How do you know when it's time to let them go?

[CurlyQ284]

My dog was diagnosed with lymphoma in her skin back in January. He estimated that she had 6-12 months with treatment. She's been on chemo medication which slowed the progression of the disease. He said that eventually she would get to a point where the medication wasn't working and then she would rapidly decline.

*Warning kinda gross*
With the disease she's losing fur and getting sores on her skin. The medication healed her skin up but the sores are back and this morning when I went to let her out she had blood all over. One of the sores opened up. I rinsed her off but it's in an awkward spot, I can't wrap it or bandage it.

She's still eating, she's not playing much anymore she mostly rests in her bed unless a squirrel comes across our yard while she's out there and then she goes nuts like she normally does.

DH doesn't seem to think we are getting close to "her time" but watching this happen to her is breaking my heart.

[revolution]

I think it's a very personal decision. And it can be hard to come to terms with. Are there more good days than bad days? What is the quality of life daily?

[CurlyQ284]

May 26, 2015 8:25:46 GMT -5 revolution said:

I think it's a very personal decision. And it can be hard to come to terms with. Are there more good days than bad days? What is the quality of life daily?

She seems ok, but she's always been very stoic so I don't know if her resting so much means she feels like crap? She snapped at little dog twice and at me once. She has NEVER done that. Plus she has open sores.

I think maybe I'm personalizing too much? My grandfather had alzheimers for a decade and was basically a vegetable the last 5 years before he passed away. I feel like I don't want her to be sick sick sick. Like I want her to have a great day and then not put her through all that since we know what's coming.

[CurlyQ284]

I'm heading out to get some of that spray neosporin. That helped last time but that was when we first started the meds. I don't know if it will work if the meds aren't working. Her skin seems like it's attacking itself. Her eyes are all red and goopy, her face is red and it itches. We have eye drops and powder for her face but I just don't know how much of a difference this stuff is making on skin that can't heal itself.

[jinkies]

I'm so sorry. It's so hard to make this decision.

Our cat had open sores from his cancer. For me, that was the sign that it was time-- it COULDN"T have been comfortable for him.

My husband, on the other hand, really struggled with the decision. He thought that the cat should seem "sicker" before we put him down- other than the sores, he still acted fairly normal.

In the end, the cat lived with the sores for another 4 months before my H came around to the idea that the cat would not get better, and that the kindest thing was to let him go peacefully.

It was still really, really hard.

[cabbagecabbage]

I think, personally, it's kind to let them go while they still have some quality of life, especially if there is no cure. I'm going to be dealing with this decision myself in the not too distant future but it's really awful. I'm sorry and hope you feel at peace when you know.

[Deleted]

It definitely comes down to quality of life for sure. When our old girl stopped being able to control her bladder/bowels completely while standing up and then very shortly stopped getting up at all, we knew it was time. It sucked so much, but we knew she'd lived a long and happy life.

[adhdfashion]

(Hugs)

[pinkflats]

I'm sorry you're going through this. We just had to put one of our dogs down a couple of weeks ago because her health rapidly declined due to diabetes and liver disease. What it came down to for us was that her quality of life wasn't that great anymore and even with some hospitalization for a couple of days, she wasn't going to recover enough to live a great life anymore. She was so exhausted all the time that she rarely stood up, if she wanted to be in the kitchen (or anywhere) with us, she would walk there and then have to lay down because her energy levels were just depleated. Obviously the issues are very different between our pups, but once the vet told us that we'd hit the point where her quality of life wasn't going to rebound anymore and would only decline, we couldn't do that to her. She was a very active and happy dog, that's really how I wanted her to leave us, well as close to that as we could get. It's just so hard though, you will make the right decision for your family.

[shoeaholic]

It's such a difficult thing. I just went through this and it was one if the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. In our case he did indeed decline pretty rapidly (over a two week period). The final day he just laid in his bed for about 12 hours straight. He was so sad and helpless that we knew it was the right thing.

Thoughts are with you.

[rosiebear]

It is so tough; I'm sorry. In my experience, many people feel in retrospect that they waited a little too long. It's so hard to let go, but I feel it is most loving to give them a gentle exit while they still have good days.

[CurlyQ284]

DH wants to wait but I don't know what his threshold is and I'm her main caretaker. When I saw all that blood I burst into tears. This sucks. I want it to get really warm out and take her to a pond somewhere to splash around and have fun for an afternoon. That's her favorite. Then I want to feed her a big steak so she has a great day. I don't want her bleeding all over and stuck in the kitchen because we can't wrap it up.

[cst2cst]

I'm so sorry. My girl dog died in March from Lymphoma. Looking back, I think she was sick and suffering longer than we knew. She would tire halfway through our walks (she was 6, so it wasn't age). She stopped jumping up on the bed and couch. At the time I thought she was being weird, but now I think she was in pain. She was my vocal girl and she had been quiet for a few weeks. She was generally not herself.

