Do you have a healthy relationship with food?

[malibu]

My mom and I were texting back and forth last night about our weight loss goals and successes. She's frustrated she's not losing weight. After her surgery last year she's extremely limited on exercise so it's not coming off like she hoped. As of Tuesday, I'm down to 177.6 (on my way to 140) pounds since January 8th, when I started at 228 pounds.

One of the things I mentioned to her is that I went from overindulging on food and eating constantly to being almost afraid of food now. She asked if I've asked "the ladies on my message board" (which made me lol a little - I must talk about 'my message board' quite often for that to be her first suggestion), which I haven't. I can't remember the last time I felt like I was just eating to live. I've always either lived to eat, or been afraid to eat when I start trying to lose weight. I'm working quite hard to lose weight and now I hate eating, I'm afraid I'll gain weight every time I eat. I eat fairly healthy - I measure or portion out servings of food, I log everything in MFP, and I've gotten really good about eating vegetables, something I'm not known to do. I mentioned I should probably meet with a dietician or nutritionist and get a good plan and idea of what I should eat, how much should I eat, and maybe get over my fear of eating - especially after a workout or if I don't have a workout planned on a particular day. I just wish I could be ok with food. Not overeating and gaining a ton of weight, or swinging the complete opposite direction and dreading when I have to eat.

So I'm curious - do you feel OK with your food relationship? Am I weird that I can't seem to just eat normally and be fine with it? 

[meggers5]

My weight has always been the biggest source of trouble in my life.

How I deal with it in regards to food has led to some really unhappy times.

When I was younger I would binge as soon as my parents left the house. I didn't even want 7 cookies, but I would eat them.

I'm so much better about what I eat, but even now, I feel guilty when I eat something bad, and then annoyed with myself for feeling guilty.

I don't think I'll ever get it just right.

[circa1978]

I tend to use food to reward myself or deal with stress, which I think is common but probably not healthy. I also like to cook and bake as a hobby but try to get that stuff out of my house as much as possible. I just don't keep most problem foods in our house. No sweets that I don't bake from scratch, no ice cream, no chips or most snacks other than fruit. I do love wine and cheese though, so I'm still heavier than I want to be.

[wambam]

I know this isn't the point, but I don't think that "eating to live" is necessarily equivalent to "having a healthy relationship with food." I think loving food, loving cooking and eating - is not automatically unhealthy. I love food. I love cooking it, eating it, talking about. But I also think I have a healthy relationship with it.

[dottyblue]

Nope. I'm an emotional and boredom eater. I have to really watch myself.

[shell403b]

My relationship with food is a disaster.

[malibu]

May 28, 2015 12:20:02 GMT -5 wambam said:

I know this isn't the point, but I don't think that "eating to live" is necessarily equivalent to "having a healthy relationship with food." I think loving food, loving cooking and eating - is not automatically unhealthy. I love food. I love cooking it, eating it, talking about. But I also think I have a healthy relationship with it.

I could not come up with a good way to put that, hopefully you understood what I meant. Some people are able to enjoy, cook, and eat food and have no issues with it like you mentioned. For me, I dread eating since I'm trying to lose weight. And if I'm not actively trying to lose weight, I eat way too much.

[lissaholly]

No. I feel like I nurture the relationship when I am unhappy with my body, but I get pretty strict. It seems extreme when I am counting calories. When I am not paying attention I overindulge.

I would love to read oodles and oddles studies on how to lead a he heathy lifestyle for years, not how to lose weight- not what foods to eliminate- just on what a healthy balance is. It seems like it is always preached to " change your lifestyle!" I need to see more about how to maintain that lifestyle change.

[erbear]

Whenever I try to just eat healthy and not focus on it, I gain weight, and fast. I have resigned myself to the fact that, while I enjoy food and eat everything in moderation, I will always have to pay attention to what I'm eating 90% of the time in order to not gain weight.

[wambam]

May 28, 2015 12:23:15 GMT -5 malibu said:

May 28, 2015 12:20:02 GMT -5 wambam said:

I know this isn't the point, but I don't think that "eating to live" is necessarily equivalent to "having a healthy relationship with food." I think loving food, loving cooking and eating - is not automatically unhealthy. I love food. I love cooking it, eating it, talking about. But I also think I have a healthy relationship with it.

