Who wants to share break up stories?

[intentionalsnarkshark]

Vodka and Sex in the City are happening up in casa intentional on this fine Wednesday. So who wants to share weird/funny break up tales?

[vicky]

This was on my Timehop today. Little did I know....

[intentionalsnarkshark]

One of my favorites is the boyfriend of a month or two that I broke up with. He was quiet for a minute, then solemnly asked me for a favor, saying, 'it was the only thing that could console him.'

I responded, "Uh, I'm not giving you a blowjob, dude."

But as it turned out, the only thing in the world that could soothe his heartache was me returning his nearly overdue movie rentals on my way home.

[1confused1]

My high school /college boyfriend of 4 years and I (along with a bunch if other people) took a 28 hour bus trip from California to Montana to go skiing.

Our first night there, he broke up with me.

Needless to say, I drank the rest of the week, don't remember much skiing.

[intentionalsnarkshark]

vicky god, he looks like an asshole in that picture. lol.

[vicky]

Jul 1, 2015 20:28:23 GMT -5 intentionalsnarkshark said:

vicky god, he looks like an asshole in that picture. lol.

He always had a smug smarmy smirk (alliteration ftw!) in pictures.

[kaybee85]

My first boyfriend was a total douche. I had very low self esteem in high school, which is the only excuse I have for dating this guy. He had a 0.0 GPA. Ugh, anyway, in true douchebag fashion, he broke up with me via someone else saying to me, "I didn't know you dated Danyl (lol at the y)." and I was all, "Dated? Hmm. Thought we were still dating."

[intentionalsnarkshark]

Ouch koosh.

[intentionalsnarkshark]

Danyl!!!!

[spellingbea]

When I was 22, I got engaged before discovering fiance had a secret wife and child stashed away in Japan. Oops.

[gault]

I had a guy break up with me because he was "struggling" with how much I weighed. And I looked fucking HOT at the time.

Then he cried because he knew I wouldn't be able to get over it for awhile and he felt bad.


lololol

[spellingbea]

Jul 1, 2015 20:33:24 GMT -5 intentionalsnarkshark said:

Danyl!!!!

Is that pronounced Daniel? Wtf?

[Champagne Supernova]

My ex before DH simply stopped talking to me.

Sure, he was stationed somewhere in the Middle East but in a post where he has access to computers, pay phones, DSN line etc. Shit, he could have called my DSN line.

Then months later, he called, talking about marriage...I had to interrupt him to tell him I'm on a date with with DH.

Like,really? Marriage after not talking to me for months? WTF?

[Deleted]

I dated one guy for a few months and he was just so fucking bizarre. And dramatic, omg the drama. But he would do random weird as hell things. The final straw was when I felt him messing around with my bag, I was like wtf are you doing? He said he wasn't doing anything. when I got to his place I found an empty doritos bag inside my bag, so I was like "hey bud, did you put this chip bag in here?" He lied and lied, but it was obvious he did it.

Anyway, I was like lol ok this is it, I'm done with your weird ass shit. Then he like, collapsed on the floor and begged me to stay. I was like uh, no. Then he staggered off down the hall talking about how he needed to take a bath. So I left.

[intentionalsnarkshark]

gault OMG, he cried??

[Deleted]

After I left and told my exH that I wanted a divorce he promised that he was a changed man and had a male mentor that made him in to a better man. I still wouldn't give him another chance.

About 2 months later, I ran in to him on the streets of Cape Town as I was about to get in the taxi. He asked for a hug and kiss and I said no, that's not a good idea. As I got in the cab he started banging on the windows and running down the street with the cab yelling, "SHE'S MARRIED, I'M HER HUSBAND, SHE IS MY WIFE, DO YOU KNOW THAT SHE IS MARRIED!!!!!!!??"

Umm yeah, that's the way to try to win me back   It was so bizarre. I continued drinking heavily at home thankful I no longer had to deal with his crazy. 

[scribellesam]

A guy I dated for less than four months would call ten times in a row and leave voicemails of him sobbing on my phone when I never picked up. Then he progressed to leaving notes on my windshield (we went to same church) or just standing in the parking lot to wait for me to leave so he could try to force a conversation about "what went wrong." I had to have friends walk me to my car for a year if I knew he was around before he finally started acting halfway normal.

[acr]

My hs boyfriend broke up with me a few months after we started college. He told me "you could only live me as a whore could love a king" Lolol all over the place - I was a chaste gal.

[gault]

Jul 1, 2015 20:39:52 GMT -5 intentionalsnarkshark said:

gault OMG, he cried??

YES. Poor poor baby. Maybe next time stop being a fucking douche.

That relationship was the worst. I had just lost 130 pounds and I was too fat for him? Awful.

[intentionalsnarkshark]

Jul 1, 2015 20:42:17 GMT -5 gault said:

Jul 1, 2015 20:39:52 GMT -5 intentionalsnarkshark said:

gault OMG, he cried??

