Anyone have IL vents?

[speyedr]

Mine are coming to visit next weekend and while so adore my MIL, FIL drives me crazy. Last time they were here was in April for DD1's first birthday and FIL spent more than half the time they were here in the bathroom. He is more high maintenance than a woman. He can't get out the door at a reasonable hour in the morning because he can't wake up early enough to get his both room routine done. We now have a 15month old and 3 week old and he is clueless about babies schedules and the need to work around them, not him. I'm not looking forward to next week.

[6fsn]

Twice I've driven over an hour one way to try to swim with MIL. She enjoys it so I make sure we get over there once a year. Both times the weather has sucked. The first time we went somewhere else. The second my kids shivered their way through 2 hrs. Now she says we should just do it "spur of the moment on a nice day." I told her spur of the moment does not involve 3 kids swimming and a 2.5 hour round trip drive. I cordially invited her to "spur of the moment come to our pool."

I texted this morning and got a resounding no. They have plans and she just doesn't see how we're ever going to get to swim. She's retired so there is no job. I realize she does other things, but if she has no real responsibilities that are time sensitive.

[caramia]

I wish I could kick my MIL off Facebook. 3 weeks ago, H updated her on after an ultrasound, so she HAD to post on FB before either H or I could. I was upset because she had no idea if I'd told my family yet & I don't want them to find out anything from FB (baby has Spina Bifida, so our families know when we have ultrasounds).

Last week she sent me an ugly but comfy maternity dress, then kept asking for a picture of me wearing it. I finally wore it yesterday & sent her a picture. Since it just went to MIL & SIL, I didn't bother to do much with my hair or makeup. Guess what picture she uploaded to FB & made her fucking cover photo? I wouldn't care so much if I looked good, but seriously. If I wanted that picture on the internet, I'd upload it myself.

I get that she's excited about her first grandchild, but I'm dreading the boundaries conversation. H is no help because he thinks she's just showing how much she cares...but this is OUR baby, not MIL's.

[Muddled]

MIL wants to buy us baby stuff. She picks things that we don't need (or want) because they are pricey. Her thing is that if she spends lots of money on us, she wins grandparent wars or sumshit. She doesn't have the money to spend.

I would much much rather buy my own everything than have to support her later. Keep your freaking money, MIL!

[Muddled]

Jul 6, 2015 7:50:22 GMT -5 caramia said:

I wish I could kick my MIL off Facebook. 3 weeks ago, H updated her on after an ultrasound, so she HAD to post on FB before either H or I could. I was upset because she had no idea if I'd told my family yet & I don't want them to find out anything from FB (baby has Spina Bifida, so our families know when we have ultrasounds).

Last week she sent me an ugly but comfy maternity dress, then kept asking for a picture of me wearing it. I finally wore it yesterday & sent her a picture. Since it just went to MIL & SIL, I didn't bother to do much with my hair or makeup. Guess what picture she uploaded to FB & made her fucking cover photo? I wouldn't care so much if I looked good, but seriously. If I wanted that picture on the internet, I'd upload it myself.

I get that she's excited about her first grandchild, but I'm dreading the boundaries conversation. H is no help because he thinks she's just showing how much she cares...but this is OUR baby, not MIL's.

This is exactly why MIL has gotten zero photos. 

[whiskeyandwine]

PDQ.

My SIL is pregnant for the third time in three years. My MIL pretty much raises her children. The oldest stays w my MIL during the week bc my SIL can't handle a 2yo and 9mo at the same time while her H works. Now she is going to add an infant to the mix.

I honestly don't understand why she keeps having kids. All 3 times she says it's been an "accident" and that they weren't trying. Umm.

Also, she once asked me (when she announced her 2nd pregnancy on my birthday) if I am still infertile.

Ugh.

[wavepool]

I've said this one before, but my mil smokes like a chimney and doesn't care whether kids are around, which means we don't bring O to see her. She knows, but won't stop for even a couple hours.

[whiskeyandwine]

caramia - oh, hell no. I'd be so annoyed.

Seriously, put an end to that before your LO arrives or she'll be posting pics of her/him all over the place w/o your permission.

I had to flat out tell my ILs not to post pics of my son w/o asking me first.

[chickens987]

Jul 6, 2015 7:44:39 GMT -5 speyedr said:

Mine are coming to visit next weekend and while so adore my MIL, FIL drives me crazy. 