I could not come up with a good way to put that, hopefully you understood what I meant. Some people are able to enjoy, cook, and eat food and have no issues with it like you mentioned. For me, I dread eating since I'm trying to lose weight. And if I'm not actively trying to lose weight, I eat way too much.

I understand where you're coming from and what you were trying to say. I guess I just have this image in my head of someone who "eats to live" that they only eat because they have to and never enjoy or have fun with food.

[speckledfrog]

I think people who have a completely healthy relationship with food are few and far between. Or maybe I'm just projecting.

[shopgirl07]

I'm the same as you. I cannot find a happy medium. I'm either gorging myself or practically starving myself.

[malibu]

May 28, 2015 12:23:48 GMT -5 lissaholly said:

No. I feel like I nurture the relationship when I am unhappy with my body, but I get pretty strict. It seems extreme when I am counting calories. When I am not paying attention I overindulge.

I would love to read oodles and oddles studies on how to lead a he heathy lifestyle for years, not how to lose weight- not what foods to eliminate- just on what a healthy balance is. It seems like it is always preached to " change your lifestyle!" I need to see more about how to maintain that lifestyle change.

You said this very well. This is very much like what I was trying to describe for myself.

[happyholiday]

I will never just eat to live. I've always had food issues. I remember being embarrassed as a young child for having a "healthy" appetite, like it was something shameful. I was always taller and just "bigger" than many of my friends. Freshman year of high school i was anorexic, living on 350 calories a day and exercising for 2 hours a day. My parents didn't pay attention because we never ate together. My mom was just happy I was thin. So I've never had a normal relationship with food, and I probably never will. It's too mixed up with negative emotions, so some guilt is always there. It sucks.

[cuddlyevil]

My relationship with it is way healthier than it was. I used to stress eat, but I didn't even realize it--it wasn't until I started addressing the stressors (my marriage) and finally made a decision that it started to change. I love food, cooking it and eating it, so a firm "eat this, not that" kind of diet will never work for me. For me, moderation is what works best.

[trafficgirl]

I don't, but I will say I think it's better currently than it's been in a long time.

I am definitely mindful of what I eat, and I've been doing low carb/grain free for about a month and a half. I'm not restricting how much I eat, and I do have to actively remind myself to not feel bad about the portions I'm eating. But for someone who use to live to eat (and to some extent I still do), this is a huge step.

Honestly I'm not sure how many people view food in an "eat to live" type way. I feel like there are way more in the "live to eat" camp.

[dojo]

Let's ask the empty pint of B&J's that's sitting next to me right now...

B&J's - did you and I have a healthy relationship? It says that we did have a healthy relationship for the first couple bites, but things went down hill from there.

[sugarbear]

Well, it helps that I don't cook. DH does all the cooking, and our commitment to healthy eating has come largely from him. I think that what has worked for me, to learn to eat sensibly, is to focus not on the quantity of food I'm eating (at least, at the beginning of this journey), but on the quality. So, first we focused on whole foods. We rarely eat anything packaged, and the only grain we eat is oatmeal. We plan all of our meals around a protein first, and then a vegetable, and if we're craving a starch, we'll add either sweet potatoes or plantains, or mashed parsnips and cauliflower (which, I know, is not a starch, but it resembles one closely enough that it works for us). Because these foods are so much more filling (and satisfying) than pasta, etc., I don't typically overeat.

So that helped. A lot.

Then, balance. We cheat purposefully and somewhat often. Meaning that if we want a bacon cheeseburger, we go get one, but we plan for it and seek out the 'best' one we can find. The same is true of chocolate. I eat some, several times a week, but it's always super expensive dark chocolate and only a square or two. I can skip the lunchroom cookies because they just aren't worth it, when I know that I've got good chocolate at home.

So, yes, I think my relationship with food is healthy. At least, it's better than it used to be. I've maintained my weight for a long time, but I'm certainly not thin. I'm sitting at 175. I used to weigh 225. I suppose I wouldn't mind losing 5-10 pounds, but I'm also not willing to give up the occasional piece of chocolate to do it.

[pantsparty]

Occasionally I have tracked what I was eating, and it really made me miserable. It fixated me WAY too much on calories and portion size. It is good to do occasionally because it re-sets my mind on the size of a reasonable portion and how many calories should make up my day. But I found I started obsessing over what/when to eat next, so I don't do it anymore.

