Post by honeybee503 on May 28, 2015 21:35:25 GMT -5
H and I have been arguing a lot lately. It sucks. We want to put a new house on our property, but can't agree when. I want to do it now. I want a place that feels more like ours (I grew up in this house), and we are outgrowing it quickly (it's a singlewide mobile home). He wants to wait because his work is going through big changes right now and he wants to be cautious. I understand his reasons and they do make sense to me, but I am feeling really sad about having to keep putting this off. (He isn't at risk of losing his job. They are moving to a new location and there have been rumors of work slowing down for a bit.)
H is really anal about finances and he has a hard time committing to big changes. Our financial situation now does allow us to make this purchase, but he wants to wait and be even more secure. I feel more like we should do it now since we can and roll with the punches of life if needed. I think our quality of life will be so much better with more space. One of thinks more with the head, and the other with the heart.
I am scared that it will just never happen. I feel bad because I know I'm being selfish, but he keeps going back and forth. One day he says yes, then he grumbles about it quietly until finally telling me no. We keep getting further into the process and he changes his mind. We applied for the loan this week, and he was all for it until the next evening. I hate this rollercoaster, but I also don't want to have him resent me forever if we do this and he isn't 100%.
Thank you for reading this novel. I have only discussed this partially with my mother IRL, and I just really needed to put my *feelings* out there.
Post by laurensmomma on May 28, 2015 21:44:38 GMT -5
I'm sorry hon. How about writing out a pros and cons list? Sometimes seeing things on paper helps you both see what the best solution at the time is for your family is at that time.
Hugs. I know it's not a decision of the same magnitude, but my H kept doing this with getting new floors. It was really frustrating. I hope you can come to an agreement soon.
I'm sorry. Our husbands sounds very much alike. I think sitting down together and writing out the pros and cons will make you both more comfortable with whatever decision you come to.
Post by sunshineluv on May 28, 2015 22:17:46 GMT -5
I am sorry, I hope you get your house soon!
I agree with you, sometimes you just have to trust it's going to work out. I don't promote making stupid decisions with finances but we all have to take some risks. There is always a risk of job loss or other financial setback. Kind of like deciding to have a kid, if we all waiting until we were perfectly financially set and didn't have any worries about become parents we would all be childless. At some point you have to say okay we are as ready as we will ever be.
I hate you guys have tension, I hope it eases up soon.
That stinks. I can see both sides of your argument and it's a tough decision to make. If he lost his job, could you swing it? If work slows down could you swing it? Maybe a pro/con list would help as well as writing down your finances. Maybe he needs to see, in black and white that you've got this. Or maybe get him to at least agree to a timeline.
I hate when there's a grey cloud in my house. It makes everything hard to handle. I hope you guys come to an agreement soon.
I'm sorry you two disagree. It must be hard feeling like you're being strung along when one minute you're excited and the next disappointed. I hope you guys can write down your budget and pros/cons list to find the best decision for your family.
I hope you guys are able to figure something out that makes you both happy. Your husband going back and forth (& getting your hopes up in the process) would drive me nuts & make me angrier.
Post by rainbowchip on May 29, 2015 8:10:41 GMT -5
What does he mean by more secure? I think that you should push him to tell you specifically what that is. And then both agree that when that is met, you do it.
I think sitting down and writing down a specific goal/plan that you both agree on would help. You'd be able to have something to look forward to, and he could feel secure in the plan. Then if he waffles, you can just direct him back to the plan to remind him that everything is stable?
Post by honeybee503 on May 29, 2015 8:31:59 GMT -5
Thanks so much, guys. I feel so much better after typing that all out and reading your replies.
We had a long talk last night. The loan application is good for three months before expiring, so we decided to wait another month or two before ordering the house. I am okay with waiting that long, and H would feel more comfortable doing it then. Hopefully he won't change his mind until then.
I understand both sides, but maybe I just think more like you, that if everything is going well and has been, there is no time like the present. We can't predict what will happen in the future. Even if nothing ended up happening at work doesn't mean that something wouldn't 5 yard from now. So shoukd people put off their goals for the what ifs of the future? I don't think so. Hope you guys can agree soon!!
H and I didn't see eye to eye on what we could afford with this new house. He is so conservative with money, which is a good thing, but sometimes it causes arguments. I sat and put out a monthly budget to prove to him we could afford it. Maybe writing out a few months worth of budgeting would help ease his concerns?
ETA: sorry I didn't see your update before I posted. Glad you guys have a plan for now.