If you have older kids, when did you tell them?

[jd15]

My dds are 6 and DH and I have decided they should be the first to know they will be getting a sibling.  our plan was to hold out until the NT scan...but that isn't until 6/29 and just seems so far away! I had an u/s last week and we saw one perfect little hb and all looked good...but i am terrified of something happening and having to untell the world if we told them now (b/c they will tell everyone). but then again, something can unfortunately go wrong at any point, so why wait maybe...i am so torn!

if you have older LOs, when did you tell them?  were they the first to know?

[ginkgoleaf]

I'm interested in the responses. We've told my parents and some friends but are waiting to tell DS (he's 4). We're going to wait at least until my ultrasound at 7w, but I don't know if we can wait much longer than that.

[dojo]

I don't know - would they pick up on your vibes if something were to go wrong? Would you be prepared to share with them what happened? Would they understand? If you think you're going to have to share with them one way or another then it doesn't make a lot of sense to wait. If you think that they wouldn't understand a loss or you wouldn't want to share it with them then I would wait.

[lostarz]

I have two stepkids (7 and 9) and I think we're going to wait until after the first appt (June 22) to say anything. That also means we'll probably wait until then to tell anyone in his family just in case someone slips. They've both expressed excitement about getting a little brother or sister in the past so I think they'll be excited, I just think it would be hard to explain to them if something bad were to happen. We may even wait a little longer since I'll only be 9 weeks at the appt...idk, haven't fully decided yet.

[jd15]

Jun 2, 2015 9:21:55 GMT -5 dojo said:

I don't know - would they pick up on your vibes if something were to go wrong? Would you be prepared to share with them what happened? Would they understand? If you think you're going to have to share with them one way or another then it doesn't make a lot of sense to wait. If you think that they wouldn't understand a loss or you wouldn't want to share it with them then I would wait.

I can't decide if I would want to share a loss with them. i feel like i want to protect them from the pain...but they will pick up on my vibes for sure if anything were to happen with the baby regardless of whether we tell them ...they are pretty sensative... and they would understand about the loss to some extent (we have talked about death a lot with the loss of my grandmother recently and family pets). 

i'll have to talk to dh about his thoughts on this.  i hadn't considered whether we would maybe share the news regardless so they would know why we were upset if the worst was to happen. 

[Blackout81]

DD is almost 4, it was a hard secret to keep. We told her after the NT.

[thejackpot]

DS is 6 and we waited to tell him until I was probably 24 weeks, showing a good bit. I waited because it is a LONG time and I didn't want to put up with discussion/questions for that long. Plus I didn't want him to think it was ages until the baby arrives. It was easier to explain that in a few months/summer you will have another baby. (We have a toddler too). With the last we waited too and it worked for us. When I am showing he gets it and knows he has to take it easy with me and not jump on me etc. Honestly, I never considered the aspect of loss in considering when to tell him. I know he would understand loss just from other situations in our life.