I'm currently eating a bowl of Fritos so...um...I guess it's okay? LOL.

[wambam]

May 28, 2015 12:29:36 GMT -5 sugarbear said:

Then, balance. We cheat purposefully and somewhat often. Meaning that if we want a bacon cheeseburger, we go get one, but we plan for it and seek out the 'best' one we can find. The same is true of chocolate. I eat some, several times a week, but it's always super expensive dark chocolate and only a square or two. I can skip the lunchroom cookies because they just aren't worth it, when I know that I've got good chocolate at home.

There was a W30 blog post a few years ago about Halloween candy and how it is not inherently special. You can go to Walgreens any time and get fun size kit kats. It talked about making your treats/indulgences/"off plan" choices the best choices possible. So rather than eating the Halloween candy, plan a really amazing ice cream cone from a local ice cream shop or something equally amazing.

whole30.com/2013/10/halloween-candy-special/

[no0b]

When I am not counting calories and instead focusing on eating a more nutritious diet I would say I have a healthy relationship. I've been trending towards this for awhile.

When I count calories I obsess, and that's when the problems start.

[slcjess]

No, I have a really hard time with food. If I try to cut out sweets, I start to obsess over them- like literally dreaming about food. H and I recently tried a few weeks of Medifast, and saw results, but holy crap, I was so cranky and withdrawn. We decided not to continue it because of the expense, and are instead trying to stick with the general idea- several low-carb, 100-ish calorie meals a day, (ETA- we eat more than 100 calories for dinner. Just to clarify. I promise I eat more than 600 calories a day) but I cheat like a crazy person. It doesn't help when there are snacks all around me at work all day. My work has free Coke freestyle machines, and once a week brings in bagels, muffins, even a crepe food truck the other day. And then there are team potlucks, people randomly bringing in a plate of cookies, etc.
Ugh. Its so hard.

[Deleted]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

No.

[trafficgirl]

May 28, 2015 12:41:14 GMT -5 slcjess said:

No, I have a really hard time with food. If I try to cut out sweets, I start to obsess over them- like literally dreaming about food. H and I recently tried a few weeks of Medifast, and saw results, but holy crap, I was so cranky and withdrawn. We decided not to continue it because of the expense, and are instead trying to stick with the general idea- several low-carb, 100-ish calorie meals a day, (ETA- we eat more than 100 calories for dinner. Just to clarify. I promise I eat more than 600 calories a day) but I cheat like a crazy person. It doesn't help when there are snacks all around me at work all day. My work has free Coke freestyle machines, and once a week brings in bagels, muffins, even a crepe food truck the other day. And then there are team potlucks, people randomly bringing in a plate of cookies, etc.
Ugh. Its so hard.

This is the same for me, and is so damn annoying. Someone brought in a whole huge bowl of taffy today, which I love but am actively avoiding. I have to remind myself that I will feel like shit as soon as I eat it, which most of the time does the trick.

[mcmel]

Hell no I don't have a healthy relationship with food and I'm afraid that dieting has only made things worse.

[hulley]

I know what you mean. It recently occurred to me that I didn't remember the last time I ate without thinking about the food. Like, there has to be either guilt for eating something "bad" or happiness about something good. I struggle with being in the middle. I wish I could just indulge in Ben & Jerry's once in a great while without guilt. It amazes me that most men I know don't think about things I like this.
I do make a conscious effort not to talk about these things in front of DD, because I'm hoping she can grow up without food issues.

[sugarbear]

May 28, 2015 12:34:55 GMT -5 wambam said:

May 28, 2015 12:29:36 GMT -5 sugarbear said:

Then, balance. We cheat purposefully and somewhat often. Meaning that if we want a bacon cheeseburger, we go get one, but we plan for it and seek out the 'best' one we can find. The same is true of chocolate. I eat some, several times a week, but it's always super expensive dark chocolate and only a square or two. I can skip the lunchroom cookies because they just aren't worth it, when I know that I've got good chocolate at home.

