I just need hair pats

[isabel]

I know everyone with a kid goes through this, but I just need a little pity right now.

I'm so exhausted. My kid is not easy. He doesn't sleep and fights it every time I try to get him to nap or go to sleep for the night. He sometimes fights it in the middle of the night, even when I can see him starting to nod off. Sometimes it's gas related, but more often than not, I think it's just that he's so interested in everything around him and doesn't want to close his eyes.

I was up at 12, 2, 3:30, and 5:30 before getting up for work at 6:20. I have to leave the house at 6:30. It's been like this for weeks. I'm totally fried. DH is a really heavy sleeper and doesn't get up unless I wake him up, even if the baby is screaming.

This morning on my way to work, he texted me that DS was screaming his head off. Uh, wtf do you want me to do about it, dude!? It makes me so anxious that I'm not there to fix it.

I'm just done, guys. I feel like I'm in a fog all the time and I'm having to work so hard to process the most simple tasks at work.

Ugh. I'm so scared this is going to somehow get worse when he hits 4 months, but I don't even know how that would be possible at that point.

When I got home yesterday, MIL (who watches DS during the day) gave me a long hug and told me it's ok to complain and cry if I need to. She's so sweet.

Anyway, vent over. Share your baby hardships or stories about it getting better.

[sharknado]

They won't be babies for ever.

[Eagles]

I have no kids, but I am sending you giant hugs because that sounds miserable.

[cookie510]

I'm sorry I promise, one day you both will sleep. Can your H take over this weekend so you can catch up on your sleep?

[05heel]

Hugs to you. It will get better though, which is of no help to you right now of course.

[kaybee85]

Ingrid never went through a 4 month regression, so there's hope! I'm sorry. ((Hugs))

[isabel]

Jul 22, 2015 10:35:19 GMT -5 cookie510 said:

I'm sorry I promise, one day you both will sleep. Can your H take over this weekend so you can catch up on your sleep?

He suggested I go sleep at his mom's house on Saturday. I want to, but I just feel weird about it. I know he can handle it and DS will be fine, but H gets frustrated, especially in the middle of the night. It's my own hang-up, I realize.

[pitta12]

So sorry. My kids are shit sleepers too and it is impossible to describe how brutal that is. I wish I had the magic solution. I totally get the desperation you are feeling.

It does get better. My kids are 3.5 and almost 6 now and they do sleep through the night. They still get up earlier than I would like (every.single.day) but at least I am able to get some uninterrupted sleep time on a regular basis. DD did not STTN until after she turned 2; not sure if that makes you feel better or worse. She is an extreme example, though.

[Deleted]

You need more sleep, take your H up on his offer.

This is such a hard age and stage. ((hugs))

[dana2006]

Hugs. DS was also a really shitty sleeper during the early months, so I was dreading the 4-month regression. But somehow he started sleeping better around then. At around 8 months though, he started regressing to newborn sleep patterns and we could barely hold it together. That's when we sleep trained him. There have been some setbacks here and there, but overall his sleep has gotten better.

[revolution]

Jul 22, 2015 10:39:58 GMT -5 isabel said:

Jul 22, 2015 10:35:19 GMT -5 cookie510 said:

I'm sorry I promise, one day you both will sleep. Can your H take over this weekend so you can catch up on your sleep?

He suggested I go sleep at his mom's house on Saturday. I want to, but I just feel weird about it. I know he can handle it and DS will be fine, but H gets frustrated, especially in the middle of the night. It's my own hang-up, I realize.

I will tell you what my MIL told me.  They need to learn how to deal with each other.  They will do things differently and just because he does it differently, doesn't mean it is wrong.  But, really, he can and should handle it.  It can't be on you 100% of the time.  Trust me, I learned the hard way.

Also, my first screamed and didn't sleep for the first 5 months of her life.  She lost her voice almost daily from all of her screaming.  She's a fabulous sleeper now and will put herself to bed early if she's tired.  So there's hope!

[underwaterrhymes]

Okay, this was hard for me too, but you need to let your H handle some of the nighttime stuff. Kick him, shake him awake, get him to deal with at least one of those wake ups, if not two.

Our kid has never been a good sleeper, but things got so much better when I let H take over some. It was hard to relinquish control, but you need to do it to be healthy for YOU, not just your family.

[smock]

Ugh, that sounds so rough! But silver lining: lots of kids go through the 4 month sleep regression a little early--for us, it started around 14/15 weeks. So hopefully he's figuring out how to sleep better, and things will improve soon.

Until then, take really good care of yourself. Go to bed super early and ask your H to do the first shift, so you can at least get a solid chunk of sleep in the first part of the night.

