Updated: Need rec for uncomfortable swim diapers (pool poop)

[shevacc]

Update: we need to get G swim diapers. Any suggestions for uncomfortable annoying ones?

G is in a testing limits/being as obnoxious as possible phase. Yesterday she rage peed on the stairs mid-tantrum. The day before she said she had to potty, then stood there and peed, making no effort to get to the potty. Today she pooped in the pool at daycare and they had to close it to clean it out. I assume none of the other classes got to swim today and I feel terrible. It's like she has decided to see what would happen if she tries something, then she sits back to watch the reaction.

Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with this? Logical consequences? Anything? It's not physical and it's not by accident, it's blatantly going for a reaction.

[thedahliharpa]

At first read Im stumped for advice. Maybe I will think of something more helpful later.. I hope this is a very short phase!

[shevacc]

Jul 28, 2015 23:26:17 GMT -5 thedahliharpa said:

At first read Im stumped for advice. Maybe I will think of something more helpful later.. I hope this is a very short phase!

I'm most irritated bc the peeing everywhere for a reaction phase comes and goes with her monthly. Just when I think we're done with it she starts up again. Pooping is new, though, ugh.

[thedahliharpa]

Jul 28, 2015 23:31:14 GMT -5 shevacc said:

Jul 28, 2015 23:26:17 GMT -5 thedahliharpa said:

At first read Im stumped for advice. Maybe I will think of something more helpful later.. I hope this is a very short phase!

I'm most irritated bc the peeing everywhere for a reaction phase comes and goes with her monthly. Just when I think we're done with it she starts up again. Pooping is new, though, ugh.

I wonder if giving her something else to focus on when she's ready to rage could help. Something physical...like stress balls. I'm thinking of other things that are less practical like popping bubble wrap or shaking the hell out of a maracca, lol. Both of which sound like they would be satisfying when I'm mad.

[shevacc]

Jul 28, 2015 23:38:55 GMT -5 thedahliharpa said:

Jul 28, 2015 23:31:14 GMT -5 shevacc said:

I'm most irritated bc the peeing everywhere for a reaction phase comes and goes with her monthly. Just when I think we're done with it she starts up again. Pooping is new, though, ugh.

I wonder if giving her something else to focus on when she's ready to rage could help. Something physical...like stress balls. I'm thinking of other things that are less practical like popping bubble wrap or shaking the hell out of a maracca, lol. Both of which sound like they would be satisfying when I'm mad.

I'll try talking with her about expressing anger and offer suggestions. Though I feel like maybe I need the anger management suggestions more than her. I get equal parts furious and embarrassed just thinking about her pooping in their pool. It's big enough to swim laps in so a really big pain to clean poop out of. With her, I get the feeling she's calmly and calculatedly saying f-you, you can't stop me to us.

[jg183]

No advice but I'm sorry. That sounds extremely stressful. Can you keep notes to see if it's a pattern or what causes it? Does it line up with when R is gone or gets back? Will she talk about it at all?

[katfco]

I think giving her other means of expressing her anger is good, but a consequence could be that she isn't allowed to play in the pool until she stops deliberately having accidents. That's a logical consequence.

[shevacc]

Jul 29, 2015 5:43:32 GMT -5 jg183 said:

No advice but I'm sorry. That sounds extremely stressful. Can you keep notes to see if it's a pattern or what causes it? Does it line up with when R is gone or gets back? Will she talk about it at all?

That's a good point. I'll start taking notes and see if I recognize anything. Most of the time it's been pee accidents, this is the first pool pooping incident and hopefully the only/last.

ETA - she told me about it but it's really hard to tell at this age if she feels bad about it or is just relaying information.

[imimahoney]

Oh man that sucks. I would be so angry if Ari was doing that.

I agree on the consequence thing. Maybe a chart with her going x amount of days with out a rage pee or poop = times in the pool. Once she goes it again she had to earn the right to go back in.

[shevacc]

Jul 29, 2015 6:13:10 GMT -5 katfco said:

I think giving her other means of expressing her anger is good, but a consequence could be that she isn't allowed to play in the pool until she stops deliberately having accidents. That's a logical consequence.

That makes sense and I'm pretty sure that's what the director (and head swim teacher) told her they would do. Though I don't know how long for them. I heard all of this from her since our nanny picked her up yesterday so I don't have any details from a grownup. I'll find that out today.

[The Foozzler]

Jul 29, 2015 6:13:10 GMT -5 katfco said:

I think giving her other means of expressing her anger is good, but a consequence could be that she isn't allowed to play in the pool until she stops deliberately having accidents. That's a logical consequence.

That is what I would do.

[sandj82110]

I know she's been trained for a really long time, would making her wear a diaper (at least for swimming) be embarrassing for her?

[shevacc]

Jul 29, 2015 8:22:14 GMT -5 imimahoney said:

Oh man that sucks. I would be so angry if Ari was doing that.

I agree on the consequence thing. Maybe a chart with her going x amount of days with out a rage pee or poop = times in the pool. Once she goes it again she had to earn the right to go back in.

