So I've gotten the information of 4 potential babysitters/mother's helpers through my neighb listserve. I think I should interview all 4 no? What questions do you ask when you're interviewing babysitters? Or should I just have each one babysit one day while I try to get work done in the house?
I think two might be sibilings so that could be awkward. On the other hand, might be useful for scheduling if I like both. Also -- please call me out on this -- I think one of the siblings is boy. I can't get it out of my damn head that he's a boy and that make me uncomfortable for some reason.
ETA: FWIW, three are high schoolers and one is a college student.
So I've gotten the information of 4 potential babysitters/mother's helpers through my neighb listserve. I think I should interview all 4 no? What questions do you ask when you're interviewing babysitters? Or should I just have each one babysit one day while I try to get work done in the house?
I think two might be sibilings so that could be awkward. On the other hand, might be useful for scheduling if I like both. Also -- please call me out on this -- I think one of the siblings is boy. I can't get it out of my damn head that he's a boy and that make me uncomfortable for some reason.
We primarily use family, so I'm not sure I have any good advice for your first questions, but I can address this. We do not use male babysitters, especially not for bedtime. DH is not comfortable giving our daughter (or our son) the impression that it is okay for a man to be alone with her in her bedroom. So, we have had my dad or one of our brothers watch the kids during the day, but will only use a females for evening events.
We primarily use family, so I'm not sure I have any good advice for your first questions, but I can address this. We do not use male babysitters, especially not for bedtime. DH is not comfortable giving our daughter (or our son) the impression that it is okay for a man to be alone with her in her bedroom. So, we have had my dad or one of our brothers watch the kids during the day, but will only use a females for evening events.
Wait I want to make sure I am reading this correctly, so your dad or one of your brothers would not be able to watch her at night?
To each their own, but particularly in regards to family, I take any help I get (albiet it's not much). I guess if you're in the position to not chose to have an opposite sex caregiver then yay for you. Does this apply if you have a male child as well? No female bedtime sitters? What if you have opposite sex children?
We primarily use family, so I'm not sure I have any good advice for your first questions, but I can address this. We do not use male babysitters, especially not for bedtime. DH is not comfortable giving our daughter (or our son) the impression that it is okay for a man to be alone with her in her bedroom. So, we have had my dad or one of our brothers watch the kids during the day, but will only use a females for evening events.
Wait I want to make sure I am reading this correctly, so your dad or one of your brothers would not be able to watch her at night?
No. Well, my mom and dad together watch them at night, but not my dad alone. I know that sounds crazy. I mean, crazy paranoia aside, none of them would be comfortable watching two kids on their own at night, dealing with dinner and bedtime, anyway, so they would never be our go to's. But, no, having a sitter at night means bedtime in the kids' room, and DH does not want DD alone with a man in her room. I'm not entirely sure I agree with ruling out all male sitters, but it's moot. DH is sure, and I respect that.
Wait I want to make sure I am reading this correctly, so your dad or one of your brothers would not be able to watch her at night?
To each their own, but particularly in regards to family, I take any help I get (albiet it's not much). I guess if you're in the position to not chose to have an opposite sex caregiver then yay for you. Does this apply if you have a male child as well? No female bedtime sitters? What if you have opposite sex children?
We do have one of each, though DS is barely 2. Like I said, it's DH's issue not mine, so I am not sure where is head is at, but I think it's only an issue with male sitters. And, yes, maybe it would be different if we were more strapped for sitters, but we have a pretty large network of sisters, nieces, grandmas, and good friends that it has not been an issue.
To each their own, but particularly in regards to family, I take any help I get (albiet it's not much). I guess if you're in the position to not chose to have an opposite sex caregiver then yay for you. Does this apply if you have a male child as well? No female bedtime sitters? What if you have opposite sex children?
I don't really understand the to each their own in this particular situation. It makes very little sense to me that someone would choose this caregiver during daytime hours without you home...and yet forgo that at night insisting on a female caregiver only. I am really interested in hearing the specifics of this type of reasoning.
I think it is specifically the idea of our kids becoming okay with having a man alone in their bedroom and bed during bedtime - reading stories, snuggling (as is their bedtime routine). It's not an issue with not trusting our family, it's that DH does not want them to think that having a man in their bed is ever an okay thing (as children). You would have to get into DH's head to really understand, and I'm not sure I do, but he was adamant enough that I'm not going to fight it.
If I understand correctly YH's stance is about teaching your daughter rules about boys in the bedroom? Or not giving her the wrong impression maybe? Regardless, it is odd and probably completely unnecessary. Having a male sitter put her to bed isn't going to encourage her to hide boys in her closet. If he isn't comfortable with male sitters, then he could just come out and say that. I get that this isn't your issue, just find it strange.
OP, two of my sitters are sisters (well, 3 but one isn't old enough for us to be far away). I found it to be really nice, because if one is busy they can check with the other. It's rare that they both aren't available. No, this isn't the sand allowing sitter, lol.
Yea, I think the sibling thing will be good. It's weird because they have the same last name and both responded to my ISO email but neither mentioned the other. One is 15 and one is 17. It seems highly likely that they are siblings, no?
