Decorating her house however she wants with whatever she wants. Eating simple meals for dinner. Enjoying hobbies that you didn't have time/money/space for. She missed playing the violin and has started again.
Also from talking to her and the time it took her to realize it. That he was really selfish and the relief to not have to deal with him anymore. (for example, he forgot Christmas and her Birthday multiple times, but would remember Mom, Dad, and sister.)
Post by bullygirl979 on Jun 29, 2015 17:22:29 GMT -5
I actually liked being single. Hell, you get to do what you want, whenever you want. Ice cream for dinner? Sure! Not wash dishes for a week? Why not! Trashy tv every night? Absolutely!
Post by lyssbobiss, Command, B613 on Jun 29, 2015 17:27:01 GMT -5
Putting the tv on whatever the fuck you want. Only having to worry about cleaning up your messes. Your laundry. Your bathroom. No picking up after someone who would rather spend half an hour scratching his balls than cleaning up his pile of shirts.
You will discover new interests or rediscover hobbies you'd forgotten about. I was able to get back into bands and going to concerts and seeing stand-up comedians. And when you rediscover your passions and your interests and the things you love doing, and when you have time to heal your brain and your heart, you can go out there and find someone who loves those things too. And that's really exciting.
"This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."
Also, dancing around the apartment in a T-shirt and underwear. Wearing PJs all weekend. Decorating you place without having to worry about anyone else's tastes. Only having to grocery shop for one. Being able to do whatever the fuck you want without checking in with someone else's schedule. Letting the cats sleep all over the bed and snuggle with you without anyone getting upset. No one but you eating the last of your ice cream or those leftovers you're really looking forward to.
1. You do not have to walk on eggshells all day everyday 2. You will be able to breath ALL the time 3. You do not have to get a knot in your stomach everytime he is home 4. You do not have to be abused anymore 5. you will gain some self esteem back 6. it has been a long time coming 7. you can come and go as you please 8. no one to asnwer to 9. you will feel like a 1000 pounds have been lifted off your chest 10. it will be the biggest relief youve ever felt
Post by udscoobychick on Jun 29, 2015 18:34:46 GMT -5
Cooking whatever you feel like eating without having to take someone else's tastes into account. Full control of the remote. Starfishing the bed. Things are always exactly where you left them. No coordinating your bedtime with someone else's.
Post by udscoobychick on Jun 29, 2015 21:41:07 GMT -5
Also, what I like about being single may not be the things you like about being single. But that's ok--half the fun is finding out what you do enjoy about being single!
Also, what I like about being single may not be the things you like about being single. But that's ok--half the fun is finding out what you do enjoy about being single!
This is very true. One I recently discovered is my lack of a need for a dishwasher. So now I can sell my portable dishwasher on Craigslist and put that money towards something better. Because there are no more arguments about doing the dishes!
You find all kinds of little things as time goes on that you enjoy about being single. Sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's lonely, but sometimes it's absolutely lovely.
Probably one of the things that I most love about being single is realizing just how awesome my friends are and what a great group I've built for myself.
Post by partiallysunny on Jun 30, 2015 6:30:47 GMT -5
I love that "no ball sweat" has been mentioned more than once.
You got this, Swimmy. Anyone IRL you can lean on for support? I think it would be beneficial to find a new therapist before you make this step. The right therapist will be there to bounce ideas off of and help you through the transition.
Because I'm terrified for some reason, and I'm looking for encouragement.
I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.
He will be ok.
You need to remove this last line from your train of thought dear. He has to take care of himself.
I think that feeling is totally normal, I think when you spend SO much taking care of someone at the expense of yourself, you worry most that they will not be able to do it on their own. I know I had these same feelings. And honestly, they were the hardest for me in the beginning when I left.
When you leave SwimDeep, it will be hard, but EVERY LITTLE THING you can do for yourself - no matter how small to shift the focus on to you is very important. Taking a walk, taking a bath, listening to a meditation tape/app, reading a book, taking a deep breath. Little by little, the more you do for yourself the easier it will get. The things I've enjoyed being on my own are as follows:
I have really enjoyed discovering what I like to do, how I like to spend my time and what types of people I like to surround myself with in my life. I've discovered books I wouldn't normally read, movies I wouldn't normally see, clothes I wouldn't normally buy, hikes/walks I wouldn't normally take. I've gotten pretty sheets for my beds with flowers on them and I order pizza and eat ice cream anytime I want. I keep cookies in the cabinet and no one eats them all. No one hogs the bed. No one corrects me, or makes me feel dumb when I ask a question. If I don't like something, I stop doing it.
This is a great opportunity to discover who you are and not let fear rule you. You have huge amounts of power over yourself and what you can control in your life. Every little bit that you take back at a time will grow into a mound over time and you will discover you are worth so much more.
Rediscovering the things I enjoy has been so huge for me. I wasn't "allowed" (either directly or indirectly by his being late or making it hard for me to plan) to do a lot of the things I enjoyed so those things were some of the first things I did after I moved out. When I went to the music festival last Fall, it felt like I had come home--and I know that sounds weird but it's true, it was like that last little part of me that I didn't even realize was gone came back.
And trying new things! OMG, it's been the best. I've been to a bunch of new restaurants, found a church that is awesome (for me and the kids), made new friends, and am picking up new hobbies (roasting my own coffee right now). I haven't liked everything I've tried, but just the getting out there has been liberating--I don't have to justify why I'm doing it to anyone. It's simply "I've always wanted to do that, so why not?".
The hard part for me was getting past the guilt or feeling of selfishness for spending money on myself--even if it was something I needed. I always felt like I had to spend my spare money stuff for the house or the kids--it was kind of "what do you need that for?" or "Do you have to spend so much on it?". Even after I moved out it was hard at first, but I have gotten past it. I will still sacrifice something I want if the kids need something or I want to do something for the kids, but I don't feel guilty if I buy a new dress or take myself out to a nice dinner either.
One that occurred to me this morning: no one trying to get me to give him a blow job because I'm menstruating and can't have sex. Not that it ever happened, but OMG I still remember how maddening it was.
Really I think one of the best parts of being single is getting to discover all these things that are great about it on your own timeframe.
I keep coming back in here to read what all of you wrote. It's helping me stay strong. I'm struggling not to feel guilty, and I'm trying not to hate myself.
H called today on his lunch break and tried to talk, but I just don't feel like this is the kind of conversation to have over the phone - especially while he's working.
Right now, I'm doing laundry and getting a bag together. Just in case he gets mad and wants me to leave tonight.
I'm thinking about going back to the therapist who flat out told me it sounded like I was in an abusive relationship. I wasn't ready to hear her then. But she might be able to help me now.
I'm thinking about going back to the therapist who flat out told me it sounded like I was in an abusive relationship. I wasn't ready to hear her then. But she might be able to help me now.
Post by starrieskies on Jun 30, 2015 17:57:45 GMT -5
Leaving was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but every day I wake up glad that I did. I knew I needed to leave before I actually left, but it was still hard.
I don't get a pit in my stomach while I'm driving home from work. I can cut or dye my hair however I want. My bedroom is decorated the way I want it. I get control of the tv! I don't have anyone telling me that I am worthless and even if I did, I finally have the self confidence to tell them to fuck off. Rediscovering myself and creating my own life with DS is by far the most amazing gift I have ever given myself!