There was a W30 blog post a few years ago about Halloween candy and how it is not inherently special. You can go to Walgreens any time and get fun size kit kats. It talked about making your treats/indulgences/"off plan" choices the best choices possible. So rather than eating the Halloween candy, plan a really amazing ice cream cone from a local ice cream shop or something equally amazing.

whole30.com/2013/10/halloween-candy-special/

Exactly. Someone commented upthread about mindless eating, and that is where my own eating habits have changed. I'll indulge, but I'm going to think about it first, and then I'm going to seek out the highest quality indulgence I can find.

Honestly, I would be a lot thinner if I restricted more, but I wouldn't be as strong as I am. I love being the strongest woman in my gym, so generally speaking, my eating revolves around 1) what will help fuel my workouts; 2) what tastes the best; and 3) where can I squeeze in some chocolate, a latte, sushi, a cheeseburger, or really good baked something-or-other.

Logistically speaking, we simply don't have certain things at home. We don't bake at home. We don't have bread, crackers, or pasta in our house. If we did, I would probably eat some of it, but we don't, and I don't miss it, and I enjoy it that much more, when I do have some.

[wambam]

May 28, 2015 12:47:46 GMT -5 sugarbear said:

May 28, 2015 12:34:55 GMT -5 wambam said:

There was a W30 blog post a few years ago about Halloween candy and how it is not inherently special. You can go to Walgreens any time and get fun size kit kats. It talked about making your treats/indulgences/"off plan" choices the best choices possible. So rather than eating the Halloween candy, plan a really amazing ice cream cone from a local ice cream shop or something equally amazing.

whole30.com/2013/10/halloween-candy-special/

Exactly. Someone commented upthread about mindless eating, and that is where my own eating habits have changed. I'll indulge, but I'm going to think about it first, and then I'm going to seek out the highest quality indulgence I can find.

Honestly, I would be a lot thinner if I restricted more, but I wouldn't be as strong as I am. I love being the strongest woman in my gym, so generally speaking, my eating revolves around 1) what will help fuel my workouts; 2) what tastes the best; and 3) where can I squeeze in some chocolate, a latte, sushi, a cheeseburger, or really good baked something-or-other.

Logistically speaking, we simply don't have certain things at home. We don't bake at home. We don't have bread, crackers, or pasta in our house. If we did, I would probably eat some of it, but we don't, and I don't miss it, and I enjoy it that much more, when I do have some.

This is really key for me. Not having treats (generally) at home makes the times we go out and get a treat special.

[Deleted]

Ha, maybe? I had to back away from tracking everything on MFP, it was stressing me out to much. I was traveling a ton for work and some nights my options were very limited and trying to figure out calories was just too much work. I decided to stop worrying about calories and make healthier choices. Now when I am hungry, I eat something. I just make a better choice. One plan that really helped me get started on a "healthier" menu was the "7 Day Jumpstart" from Natalie Jill Fitness. She is a trainer that is local to me  and her meal plan is super easy to follow. 

7 Day Jumpstart

[sugarbear]

May 28, 2015 12:50:27 GMT -5 wambam said:

May 28, 2015 12:47:46 GMT -5 sugarbear said:

Exactly. Someone commented upthread about mindless eating, and that is where my own eating habits have changed. I'll indulge, but I'm going to think about it first, and then I'm going to seek out the highest quality indulgence I can find.

Honestly, I would be a lot thinner if I restricted more, but I wouldn't be as strong as I am. I love being the strongest woman in my gym, so generally speaking, my eating revolves around 1) what will help fuel my workouts; 2) what tastes the best; and 3) where can I squeeze in some chocolate, a latte, sushi, a cheeseburger, or really good baked something-or-other.

Logistically speaking, we simply don't have certain things at home. We don't bake at home. We don't have bread, crackers, or pasta in our house. If we did, I would probably eat some of it, but we don't, and I don't miss it, and I enjoy it that much more, when I do have some.

This is really key for me. Not having treats (generally) at home makes the times we go out and get a treat special.

For awhile, I went down this path of "healthy desserts." I made (delicious) non-sugar peanut butter cups, for example, but even though they were tasty, and made entirely of wholesome foods, they don't compare to the fancy chocolatier up the street. And they still have a ton of calories. 

I'm not trying to say it's easy to just wait until the weekend, or whatever deadline you've set for yourself to "cheat," but over time it became much, much easier for me. And it's true that the less I eat of a certain food, the less I crave. I really, truly, do not miss pasta.