Ditto, although for different reasons. They'll be here for 2 weeks.

At least he adores his granddaughter, but we'll see how he deals with the terrible twos...

[bearbaby]

We had to celebrate my FIL birthday yesterday - which was at least a break because his actual bday is 7/4 and like a 5 year old he expects a party every year on "my ACTUAL birthday!".

My MIL is a lousy cook and boring entertainer - so the menu is literally the same every time we're there. (Chicken, bagged salad with no embellishment and corn). And we've spent literally years now giving ample warning that we need to leave at 6 because it's nearly an hour drive and we need to get home for bath/bedtime.

And yet Every.Single.Time she can't get her act together and then acts surprised/hurt when we've not have dessert/coffee/etc by 6 (bbq was at 4 FTR) and announce we're leaving. AGH! No, we CAN'T just "stay for some cake??"

She also offers me coffee after every meal. I've spent 6 years repeating "No thank you - I actually don't like coffee - I've never drank a cup of it" to which she acts surprised/amazed. She has heard this 'fun fact' approximately 200 times.

My FIL is an ass, but those are stories for another day.

[Muddled]

Jul 6, 2015 7:54:43 GMT -5 @mrsbecky said:

caramia she has a picture of you as her cover photo? is your H in it at least?

Doubt it. Her grandbaby is in it and that is all that matters. 

[caramia]

Jul 6, 2015 8:00:23 GMT -5 Muddled said:

Jul 6, 2015 7:54:43 GMT -5 @mrsbecky said:

caramia she has a picture of you as her cover photo? is your H in it at least?

Doubt it. Her grandbaby is in it and that is all that matters. 

Exactly. It's just me with my belly.

[caramia]

Jul 6, 2015 7:56:11 GMT -5 whiskeyandwine said:

caramia - oh, hell no. I'd be so annoyed.

Seriously, put an end to that before your LO arrives or she'll be posting pics of her/him all over the place w/o your permission.

I had to flat out tell my ILs not to post pics of my son w/o asking me first.

Ugh. I know. I'm just not looking forward to it. My H thinks I'm too hard on his mom, so I'm still convincing him we need boundaries

[ilikedonuts]

Can I vent about my own family?

I was apologizing to my SIL for not being able to see them more when they were in town because I had signed DD1 up for camp this week (3 days for 3 hours each day) before I knew they were coming.

She looks at me and goes 'don't you like to spend time with your kid? She goes to a lot of camps'

Are you fucking kidding me?

[awkwardpenguin]

My in laws know literally nothing about babies, but that doesn't stop them from telling us how to raise ours. They asked the other day if the baby was sleeping through the night (she's three weeks old) and then told us we should let her cry it out to get her to sleep in a crib. DW kept repeating "not developmentally appropriate" in response to the CIO advice. They are coming to visit at the beginning of August and I can't wait for that round of advice.

[Deleted]

My vent is pretty tame compared to you guys. FIL stayed with us for 3 days a few weeks ago. DS is 3.5yo and DD is 3.5 months old. FIL kept saying how "intense" DS is, and that DS needed to "take it down a notch." He's a 3.5yo boy, so yeah he's high energy and constantly moving. But DS was a good listener that weekend, I was proud of him. He's just 3 KWIM.

[djc315]

Perfect timing as I got to spend Sat night and most of Sunday with my ILs. My MIL is fantastic, but my FIL is another story.

Saturday night they were over for a BBQ and to watch fireworks. FIL would try to parent over us over every single decision we made regarding N. Hitting at dinner = time out. As DH is taking N to time out, FIL is trying to grab N from him saying "No, N, you don't have to go to T.O., daddy is mean" WTF DUDE.

And yesterday, at the park/beach, FIL, N, and cousin were in the water, playing with squirt toys. I was on the beach, in a dress, and FIL tells N to squirt me. So, of course, the 2 year old did exactly that. I told N he had to get out of the water bc he knows a) not to squirt people and b) I explicitly told him not to squirt me as he was coming towards me. FIL is all "nooo it's my fault, he didn't do it (? YES HE DID), I told him to, here i'll squirt myself in the face since I feel bad." UGHHHH.

And don't get me started on what they try and feed him. BIL gave him an altoid on Saturday, FIL kept giving him all kinds of candy Saturday night after I told him no, and then on Sunday, FIL kept telling N he could go play after 1 bite right after I told him he needed to finish his burger. And BIL tried to give him Extra Flaming Hot Cheetos. While he was eating his lunch.

