Let's over-analyze text messages!

[Deleted]

Do you find it "normal" to hear from a guy a lot more before you meet him (talking about online dating)
and then once you meet, hear from him less frequently - and it not mean he's not interested?  Is it like the "slow fade"?  I find that it the case a lot.  But I think... if he's not interested after meeting, why bother texting at all?

Can someone explain this phenomenon to me?

Or is it possible that he could still be interested?

Does that even make any sense?  

[mommadukes]

does anyone talk on the phone anymore?

[Deleted]

May 27, 2015 15:09:10 GMT -5 mp said:

I think online dating has led to a lot more "new & shiny syndrome" and "kid in a candy store" happening. He may like you just fine but with access to so many people, he may not want to make a decision, and just get distracted by a new person.

I always forget about this factor!  I guess it's because that's not really how I operate.  I just want to get to know someone before I decide if I like them or not and you can't get to know someone in 1-2 dates.

[Deleted]

May 27, 2015 15:21:11 GMT -5 mommadukes said:

does anyone talk on the phone anymore?

I don't think so.  Usually if my phone rings it's my mom.  
Maybe I'm just unpopular.

[bl]

I agree 100% with mp. I know I can't control others actions, but I really do try to do the best I can with my own and if I like the person I try not to keep fishing around, so I don't get distracted. In general though I think a decline in frequency of contact is typically a sign of losing interest. However I think it also depends on how much you text before you meet, if there was a lot of getting to know you texting before you meet there might not be as much of a need for that once you have met.

[bl]

May 27, 2015 15:21:11 GMT -5 mommadukes said:

does anyone talk on the phone anymore?

I usually try to talk on the phone before I meet them.  This may be shallow, but I have found some voices to almost be deal breakers to me. It is also a good indicator of their ability to hold a convo.  It doesn't always happen where we do talk on the phone, but probably 70% of the time it does.

[Deleted]

I hate hate hate talking on the phone. To anyone except my mom. I don't think I've ever talked on the phone to the guy I'm dating now actually.

[Deleted]

May 27, 2015 15:25:55 GMT -5 bl said:

I agree 100% with mp. I know I can't control others actions, but I really do try to do the best I can with my own and if I like the person I try not to keep fishing around, so I don't get distracted. In general though I think a decline in frequency of contact is typically a sign of losing interest. However I think it also depends on how much you text before you meet, if there was a lot of getting to know you texting before you meet there might not be as much of a need for that once you have met.

He's not a text all day kind of guy, but he did text me every day.  He was out of town this weekend though, but then I heard from him yesterday (we went out last Friday night - 2nd date).  So I'm thinking later in the week about asking him if he wants to get together again.

[Wanderista]

I think it can be a fade out sometimes but I also learned not to place quite so much emphasis on who does what when as I did when I was younger. I learned to think less about keeping score and to just kind of take things as they come. If I wanted to contact someone then I would and I wouldn't worry too much about how it appeared. I figured that if it was a guy who I wanted to keep around then he would not keep too much score either. 

It's kind of hard to explain but I think that so much of dating early on is hard to predict but also based on intuition. If you get the feeling that someone is fading out then there's a good chance that they are but not a guarantee. That said, I would just try to take an emotional step back. If I wanted to contact him then I would, if I then didn't like his response and got the feeling that he was losing interest after contacting him, then I'd put him on the backburner myself and pursue other options.

[jigsy]

May 27, 2015 15:21:11 GMT -5 mommadukes said:

does anyone talk on the phone anymore?

I have a OKC dude who wants to talk on the phone...maybe it is because he is older.

I have also found that I am far more willing to engage with those people who have "replies very selectively" on their profile. Maybe I like the idea that there is a little chase, lol.

[jojoandleo]

I love talking on the phone. Old people problems. My sister and I often call each other during our rush our drives home just to gab.

[Deleted]

May 27, 2015 16:11:13 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

I love talking on the phone. Old people problems. My sister and I often call each other during our rush our drives home just to gab.

call me!!

[bl]

May 27, 2015 16:11:13 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

I love talking on the phone. Old people problems. My sister and I often call each other during our rush our drives home just to gab.

This is me and my best friend we have a routine. She's a stay at home mom and I call her every single weekday right when I walk out the door and we usually talk for 40 min or so. If it's a weekend she calls me when she wakes up. My other best friend works at the same company but on Dallas and we talk daily for 20 min or so and will sometimes call each other from a conference room while eating so we can eat lunch together lol. I think I am just weird, but it works for us.

[Serenity9]

I'm experiencing this right now, too. We met briefly in person the first time (not online) and then we texted quite a bit. We have gone out twice, both pretty last-minute and casual, and the interaction was very "getting-to-know-you." Now, he keeps texting but seems non-committal about getting together. I don't understand whether he's interested or not.

So you guys inspired me. I just invited him to come see a roller derby match on Saturday! LOL!

[Deleted]

May 27, 2015 17:17:58 GMT -5 Serenity9 said:

I'm experiencing this right now, too. We met briefly in person the first time (not online) and then we texted quite a bit. We have gone out twice, both pretty last-minute and casual, and the interaction was very "getting-to-know-you." Now, he keeps texting but seems non-committal about getting together. I don't understand whether he's interested or not.

So you guys inspired me. I just invited him to come see a roller derby match on Saturday! LOL!

