DS1 is a freshman in high school, and has always been a B/C student. He decided his goal this year was to make it on the honor role. Algebra is what always threw him off, winding up with a C each marking period. Up until yesterday he was going to do it, but he wound up getting a C on a chemistry test that brought his chemistry grade down to a C+. All of his other grades are A's and B's. He was so disappointed and I told him last night that as far as we were concerned he made "our" honor role and told him how proud we were of his hard work.
I don't typically reward with tangibles for good grades, but I really want him to know that I saw how hard he was working and how proud I am of him. Any ideas for something I could do for him?
Post by ninjabridemom on May 28, 2015 12:33:25 GMT -5
I would do more like a dinner or some special night out to celebrate and help him unwind. Let him invite a friend.
I agree w you on the general rule but if he was really aiming to turn things around and worked really hard, I agree some sort of recognition of that is important.
And then in August (a few weeks before school starts) maybe rehash this past year and see if he has any ideas on how he can improve ***based on his own goals, I think this is important to reduce pressure***. Things like tutors, etc.
I'd probably do something like a special lunch or movie rather than a tangible gift. I'd make it a celebrate-a-job-well-done that way, instead of a "reward." idk if that makes sense.
Post by hopecounts on May 28, 2015 12:48:01 GMT -5
I would reward him for working so hard toward his goal but not reward him for the grades or for making 'our honor role' Assuming he truly did his best then I would want to reward that and the effort he made but I wouldn't want to condescend to him by trying to make it better. I would acknowledge that it sucks that it didn't happen this time but focus on what his hard work accomplished and move on.
I'd take him out for dinner or something, but I wouldn't call it a gift or a reward.
My expectation is that my kids try their best. Sometimes that results in As, sometimes in Cs (well, my actual children aren't getting grades yet, but this is true of my students, too). And I don't give rewards for meeting my expectations.
Post by hopecounts on May 28, 2015 13:08:01 GMT -5
I will also say I grew up in a home where my Mom rewarded hard work and effort. My oldest brother had an LD and school was hard for him so yeah Mom acknowledged it when he worked his ass off for a B. My middle brother was lazy and skated by on his smarts so he didn't get the recognition since he didn't put in any effort. I worked fairly hard so here and there I would get recognition for doing more then the expected, like when I managed a B in geometry after getting a tutor and working hard.
I can't fathom a C being a good grade in any stretch of the imagination. This may be an example of being so Type A it hurts.
didn't you ever have a class where you killed yourself for that C? I distinctly remember getting a C in a brutal class and being way happier about that C than any of my A's.
I can't fathom a C being a good grade in any stretch of the imagination. This may be an example of being so Type A it hurts.
didn't you ever have a class where you killed yourself for that C? I distinctly remember getting a C in a brutal class and being way happier about that C than any of my A's.
For real. Struggling in a class that you have busted your ass in sucks enough. Getting a C would be amazing to a student who has struggled their whole year.
Post by thinkofthesoldiers on May 28, 2015 13:45:27 GMT -5
I'm stuck on the fact this kid was working his ass off all year and you didn't help him find a tutor or something in and effort to help him reach his goal.
If my child set a goal and worked hard towards that goal I'd have no problem with a dinner or dessert. Life is too short not to celebrate accomplishments no matter the age.
didn't you ever have a class where you killed yourself for that C? I distinctly remember getting a C in a brutal class and being way happier about that C than any of my A's.
Honestly, I don't think I ever got a C. I worked my ass off for a few B's in college, but never got a C.
And not every kid is smart like that. My oldest brother would work his hardest and in certain subjects a C or B would be his best effort. This is why I hate paying for grades, not every kid has the same skill set and it's unfair. Asking my oldest brother to get an A in English was like asking a fish to climb a tree, it wasn't going to happen no matter how hard he worked, a B took everything he had and a tutor.
ETA: and this brother is the most successful by most standards of all of us, he got certification in a high demand field and makes big money. He just is not 'book smart'
Clearly not all book smarts translate to social skills. See: comment above. And also "ratchet sets".
LOL.
I'm not a monster. I didn't give anyone a ratchet set, nor am I telling a kid they are dumb. I was also not raised in a household where a C would ever be rewarded.
And we're saying that for some kids you would reward a C because it took a LOT of effort to get it and for them it is a 'good grade' Some kids have issues making school work harder and you have to modify your expectations so they don't give up because their best isn't good enough. My brother did well because he learned that working hard was what mattered, so he worked hard and is a good worker, leading to promotions in his field and him being successful.
My DD works way harder in school than DS and she gets some C's and he gets all A's. Sometimes effort does not match up with outcome and I'd never feel comfortable celebrating DS's A's that he has to work mininally for and not DD's grades that she works hard for.
Post by VeryViolet on May 28, 2015 14:24:14 GMT -5
My parents took me to the toy store every marking period I made honor roll and then like @tambcat's parents paid me for As and Bs. I then went on to a college career that was mediocre but that was weeds fault. Also, I don't now live in my parents basement. So while probably not the best parenting tactic it isn't the end of the world. Also, this kid worked his ass off and deserves a reward and recognition of his work.
I feel like people in this thread are being way harsh.
In elementary school they did honor roll starting in 4th grade. I was on high honor roll all through 4 and 5th grade. My parents promised me a Titanic book if I did it all 3yrs straight by the end of 6th grade (this was a few years after the 1986 discovery, and I was obsessed). Alas, we did probability in Math the very last semester, I have some kind of blind spot for calculating probability, and I missed high honor for the very last semester by just a few points. It still burns me to this day that I did not get that book (and I am pretty impressed that my parents stuck to their guns on that rule, never did get that book). I think the type of 'reward' would depend on the caliber of the accomplishment (one semester vs a full year vs repeated years), but in my perspective it was a pretty meaningful/memorable experience even if it was the fact that I didn't get it.
didn't you ever have a class where you killed yourself for that C? I distinctly remember getting a C in a brutal class and being way happier about that C than any of my A's.
Honestly, I don't think I ever got a C. I worked my ass off for a few B's in college, but never got a C.
Clearly not all book smarts translate to social skills. See: comment above. And also "ratchet sets".
LOL.
I'm not a monster. I didn't give anyone a ratchet set, nor am I telling a kid they are dumb. I was also not raised in a household where a C would ever be rewarded.
Well then they're rewarding for the A's and B's he did get. Geez.
Post by W.T.Faulkner on May 28, 2015 15:00:48 GMT -5
I make positive phone calls home for Cs for some kids. Some kids get a negative report when they get a B. It's particular to each child and his or her ability level, and those of you in here saying that you "don't reward Cs" must not have ever been close to a child that STRUGGLES in school. A C is worth celebration in some cases.
Post by W.T.Faulkner on May 28, 2015 15:03:10 GMT -5
Also, I'd sooner reward a C earned with ass-breaking work than an A in an easy class. The resilience and the effort are what will lead to success later in life, not the grades themselves.