[Deleted]

My MIL is lovely and generous but she is so paranoid.
We went for a picnic and there was a small beach nearby. So my dad and I took the 3 kids (mine 3.5 and the other two 6 and 11) to play. They stood 3 inches into the water barefoot.
I went back to the picnic area to grab towels. My MiL is frwaking out. They are going to get wet. The lake is dirty
She followed me back. From the moment she arrived - the two older kids were so worried they were getting too wet or behaving incorrectly. It was 90degeees outside.
My kid meanwhile was in the water wet to her armpits. Lol. My MiL said to her - be careful - there might be glass in the sand - you have no shoes on.
Let them be kids for a minute. What's the worst that could happen? They will be wet.
She offered to pick my kid up from school twice a week in the fall. But I don't think I can deal with all her comments on the school and the teacher and the way I dress L etx.
She always has kids in pants under dresses in the middle of July. Poor kids.

[noodleoo]

Ugh I have so many, how to pick? Right now I'm annoyed (although not surprised) at my SIL. When she had her kids, it was a big deal about how soon we'd be down to visit. We flew down to see both, stayed 3-4 days, took time off work, etc. we love them and we're excited, so we were happy to do it. But SiL very much expected it. We just had our baby and she mentioned coming up to visit. I was really excited as she never comes up here (even though MIL and FIL live here too). She texted H that she'll be up for a weekend but only has Friday ,owning to visit us. Turns out she's coming up for a girls weekend with her HS friends and is "squeezing" us in. So yeah, she expects H to take the day off to spend a few hours with her, full well knowing he has little PTO left after taking time off when bay was born. She is so freaking self absorbed it kills me! H is really disappointed but he'll never actually say anything about it. I feel bad for him.

[chw57]

My ILs are super pissed at me because we are moving from their state to my family's and they think I'm dragging their son against his will and tearing their family apart.

They visited this weekend and brought presents for the kids...aka tons of plastic crap. The kids do not need all this stuff.

My FIL said about Caitlin Jenner "if it takes you 65 years to figure out what you are, there is something wrong with you." Shut.Up.

[cincodemayo]

I'm kind of over both my parents and H's right now. And we have LOTS of time with both of them over the next 3 weeks, squee.

[fortnightlily]

This is super minor, but it still annoys me. At his house, FIL sleeps every night in a recliner in the living room with the TV blaring all night. MIL sleeps in the bedroom.

The first few times they stayed with us, FIL at least made the pretense that he was going to sleep in the guest room (he'd start out there, then end up in the living room). Now, he just sleeps the whole damn night propped up on our sofa with the TV blasting through the whole house. He doesn't even get his pillow from the bedroom, he just crams the three sofa decorative pillows behind his back. Arg.

[teatimefor2]

Jul 6, 2015 8:44:35 GMT -5 @abbycobb said:

Let me preface that I generally really like my in-laws, and I know this is minor, but...

We live 2 hours away. After every single visit we have to call or text to let them know we made it home safely. They stress out about us traveling 2 hours in perfect driving conditions. This isn't normal, is it?

Hmmm, everyone I know does this when traveling. My BFF and I even do it. I think it's very normal.

[livinitup]

My mother and father BEG us to visit. And when we do, BEG us to stay longer. And when we do, BEG us to stay even longer. So, I make an effort and since I enjoy them, I do try to make the visits as long as possible. So, last week, I took some extra time off of work and extended our weekend visit through to Tuesday. But since my mother had a hair cut appointment at 12:30 - we missed her completely. Because, apparently, when you are retired you can not change hair cut appointments (OMG! Of course not!! - I've only used this hairdresser for 20 years, he could NEEVVVVEERR change the time of an appointment for me!!), and apparently, you have to get up before dawn, leave the house all day and not come back until after we leave at 3 PM.

Yes, mom, it's shocking that we missed you all day when you were out of the house all day. Yes, mom, we will visit soon. I know how you miss spending time with us.

[teatimefor2]

This is minor. FIL really wants us to go on a very expensive trip that's on his bucket list. Okay, but what kills me is as he's talking, he says to me (DH was not in the room) that he might help another family member out to afford to go. This family member has a good job now, is single and he's helped with other trips that we were invited but had to decline due to cost. It just rubs me the wrong way. It's his money, but he could afford to help everyone and only helps his child he thinks need the help. Which is never us.

