So there's *another* Timmendequas, and he's on the run

[leeba25]

Remember Jesse Timmendequas, who killed Megan Kanka (leading to Megan's law) when she was seven? He has a brother, who is also a convicted sex offender (10 year old girls), and he somehow escaped from his home, where he was on parole and wearing an ankle bracelet tracking his whereabouts.

www.nj.com/middlesex/index.ssf/2015/05/paul_timmendequas_missing.html  

A high-profile sex offender has gone missing from the Edison motel room where he lived, according to the chairman of the state Parole Board.

Paul Timmendequas, who was convicted of sex crimes against two young girls in 1999, did not return to his approved residence on Tuesday, according to James Plousis, the chairman of the Parole Board.



His last known address was room 102 of the Beauty Rest Motel on Route 1, according to Megan's Law records. He was sentenced to a seven-year term at the Adult Diagnostic and Treatment Center for sexual offenders Avenel in 1999. He was released in February 2004, the Parole Board said.



Timmendequas, 51, is the brother of Jesse Timmendequas, who raped and murdered 7-year-old Megan Kanka in 1994. Megan's Law -- under which Paul Timmendequas must register his whereabouts -- was named for her. Megan's parents did not know that Jesse Timmendequas, a twice-convicted sex offender, was living across the street in Hamilton.



Jesse Timmendequas is serving a life term in prison.



The parole board's Fugitive Task Force and local law enforcement are looking for Paul Timmendequas, Plousis said. Anyone with information on Timmendequas' whereabouts should contact their police department.



Edison police said the state told them on Friday that Timmendequas was missing. They have not had any interaction with him since he was approved to stay at the Beauty Rest Motel, township police said.

[knufflebunny]

This is awful . I was trying to explain to my 7 year old about stranger danger (again, we've talked about it before), since this nutcase is out there somewhere. But she came down last night after we tucked her in and was scared.

I'm glad it's made an impact, but feel awful that she even has to be scared because if terrible people like that.

And how scary that both he and his brother are such scum.

[nursewife]

Hate reading this kind of stuff. I hope he is caught before he has the chance to hard anybody.

[Deleted]

Jun 2, 2015 10:07:37 GMT -5 knufflebunny said:

This is awful . I was trying to explain to my 7 year old about stranger danger (again, we've talked about it before), since this nutcase is out there somewhere. But she came down last night after we tucked her in and was scared.

I'm glad it's made an impact, but feel awful that she even has to be scared because if terrible people like that.

And how scary that both he and his brother are such scum.

Have you spoken to her about anyone touching her inappropriately?

Stranger danger is something of an overblown concern. Of course you should mention it to your children but the reality is that stranger abductions and abuse is far less common than assaults by relatives, friends of the family, or trusted authority figures like coaches, teachers, and religious figures. Last I heard the stranger numbers were something like 5-10%.

[leeba25]

Yes, and Jesse Timmendequas lured Megan Kanka into his home because of a supposed puppy that he needed help finding. He was her neighbor. I've used that as an example with my kiddos - even if it's someone you know, you should never go anywhere with anyone without talking to mom or dad first. I don't care if they told you they talked to us, I don't care if you know him from the neighborhood, I don't care if they have 14 Pokemon EX cards to give you.

[Deleted]

Jun 2, 2015 10:33:44 GMT -5 leeba25 said:

Yes, and Jesse Timmendequas lured Megan Kanka into his home because of a supposed puppy that he needed help finding. He was her neighbor. I've used that as an example with my kiddos - even if it's someone you know, you should never go anywhere with anyone without talking to mom or dad first. I don't care if they told you they talked to us, I don't care if you know him from the neighborhood, I don't care if they have 14 Pokemon EX cards to give you.

HAHAHAHAHA

[Deleted]

Jun 2, 2015 10:35:25 GMT -5 @licia said:

"Tricky people" is a term I've seen used on here that seems a little bit better suited to children than "stranger danger". It acknowledges that a tricky person might be someone you know, or even trust, but might do bad things, make you feel uncomfortable, etc.

That's an interesting way of putting it. I'll have to keep that one in mind.

I think I read or watched an experiment once where a man asked a bunch of parents at a playground if they had told their children not to talk to strangers. When they said that they had, he asked if they thought their children would talk to him if he went up to them. All of the parents said, nah, their kids don't talk to strangers. So he asked if it would be okay if he tried. They all agreed.

And all of those kids without fail spoke to this man. And he didn't wave a puppy at them either if I remember correctly. He just went up to them and said hi, how are you.

The interesting thing to me about stranger danger is we tell our kids not to talk to strangers but we also tell them to be pleasant and sociable and speak to people who speak to them. Like when you're in the grocery store and some old lady says, aww, you're cute, how old are you? Most parents will prompt their kid to say something nice in return.

So it's a conflicting message. We're basically asking kids to avoid people who look creepy but they don't know what that means. And if predators were obviously creepy, far less children would end up suffering.

