I ordered my coffee iced, not hot. It was 7 am and already 85 degrees out. Also you forgot my orange juice. And seriously 14 dollars for a mcmuffin, coffe, oj, and pancakes is ridiculous. I could have gone to Starbucks for those prices.
Stop jumping on me!! And my stomach, please! You will all get a chance to give the baby a hard time after it's born. Give us both a break please!
Love, your mom and scared unborn sibling.
Dear Weather,
Please don't be 108 again. Please. I am terrified of my PGE bill.
Sincerely, overheated pregnant lady.
Dear friend who is getting married in two weeks,
You are a bridezilla. I still love you though. Even though you have been zero help with helping me find a SECOND bridesmaids dress because you changed your mind on the first one, and are super picky and moody.
Signed, the dress you want me to wear does not exist because it isn't 1950.
Dear upper respiratory infection, Three weeks is too long to stick around. We did not even let my parents stay longer than a week. We are all tired of you and would like you to go away ASAP. This cough is no fun while healing from a c section and keeps waking up my sleeping baby. On the other hand thank you for sparing baby Jane and leaving her alone Thank you, Your run down post partum host
I realize today is a holiday. I also realize that Costco sells fireworks so you MUST buy them like the sheep you are. They aren't even waking the kids up but I find them irritating. In summary, I just needed to tell you that you're an asshole and I don't like you
Sincerly, Someone who swears she must have a sensory processing disorder
Dear Lake Goers: I appreciate your influx of dollars into our local economy, however your truck, camper, and boat pulling set ups are really making it difficult to actually LIVE here. If you could not drive like assholes, that'd be great.
I don't know which one of you did it, but one of you accidentally pressed "order" on my iPad when I was looking at Frye boots. Imagine my surprise when I got the shipping notice and they showed up on my doorstep!!
The boots are amazing!! Unfortunately, I cannot afford $450 boots.
I appreciate the thought, but now I must lock down my iPad.
I don't know which one of you did it, but one of you accidentally pressed "order" on my iPad when I was looking at Frye boots. Imagine my surprise when I got the shipping notice and they showed up on my doorstep!!
The boots are amazing!! Unfortunately, I cannot afford $450 boots.
I appreciate the thought, but now I must lock down my iPad.
Love your poor mom who wishes she was rich!!!
This is so the story I'm going to use to tell my husband.....
I appreciate that you are career minded and that you have fully dedicated yourself to the cause, but my boobs no longer want to assist you in reaching sumo wrestler weight by age 3.
Wearing underwear is not the same as wearing a diaper. You cannot pee in them. You are going to have to figure this out, as I can't take you out in public naked from the waist down. It's frowned upon.
Love, your really cabin fever ridden mother
Dear face, you're almost 30. Knock it off with the acne already. Love, the rest of me.