The usual "you never know who's lurking," "not a safe place," etc., etc. Although I doubt it'll be hard for you guys to figure out who I am.
So. I can't believe I'm admitting this.
We got behind on our mortgage earlier this year due to medical bills. I had to ask my mom to help us out. We've had to lean on her a lot over the last couple of years and she seems to be getting really tired of it. But she did it. Since then, we've been having a really hard time making our bills, and at the moment we're behind on just about everything. I haven't let her know that because I feel like a failure. I feel like with what we make, we should be able to get by.
I just called the mortgage company to set up a payment (we missed last month) and to arrange to get caught up. They said they had already started the foreclosure procedure and wouldn't even let me make a payment--we're going to have to pay a lump sum to get caught up and out of foreclosure. We have no savings left. I called the company that manages my 401k and because of the rules my company has set forth about loans, I can't take out another one and they won't let me access enough as a hardship withdrawal to cover the lump sum payment (not even anywhere close to enough).
Somewhere up there ^ I should've mentioned that when my mom bailed us out, the mortgage company put most of the money toward the homeowner's insurance and escrow. So even though they told us that amount would catch us up, it did not. I didn't realize we've been behind since February. And yes, I know, I should've done a better job of keeping up with things--but I was pretty much just calling in once a month and setting up a payment for that month figuring things were okay.
I'm about to call the mortgage company to ask some more questions about this whole "putting it into escrow" thing, because that doesn't sound right.
Also, H's family does not and has not ever helped us with anything so there's no point in asking them.
Guys, I'm terrified. H has no idea this is going on and he's going to be incredibly upset (and rightfully so) and I'm not sure my mom will be willing to help us out again.
Going forward, things should be a little easier because we both just got raises and came up with a budget that works. I just don't see how we're going to get through right now.
I am sorry you are dealing with this but I have to wonder why doesn't your husband know?
EDIT: what I mean is have you been shouldering all of this and trying to shield him from it? I am sorry this is an awful situation for you. I had a friend go through something very similar and when she lost her house and rented a townhouse she said it was the best she had felt in YEARS. the pressure the uncertainty etc. she got her life back.
I'm so, so sorry. I think I probably know who this is. I don't really have any words of wisdom - although I'm sure others do - but after seeing what my parents have been going through the past few years (I've posted about it recently), I've come to have a completely different take on things like this. It is so, so easy for one relatively shitty short chunk of time to send everything crumbling. So please don't be ashamed.
Does your H have a 401k?
Nope. He's an EMT and has never worked anywhere that offered any type of retirement plan.
I'm really sorry this is happening. All I can offer is that bankruptcy is NOT the end of the world, does not mean you are a failure, and allows ordinary people the same opportunities businesses take all the time to start fresh. I know from experience. It took me a long time to shake off the shame, but I am so glad I did. Explore ALL your options - you will feel better, I promise.
First of all, big hugs. I am sure you're terrified and rightfully so.
You may want to consider asking your bank about possibly doing a short sale over a foreclosure. It isn't as detrimental on your credit and the bank typically doesn't lose as much. If you're able to work this out with them, you may be able to continue paying as much as you can toward your loan until you're able to sell.
Even if you don't want to get out of your home, a short sale may be one of the only alternatives at this point.
Second, please post your budget on MM if you're willing. They have really good advice and can help you trim it up so you can start rebuilding your savings.
Best of luck and I am sorry you're going through this.
I hope you're able to get some answers from the mortgage company when you call. Talk to your H tonight. I know it'll be hard, but having the same conversation next week will only be worse.
If you need more help with your budget or want more ideas, post on the MM board. Those ladies know their stuff! Medical bills can pile up really quickly & everyone is aware of how quickly your financial situation can change.
You will get through this. It's going to be tough, but take it one step at a time.
I am sorry you are dealing with this but I have to wonder why doesn't your husband know?
*I* didn't know. We were told that the payment in February would get us all caught up so we continued to pay monthly. Since they applied the money to things like escrow and insurance, it's like we didn't actually make a payment on the house with that lump sum, which means we've been behind ever since.
They said they sent a notice of foreclosure a month or two ago, but we never received it. I asked them to re-send when I was on the phone with them today.
There may be foreclosure assistance programs in your area. They all have different guidelines but it's a place to start. I'd Google to see what's available near you. Good luck
How long have you been living in your house? Has it significantly increased in value? Would you consider moving to avoid the foreclosure process?
I'm not surprised that the mortgage co has started filings if you've been behind since Feb...but it sounds like you are only one or two payments behind. Surely the lump sum wouldn't be too much? Could you get a 2nd part time job to build up this lump sum quickly? Do you have stuff you can sell (small stuff adds up, or maybe sell a car if you could take it down to one for a while, or get something significantly cheaper).
