I don't think anything is "born" to do anything, but at my age, being so woefully unsatisfied at work is kind of soul-draining. I suck bad in the corporate world, but can't seem to escape it. I don't expect to change the world or anything; I'd just like to not dread coming to work every day and not want to chew my own arm off while I'm here.
I made this very point to DH awhile back, since he is dealing with some frustration in his industry. While I don't want to be a dream killer, I also don't think the job he wants exists. He's worked for 3 different employers in his industry since I've know him and he's had the same complaints at all of those jobs.
I finally asked him if maybe he wouldn't be better off finding a hobby calling where he could feel more fulfilled. He seems to be taking to that idea.
For myself I had some issues with this as well when I was in school and trying to figure out a career change. Now I've found a place that isn't my "calling" but is still a great place to be and I'm good with that for now. I want to be successful, but I don't want to live to work. I'm trying to strike a balance.
I should add that I have offered to let him think about what he really wants over the next few years until I get into a really solid position at the new place, and then he can either scale back at work or explore other options. Things are going in a good direction for me, and when we no longer have horrendous daycare bills we'll be in a good place for him to quit or take a cut for other opportunities. He supported me through transition so I want to give him that same chance. We just can't do it right this minute and he gets that.
I agree with this. I would also go a bit further and say that doing something you love as a job, day in and day out, for decades, can kill your love for it and reduce it to just "work."
I'm a writer. I got into journalism because I love to write. I used to write poetry, short stories and such -- but because writing = work now, and I write every single day, I haven't written any fiction, anything "fun" or beautiful. Because now I associate writing with work, with facts and efficiency and deadlines. And when I get done doing all my writing for work, I have zero desire to do MORE writing for "fun".
I often think to myself that if I wanted to be a novelist or a poet, I should've been a plumber or a job that is similarly physical that would pay the bills and leave my mind with the extra mental space that I could've channeled into more creativity.
Yeah I feel like a failure for not having found a career that I am passionate about. I guess because I had so many opportunities and it just never came together. I didn't know enough about the world back then to choose wisely. If I could do it over differently I would but since I can't. *shrug* I do envy people who would do their jobs for free though.
But I agree that you are definitely told that everything will work out for the best if you just "do what you love." But what if you don't know what that is? What if that changes? What if you're just not talented enough to make a living from it?
I will say, when the boss is having a good day and remembers I am fucking competent, I like what I do and get a great sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. I really do. I just hate her.
ETA: I will also say that this is not the way it's always been. I started college when I was almost 40 to do what I'm doing now.
"Not gonna lie; I kind of keep expecting you to post one day that you threw down on someone who clearly had no idea that today was NOT THEIR DAY." ~dontcallmeshirley
Yeah I feel like a failure for not having found a career that I am passionate about. I guess because I had so many opportunities and it just never came together. I didn't know enough about the world back then to choose wisely. If I could do it over differently I would but since I can't. *shrug* I do envy people who would do their jobs for free though.
But I agree that you are definitely told that everything will work out for the best if you just "do what you love." But what if you don't know what that is? What if that changes? What if you're just not talented enough to make a living from it?
I felt like this for a long time. I majored in English and minored in musical theater. Hahahaha. I don't recommend that.
Then I went to nursing school. I also don't recommend that for everyone. lol
Anyway, my point is, I love my job. I am passionate about it. I still wouldn't do it for free. But I'm a lot happier since I developed a work to live mantra instead of living to work. My job lets me spend a lot of time with A. It pays well. I do genuinely love it. But I don't think about work the same way I used to.
I don't know if that makes any sense. I'm so tired. lol
ETA: Oh, and hi. I decided to stop being a lurker. lol
Peter Gibbons: Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you'd do if you had a million dollars and you didn't have to work. And invariably what you'd say was supposed to be your career. So, if you wanted to fix old cars then you're supposed to be an auto mechanic.
Samir: So what did you say?
Peter Gibbons: I never had an answer. I guess that's why I'm working at Initech.
Michael Bolton: No, you're working at Initech because that question is bullshit to begin with. If everyone listened to her, there'd be no janitors, because no one would clean shit up if they had a million dollars.
I'm going through one of my phases where I want to move on from my job. I have been here for almost 8 years and I feel compeled to try my hand at something else. I sort of fell into this job by accident and, while it has been very good to me, it is never what I set out to do.