Yea, I think the sibling thing will be good. It's weird because they have the same last name and both responded to my ISO email but neither mentioned the other. One is 15 and one is 17. It seems highly likely that they are siblings, no?
Sounds like siblings to me. The only time I can see this being an issue is if the family takes a vacation and you don't have a sitter for a week.
Kind of puzzling over the "no men in the bedroom" thing. Does the DH snuggle with the kids at bedtime??
Anyway, my process for nannies was 1. phone interview (basic questions can be found online) 2. In-person meeting with kids present (I'd ask a few more questions, and see how they were with the kids) 3. Trial of babysitting--maybe a half-day or even a whole day 4. Official hire (or not)
I have all boys (5/4/almost 2) so my answer might not help you that much.
I have never really interviewed a sitter, just done a trial run where I am home or I'll run out to the store or an errand close by. I would start with one and do as many interviews/trials as you feel is necessary.
We have a pair of siblings that babysit for us and the older one is a male. It works great for me since I have all boys but he is one of the best sitters that I've ever had. He is not afraid to get down on the floor and really play with the kids but will also still clean up dinner and put them to bed. The sibling thing works out great too since if one of them can't do it the other probably can, and sometimes they both come together and split the money.
Wait I want to make sure I am reading this correctly, so your dad or one of your brothers would not be able to watch her at night?
No. Well, my mom and dad together watch them at night, but not my dad alone. I know that sounds crazy. I mean, crazy paranoia aside, none of them would be comfortable watching two kids on their own at night, dealing with dinner and bedtime, anyway, so they would never be our go to's. But, no, having a sitter at night means bedtime in the kids' room, and DH does not want DD alone with a man in her room. I'm not entirely sure I agree with ruling out all male sitters, but it's moot. DH is sure, and I respect that.
Does your husband put her to bed? Because, statistically speaking, fathers are the most likely abusers, if that's what he's worried about. Sounds crazy, no?
I'd interview all four. Maybe they'll all be great and you will always have a babysitter.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
I don't really understand the to each their own in this particular situation. It makes very little sense to me that someone would choose this caregiver during daytime hours without you home...and yet forgo that at night insisting on a female caregiver only. I am really interested in hearing the specifics of this type of reasoning.
I think it is specifically the idea of our kids becoming okay with having a man alone in their bedroom and bed during bedtime - reading stories, snuggling (as is their bedtime routine). It's not an issue with not trusting our family, it's that DH does not want them to think that having a man in their bed is ever an okay thing (as children). You would have to get into DH's head to really understand, and I'm not sure I do, but he was adamant enough that I'm not going to fight it.
Are you a fundamentalist Christian? Because otherwise I feel like your making a big deal out of something that shouldn't be made a big deal of. Having a man in your room =/= sex, sexuality, etc. I think you're giving them a warped sense of how people interact. You can have a loving relationship with uncles, grandfathers etc and yes that man might sit on your bed or read you a book. I think you need to get into your DH's head because you also own the responsibility for raising an adjusted adult. One who isn't freaked out by men or think sex is a dirty and forbidden thing.
Post by Kcthepouchh8r on May 29, 2015 10:35:56 GMT -5
I think that giving children the idea only women are allowed to care for them/put them to bed promotes the idea that women should be the ones to tend to the children and men shouldn't have an equal role. If your dh thinks a trusted male family member can't be in his kids room because he might molest her, he needs a therapist stat.
So I've gotten the information of 4 potential babysitters/mother's helpers through my neighb listserve. I think I should interview all 4 no? What questions do you ask when you're interviewing babysitters? Or should I just have each one babysit one day while I try to get work done in the house?
I think two might be sibilings so that could be awkward. On the other hand, might be useful for scheduling if I like both. Also -- please call me out on this -- I think one of the siblings is boy. I can't get it out of my damn head that he's a boy and that make me uncomfortable for some reason.
We primarily use family, so I'm not sure I have any good advice for your first questions, but I can address this. We do not use male babysitters, especially not for bedtime. DH is not comfortable giving our daughter (or our son) the impression that it is okay for a man to be alone with her in her bedroom. So, we have had my dad or one of our brothers watch the kids during the day, but will only use a females for evening events.
Hold the fucking phone. Are you for real that you don't trust your own father to watch your kids at night, but you do trust him other times? Because your husband doesn't want mem in your daughters bedroom? Whaaa
(this is as far asi got. I assume other rational posters are on this)
Our babysitter last summer was our neighbor's son. I then recommended when he got back from college this summer to my work on the playground...So you know I don't think having a manny should be weird at all.
The fact that your husband is soooo against any man in your daughters room ever, including men you otherwise trust based solely on the fact that if grandpa snuggles them at night they will think its ok to have MEN in their bed screams of unresolved childhood issues of his own. Also, it makes me question his evaluation of his daughters intelligence. He thinks she's too stupid to know the difference between grandpa a d the homeless man in front of 7-11? Maybe instead of being sexist and causing her to distrust all MEN you should talk to her about tricky people/good and bad touch / not keeping secrets from mom and dad...
We use a male babysitter. He's actually the assistant children's pastor so I felt pretty good about that choice, because I had access to a background check if I wanted it.
