Real talk: how do you put your toddler to bed?

[halfpint]

I might mentally slap you if you're all, "Drowsy but awake! She just falls asleep on her own!", but I'll sort of appreciate the input I guess. 

We've been rather smug (but mostly just feeling lucky) over the last 18 months or so, because we've had a pretty good sleeper. I nursed him to sleep until he was about 18 months (when we weaned), and then my H took over and rocked him to sleep. We put him in his crib once he was out, tiptoed away, and he slept until 7:30 or 8 the next morning. 

The last few weeks, it's been increasingly difficult. He's getting heavier, so it's hard to get up with him and lower him into the crib without disturbing him. We'd set him down, he'd wake up, pick him up, rock him back to sleep, rinse, repeat, and after a second or third try, he'd be down for the night. 

Saturday night my H ended up with him in our bed trying to get him to settle in. He fell asleep...but unfortunately so did my H. After two hours of snoozing in our bed together, he tried to move him, and it resulted in hysterics when he put him down. Like, angry, screaming, OMG. I finally went and got him after 20 minutes, and he was up until 2am crying. We tried putting him in bed with us, we tried stories, we tried more milk, and eventually put him down, he cried for 30 minutes and finally collapsed. Awful, awful night. He'd calm down, but as soon as the lights went out, he'd scream.  

Last night, my H put him in his crib after his usual routine (milk, story, teeth, song, snuggle), and sat in the chair in his room. He cried for five minutes and got so worked up he launched himself over the side of his crib. So...after we unscrewed the crib and literally dropped the mattress all the way to the floor, we tried again. He cried standing up for almost 30 minutes, laid down and whimpered for maybe 15, and then fell asleep. 

I guess we'll try the same again tonight, hopefully it gets easier. 

Naps are a piece of cake - milk, story, in the crib, walk out the door. He plays happily with his stuffed monkey for 20 minutes, then drops off for a nice long nap...so I know he can get himself to sleep. We have a consistent routine and bedtime at night. It almost seems like he's scared of the dark? Maybe it's a glitch, and he's teething or something, but we need to stop rocking him to sleep anyway.

 

[Deleted]

You might want to look at the Sleep Lady Shuffle, but yes, your kid is likely going to lose his shit. You want to change something. He doesn't. Someone is going to be unhappy.

[Brie]

Could he be ready to move to a big bed?

C was much more comfortable in his. We switched him shortly after he turned two. He also likes having a night-light some nights.

Otherwise ditto @tokenhoser.

[badtzmaru22]

Lots of stalling, screaming, crying, bargaining, bribing and wine. Stalling applies only to the three year old, wine for me. The rest is everyone.

[mpc]

Well we Ferbered at 6 months, so he was already used to feeling asleep on his own. We did have to redo it around 16 or 18 months, and yes there was crying. but it only lasts a few days and being able to walk away from the bed with them still awake is AMAZING. These days we let him have a few stuffed toys in there. And after we read our 2 books we tell him he can pick out 2 books to take into bed with him. He "reads" those by himself for a little while before falling asleep.

you're just going to have to stop the rocking at some point. godspeed.

[CloudBee]

It's a pretty quick process, and we don't always do a book. He seems to do better with a short and sweet routine vs. something drawn out.

- bath
- jammies
- brush teeth
- drink of water
- both of us hang with him for a minute while we get his bed ready, etc.

- if it's me putting him down, I do a quick song, kiss him, often pretend to sneeze or some other nonsense to make him laugh, set him in his crib, then leave while saying "good niiiiight!" and blowing kisses as I exit the room

- if DH puts him down, he hugs him / rocks him in his arms, has his own little "song" he sings briefly, then sets him down

Off and on over the past few months he's spent long periods of time talking to himself. (30-60 minutes) Annoying, but there's nothing we can do about it. He just repeats new words over, and over.

Very rarely does he get upset at bedtime. If he does, it's usually a few minutes after we left, and for good reason. Favorite animal thrown out of crib, etc.

[thebreakfastclub]

I used to put my boy in the crib while awake, he cried for 2 minutes and then STTN. He never cared for rocking and dropped a before bed bottle as a young baby.

At 23 months, he flipped a switch and refused the crib, complete with hysterical crying and vomiting. We transitioned him to the toddler bed.

Our routine is bath, jammies, teeth, etc. Then we read a couple of books while he lays on his pillow. A large, flat pillow is key, and he has his taggie blanket, along with a larger blanket for warmth.

Then it's lights out, and I will tell him a story in the dark.