However, I don't really know what I want. In order to keep making the same amount of money I would have to find a position with more, or at least different, responsibility. I would have to leave this comfortable bubble where I know what I am doing 98% of the time and am respected for this. And have lots of free time to fuck off online.
Maybe I should stop yearning for something more and just realize I've got a pretty sweet setup where I am. Or maybe not, maybe I should push myself to try new things. Being a grownup blows.
Yeah I feel like a failure for not having found a career that I am passionate about. I guess because I had so many opportunities and it just never came together. I didn't know enough about the world back then to choose wisely. If I could do it over differently I would but since I can't. *shrug* I do envy people who would do their jobs for free though.
But I agree that you are definitely told that everything will work out for the best if you just "do what you love." But what if you don't know what that is? What if that changes? What if you're just not talented enough to make a living from it?
I feel every word of this
If I could go back 25 years, I would do SO MANY things differently. I know I should find a way to switch gears, but after spending several years working full time while going to school full time, the thought of going back to school again makes me want to shoot myself in the head. DEFEAT IS MINE, lol.
I'm a writer. I got into journalism because I love to write. I used to write poetry, short stories and such -- but because writing = work now, and I write every single day, I haven't written any fiction, anything "fun" or beautiful. Because now I associate writing with work, with facts and efficiency and deadlines. And when I get done doing all my writing for work, I have zero desire to do MORE writing for "fun".
One of our good friend's was a professional chef for years. He recently quit for a completely unrelated profession because of exactly what you described. His girlfriend is thrilled because now he'll actually cook at home again.
Post by laurenpetro on Jun 4, 2015 15:02:34 GMT -5
this is me. i don't looooove my job. i like my job but in no way do i consider this a career. when i started my business i was VERY unfulfilled by work and needed something that *did it* for me. so i have the best of both worlds: a job that pays and something that makes ne really happy that pays for my Sephora habit.
i had gone to school to be a stage manager. i'd always said that once stage managing became "work" i'd get a job that actually paid money. i never wanted to be miserable and completely broke. and that's what i did. i don't regret it at all but i do think it's sad that the industry is so full of assholes that i walked away.
For the most part, I love my job. I realize I am rare in that thought.
This is really my second career, and my first (TV producer) was filled with a lot of hate and soul-sucking work/co-workers. At one point, I was ready to go back to tending bar, because I figured I'd be a hell of a lot happier.
I come from a very poor, working class family. I was told "get a job that pays well and can support you and your family." There was never this expectation that I would LOVE what I do and have a calling. So when I get jobs, I stick around for a very very long time unless something happens (such as losing funding). This is my job, this is what I do, it puts food on my table.
If I won the lottery, I would still work at my job. But that's not so much because of the job as it is because of my boss.
To piggyback on this, I suspect more and more that the ideal career situation is not to find a "dream job" but to find a manager and co-workers that you respect and can enjoy most of the time. That seems more achievable than finding a job that I'd want to do for free.
I come from a very poor, working class family. I was told "get a job that pays well and can support you and your family." There was never this expectation that I would LOVE what I do and have a calling. So when I get jobs, I stick around for a very very long time unless something happens (such as losing funding). This is my job, this is what I do, it puts food on my table.
So, is this a class thing?
Anecdotally, no. I come from the same background as you do. I suspect that has something to do with my lack of corporate ladder-climbing desire, but the "I can't believe this is how I spend most of my waking hours" feeling has been growing for a while.
I am not passionate about what I do, nor do I love my job. However, I get paid extremely well, it's challenging, I get to use my education and I'm good at it, so it's fine. It will also give me the financial freedom to go build something I will be passionate about.
I have a million hobbies outside of my job that help me feel fulfilled. I can't imagine hating my job since I spend so many hours doing it, but my job doesn't need to make me feel fulfilled.
I come from a very poor, working class family. I was told "get a job that pays well and can support you and your family." There was never this expectation that I would LOVE what I do and have a calling. So when I get jobs, I stick around for a very very long time unless something happens (such as losing funding). This is my job, this is what I do, it puts food on my table.
So, is this a class thing?
i don't think so? i grew up pretty well off but my mom basically told me what yours did.
I'm not so sure it's a class thing. I would say I came from a middle class family. I was always encouraged to get a job that made money. There wasn't ever really talk of "fulfillment". I went to parochial school and it was also made very clear that my parents had paid for all the school they were going to pay for. I had no idea how I was going to pay for college so I did what they told me....I got a job. I did clerical work because that was what my mom told me to do, along with making sure I took all the clerical classes I could in HS.
