I think you should have gotten a plus one. That said, you and bf have responded with total grace and tact - if I were the bride I'd feel a bit terrible for not insisting he come along too.
Post by missmaddie on May 27, 2015 19:11:27 GMT -5
On top of destination weddings costing so much in travel expenses and vacation days from work that it's taking the place if another optional vacation, it often costs more for the room for single occupancy...so not having a +1 could be an extra expense for a guest.
Frankly, if I have to go, you better bet I'm bringing someone (DH or otherwise).
(Disclaimer - biased, non-fan of destination weddings since DH was best man in one four months before our wedding and it became our honeymoon, and best man for another when I was 25 weeks pregnant and trying to save money and vacation time, but it would have cost him 1.5x to go alone).
Does she know he's traveling with you and still didn't extend an invite?
This is all sorts of rude. If you have a destination wedding you take what you can get in terms of the good friends willing to shell out the cash to travel for you, and you give them the +1.
I think it is rude not to invite a plus one, to any wedding. Probably especially a destination wedding.
But. Being in the wedding party, I can actually see it a bit more. It's super awkward when you bring a plus one to a wedding where they don't know people or aren't personally friends with people and you're busy doing wedding stuff all day. You barely see your date when you're IN a wedding. So i guess I can see if you need to eliminate someone, leaving out the person who is likely going to be kind of awkwardly floating around anyway.
I'm confused as to what exactly the people in the wedding party are doing after the actual ceremony that doesn't let them enjoy the company of their date for the reception? Ok, maybe pictures during cocktail hour. But during the reception? What is the wedding party doing that is taking them away from the reception? So the date sits alone during the ceremony, it's not the interactive part of the event. Then seat the wedding party with their dates and let them have some fun.
Every wedding I have been in, and most that I've been to, have had a head table. The last wedding I was a bridesmaid in, I was busy from probably 8am to 8pm between hair, getting ready, pictures, the ceremony, pictures, dinner, etc. When you're in the wedding, even if you sit together at dinner, you're busy most of the day and your date is kind of left on their own. Which is fine in a family or close group of friends, but I probably wouldn't want to be a date of someone standing in a wedding unless I knew other people well enough to hang out with them all day.
I think the wedding party should be invited with a plus one, like everyone else. But I think I'd be less upset not to be invited with a plus one if I was standing in the wedding since I'd barely see my date anyway.
Does she know he's traveling with you and still didn't extend an invite?
This is all sorts of rude. If you have a destination wedding you take what you can get in terms of the good friends willing to shell out the cash to travel for you, and you give them the +1.
Yes she knows. I explicitly told her about 1.5 months ago that my boyfriend and I were going to be buying our flights soon.
SOs should be invited regardless of where the wedding is or how long the couple has been dating. If they consider themselves to be serious, so should the couple getting married. Trying to save money is no excuse for rudeness. They should be hosting their guests properly. If they can't afford to do that, they need to scale back until they can.
Do you really quiz every person on their dating status and how serious they feel? I may not KNOW about Mary and her 3 month guy who is definitely the "ONE."
I feel like the amount of time dating is just an easy proxy for this and so I can't get all upset about that.
But I do think you should generally do plus ones for adults at weddings, even more so for destination weddings.
But if the guest calls the bride/groom and asks if the invitation extends to their SO, like the OP did, the answer should always be yes. If Mary doesn't tell you that she's dating anybody then yeah, I'd say you're in the clear, but if you find out from her or through the grapevine that she is dating somebody, an invitation to that somebody should be extended immediately.
I'm confused as to what exactly the people in the wedding party are doing after the actual ceremony that doesn't let them enjoy the company of their date for the reception? Ok, maybe pictures during cocktail hour. But during the reception? What is the wedding party doing that is taking them away from the reception? So the date sits alone during the ceremony, it's not the interactive part of the event. Then seat the wedding party with their dates and let them have some fun.
Every wedding I have been in, and most that I've been to, have had a head table. The last wedding I was a bridesmaid in, I was busy from probably 8am to 8pm between hair, getting ready, pictures, the ceremony, pictures, dinner, etc. When you're in the wedding, even if you sit together at dinner, you're busy most of the day and your date is kind of left on their own. Which is fine in a family or close group of friends, but I probably wouldn't want to be a date of someone standing in a wedding unless I knew other people well enough to hang out with them all day.
I think the wedding party should be invited with a plus one, like everyone else. But I think I'd be less upset not to be invited with a plus one if I was standing in the wedding since I'd barely see my date anyway.