He usually wants to hear a story about Thomas the Train, so I make up a random story for 5 minutes or so. Then I sit in our glider for maybe 5 minutes, and he's asleep. It is different than before, but not a huge production. He also stays up until 8:15-8:30, vs 7:30.

[DarcyLongfellow]

We change her diaper and put her in pajamas.

Then we turn off most lights (leave on a small lamp), she drinks a sippy of milk while we read two books, then we turn off the lamp and give her her pacifier. Then I rock and sing to her for a bit. When she's either calm and sleepy or getting too wild and trying to get down, then I put her in the crib.

She usually cries for a minute or two then settles down. But we did sleep train her -- she used to cry a lot longer :-)

[halfpint]

Jun 22, 2015 9:43:50 GMT -5 swizz said:

I'm part asshole. We usually do bath, pjs, read a couple books on the floor, out her in the crib and walk out. She hangs out for 10-a million minutes before falling asleep.

Lately I've had to go in a few times each night for lovey retrieval, more water, etc. I'm not sure what the deal is but I never take her out of the crib. Just ask if she'd like more water, she hysterically laughs at me like a maniac and then I tell her to lay down and she jumps for another however long.

I feel like this is kind of a shit age for this stuff. C is constantly teething, naps are kind of messed up so nightime sleep is kind of messed up and we just moved (you guys soon too?) I'd probably just KOKO and try to fix it after the move. That will be a transition in and of itself.

Yeah, we move in 10 days. 

We'd planned to have him sleep in the PnP the night between loading and unloading the truck, but if he could launch out of his crib, I'm sure he can get out of that now.

I think we'll muddle through for now and see where we shake out in the new house.

[spk926]

After the whole routine of diaper, pajamas, books, nurse, teeth brushed we put her down wide awake. Sometimes she immediately falls asleep but usually she play in her crib with her stuffed animals or reads her books for a long time. I always put her down and if she's crying DH is always the one who goes in a few minutes later and tells her she needs to go to bed. She always answers him with an, "okay" and is calm and happily reads until she falls asleep. She probably has 25 books in her crib it's ridiculous but she spend so much time before going to sleep and after waking up reading them that it buys us lots of time. She does the same thing at nap.

[everafter07]

Ugh, I'm sorry. I think you're going to have a tough time for a while, if you've been rocking/BFing that long. Not trying to get slapped by saying the following We started putting her down drowsy but awake around 4 months, and have done so since then (she's almost 2). We have a routine of bath, teeth brushing, books, and then I rock with her on my lap in the rocking chair and sing her a couple of songs, then say goodnight, lay her down, tuck her in and leave. 95% of the time she screams for 1-5 minutes, and then she messes around in her crib until she falls asleep. He will get it eventually, just be consistent (and strong).

ETA there are definitely times that we rock her to sleep though. If she's hurting/teething/sick or if she's overtired and just needs the snuggles and the help.

[Velar Fricative]

We did Ferber at 5.5 months so it's been "drowsy but awake" since then.

At 20 months, our routine is bath (some nights)-teeth-PJs-2 books-song-put in crib with her 80 stuffed animals (this is DH's routine too except he doesn't sing). Since she had a word explosion about a month ago, she is taking FOREVER to go to sleep though. Last night she was blabbing to herself and playing with her animals and the blanket for an hour even though she was clearly exhausted before we put her down in the crib.

Ditto the suggestions above about sleep training methods, possibly considering a new bed, etc.

[Deleted]

We are here too. It's taken progressively longer to put him down. I high five myself when bedtime takes "only" 30 minutes. I'm scared to do toddler bed because he occasionally wakes up and cries MOTN for 1-2 min and then settles. I feel like with a bed he'd probably come into our room and I can't have that with #2 in a few months.

Ugh.

[cincodemayo]

I think I'm ruining my kid.

For awhile, we just laid him down and he would talk or play or whatever and fall asleep.

Now he needs a sippy cup in bed with him or he screams for me to rock him. We just aren't consistent on our rules with him and we need to be.

He ALWAYS comes to bed with me at some point during the night.

[halfpint]

Jun 22, 2015 9:40:50 GMT -5 @this said:

Also whatever you do, you need to be consistent. I'd have a CTJ with your H and come up with a plan and get on the same page. The whole your H sitting in a chair sometimes, you bringing him to bed sometimes, stories, milk, rocking, etc. is probably just fueling his rage and making the crying last longer.