And I background checked our female sitters as well, especially when Jack was too little to talk.
I don't even have words for the no men in the bedroom ever thing, except to say I'm sure the bat signal has been lit and ML or whatever board that is, is going to eat us all alive.
Post by andrewsgal on May 29, 2015 12:30:29 GMT -5
Seriously your husband sounds BSC and the fact that you just accept this and never get to the bottom of it makes you the same. So your DH can't be in her room or your DS? That's fucked up. Honestly it would make me look very closely at my husband and his relationship with our daughter.
Post by mamaalysson on May 29, 2015 12:31:21 GMT -5
Okay, whoa. I can not have the only kids who are 1000x harder to watch at bedtime (when they need to be fed, bathed, put to bed, which is its own minefijeld of "I miss mommy/daddy", the baby wanting to nurse, and finally overexhausted meltdowns) versus the middle of the day when playing outside, walking to the park, and reading books pretty much covers a couple of hours. So, regardless of the sex of the sitter, yes there are people I trust to watch my kids during the day that I would not have watch them at night. That doesn't seem weird to me.
As far as the no men issue my husband has, I promise you there are no deep-rooted childhood or sexist issues at play. I think it's him being aware of the fact that to get our daughter to sleep often means literally climbing in bed with her and snuggling until she is out. The idea of a man, any man, other than her dad in her bed skeeved him out. Is it an overreaction? Sure, could be. But it bothers him. And, honestly, it is not even a tiny bit of an issue for us. We probably would not ask my dad or our brothers to babysit at night regardless - they love our kids dearly, but have zero interest in taking on the madness that is bedtime solo.
Okay, whoa. I can not have the only kids who are 1000x harder to watch at bedtime (when they need to be fed, bathed, put to bed, which is its own minefijeld of "I miss mommy/daddy", the baby wanting to nurse, and finally overexhausted meltdowns) versus the middle of the day when playing outside, walking to the park, and reading books pretty much covers a couple of hours. So, regardless of the sex of the sitter, yes there are people I trust to watch my kids during the day that I would not have watch them at night. That doesn't seem weird to me.
As far as the no men issue my husband has, I promise you there are no deep-rooted childhood or sexist issues at play. I think it's him being aware of the fact that to get our daughter to sleep often means literally climbing in bed with her and snuggling until she is out. The idea of a man, any man, other than her dad in her bed skeeved him out. Is it an overreaction? Sure, could be. But it bothers him. And, honestly, it is not even a tiny bit of an issue for us. We probably would not ask my dad or our brothers to babysit at night regardless - they love our kids dearly, but have zero interest in taking on the madness that is bedtime solo.
The fact that you just accept this and don't think there is anything behind it makes me question your sanity. This is NOT NORMAL.
So far we've had female sitters, aside from our Dads, because that is who has been available when I've looked for one - mostly through church. Up to about a year ago DD1 would have freaked out if we had a male babysitter, so I wouldn't have pursued it anyway. I can think of a guy or 2 at church I would let babysit if they did childcare.
I do agree the no other men in the bedroom sounds so odd to me. There are just so many what ifs - can her brother sleep in her bed as they get older? Could they share a room? Will a female be allowed to cuddle him to sleep? Be in his room? Will you start getting a male & female babysitter, one for each sex? Can they ever sleep over at their grandparents?
I agree that bedtime for several kids can be harder than just watching them during the day and my dad might be overwhelmed with all 3. But chances are my regular college girl is overwhelmed at bedtime, too. I am sometimes and I'm their mother! But like I tell all my sitters, parents or otherwise, just keep them alive.
So far we've had female sitters, aside from our Dads, because that is who has been available when I've looked for one - mostly through church. Up to about a year ago DD1 would have freaked out if we had a male babysitter, so I wouldn't have pursued it anyway. I can think of a guy or 2 at church I would let babysit if they did childcare.
I do agree the no other men in the bedroom sounds so odd to me. There are just so many what ifs - can her brother sleep in her bed as they get older? Could they share a room? Will a female be allowed to cuddle him to sleep? Be in his room? Will you start getting a male & female babysitter, one for each sex? Can they ever sleep over at their grandparents?
I agree that bedtime for several kids can be harder than just watching them during the day and my dad might be overwhelmed with all 3. But chances are my regular college girl is overwhelmed at bedtime, too. I am sometimes and I'm their mother! But like I tell all my sitters, parents or otherwise, just keep them alive.
I have a friend who commented that they will need to move the kids bedrooms around soon because it will be inappropriate for the younger two to share a bathroom (girl 1yo and boy just born). Umm...must be nice to have that option? I really think these perceptions can be determined a lot by what is available to you. We have one bathroom and we will all be sharing. If this baby is a boy, the three of them will be sharing for the foreseeable future. If my dad is the one who is available to sit, then he will be putting the girls to bed. I know he lays down with them, he commented that he almost fell asleep last time Considering I shared a bed with my brother until I was around 12 I guess it just is what it is to me. As long as people aren't creepy, if you know someone's creepy or you don't know them, then obviously you don't leave your kids with them. Ever.