And I promise, it does get better.

[crispnclean]

I'm sorry. DS was a terrible sleeper too. It is really hard to function at all when you are getting no sleep. You need your DH to get up in the middle of the night and help. Some people do shifts (e.g., DH handles any wakeups between midnight and 3, you handle any from 3-6) and some do every other wakeup.

When we went through some especially rough sleep times, the only thing that saved my sanity was bed sharing with DS. I know that's not for everyone, but it worked for us. Another thing that was helpful was taking a nap on the weekends when I could just let DH be in charge for a few hours.

Hugs to you. It is so rough, but it does eventually get better.

[mudslide]

Jul 22, 2015 10:39:58 GMT -5 isabel said:

Jul 22, 2015 10:35:19 GMT -5 cookie510 said:

I'm sorry I promise, one day you both will sleep. Can your H take over this weekend so you can catch up on your sleep?

He suggested I go sleep at his mom's house on Saturday. I want to, but I just feel weird about it. I know he can handle it and DS will be fine, but H gets frustrated, especially in the middle of the night. It's my own hang-up, I realize.

Just do it! You obviously need the sleep. ((Big hugs)) it is hard and you're doing great.

[ginger]

These ladies are smart.

((Hugs))

[wambam]

Hair pets and BOOTD likes from me

[FastHands]

I am so sorry. Your kiddo sounds so much like mine, and I was really and truly about to lose my mind at about the age your son is. Just reading your post is giving me flashbacks. I am sending you every ounce of good vibes that I have, because it really is so hard. I will say that at 4 months, DS flipped a switch for the better. I know all babies are different, but it is possible that (hopefully soon), he'll find his happy place. With DS it was all of the gas/digestive issues, and the dr said that it just takes some time for some babies' digestive systems to fully mature. I'm praying that this is the case for you as well.

And definitely let your H do more. Unless you think he would get frustrated to the point of harming your child, let him take a night or two or 10. Being frustrated is okay, and from what I hear, kids continue to drive you crazy forever, so it's probably good for him to get some practice dealing with frustration.

[Tacocat]

My DD was an awful sleeper as a newborn/infant. But magically when she turned 7 months, she started sleeping through the night consistently (and not that 6 hrs BS, she was sleeping 10-12 hours uninterrupted). So there is definitely hope! DD was a baby that wanted to move, so once she could crawl she was a much happier baby too. I don't know if your DS is that way at all, but she needed constant movement and change. Once she could get around on her own, she was a happy camper. She is 2.5 now and she still sleeps 10-12 hours a night and takes a 2.5 hour nap.

Take your H's offer of sleeping at your MIL's overnight this weekend. It's amazing what a good night's sleep will do for your body/mind. And I know it totally sucks while you're in it, but these periods are short and it will indeed get better

ETA: If you haven't checked out Happiest Baby on the Block, please do so! It really helped my DD a lot. There's a book, but also an hour long video that I watched (as I did not have time to read a book during that period). There are lots of good tips and the sleep stuff worked really well for DD (white noise, sleep sack, etc.).

[Deleted]

Jul 22, 2015 10:39:58 GMT -5 isabel said:

Jul 22, 2015 10:35:19 GMT -5 cookie510 said:

I'm sorry I promise, one day you both will sleep. Can your H take over this weekend so you can catch up on your sleep?

He suggested I go sleep at his mom's house on Saturday. I want to, but I just feel weird about it. I know he can handle it and DS will be fine, but H gets frustrated, especially in the middle of the night. It's my own hang-up, I realize.

Please, PLEASE do this!  I never had DH help at night and I became the default parent, which led to a lot of resentment.  Go to MIL's and enjoy yourself!

[mrsukyankee]

Hair pats from someone who doesn't have kids.

[isabel]

Jul 22, 2015 11:22:19 GMT -5 Tacocat said:

DD was a baby that wanted to move, so once she could crawl she was a much happier baby too. I don't know if your DS is that way at all, but she needed constant movement and change. Once she could get around on her own, she was a happy camper. /p]

Omg, yes. He's rolling over and trying to sit up and he's rarely happy to be sitting. He always wants to stand up when I'm holding him and is happiest when he's moving or when we play superman. When he's on his tummy, he'll get his knees up under him and kind of rock, but he can't get his arms up yet. He wants so badly to move around and he's just not capable yet.

[BaliHai]

When we were going through multiple nighttime wakeups with L, we split who got up with her: H took the first two, I took the last two. Most nights I'd wake up and have to wake him up for his "shifts", but waking up still wasn't as bad as having to get out of bed and feed her/get her back down. We were both still tired, but neither of us was more tired than the other, and it saved us a lot of resentment (though I had to really, really rein in the crazy when he'd get frustrated and snappy with her in the middle of the night, and I wasn't always successful, but that's a different issue).