But the truth is most parents spend a lot of time warning their kids about the white candy van down by the park and not enough time letting them know that NO ONE should make them feel weird or uncomfortable or encourage them to keep secrets, especially secrets that make them feel ashamed or embarrassed or scared.

I also think it's important to tell your kids it's okay to tell another adult if someone is hurting them if they don't feel comfortable telling a parent. God forbid someone in my family is hurting them but I'd rather they tell a teacher if that's the case rather than avoiding telling anyone because they are scared of someone in our family.

[sfy]

Wow . And wtf must have happened in their house growing up?

[meshaliuknits]

Along @helenabonhamcarter's thoughts, I'm not sure I could keep BabyLiu from talking to someone if I had to. (That kid is totally gonna get us eaten by zombies.) We've always told her she can talk to whoever she wants, but she can't go with anyone mommy or daddy didn't tell her she could.

I like the tricky people thing, though.

[knufflebunny]

Jun 2, 2015 10:31:00 GMT -5 @helenabonhamcarter said:

Jun 2, 2015 10:07:37 GMT -5 knufflebunny said:

This is awful . I was trying to explain to my 7 year old about stranger danger (again, we've talked about it before), since this nutcase is out there somewhere. But she came down last night after we tucked her in and was scared.

I'm glad it's made an impact, but feel awful that she even has to be scared because if terrible people like that.

And how scary that both he and his brother are such scum.

Have you spoken to her about anyone touching her inappropriately?

Stranger danger is something of an overblown concern. Of course you should mention it to your children but the reality is that stranger abductions and abuse is far less common than assaults by relatives, friends of the family, or trusted authority figures like coaches, teachers, and religious figures. Last I heard the stranger numbers were something like 5-10%.

We have, definitely. I was more or less using stranger danger in my response as a catch-all for saying we were talking about how dangerous is it to go off with someone or talk to strangers in the context of this particular conversation.

But we've definitely had the conversation about inappropriate touching as well - several times. Just not really in this conversation (though I did mention that these strangers in question did touch children inappropriately).

Either scenario is scary, of course.

[knufflebunny]

Tricky people is a good term. I didn't even use the stranger danger terminology with her - I think it's a hold over term from all the lessons we had as kids of the 80s.

We've also talked about who you should seek out if for whatever reason you do get separated from your family or group.

[Skyesthelimit1212]

I think we're going to be in trouble w/S, she's 2.

A couple of months ago my mil took her to the school park up the street. A cop came around and and to my mil that school is about to be let out, she might want to think about taking S to another park at the other end. My mil didn't know where that park was and the cop offered to show her, S walked up to the cop and tried to hold his hand. Just typing that out now is giving me the skin crawls.

[soxin2]

Jun 2, 2015 10:31:00 GMT -5 @helenabonhamcarter said:

Jun 2, 2015 10:07:37 GMT -5 knufflebunny said:

This is awful . I was trying to explain to my 7 year old about stranger danger (again, we've talked about it before), since this nutcase is out there somewhere. But she came down last night after we tucked her in and was scared.

I'm glad it's made an impact, but feel awful that she even has to be scared because if terrible people like that.

And how scary that both he and his brother are such scum.

Have you spoken to her about anyone touching her inappropriately?

Stranger danger is something of an overblown concern. Of course you should mention it to your children but the reality is that stranger abductions and abuse is far less common than assaults by relatives, friends of the family, or trusted authority figures like coaches, teachers, and religious figures. Last I heard the stranger numbers were something like 5-10%.

Sad, but true.

And I just had this conversation with my 5yo

[Skyesthelimit1212]

Jun 2, 2015 12:48:46 GMT -5 @majorwife said:

Jun 2, 2015 12:43:49 GMT -5 Skyesthelimit1212 said:

I think we're going to be in trouble w/S, she's 2.

A couple of months ago my mil took her to the school park up the street. A cop came around and and to my mil that school is about to be let out, she might want to think about taking S to another park at the other end. My mil didn't know where that park was and the cop offered to show her, S walked up to the cop and tried to hold his hand. Just typing that out now is giving me the skin crawls.

my kid is a hugger. she hugs a lot of strangers. we have to talk all the time about touching and how you only touch after you ask if it is ok and no one should ever touch you without your ok and even if you say ok and then you feel strange about it, that's ok too and to tell someone.

she has no stranger danger thing. she is extroverted to the ninth like me. so its always about consent, which is pretty good too. and it works for all the dogs we see in public too - "ask their owner before you touch. dont touch until they say yes" yadda yadda yadda.

YD will need the stranger danger/tricky people talk along with the consent stuff

When she gets old enough to understand, probably start at 3, we're going to have the stranger Tricky people talk.  Hubs and I are already on the same page with a code word that only the 3 of us will know.  So if someone tells her that her parents/grandparents told them to pick her up, she'll ask what the code word is.  

[KB]

This is my worst nightmare. DS is on the spectrum, overly social and doesn't understand a lot of social cues. Tricky people or stranger danger would both be lost on him. He loves adults and would go off with anyone.