"Not gonna lie; I kind of keep expecting you to post one day that you threw down on someone who clearly had no idea that today was NOT THEIR DAY." ~dontcallmeshirley
i never gave a second thought to having a career where I could not support myself and be stable. My family taught me that. Working as a waiter with a bunch of "this is my year!" wanna be actors taught me that.
Post by stephreloaded on Jun 4, 2015 15:58:09 GMT -5
I think I did everything backwards. I went to school for my dream job (Engineering in Forestry) but because of the shitty working conditions of the field and lack opportunities on the speciality I wanted to work (natural resources economics), I decided to change and work in something very very different. It puts food on the table and I am happy overall.
I've spent a lot of time talking about this with my therapist lately and I'm not making much progress. I'd really like to get to a point where I'm satisfied with my job, but I don't know how to. It's also hard when you're the person in the family with the stable job that provides things like health insurance and your H has a job that he loves, and most people would pay to do it, but could probably disappear any day.
I've spent a lot of time talking about this with my therapist lately and I'm not making much progress. I'd really like to get to a point where I'm satisfied with my job, but I don't know how to. It's also hard when you're the person in the family with the stable job that provides things like health insurance and your H has a job that he loves, and most people would pay to do it, but could probably disappear any day.
This threatened to be a sore spot for H and me. We both feel stuck in jobs we really, really hate, but for much of our relationship, he worked on his goal to become an airline pilot. I was as supportive as I could be because who wants to be a dreamkiller, but was never enthusiastic. I don't want him to be unhappy, but I was not pleased about the prospect of being chained to my job so he could live his dream--which would come with breathtaking pay cut, shitty hours, no job security, and would keep him away from home most of the time. Fortunately, he's pretty much decided on his own that the cons far outweigh the pros and is looking at other ways to use his commercial license that will make him happy, even if it's not career-based.
I've spent a lot of time talking about this with my therapist lately and I'm not making much progress. I'd really like to get to a point where I'm satisfied with my job, but I don't know how to. It's also hard when you're the person in the family with the stable job that provides things like health insurance and your H has a job that he loves, and most people would pay to do it, but could probably disappear any day.
This threatened to be a sore spot for H and me. We both feel stuck in jobs we really, really hate, but for much of our relationship, he worked on his goal to become an airline pilot. I was as supportive as I could be because who wants to be a dreamkiller, but was never enthusiastic. I don't want him to be unhappy, but I was not pleased about the prospect of being chained to my job so he could live his dream--which would come with breathtaking pay cut, shitty hours, no job security, and would keep him away from home most of the time. Fortunately, he's pretty much decided on his own that the cons far outweigh the pros and is looking at other ways to use his commercial license that will make him happy, even if it's not career-based.
It's nice when they make the smart decision on their own, isn't it? We're lucky in that H's job pays okay, but I hate the hours and amount of travel. And he works in a dying industry for a senile old man who has run the business into the ground. It would take a lot for me to feel comfortable giving up my paycheck completely to go back to school or follow my dreams (if I had any).
This is why I think we need to do away with asking kids "what do you want to be when you grow up?" It's not how life goes or how the world works. The truth is that you will be what and who you need to be when the time comes. MAYBE that will include a discipline or industry you love. MAYBE that will include a lifestyle that works for you.
I hate the whole "find something you love to do" guideline. Is this really something that needs to be told to people? Have people stopped trying out to be actors, singers, dancers, or going to school, or crappy job trainings or otherwise trying make their dreams come true? EVERYONE IS ALREADY LOOOKING FOR THAT! That's WHY they are seeking job counseling in the first place!!
I don't think my job is my calling, I don't think any project manager does. But, I like it fine, I don't dread work and it pays very well. All in all, I can't complain. I'm far luckier than most, especially considering I have no college degree and was lucky enough to work my way into this job through a series of promotions.
I enjoy the work I do, and could see myself staying with my company until I retire. A great deal of my job satisfaction is the flexibility I have with my schedule, and for the first time in my career I feel like I truly have some work/life balance.
My family always taught me to go for the job I loved so much that I would do for free. That's a wonderful ideal, but not exactly realistic (and an extremely privileged view).
I'm perfectly happy to be in a job that isn't a "calling" but doesn't suck my soul. I imagine that's where many people fall. We mostly enjoy it, but we're also doing it for the paycheck.