Take him up on his offer to sleep at your MIL's. You'll be fine, baby will be fine, H will be fine.

[isabel]

@licia- send him over! Lol

FastHands- recalling some of your posts from the last few months, your guy does sound really similar. I'm glad to hear it's gotten better for you.

Thank you everyone for the responses. DH has been texting me all morning and really wants to step up. I think we're going to have him be on call until 1am from now on. We'll see how it goes. I'm probably also going to take him up on his offer to stay at MIL's on Saturday.

It's relieving to hear that some of you felt like the 4 month regression came early. I've been wondering if this could be related to that.

[Tacocat]

Jul 22, 2015 12:31:21 GMT -5 isabel said:

Jul 22, 2015 11:22:19 GMT -5 Tacocat said:

DD was a baby that wanted to move, so once she could crawl she was a much happier baby too. I don't know if your DS is that way at all, but she needed constant movement and change. Once she could get around on her own, she was a happy camper. /p]

Omg, yes. He's rolling over and trying to sit up and he's rarely happy to be sitting. He always wants to stand up when I'm holding him and is happiest when he's moving or when we play superman. When he's on his tummy, he'll get his knees up under him and kind of rock, but he can't get his arms up yet. He wants so badly to move around and he's just not capable yet.

Yep, that was my DD too at that age. I bet he will start moving/rolling soon. It really made a huge difference in DD's temperament and she started sleeping better too. Hopefully this phase will pass soon!

[lilac05]

Hugs and hair pats! As cliche as it is, this too shall pass. I would literally say it to myself over and over and over during my roughest times in those early months.

In the meantime, take full advantage of your H's willingness to step up and help. It sounds like he really wants to help you, so let him. If you're not comfortable leaving the house overnight, maybe you can stay at the hours, but have you H do the full night of wake-ups. I have to kick my H awake at night, but he goes & tends to whoever needs it when I ask.

[sparkythelawyer]

Oh hang in there friend. I hope things get better soon.

[mommytutu]

I'm sorry. Go to your moms and get some sleep. It will get better.

[FastHands]

Jul 22, 2015 12:34:12 GMT -5 isabel said:

@licia- send him over! Lol

FastHands- recalling some of your posts from the last few months, your guy does sound really similar. I'm glad to hear it's gotten better for you.

Thank you everyone for the responses. DH has been texting me all morning and really wants to step up. I think we're going to have him be on call until 1am from now on. We'll see how it goes. I'm probably also going to take him up on his offer to stay at MIL's on Saturday.

It's relieving to hear that some of you felt like the 4 month regression came early. I've been wondering if this could be related to that.

Really and truly, let him help. He has been vocal about it, and he sees you suffering. This stage was really hard on DH too,  because he felt helpless. For some reason I felt like asking for his help, especially at night, was out of the question. But we were ALL so much happier once I let him do more. In the beginning, I'd only let DH take over at like 6am or later and only on weekends, but even that was HUGE. 2 days a week, I slept a few extra, blissful hours. I think your idea of having him on call until 1am is great, too. I think that chunk will do WONDERS.

I have everything crossed for you!

[isabel]

Jul 22, 2015 15:25:21 GMT -5 FastHands said:

Jul 22, 2015 12:34:12 GMT -5 isabel said:

@licia- send him over! Lol

FastHands- recalling some of your posts from the last few months, your guy does sound really similar. I'm glad to hear it's gotten better for you.

Thank you everyone for the responses. DH has been texting me all morning and really wants to step up. I think we're going to have him be on call until 1am from now on. We'll see how it goes. I'm probably also going to take him up on his offer to stay at MIL's on Saturday.

It's relieving to hear that some of you felt like the 4 month regression came early. I've been wondering if this could be related to that.

Really and truly, let him help. He has been vocal about it, and he sees you suffering. This stage was really hard on DH too,  because he felt helpless. For some reason I felt like asking for his help, especially at night, was out of the question. But we were ALL so much happier once I let him do more. In the beginning, I'd only let DH take over at like 6am or later and only on weekends, but even that was HUGE. 2 days a week, I slept a few extra, blissful hours. I think your idea of having him on call until 1am is great, too. I think that chunk will do WONDERS.

I have everything crossed for you!

I have this weird feeling of guilt when I ask for his help at night and it's always an internal debate before I actually wake him. I have no idea why and he's never given me any indication that he's not more than happy to help out and do what needs to be done. Mom guilt? Lol

Thanks for your encouragement!