Updated: Ugh. What would you tell Tman?

[georgeharrison]

For Tman's party on Saturday, we played two games of laser tag and then had pizza and cake in the party room. After our second game of laser tag, another classmate of Tman's came in.  Tman said he told him that we were already done playing laser tag and then the boy said Happy Birthday to Tman and then left.  

Today on the way home, Tman says that this kid said that Tman told him to leave his party.  Tman told him that wasn't true and tried to explain what he said, but the kid yelled that he was a liar and started telling the other kids and the other kids were getting mad at Tman. 

I don't know how much of this is exaggerated by Tman, but what a mess.  

I was thinking that I'd tell Tman that next time he has some time alone around this kid that he should tell him he's sorry that he misunderstood at his party and of course he wanted him there.  (He did.  He was initially really excited when the kid showed up, but then he disappeared.  I figured he left because the fun part was over.)

But then I was thinking next Tuesday is the last day of school, and maybe he should just let it go and it will blow over during the summer.

This kid, from what I understand, is definitely the "trouble maker" in the class, so I'm not really too surprised/bothered that he said that to Tman, it's the fact that he's spreading it that bothers me.  

Thoughts?

[Deleted]

Sigh...people are crappy, no matter the age

Well, my inclination would be that IF T has a chance to talk to the kid alone, to go with your suggestion but otherwise, no one will likely remember after the long summer break and to just let it go.

[MrsPotatohead]

I have a feeling no one will care next year and to just leave it alone. Did you see the interaction at the birthday party?

Even if he didn't mean it that way, the other kid still *felt* like he was being told to leave the party. I don't think it's hard to see how one kid thought he was just stating a fact and the other kid felt like he wasn't wanted. Maybe he was upset he got there late and missed it - I'm guessing kids have a harder time processing emotions in ways that make sense So it's easiest to take it out on Tman.

I'd just ask him how he feels about the situation and see if he can understand why the other kid feels the way he does. Then maybe if the chance comes he can apologize for the misunderstanding etc.

[spa]

Lame. I would be surprised if the kids remember the situation but if he can apologize for the misunderstanding that might be a good route

[InBetweenDays]

I agree with @lauralynne. We've been having more and more discussions with E (3rd grade) about the importance of communication with friends. I don't know if this will make a different in how this other child interprets the day, but I think it can be a teachable moment for Tman about communicating with friend when something has been misunderstood.

[georgeharrison]

Jun 2, 2015 19:59:38 GMT -5 @lauralynne said:

I think there's a good lesson in this for Tman -have him apologize for the misunderstanding but nothing more. The boy sounds like the type who might let the story get a little out of hand and vilify Tman a little in the process so an apology might go a long way in stopping that. It's also a good chance for Tman to learn that sometimes words have unintended consequences and even if you meant them well they can be misunderstood and you may still need to apologize for them. (Hopefully that made sense - I'm typing on my phone and verbally wresting with DS right now and not multitasking very well!)

This is what I was trying to relay to Tman. I hope he understood. I also told him that this kid was probably upset that he missed the fun part of the party. 

I suggested to Tman that he tries to find some time today to talk to the kid and say that he's sorry that he (the kid) thought that Tman wanted him to leave. In reality, Tman was really excited to see him there, and then they turned around and he was gone. Tman said more than once, "Where did (the kid) go?"

Tman said that he would try to talk to him, but that he bet me $5 that the kid would just yell at him some more and say that he's lying again. 

I told him that he can't control the kid's reaction, but that he could do all he could to make the situation right between them.

We'll see what happens. I just hate it for Tman.

[Deleted]

I don't have any experience in this either, but isn't this just normal kid stuff?

I think you getting Tman to understand (as you've already done) that clear communication is important is the biggest thing. As for the stuff between the kids I'd just them work it out.

I can only imagine how much it sucks watching your kid go through this, but it feels like an important part of the growing up process.

[georgeharrison]

Jun 3, 2015 11:20:45 GMT -5 @uwhuskygirl said:

I don't have any experience in this either, but isn't this just normal kid stuff?

I think you getting Tman to understand (as you've already done) that clear communication is important is the biggest thing. As for the stuff between the kids I'd just them work it out.

I can only imagine how much it sucks watching your kid go through this, but it feels like an important part of the growing up process.

Yes, I think it's just normal kid stuff, too. And honestly, I was pretty meh about it until he said that the kids started telling the other classmates and that they believed this other kid. If one kid is mad at Tman or whatever, no big deal. They could be BFFs next week, that's just the way of being a 4th grader, I think. But turning the other kids against Tman is what's upsetting to me.

Edit:  I also wanted to say that Tman didn't get in the car all pouty and stuff about it.  He said that he was sad for this kid because of what he thought happened.  He was more sad that the kid thought that than that he was mad at Tman.  He wasn't whining about it or anything.  He just seemed sad that the boy felt like he wasn't wanted.

[georgeharrison]

Kids! So when I got to school for tmans field trip I asked him if he got things sorted out and he says, "oh yeah, he said he understand and stuff." They are having a lunch before and another after their field trip and he was sitting with the kid for 1st lunch like bffs.

[georgeharrison]

The mom is here, too, and I chatted with her for a second and she basically said it was their fault because they were so late. I think the kid was a) having a bad day and b) sad that he missed the fun.

[Deleted]

Kids. Lol