Did he respond?

i think I'm going to do the same tomorrow
except not a roller derby match haha

[Deleted]

May 27, 2015 17:08:42 GMT -5 RamblingRose said:

I talk to my mom about once a week, otherwise we text. TL usually calls me on his way home from work and we talk the whole time. It's nice. I'm not much of a phone talker, I really prefer either text or being in the same place to talk. I have issues with distraction.

Focus on the topic at hand here!!!!!!  Lol

[Deleted]

May 27, 2015 17:02:35 GMT -5 @soudesafinado said:

Y'ALL TOLD ME I WAS OLD, TIRED AND STRANGE WHEN I SAID I NEEDED TO TALK TO FOLKS ON THE PHONE BEFORE MEETING THEM!

Signed,

The poster formerly known as old lady telephone

How old are you?

[Serenity9]

May 27, 2015 17:37:22 GMT -5 @bk said:

May 27, 2015 17:17:58 GMT -5 Serenity9 said:

I'm experiencing this right now, too. We met briefly in person the first time (not online) and then we texted quite a bit. We have gone out twice, both pretty last-minute and casual, and the interaction was very "getting-to-know-you." Now, he keeps texting but seems non-committal about getting together. I don't understand whether he's interested or not.

So you guys inspired me. I just invited him to come see a roller derby match on Saturday! LOL!

Did he respond?

i think I'm going to do the same tomorrow
except not a roller derby match haha

Ugh. He just responded with an "I'll let you know." This is the impression I keep getting from him. He's an "I'd like to take you out some time" guy, but never makes definite plans. If he weren't so hot, I'd have called this off already.

[Deleted]

May 27, 2015 18:00:15 GMT -5 Serenity9 said:

May 27, 2015 17:37:22 GMT -5 @bk said:

Did he respond?

i think I'm going to do the same tomorrow
except not a roller derby match haha

Ugh. He just responded with an "I'll let you know." This is the impression I keep getting from him. He's an "I'd like to take you out some time" guy, but never makes definite plans. If he weren't so hot, I'd have called this off already.

Ugh wtf kind of answer is that?  

[bl]

May 27, 2015 15:43:54 GMT -5 @bk said:

May 27, 2015 15:25:55 GMT -5 bl said:

I agree 100% with mp. I know I can't control others actions, but I really do try to do the best I can with my own and if I like the person I try not to keep fishing around, so I don't get distracted. In general though I think a decline in frequency of contact is typically a sign of losing interest. However I think it also depends on how much you text before you meet, if there was a lot of getting to know you texting before you meet there might not be as much of a need for that once you have met.

He's not a text all day kind of guy, but he did text me every day.  He was out of town this weekend though, but then I heard from him yesterday (we went out last Friday night - 2nd date).  So I'm thinking later in the week about asking him if he wants to get together again.

I say ask him out and see what kind of response he gives.  It was a holiday weekend and he checked in with you right after it, so that could be a really good sign.

[LoveBug]

May 27, 2015 18:06:44 GMT -5 @bk said:

May 27, 2015 18:00:15 GMT -5 Serenity9 said:

Ugh. He just responded with an "I'll let you know." This is the impression I keep getting from him. He's an "I'd like to take you out some time" guy, but never makes definite plans. If he weren't so hot, I'd have called this off already.

Ugh wtf kind of answer is that?  

+1. I hate his reply.

[glitzyglow]

I like mp's response to his answer. After that, I'd see if he responses and if not, I'd just let it fizzle out from there.

[Deleted]

Fuck it I texted him lets get together soon or something
We'll see
*Waiting*

[Deleted]

Tick tock no response

[Deleted]

I quit

[Deleted]

Yes but we were texting back and forth for a few messages because I asked him, and he was responding immediately

[Deleted]

Ok he responded he'd like to get together
Ahhhhhhh
Thank you for entertaining my neurosis

[Serenity9]

May 27, 2015 19:22:05 GMT -5 glitzyglow said:

I like mp's response to his answer. After that, I'd see if he responses and if not, I'd just let it fizzle out from there.

I responded something like "Hmm... that's noncommittal. I guess I'll consider the evening free until you get back to me, and I might make other plans."

He said that he has plans earlier that day, and has to make sure he has all of his school work done (going back to college) since exams are next week.

[llh0211]

I totally have a love/hate with texting. I am not a fan of talking on the phone. So I do love it for that. But I hate the overanalyzing it always caused me to do in the beginning.

I will say, I recently set up a date with a guy that scored points by calling to ask me out. He didn't text. Didn't ask in the OKC Message he called. And he had a day/time/plan in place when asking. Initiative. I find it hot.

[Deleted]

May 27, 2015 20:52:27 GMT -5 @bk said:

Yes but we were texting back and forth for a few messages because I asked him, and he was responding immediately

Granted I only did the online dating thing for a couple of months and only went out with 3 different guys, but I don't think you can get too crazy if someone doesn't respond immediately.

After I met my current boyfriend after the 1st two dates I'm pretty sure we didn't text much at all. We did talk on the phone though and obviously kept meeting up for dates. But it definitely wasn't constant back and forth texting. I pretty much preferred it that way when it came to online dating. I like to get to know people in person, not everyone is tied to their phone 24/7 (including myself) and I hate feeling obligated to respond to someone immediately if I'm in the middle of something.