Annoying or am I BEC?

[shevacc]

BIL is here for the weekend with my two nephews. We generally get along and I enjoy their visits, especially since G LOVES her cousins. She's so happy they're here and they play well together. But 4.5 year-old nephew is SOOOOO whiny. I'm finding myself losing patience with him and I think I need some perspective. Normal kid whininess or extra-special-snowflake whininess?

We have a rule that everyone stays at the table until we're done eating. Otherwise G won't eat enough since she's pokey. He asked to go play over 15 times in the ten extra minutes we kept him at the table and started trying to climb out. We kept repeating the rule and 30 seconds later he would say he's allllll doooooooooooone and "I wish I could go plaaaaaaaay".

He's very used to whining and eventually getting his way so he'll whine for HOURS. All afternoon while we were at the parade he kept asking to play with play dough. We said sure, when we get home. Then a few minutes later he would bust out his whiny voice again and start in on asking to play with play dough. (By the time we actually got back home he forgot all about the play dough).

I can't tell anymore if I'm just finding everything he does annoying or if whining for literally hours, repeatedly asking for something, etc. is totally normal kid behavior. Thoughts?

[shevacc]

Jul 5, 2015 0:00:32 GMT -5 fadedscars said:

I think it's normal but annoying as hell. I'm no help. I'm sorry.

That's helpful, thanks! At least I'm not the only one who finds that act annoying!

[Deleted]

Unfortunately for me this is totally normal for D right now. It sucks. And her whining turns to full blown tantrums sometimes.

[shevacc]

Jul 5, 2015 0:22:20 GMT -5 ladybug said:

Unfortunately for me this is totally normal for D right now. It sucks. And her whining turns to full blown tantrums sometimes.

I hope hers is a short phase. Nephew has been like this at least since Thanksgiving. He rode home with MIL/FIL and got it into his head that he wanted pizza for lunch, then whined continuously for 4 hours until they found him crappy expensive truck stop pizza that he turned up his nose at after they bought it. I keep hoping he'll grow out of it but it's becoming a defining personality trait for him.

[jg183]

Super annoying but this is my life right now. I hope you don't revoke our invitation. He will cry too if the whining doesn't work :/

[shevacc]

Jul 5, 2015 0:41:44 GMT -5 jg183 said:

Super annoying but this is my life right now. I hope you don't revoke our invitation. He will cry too if the whining doesn't work :/

I'm sorry you're dealing with this too! L was super sweet last time we saw him. Of course you're still invited! I'll provide extra wine for you.

[dojo]

H is whining like crazy lately and my patience is shot because of it. I don't think we spoil him but it makes me feel like maybe we are too accommodating after whining because it doesn't seem to be improving. I guess my answer is the same as others - normal and annoying when it's your own kid, intolerable when it's someone else's.

[Deleted]

Mine both whine unfortunately . DS1 has gotten much better in the last couple of years through our constant reminding him to use a polite voice, that we don't understand the whiny voice, etc etc. it takes a lot of work!

Now we start over with DS2. Fun times!

[Deleted]

Okay so does G not whine at all? If so, I'm jealous!!

Except this just recently started for us so I hope she's not just late to the game like D, I hope you just have a non-whiner!!!

[laurack]

It's like everything that comes out of her mouth is a whine. Even when it's something normal like water. "I waaaaaant waaaaterrrr waaaah" like dude, obviously I'm going to give you water?? Ugh so annoying

[rxbeth]

I'm surprised you're not in this phase with g. Madison is extra whiny right now. The repeating is in full force, even if we have said yes and it's just a matter of waiting.

[laurack]

"I want a movie"
"No. Maybe after dinner but not now"
3 seconds pass
"I want a MOVIE"
"No"
Repeat repeat repeat

[claralou]

It depends. Is BIL making any attempt to correct his behavior? The whining itself is normal and intolerable (we're here too), but it's significantly less annoying if you're not the only one trying to correct/address it.

We had three families over for dinner last night. Three 3 year olds and two 1.5 year olds. The whining was unbearable. But everyone was in the same boat trying to address it, which made it humorous to share the frustration. It didn't work- lol- they kept right on whining- but I wasn't parenting these other kids solo. If no one else was addressing their kids' behavior I would have lost my mind.

[joyhart02]

This is my life too. Whining all day every day. Especially with my 5.5 year old. I say no to something or give her an answe she doesn't like it's a war.

C whined for 45 minutes yesterday because she wanted to go in the neighbors inflatable pool two doors down when we had two set up in our yard and company coming over.

For me this is normal.

Also, C rarely sits down when she eats at home right now so this is normal too.

[katfco]

What do his parents do when he whines like that?

Although it's normal, at 4.5 I would assume hours of incessant whining about the same thing would result in, "Keep asking and the answer is no."

[shevacc]

Jul 5, 2015 5:05:06 GMT -5 ladybug said:

Okay so does G not whine at all? If so, I'm jealous!!

Except this just recently started for us so I hope she's not just late to the game like D, I hope you just have a non-whiner!!!

No no no, she totally does whine. Which also is annoying, but she eventually gives up. Nephew won't. drop. it. He persists with the same whine for HOURS, like sometimes 4+ hours. Even when his request is obviously impossible to accommodate (like wanting to play play dough while at the parade). And he's not my kid, so there's that aspect of it too, I admit.