If there is a head table, all WP members should be seated with their SO. My WP brought their dates with them when they got to the venue. They just chilled out and helped set up. And we did a first look and took pictures before the ceremony, and the dates just watched. And they got in a few pictures with their SOs as well. They spent plenty of time together. But I really wanted my WP (who were my closest friends/family) to have a really good time at my reception, so there's that.
Actually I think the whole destination wedding thing is rude. Not only do people have to travel- often by air- they have to book hotel rooms AND usually take off from work.
Actually I think the whole destination wedding thing is rude. Not only do people have to travel- often by air- they have to book hotel rooms AND usually take off from work.
Not a fan of Destination weddings at all
Well I think couples should do whatever makes them happy. Of course you can't be mad if you want your best friend Sally there and she can't come due to it being too far/too expensive. Although I pretty much did my own thing for my 1st wedding, I think I'll go to even more extremes to do whatever the hell I want if/when I get married again...and a destination wedding might be what makes me happy.
I'm not sure if it matters in this case, but the bride is from PR, so that's why it's there. Although I think the guest list is about 25% friends/family from PR and 75% friends from the mainland.
Actually I think the whole destination wedding thing is rude. Not only do people have to travel- often by air- they have to book hotel rooms AND usually take off from work.
Not a fan of Destination weddings at all
Well I think couples should do whatever makes them happy. Of course you can't be mad if you want your best friend Sally there and she can't come due to it being too far/too expensive. Although I pretty much did my own thing for my 1st wedding, I think I'll go to even more extremes to do whatever the hell I want if/when I get married again...and a destination wedding might be what makes me happy.
I'm not sure if it matters in this case, but the bride is from PR, so that's why it's there. Although I think the guest list is about 25% friends/family from PR and 75% friends from the mainland.
If the bride is from PR it isn't a destination wedding.
Actually I think the whole destination wedding thing is rude. Not only do people have to travel- often by air- they have to book hotel rooms AND usually take off from work.
Not a fan of Destination weddings at all
People invite you to celebrate a momentous occasion in their lives, and you think it's rude?
This whole thing is just rude. I had a destination wedding and one of my grooms man wanted to bring his girlfriend of one month. It was not a big deal and if you can't figure out how to add one person to your wedding then you have bigger issues.
Actually I think the whole destination wedding thing is rude. Not only do people have to travel- often by air- they have to book hotel rooms AND usually take off from work.
Not a fan of Destination weddings at all
If few people you're inviting live close to you, I get it. About 2/3 of our wedding guests had to fly in because our families are spread throughout the country. In similar cases, I can see saying "eff it" and just going to Aruba or Italy or whatever. BUT I would also keep the guest list small (because few people who don't HAVE to come - like my parents - are going to make it a huge priority), make sure most people I was inviting were okay with that/could afford that/were comfortable with the amount of travel, and try to make it as easy on them as possible (covering multiple meals, maybe just renting a large house so they didn't need to book hotel rooms, etc).
IIRC, @wandering was dating someone else about a year ago, so the bride should have planned better from the get-go.
I'm solidly pro-plus-one all the time. Etiquette is solidly pro-all-SOs all the time. This goes double for being in the wedding party AND having to travel, though.
Actually I think the whole destination wedding thing is rude. Not only do people have to travel- often by air- they have to book hotel rooms AND usually take off from work.
Not a fan of Destination weddings at all
They have to? As in, the bride and/or groom holds a gun to their head and forces them against their will to travel to their destination wedding?
Newsflash, pumpkin. It's an invitation, not a subpoena. Nobody is required to go to any wedding.
And she's B-listing? Nice. What's next, a honeyfund? Charging admission to her wedding? Making guests pay for their food and drinks at the reception?
I b-listed. I even had a c-list. Some friends on the B list invited themselves and their entire family (think parents and sister)... but hell, it was in Mexico. I didn't care.
Since the bride originally started planning a year ago, I don't think she's as rude as she would be if she purposely excluded him from the get go. Was there conversation a year ago about if you were coming along? Any conversation whatsoever?
I'm in the weddings, so yes she knew most likely I'd be coming unless something crazy happened and I couldn't attend.
RUDE. However, Puerto Rican weddings are super fun, since she's into rudeness, maybe he can come once dinner's over? They last a really long time.
I know, that's why I wanted him to come. I wanted a dedicated salsa partner! But he's going to fly back the morning of the wedding because we didn't want to wait until 2 weeks before the wedding to book our flights to see if he was invited after all her RSVPs were in. Sure he could've just spent the evenong doing his own thing if he wasn't invited, but he has some things he could get done at home, so he's going back.
So it's not a huge deal! I'm not upset. I was just wondering everyone's opinion/experience with destination weddings since this its my first one.