YES. Poor poor baby. Maybe next time stop being a fucking douche.

That relationship was the worst. I had just lost 130 pounds and I was too fat for him? Awful.

I've seen pictures of you. You are a total hottie. What an idiot.

[kaybee85]

Jul 1, 2015 20:41:35 GMT -5 acr said:

My hs boyfriend broke up with me a few months after we started college. He told me "you could only live me as a whore could love a king" Lolol all over the place - I was a chaste gal.

WTF? 

Also, unrelated, but your SN is a term used here to refer to locals (ppl not associated with the university) and it's throwing me off lol

[cuddlyevil]

Stbx said "You're 36 and have had kids. Do you really think a guy will want you? That is a tough sell."

Two weeks after I moved out I went to see a band play. I left with a guy's number and made out with him in the parking lot. No guy will want me my ass.

[revolution]

My college sweetheart. He *tried* to break up with me once. Lol. He did not succeed. I locked us in his bedroom and sat in the doorway. I told him it was my life and I didn't want to break up so he wasn't going to get to decide how my life went. Lololol. Poor guy. Poor psycho me. We dated for 2.5 years. He did eventually cheat on me with my college roommate. So..... My plan didn't work out too well.

[audry80]

I was living with my boyfriend and found out he cheated with a girl who lived in our appartment complex. I moved out the next day and took everything. It was all mine and I left him only his toothbrush after I cleaned the toliet with it.

The following week, the girl he cheated on me with came into the bank that I worked at and opened an account. It was weird.

I met my H the following year, thank goodness he cheated on me or I would have never met him. 

[knx9211]

When I studied abroad, I met a guy. He was dating someone there and I was hooking up with his friend, so nothing happened while we were there. When we came back to the states, he was across the country. Back story. I have a cat. This is important too.

I went on vacation near where he lives. We met up, made out, and decided we should date. After five months of long distance, he decided he'd move here. MISTAKE. we seriously never got along. Back when I thought passion meant fighting all the time.

He lasted here a month. Packed up to move back. He had forgotten a tshirt and a key for something I can't remember. So I put the tshirt in a big envelope. Put the key in a letter envelope and put it into the big envelope, too.

A few days later he calls me. I can't remember the whole conversation, but it was essentially "OMG I love you too." WUT. turns out, key fell out of small envelope. My cat sheds and one of her hairs had gotten into it. So when he got the package, it was a big envelope containing three things:
1) a key
2) a tshirt
3) a cat hair in an envelope.


He thought me sending him a cat hair in an envelope was my way of telling him I still loved him.

[lyssbobiss, Command, B613]

I was dating a guy a couple of years ago which was like my first serious relationship after my divorce. He left over Christmas, telling me he was going to visit his dad in Florida for a couple of weeks. It was snowing and cold as fuck here, so I told him I was hiding his fb posts while he was gone because I was too jealous and miserable in the snow. But I never actually got around to hiding his account. I guess he thought I did, because I woke up one morning to see a post from him that he had gotten engaged. To his girlfriend. He brought this other girl and her kids to Florida on vacation, and proposed while they were there.

I confronted him and he was like "well, I thought you would be happy for me!"

Yeah. No. Bye.

[underwaterrhymes]

This isn't so much a break up story as it is a stick it to the asshole I was sleeping with story.

So, I was sleeping with a hot but really fucked up asshole. I thought I could "fix"him. One night after work, I was hanging out with a bunch of other servers, and come to find out he had been bragging about sleeping with me, another female server and a third unnamed server all in one week.

So I went "well, that is interesting." I went home and called the one server whose name I knew and shared this story with her. The two of us went out to dinner, went out for ice cream, and then headed over to his apartment to confront him.

He was pretty surprised to see us. He was like, "uhhhh... What are you guys doing here?" She said, "She's here. I'm here. What the fuck do you think we're doing here?" He said - and I still remember this - "I need a smoke." LOL.

Regrettably, I made the mistake of caving when the asshole called me a few weeks later, but eventually came to my senses. Dude was psycho. I have no idea if he's even alive.

The girl and I wound up roommates, really close friends for a long while, and we are still in touch now over 20 years later.

[knx9211]

Story two:
Dated a super hot guy. Last I saw, he was with a huge modeling agency in NYC. but I digress.

We'd only been dating a few weeks. Hadn't even had sex. He crashed at my house, we were both drunk, and got in some argument. "OK, Jen." He says.

Not my name. Not even close.

The next morning I looked over and said "Who's Jen?"
His response: "Why, who said something?"

End relationship.

Shameful: I slept with him a few years later.

[intentionalsnarkshark]

@cse1960 I still crack up when I think about you throwing an engagement ring in a river.

[shoeless]

In HS, the morning of our homecoming dance my BF broke up with me, over IM, because the girl he had a crush on suddenly became single. I still went to the dance with him that night. He tried to grind on me and kiss me goodnight, it was so awkward.