They swim daily as part of summer camp so I'll have to talk to them about working with me on this one. But yes, that makes the most sense to me too.

[TrudyCampbell]

I would make her wear a swim diaper in the pool.

[laurack]

I agree with the swim diaper. Matilda is horrified at the idea of any kind of diaper now so I know that would bother her greatly.

I would say, "oh but remember when you pooped in the pool? that was awful for everyone and caused a lot of work for people so until we know you aren't going to do that anymore we'll use these diapers"

maybe three swims with a diaper and then allow her to try swimming without one again.

[shevacc]

Jul 29, 2015 8:26:58 GMT -5 sandj82110 said:

I know she's been trained for a really long time, would making her wear a diaper (at least for swimming) be embarrassing for her?

That's a good suggestion. I'm about to call the daycare director to talk about it. I'm dreading this phone call...even though it's not anything I have control over. I feel so terrible, though.

[laurensmomma]

I'm so sorry, C. I don't have any advice that hasn't been offered already, but wanted to offer my support. It's crazy how a freaking three year old knows how to pull these kind of shenanigans already. I know there are times where I just look at L, and am like, WHO ARE YOU? LOL

I'd be interested to hear what the director says. I agree that the swim diaper may be a solid solution.

[jg183]

Keep us posted! Did you talk to daycare?

[shevacc]

Jul 29, 2015 10:59:35 GMT -5 jg183 said:

Keep us posted! Did you talk to daycare?

I just talked to DH who did drop-off this morning. The director said G will have to wear swim diapers until we can trust her again. That makes sense to me.

[jg183]

Will they allow the disposable ones? Those look like regular diapers so maybe she will want to prove herself sooner

[shevacc]

Jul 29, 2015 11:42:42 GMT -5 jg183 said:

Will they allow the disposable ones? Those look like regular diapers so maybe she will want to prove herself sooner

That was my plan. She's never worn them before. Are all brands the same?

[ktstorm]

I forget if you cloth diaper? We just used an non-stuffed pocket diaper for Benjamin when he did water play at school. Do you have any that would fit her? Then they would be actually diapers which would get the point across too. The iswim briefs are reusable and would fit under a swimsuit too, but look more like underwear.

Eta: B had a pretty major regression with peeing and pooping his pants back in June when my H was away on travel. I asked his teachers to revert back to reminding him to use the potty every 30 minutes, 1 hour etc and at home was constantly reminding him again. I know your H had been traveling more, do her regressions occur shortly before/after/during his trips? I had my H start asking B about using the potty when they talked on the phone/Skype and say he was really excited/proud of how he was trying to use the potty and not have accidents. Not sure if something like that would help?

[jenbelle]

Jul 29, 2015 6:13:10 GMT -5 katfco said:

I think giving her other means of expressing her anger is good, but a consequence could be that she isn't allowed to play in the pool until she stops deliberately having accidents. That's a logical consequence.

This is what I was thinking.   No more pool time.

[ruby412]

I'm late on this, but I'm so sorry this is happening to you! We just went through a potty regression with V after A was born and it was awful. She also pooped in her bathing suit at school on water play day, didn't tell anyone, took off her suit in the room, stepped in her poop, etc. I, too, was horrified. Of course, the teachers were like "no big thing! it happens!" So, bottom line - don't feel badly about it. They are 3 and these things will happen.

What ended up working for us was going back to basics - a reward chart where she'd earn a prize each day for not having accidents. Then, we stretched it to 3 days, 4 days and 5 days, etc. By then, she was back on track.

Good luck! I feel your pain.

[imimahoney]

Jul 29, 2015 11:43:45 GMT -5 shevacc said:

Jul 29, 2015 11:42:42 GMT -5 jg183 said:

Will they allow the disposable ones? Those look like regular diapers so maybe she will want to prove herself sooner

That was my plan. She's never worn them before. Are all brands the same?

We just used whatever they had at target. Huggies Lil swimmers maybe?

[shevacc]

Jul 29, 2015 11:49:25 GMT -5 ktstorm said:

I forget if you cloth diaper? We just used an non-stuffed pocket diaper for Benjamin when he did water play at school. Do you have any that would fit her? Then they would be actually diapers which would get the point across too. The iswim briefs are reusable and would fit under a swimsuit too, but look more like underwear.

Eta: B had a pretty major regression with peeing and pooping his pants back in June when my H was away on travel. I asked his teachers to revert back to reminding him to use the potty every 30 minutes, 1 hour etc and at home was constantly reminding him again. I know your H had been traveling more, do her regressions occur shortly before/after/during his trips? I had my H start asking B about using the potty when they talked on the phone/Skype and say he was really excited/proud of how he was trying to use the potty and not have accidents. Not sure if something like that would help?

That's a really good point and I was just trying to figure this out. I think it could very well be right after he gets home from traveling. I'm going to pay attention next time. It's stressful at home even after he gets back bc I have to work less hours when he's gone so I'm playing catchup, he creates giant messes everywhere and seemingly forgets how to parent for several days, and I'm usually exhausted and snappy. All those things could be setting her off. Thanks for the suggestion.