[jsillyfun]

So annoying but normal. I've been working on it with may.
"Miiiiiiilk! Now!"
"you don't need to wine. You can say, mommy can I have milk pleAse?"
"Can I have milk please?"
"Yes you can."
This works well if she's in a good mood.

[shevacc]

Jul 5, 2015 6:43:42 GMT -5 claralou said:

It depends. Is BIL making any attempt to correct his behavior? The whining itself is normal and intolerable (we're here too), but it's significantly less annoying if you're not the only one trying to correct/address it.

We had three families over for dinner last night. Three 3 year olds and two 1.5 year olds. The whining was unbearable. But everyone was in the same boat trying to address it, which made it humorous to share the frustration. It didn't work- lol- they kept right on whining- but I wasn't parenting these other kids solo. If no one else was addressing their kids' behavior I would have lost my mind.

I think you identified my true issue right there. Nope, no attempt, other than to give the kid what he wants. It's so much easier to be patient with other kids when I see the parents trying. Like nephew's roughhousing doesn't bother me -- he's not intending to be rough and BIL is right there reminding him to be gentle around the babies.

[shevacc]

Jul 5, 2015 7:38:32 GMT -5 katfco said:

What do his parents do when he whines like that?

Although it's normal, at 4.5 I would assume hours of incessant whining about the same thing would result in, "Keep asking and the answer is no."

Give him what he wants, generally. Or make promises for later.

ETA - a response like that would make me so much less annoyed at the situation.

[Deleted]

Jul 5, 2015 9:19:54 GMT -5 shevacc said:

Jul 5, 2015 5:05:06 GMT -5 ladybug said:

Okay so does G not whine at all? If so, I'm jealous!!

Except this just recently started for us so I hope she's not just late to the game like D, I hope you just have a non-whiner!!!

No no no, she totally does whine. Which also is annoying, but she eventually gives up. Nephew won't. drop. it. He persists with the same whine for HOURS, like sometimes 4+ hours. Even when his request is obviously impossible to accommodate (like wanting to play play dough while at the parade). And he's not my kid, so there's that aspect of it too, I admit.

Okay i see. Well D doesn't whine for 4 hours but easily and hour if she really wants something, like lately riding her bike 24/7. That caused a full blown tantrum yesterday when we didn't give in to whining.

[shevacc]

Jul 5, 2015 10:37:10 GMT -5 ladybug said:

Jul 5, 2015 9:19:54 GMT -5 shevacc said:

No no no, she totally does whine. Which also is annoying, but she eventually gives up. Nephew won't. drop. it. He persists with the same whine for HOURS, like sometimes 4+ hours. Even when his request is obviously impossible to accommodate (like wanting to play play dough while at the parade). And he's not my kid, so there's that aspect of it too, I admit.

Okay i see. Well D doesn't whine for 4 hours but easily and hour if she really wants something, like lately riding her bike 24/7. That caused a full blown tantrum yesterday when we didn't give in to whining.

I think I would prefer the tantrum. Them giving in to his whining seems to be making it so much worse. You're trying to address it, which is key.

[jg183]

I'd be more annoyed with BIL then the kid. They are enabling him

[shevacc]

Jul 5, 2015 10:53:41 GMT -5 jg183 said:

I'd be more annoyed with BIL then the kid. They are enabling him

That's probably fair. I try hard to not be annoyed at BIL since he's family and I can't change him.

[jg183]

But from the kids perspective if you whine and it works - why wouldn't he keep doing it?

[shevacc]

Jul 5, 2015 11:03:37 GMT -5 jg183 said:

But from the kids perspective if you whine and it works - why wouldn't he keep doing it?

I wiiiiiiiish it didn't woooooooooooooooork!!!

[fusion]

So my kids generally aren't too bad with whining, but I have found 4 to be more difficult in that respect in general. Then when you throw an enabler into the picture it really makes a huge difference in temperament. My MIL comes to visit us every 3ish months, and she is the definition of an enabler - she only wants to stop the annoying behavior right then even if it is giving in to unwanted behaviors or giving them whatever they want. They quickly devolve into really annoying little manipulators and it takes me around a week to get them back up to normal after she leaves (we call it Grandma detox). And it's a week of HARD work, saying no 100000X, putting them in timeout, lots of tantruming when they don't get their way, J even had a couple of kicking and screaming fests this last time. I try to stay on top of it while she is here, but it's really hard because she jumps right in here and acts like she's a coparent.

[shevacc]

fusion, that makes a lot of sense. We deal with Grandma detox too after MIL visits. Unfortunately (for nephew and anyone who is around him) that's his normal.

[fusion]

Jul 5, 2015 13:08:15 GMT -5 shevacc said:

fusion, that makes a lot of sense. We deal with Grandma detox too after MIL visits. Unfortunately (for nephew and anyone who is around him) that's his normal.

It's probably a combination of some of his normal combined with not making a scene in front of company and him possibly amping it up because he knows he can in front of others and get his way more. And some kids are just waaay more into pushing limits. I have to keep J on a *really* short leash or he gets that way so quickly. And if we are visiting at his moms house and around others it can be difficult to be the disciplinarian I need to be.