He also thinks DH makes way more than he does. It just bothers me that he makes a huge deal about us going, offers zero financial support and then says he'll help out other people. His right to do that, but don't rub it in our faces!

[kategm]

IL's eating habits. My niece and nephew are crazy picky eaters, so they've pretty much trained my MIL to feed them crap. She just doesn't comprehend that I feed my child real food and vegetables. I finally learned and brought my own broccoli for DD this past weekend, but I was cringing when she kept feeding DD raisins. Especially since they were yogurt covered raisins! That's candy, not fruit! In a 27 hour period I never once saw my nephew drink water. I look like an un-breezy asshole when I'm around my SIL & her kids.

[kategm]

Jul 6, 2015 9:38:04 GMT -5 @abbycobb said:

Jul 6, 2015 9:28:07 GMT -5 teatimefor2 said:

Hmmm, everyone I know does this when traveling. My BFF and I even do it. I think it's very normal.

Really? 2 hours? Dang. It drives me crazy.

Yep, we do this in my family too. We even check in with ILs and they only live a little over an hour away. It doesn't have to be a far distance for an accident or mishap to occur.

[Willis Jackson]

Jul 6, 2015 9:52:15 GMT -5 @abbycobb said:

Jul 6, 2015 9:41:35 GMT -5 kategm said:

Yep, we do this in my family too. We even check in with ILs and they only live a little over an hour away. It doesn't have to be a far distance for an accident or mishap to occur.

Yeah accidents can happen, but I don't assume one has happened until I hear otherwise. I guess I grew up with "no news is good news". I appear to be in the minority, lol.

My parents used to insist I do this, but it stopped after I kept "forgetting" to call. And it was an 8 hour drive, not 2.

"I just want to make sure you're not lying in a ditch somewhere."

[electricmayhem]

Jul 6, 2015 8:52:33 GMT -5 noodleoo said:

Ugh I have so many, how to pick? Right now I'm annoyed (although not surprised) at my SIL. When she had her kids, it was a big deal about how soon we'd be down to visit. We flew down to see both, stayed 3-4 days, took time off work, etc. we love them and we're excited, so we were happy to do it. But SiL very much expected it. We just had our baby and she mentioned coming up to visit. I was really excited as she never comes up here (even though MIL and FIL live here too). She texted H that she'll be up for a weekend but only has Friday ,owning to visit us. Turns out she's coming up for a girls weekend with her HS friends and is "squeezing" us in. So yeah, she expects H to take the day off to spend a few hours with her, full well knowing he has little PTO left after taking time off when bay was born. She is so freaking self absorbed it kills me! H is really disappointed but he'll never actually say anything about it. I feel bad for him.

We apparently have the same SIL.  The exact same thing happened to us.  She had a baby first; we took off work, flew to visit, stayed a few days, made a big fuss, etc.  And it was absolutely expected and she would have been devastated if we hadn't come.  Three years later DS comes and she tells DH her family has no time / money to reciprocate.  Two days after that, her H is posting on FB about all of his new hockey equipment and a $5K gaming computer he treated himself to.  Then MIL casually mentions (she did not know what SIL told us) that BIL has so much time off accrued that he's taking a month off work (SIL is a SAHM).  DH was in a wedding in our home state that fall and when we went back for that, SIL decided to horn in and drive up for her official visit.  I think we saw her for two hours.  She didn't meet DD until DD was 9 months old (and again, it was at another event that our family traveled to and she decided to pop in on that); DD2 is coming in two weeks and I don't know when they will meet.  What pisses me off the most though is that I feel like this is going to be turned around on us--since her kid is the oldest and will presumably have many events we'll be invited to first (i.e. communion, graduations, etc), if we follow their lead and stop making an effort, their thought process is going to be, "Well, you didn't come when our kid did "x", so now we have an excuse not to come either".

[Deleted]

electricmayhem

Since your SIL is ridiculous, just do what is reasonable and meaningful to you. It's not your niece/nephew's fault her/his parents are jerks, so just build the relationship you want.

I'm sorry your kid has jerky aunt/uncle but it's not the end of the world. Each of my parents have 4 siblings, so my relationships ran the gamut totally. I have one aunt and uncle who really went above and beyond and 2 aunts that were good to me. I wasn't especially hurt by the others.