The week she died she started to not eat, even high value foods (cooked ground meat). The day before she died she had trouble walking and couldnt sit or lie down. I had to make the call when it was time. My husband couldn't. I decided when she drank water and cried in pain. I've bever heard her make that sound and knew she was suffering. When we got to the vets office she vomited blood and cried again, so then we were both sure.

I think we waited too long. Her first symptoms were GI (black poop) that our vet treated conservatively, without success. Then she got lumps in her beck which came back as Lymphoma. The next day the oncology work up showed it was all through her intestines and we stared palliative treatment. She died the next day. It was fast for us, but had I know sooner, I think I would have said goodbye sooner. Looking back I can see her "off" behavior as pain.

Good thoughts for your pup. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

[lurknomore]

May 26, 2015 9:19:33 GMT -5 CurlyQ284 said:

DH wants to wait but I don't know what his threshold is and I'm her main caretaker. When I saw all that blood I burst into tears. This sucks. I want it to get really warm out and take her to a pond somewhere to splash around and have fun for an afternoon. That's her favorite. Then I want to feed her a big steak so she has a great day. I don't want her bleeding all over and stuck in the kitchen because we can't wrap it up.

This is basically what we did just a few weeks ago.  DH finally came around to it being time.  We decided on Friday and then spent the week doing fun stuff with her.  Took her out for ice cream Tuesday night.  Wednesday night took her for McDonalds.  Thursday night DH made her filet for dinner.  Friday we said goodbye.  It gave us a chance to come with peace with the decision and have some time to prepare, while also making her last few days with us as good as they could be.

Hugs to you and your DH.  It sucks.

[So_Fetch]

It really is a personal decision. From experience, I had a better experience letting my kitty go when he was not curable and that he would be uncomfortable. Other than a little panting, he seemed otherwise fine (he had lung cancer - and only 1/4 of one lung was not filled with fluid. It was surreal letting him go when he seemed so normal, but I knew I was sparing him a hard road. I felt much better about that than I do about waiting too long.

[Deleted]

I'm really sorry. This might sound stupid, but with our first dog, one day she looked at me and I literally just "knew". The look she gave me broke my heart, and I knew I was only prolonging things for my hurt and sadness. I wanted her last days on Earth not to be sad and painful, but to be happy and positive (as much as they could be at that point.) We went to McDonalds and got a hamburger and ice cream cone, and went to the vet.

It's such a personal decision, and you have to do what you think is right. I worked for a vet for many years, and I can promise you they will never think twice about your decision of when it's "time".

Good thoughts for you.

[ProfessorArtNerd]

My parents just fought about their cat hariette, same type of situation. She had kidney cancer, she wasn't getting better, wasn't eating?'x but since she still went outside with my dad for cigarettes, she was ok to him.

Someone else on the board was talking about this this weekend and was given great advice- id rather be a few days too early than too late. She wasn't going to get better, it wasn't going to get easier, and with Hariette, she wouldn't have even been able to have a great last day like you have planned for your Lucy.

It's so hard when you can't agree, but it seems kinder, and really, part of your job as her caretakers, to let her go

[CurlyQ284]

I emailed DH. He wrote back with some ponds/lakes to take her to and now I'm crying all over again.

This is the first pet where I had to make the decision rather than my parents.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I think it's a very personal decision. You will know when it's time.

My parents didn't put down their old dog, but I believe they should have. She had spleen cancer that progressed very rapidly, and her last 3 weeks, she had no good days (was in a state of collapse all the time). She couldn't get up, so she lay on the tile floor near the back door and went to the bathroom where she lay. My parents couldn't bear to part with her. Finally one day she got up and went to her favorite napping spot, and she died there naturally in her sleep. It was very heartbreaking to see her decline. She was quite obviously in a lot of pain and distress. I would not have let it go on for so long, it was too much. It caused some fights between my parents and me.

For about 3 months, she was mostly doing okay with a few rough days. She still played, ate, and got up to greet us, etc. During that time we took her to the park and spoiled her with her favorite foods - liver, ground beef, chicken. During that time I believe her quality of life was still decent.

Anyway...again, I'm really sorry that you are dealing with this, it's very very hard. Hugs to you. I know your girl feels incredibly loved.

[isabel]

Our dog had lung cancer. He had some bad days, but we were able to change medications and get him back to feeling pretty good for a while. He had a great day when we put him down. Went on a nice walk, ate breakfast, enjoyed the sun in the backyard. That night, he started breathing really hard and we rushed him to the vet. She said there was nothing she could do and we could take him home and see if things improved, but also warned that he may pass in his sleep. I didn't want to put him through that and couldn't stomach the idea of him continuing to struggle. We put him to sleep right then.

I don't feel like my response is helpful because he was doing pretty well up until then, minus a few scary, tough days. I guess I would say that you know when you've both had enough. If your pup seems relatively comfortable, I would probably keep going. When she seems more uncomfortable for much of the day, it might be time.

The other thing to consider, and that I had to really force myself to believe, is that the dog doesn't know what's going on. She's not scared of death like we are. We project our fears. When you think she's had enough, that's ok. It doesn't really matter if she could have hung in for a few more days or weeks as long as you feel right about helping her pass peacefully. I don't know if I'm saying this right.