We've been pretty consistent until recently, and really, it was just Saturday that was awful, and then Sunday night when he sat in there with him rather than rocking him. 

It's almost always H that puts him down. 

Diaper, lotion, PJs. 
Drink milk, read two stories.
Sleep sack on, cuddle in the dark with the same song until he falls asleep.
Transition to crib. 

The last few weeks the "transition to crib" part was waking him up, so he'd pick him up and rock again until he stayed down. 

It was Saturday that he started with him in our bed, and that may be what broke him. 

Sunday we decided we needed to stop with the rocking, and figured him putting him down but staying with him was a good middle ground. 

[babyrn]

We rocked her to sleep until 2 years old.
Then we did a modified SLS but failed at the last step, getting out of the room! She still freaks out if we try to leave. So now we do a couple books in the chair in her room, then sound machine on, nightlight on, and lights out. I usually sit with her in the chair for another few minutes and sing songs. Then she goes in the crib and I sit in the recliner until she falls asleep and I can leave (usually about 15-30 min).
I guess its better since we don't have to rock her and she can fall asleep on her own but I wish we could get out of the room.

[Deleted]

Assholes here.  We brush teeth.  Get into his room and gate the door so the cats can come in and out but B can't escape.  Change diaper and put on jammies. All three of us sit next to his mattress and read books, sing songs, give the one book warning and then just shut the door and leave.  Sometimes he freaks out when we get up and says "sit sit" but we ignore.  He plays for a while or just passes out.

[halfpint]

I do think we might be ready for a new bed...but that likely means buying one, and I really don't want to do that before we move. I think we'll try it after the move, but I'm also nervous about two big changes. Or maybe we just rip off the bandaid and say, "NEW HOUSE NEW BED!"

[bearbaby]

I rocked DS to sleep until probably 13/14 months. DH would put him down awake earlier than that on the rare nights he put him to bed.

After bedtime bottle was dropped, we stopped rocking to sleep. It was not that difficult of a transition for us (so, I'm an asshole), but we DEFINITELY have bedtime regressions from time to time. 18 mos in general was a tough phase.

Current:
Bath
Jammies
Stories (this now requires both DH and I - but it's nice family time)
Teeth
Snuggle (usually by me)
Bed (he transitioned to a twin bed about 1 month ago and it's been GREAT, actually)
DS flops around/chats to himself for 10-30 mins and then asleep.

He DOES now require a sippy of water and a cup of plain cheerios (so, I guess I'm ruining his teeth) in bed.

He would sometimes go through phases (pre bed transition) of crying when we left. Our deal was he got one re-visit/addt'l story/snuggle on those nights, but that was it. The second time in the crib, we were done. The phases were usually short lived. It also correlated to him taking up to an hour to fall asleep (though he was chatting to himself/rolling around), so I would think perhaps it's tied to a cognitive/developmental leap? Is he perhaps having a language explosion?

[halfpint]

I should note, once he finally fell asleep last night, he was out the whole night. He woke up happy and chattering at 8am.

Is SLS where you start out with them and slowly move out of the room? I feel like I remember something like this from Supernanny. Is there website or PDF or something? Do I need to buy a book?

[MNH2013]

Ok I was just thinking we need to try CIO July 4th weekend. I tried sleeping in her room last night and it was terrible.

Please tell me I won't damage my kid if we do CIO at 15 months?! We rock her to sleep now and I'm ok with still doing that, she wakes in the night and I usually bring her in bed with me.

[Deleted]

We did sleep training when they were in their cribs so we did used to put them in there awake. When they moved to regular beds though, we started laying down beside them. At first we waited until they fell asleep but now we just cuddle for five minutes and then go.

[countthestars]

She'll be 2 in two weeks.

Bath, diaper/jammies, bottle (lol - giving this up soon), brush teeth, couple of songs, in bed drowsy but awake. Sometimes she cries a little but we re-ferbered two weeks ago and there have been very few tears since then. She is awake for anywhere between 5-90 minutes before falling asleep - rolling, playing with her baby doll, putting the blanket over her head and taking it off again. IDGAF as long as she's not screaming.

Naps, however, are a different story - so don't be jealous of me .

We are transitioning to a twin bed in a month or two. Hold me.

[drloretta]

IME that age is a weird transitional time where good sleepers have a bad sleep period. It's often right around the time they bust out of the crib.

We tried staying in DD's room until she fell asleep, but it seemed like her eyes were on a hair trigger. After a week or 2 I was all ready to try the extinction method (go in when they get up, don't make eye contact, put them back into bed, rise, repeat). She saw me coming and ran under her covers. Done.