Maybe look into a low interest credit card that you could pay the lump sum with and then pay it off over the next few months with the amount from your raises/selling stuff/part time job?
I'm so, so sorry. I think I probably know who this is. I don't really have any words of wisdom - although I'm sure others do - but after seeing what my parents have been going through the past few years (I've posted about it recently), I've come to have a completely new take on things like this. It is so, so easy for one relatively short shitty chunk of time to send everything crumbling. So please don't be ashamed.
Does your H have a 401k?
(heart) > </3 > (heart) If that helps.
I'm just paranoid that someone I know might be lurking.
Hugs, AE. If you both have good jobs, you can get this back on track. Definitely tell your H. He might be mad at first, but I'm sure it will be better for both of you to know and be working as a team. After working something out with the bank (and I have no idea how that works) I would try setting up a more conservative budget that builds a sizable emergency fund for the future. Good luck!
I am sorry you are dealing with this but I have to wonder why doesn't your husband know?
*I* didn't know. We were told that the payment in February would get us all caught up so we continued to pay monthly. Since they applied the money to things like escrow and insurance, it's like we didn't actually make a payment on the house with that lump sum, which means we've been behind ever since.
They said they sent a notice of foreclosure a month or two ago, but we never received it. I asked them to re-send when I was on the phone with them today.
Wait, so you've been paying your mortgage on time every month, and they haven't been applying it to the payment? Just to insurance and escrow? Were you behind in insurance and escrow? If you were paying the full amount of the mortgage that was due, it would be more than you would owe in insurance and escrow. So where did that money go?
I think you need to call your mortgage co back and ask for a detailed receipt of where every single penny went. This sounds strange.
Are you on a reasonable payment plan for the medical bills? If they are charging over what you feel you can afford I would try calling to negotiate a lower payment.
As for the mortgage, ditto the other posters who suggest calling the mortgage company.
I am sorry you are dealing with this but I have to wonder why doesn't your husband know?
*I* didn't know. We were told that the payment in February would get us all caught up so we continued to pay monthly. Since they applied the money to things like escrow and insurance, it's like we didn't actually make a payment on the house with that lump sum, which means we've been behind ever since.
They said they sent a notice of foreclosure a month or two ago, but we never received it. I asked them to re-send when I was on the phone with them today.
I'm so , so sorry. I can't imagine what a stress this is. Since they didn't send this, is there anyway you can use that against them to give you more time?
*I* didn't know. We were told that the payment in February would get us all caught up so we continued to pay monthly. Since they applied the money to things like escrow and insurance, it's like we didn't actually make a payment on the house with that lump sum, which means we've been behind ever since.
They said they sent a notice of foreclosure a month or two ago, but we never received it. I asked them to re-send when I was on the phone with them today.
Wait, so you've been paying your mortgage on time every month, and they haven't been applying it to the payment? Just to insurance and escrow? Were you behind in insurance and escrow? If you were paying the full amount of the mortgage that was due, it would be more than you would owe in insurance and escrow. So where did that money go?
I think you need to call your mortgage co back and ask for a detailed receipt of where every single penny went. This sounds strange.
I know, it doesn't make sense. I'm calling as soon as I can get away from my desk again so I'm not broadcasting this crap to everyone I work with.
Yes, that is a good point from pp......are you still paying medical bills? I think you can reduce your payment significantly for a few months to work on coming up with that $5K, then up the payments after you've paid off the lump sum. Just call the med co that you are paying. You might research the laws in your state but I believe as long as you are paying something they can't ruin your credit.
Most of the time it's too late one foreclosure starts.
can you refinance? I know some credit unions will do no closing cost.
I don't know that we'd be able to. Our credit is shot due to a few years of medical bills.
im not sure if this is still true.
At one time medical bills could not be held against you when it came to home buying in Your state.This was before the crash though. At least look into it.
Yes, that is a good point from pp......are you still paying medical bills? I think you can reduce your payment significantly for a few months to work on coming up with that $5K, then up the payments after you've paid off the lump sum. Just call the med co that you are paying. You might research the laws in your state but I believe as long as you are paying something they can't ruin your credit.
Call the mortgage company first, see what happened to the big payment you made. If they went and dumped it in escrow/HO ins., see if they'll move that payment towards the principal. If they told you X number, you paid it, and they misapplied it, they ought to straighten that out before telling you they're starting foreclosure proceedings. I think they're at fault for giving you X number then not applying it towards the principal. If anything, maybe that will at least stop the foreclosure proceedings and you can apply for hardship programs?