I'm really sorry you're all dealing with this and I'm thinking good thoughts for you guys and your pup.

[VeryViolet]

Hugs Curly, I am so sorry you are dealing with this.

I hope you have happy last days with your pup whenever those days may be.

[dexteroni]

Poor pup; I'm so sorry you have to do this. We went through this process with Dexter - also my first time calling the shots as an adult - and it was so, so hard. Honestly this part was harder than afterward for us. It's so hard to know for sure that you're doing the right thing.

I think the best we can do is let them go before they're completely miserable. The conventional advice is "a week too soon is better than a day too late." The fact that she chased a squirrel is great, it means she can still enjoy some things and can get up and go when she needs to. You don't want her to get to the point where she can't even do that, or get up at all. The sleeping and snapping to me indicate that she might be in pain. Dogs hide pain very well, so we don't always know how bad it is.

Can you try another round of the medicine to see if it will heal her up? Or is she still on the medicine, and it's no longer working? If it's the latter, I would say the time for trying more things or hoping for improvement is probably coming to a close.

I love the idea of giving her an awesome last day. We had a few days' lead time with Dexter and did the same. Being able to do that for our pets is as good as this kind of thing gets. I wish we could do this for people.

[escrow]

We had a dog who had lymphoma, she was only four, and was the sweetest dog ever, we loved her so much. We put her through treatment and for a few months she was completely her normal self. Then one day she just wanted to lay out in the snow and not come in, and didn't want to eat. It happened very quickly, and I was so devastated. I was also about 16 weeks pregnant which made it infinitely worse. I will never forget the night we rushed her in to have her pain and misery stopped

It is definitely a very personal decision, I think you will know when it is time.

[Eagles]

Curly, I'm sorry. I had to make the call a few years ago with my diabetic dog. I couldn't keep his BG levels steady; he would throw up sometimes after getting the shot and then I'd be frantically trying to feed him PB or honey so he wouldn't go into insulin shock; he had sores from hot spots that we couldn't treat because steroids were a no go; he had cataracts and would miss steps. I started to have this picture in my mind of coming home from work one day and finding him on the tile floor because he had missed a couple steps coming downstairs, and lying there in pain all day, and I said "Enough." He was snappish, and slept a lot, and wasn't playing anymore, and it didn't feel fair to keep him going for me.

It was the hardest decision I've ever made, and I'm sending you so many hugs.

[CurlyQ284]

May 26, 2015 11:56:01 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

Poor pup; I'm so sorry you have to do this. We went through this process with Dexter - also my first time calling the shots as an adult - and it was so, so hard. Honestly this part was harder than afterward for us. It's so hard to know for sure that you're doing the right thing.

I think the best we can do is let them go before they're completely miserable. The conventional advice is "a week too soon is better than a day too late." The fact that she chased a squirrel is great, it means she can still enjoy some things and can get up and go when she needs to. You don't want her to get to the point where she can't even do that, or get up at all. The sleeping and snapping to me indicate that she might be in pain. Dogs hide pain very well, so we don't always know how bad it is.

Can you try another round of the medicine to see if it will heal her up? Or is she still on the medicine, and it's no longer working? If it's the latter, I would say the time for trying more things or hoping for improvement is probably coming to a close.

I love the idea of giving her an awesome last day. We had a few days' lead time with Dexter and did the same. Being able to do that for our pets is as good as this kind of thing gets. I wish we could do this for people.

I'm supposed to give her pill every 3 weeks. She was due for one on Thursday but there was a problem with the prescription and it was delayed. They use an online compound pharmacy and it has to be shipped to me (more delays). I think it'll be delivered tomorrow, it's near Detroit right now and I'm about an hour south.

It's not working as well though. She had sores when she was diagnosed, they all cleared up and her skin healed when we started the meds. She just recently got sores even while on the meds, so that makes me think it's not working as well. Plus she's having issues with her eyes and she's getting infections in her face wrinkles (she's a bulldog).

We won't be making any decisions today because we need a weekend to do her day in the water and a steak so maybe she will rally after her medicine.

She's barking right now (bird probably). I just don't know. I hate being so uncertain. I wish she could talk and just tell me what's up.

[shoeless]

((CurlyQ284)). I'm sorry you are facing this decision.

[laceylaplante]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I'm sure it's a very difficult decision to make.

[dexteroni]

May 26, 2015 12:15:27 GMT -5 CurlyQ284 said:

We won't be making any decisions today because we need a weekend to do her day in the water and a steak so maybe she will rally after her medicine.

She's barking right now (bird probably). I just don't know. I hate being so uncertain. I wish she could talk and just tell me what's up.

Poor pup. I hope the medicine helps and you get some more time with her. I agree that you don't have to make any decisions today. I would absolutely wait to see if the medicine helps, no question.

May 26, 2015 12:15:27 GMT -5 CurlyQ284 said:

I hate being so uncertain. I wish she could talk and just tell me what's up.

I totally agree.