This too shall pass IMO. Each age has all kind of fun transitions ::sarcasm:: DD likes to ask us to snuggle with her, about 10 minutes after we put her down. *sigh*

[ax2]

I'm not sure I'm helpful, but ds (2.5) is in a big bed and ever since we took away the pacifier at 2, we have to lay with him until the falls asleep or he's hysterical. We do pjs, teeth, a book or two and then light off. I don't mind it for now, it's nice relaxing down time, but I'm hoping it's a passing phase.

[halfpint]

Jun 22, 2015 10:04:27 GMT -5 drloretta said:

IME that age is a weird transitional time where good sleepers have a bad sleep period. It's often right around the time they bust out of the crib.

We tried staying in DD's room until she fell asleep, but it seemed like her eyes were on a hair trigger. After a week or 2 I was all ready to try the extinction method (go in when they get up, don't make eye contact, put them back into bed, rise, repeat). She saw me coming and ran under her covers. Done.

This too shall pass IMO. Each age has all kind of fun transitions ::sarcasm:: DD likes to ask us to snuggle with her, about 10 minutes after we put her down. *sigh*

This is a helpful reminder, thanks. My H tends to get a little reactionary about these things, like, HE'LL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN! after one bad night. 

It doesn't help that we're currently in an ancient house with very creaky floors - so a peacefully sleeping kid quickly turns into a wide awake kid when you walk to the crib or sneak out. 

Anyway, I know we need to stop rocking him down...I'm just hoping this transition goes smoothly...and maybe soon we will be in that magical place where we can leave the room and he snuggles up and falls asleep. 

[jsillyfun]

My daughter is 3. we do snack and stories and then I sing her lullabies until she falls asleep. It's a special bonding time for us.

[jeaniebueller]

I have a brand new toddler, but I give her a bottle of milk, rock her for a minute or two and put her in her crib and she either goes right to sleep or talks/babbles/cries a few minutes. We did CIO a few months ago and that helped immensely. Could your DS be ready to push bedtime back a bit? And this: He cried standing up for almost 30 minutes, laid down and whimpered for maybe 15, and then fell asleep.


Is not...that bad actually! (but I have a cold, cold heart and DD cried for maybe an hour on and off the first night we did Ferber, so 30 minutes seems like nothing to me) I bet if you stay consistent with a routine that amount of time will be shorter each night.

[halfpint]

Jun 22, 2015 10:16:35 GMT -5 jeaniebueller said:

I have a brand new toddler, but I give her a bottle of milk, rock her for a minute or two and put her in her crib and she either goes right to sleep or talks/babbles/cries a few minutes. We did CIO a few months ago and that helped immensely. Could your DS be ready to push bedtime back a bit? And this: He cried standing up for almost 30 minutes, laid down and whimpered for maybe 15, and then fell asleep.


Is not...that bad actually! (but I have a cold, cold heart and DD cried for maybe an hour on and off the first night we did Ferber, so 30 minutes seems like nothing to me) I bet if you stay consistent with a routine that amount of time will be shorter each night.

I didn't think it seemed that bad, either. And the fact that H was in there with him, I mean, he knew he wasn't alone - it was just frustration that he wasn't out of the crib rather than, "OMG, I'm alone in the dark!" H said it was a little hard to be in there with him, and it felt like ages. So I'm hopeful this works well!

We're already putting him down at 8:30pm, and last night was even a bit later when we had to drop the crib mattress at the last minute. He naps until 4:30/5pm, so I don't think we're too late, and definitely am not putting him down any later  I'm about ready to crash by then! Ha!

[oswin]

Not sure if our routine would be helpful, since DD doesn't like snuggling or being rocked, etc (unless she's got a fever). We've done and re-done Ferber as necessary for a while, and she still occasionally gets mad when we put her down. We brush her teeth, change into nighttime diaper and pajamas, read her as many books as we have patience for, sing her a song, and leave the room - closing the child gate but leaving the door open. She then brings all of her books, stuffed animals, pillow, and sheet to the gate and flips through her books for a while, though sometimes she yells for us instead for a minute or two. Then she falls asleep in her nest of books, animals, and bedding, completely ignoring her mattress. Leaving the door open is key, since otherwise she screams for a long time and gets very upset (possibly scared).

Anyway, in your situation I'd wait until you move, and possibly make the transition to a bed or mattress on the floor at the same time. In the meantime, read Ferber or another book for tips on breaking sleep associations.