bigger than I am now and I've been much smaller than I am now but the feelings don't get noticeably better or worse as the needle moves. I make an effort to look as nice as possible whenever I leave the house: stylish outfit, makeup done. That usually helps.

[Deleted]

My self confidence totally tanked after kids.

I think it helps to keep up on me. Good makeup, regular haircuts, painting my toes, nice well fitting clothes I love. I feel so much better when I'm polished.

Also doing things that make me feel accomplished. I feel prettiest lately when I'm in my barn clothes because I LOVE to milk cows and am good at it. Exercise helps. My house is also my "hobby" so rearranging, decorating, cleaning is good for my self-esteem too.

Enough sleep also helps. My confidence was down the drain when DS wasn't sleeping because I didn't care about much of anything. Apparently a bit of passionate about anything at all is good for me.

Doing nice but simple things for other people also give me a great (but selfish) boost as well, so I try do that reasonably often.

[Deleted]

FWIW, I have seen pictures of you and I didn't think you were overweight or less attractive at all than your H. I actually thought you were the pretty one!

I'm sorry about the experience with your mom.

[Queen Mamadala]

I could have written a lot of your post, OP. I feel most confident when I'm at a comfortable size/weight, which is at least 60 lbs lighter than I am now, though ideal would be 90 lbs. I was 60 lbs lighter when I met H, and I was pretty confident then. I'm trying to do little things that boost my spirits. I got a gel mani/pedi today. It had been 7 months since I've gotten my nails done. It did feel good. I got some new clothes last weekend, which was necessary, but still sucked because it was a realization that I outgrew my wardrobe.

Until I am physically where I want to be or where I regain my confidence, I try to focus my attention on my hobbies/passions/school that I'm actually quite good at.

[scribellesam]

Exercising always makes me feel great about myself. I love to run, it makes me feel like a superwoman even when in reality I'm just galumphing along on the YMCA treadmill at a pretty slow pace.

Pretty shoes, jewelry, and a nice manicure/pedicure help a lot too. Give away all the clothes that make you feel unattractive or frumpy and get new ones that make you happy.

[dancingirl21]

May 24, 2015 20:21:19 GMT -5 @republicrat said:

FWIW, I have seen pictures of you and I didn't think you were overweight or less attractive at all than your H. I actually thought you were the pretty one!

I'm sorry about the experience with your mom.

Thank you. That's incredibly kind.