I just received a note from a friend from grad school. I have not spoken with her at all in 13 years and I responded, "Hey, boo!!" It's so funny how close-knit our little group was and how close I feel to them, even with how much time has passed. My closest friend from school lives 30 minutes away and we talk 3-7 times a week and see each other frequently. This is pretty much how we've been since we met at orientation, but the rest I speak to anywhere from once a month to never, yet I still love them all so much. The bonds people form while in torture, I swear lol.
DH made blueberry pancakes and sausage for breakfast, so this is basically the best day I've had all week. Let us pray my boss does not destroy it. Amen!
Post by bostonmichelle on Jul 30, 2015 9:47:26 GMT -5
My motivation to work for the rest of the week is about a -2 on a scale from 0-10. I think I'm at a point that I'm overwhelmed with the move and I'm starting to get paralyzed by it. I also don't have much work to do except deal with difficult clients and their stuff and I just don't want to deal.
PDQ: Given my recent change in circumstances, I am taking the opportunity to look at other career opportunities. This whole thing has been a reminder that I do love health care, and would like to find a way to do what I do in a HC setting. I am in no rush to move, it is just nice to feel like I have options again.
I'm trying to cut out soda again. Yesterday was my first day not drinking any. I preemptively took some ibuprofen this morning to try to ward off the inevitable caffeine withdrawal headache, so far so good. And now my mom just texted me that she's coming over and offered to pick up a coke from Sonic for me
Today is the last day for the contractor in our office who has been essentially useless. She's a nice person but is lazy. I'm not sad she's leaving. We're taking her out to lunch and my boss made a cake. Yay for cake!
I was rear-ended yesterday. I called the police to get a report on file. And since the woman who hit me didn't have a drivers license, she got arrested. I'm fine. Was a little stiff last night, but feel okay this morning. So looks like my 9 year old SUV will be getting a new bumper. I just hope dealing with the owner's insurance company isn't a total pain.
We had some extra money to spend left over from a project at work. So we all got some new stuff for our offices. Nothing super exciting. Some color printers, external DVD drives, scanner.
cajunmom I am gripped with panic even thinking about giving up DC. Sending you strength, LOL.
Pedicure with Mr. P this morning. Everyone needs fancy toes for our weekend in Dallas with the girls He loves pedis more than I do, LOL.
Then we are taking FIL's car to the city to try and get rid of it. The estate auction is being held at FIL's house today Up North. My mom is there and Mr. P's uncle on our behalf. I think I am more sad about Mr. P's parents stuff being sold off than he is... I imagine he's simply better at hiding it. It brings up memories when my dad died and we sold off all of the farm equipment and cattle. It was terrible to watch. I am glad Mr. P finally decided he didn't want to be there.
I'm trying to cut out soda again. Yesterday was my first day not drinking any. I preemptively took some ibuprofen this morning to try to ward off the inevitable caffeine withdrawal headache, so far so good. And now my mom just texted me that she's coming over and offered to pick up a coke from Sonic for me
I don't know what to do about a friend (let's call him C). I will DD this.
He's in a really bad place right now. I think pretty much the same bad place I've been in before -- trapped in biglaw, no future (he was passed over for partner already), desperately wants to get out and has been interviewing a lot over the last 6 months or so and no bites. He's super competitive by nature, and I think he was *sure* he was going to make partner, so I'd imagine that the pass over weighs on him a lot more than he lets on.
I'm his closest friend, so I'd like to help him through this. The problem is, though, that when he gets depressed, he doesn't want to talk about it and completely withdraws. So over the past few weeks he's been canceling plans. For instance, he and I and two other friends have had a thing going over the past few months that we try to get together pretty much every Wednesday and Thursday -- but when other friend texted about it this week, C responded "I'm out indefinitely." Note: the Wednesday/Thursday thing was created by C and me because one of the other friends was going through a bad breakup and was staying in all the time and we wanted to make sure she was getting out of the house (and she says it has been huge with her feeling better). So he forces this stuff on others!
He also quit a sports team this week. I've tried to invite him to other things over the past few weeks, and he won't come out. He won't talk to a therapist. He won't talk to a doctor about antidepressants.
The other problem is, when he's in a funk like this, he's INSUFFERABLE. So, honestly, I don't want to see him. I know that's terrible, but he's so bitchy and sometimes mean when he's like this that I just don't want to be with him. We went out for dinner for my birthday with the other friends and I was DREADING it because I knew how he'd be and yup -- shows up 25 minutes late, then we aren't seated right away and he starts bitching loudly and constantly about the staff and how packed the bar area we were waiting in was and such. It was annoying, sure, but can't you suck it up for someone's birthday? (Note: I picked the place because it is ludicrously cheap and I didn't want my friends to spend much on my birthday). I did kind of snap at him to stop it. He was super rude to one of our friends. Then he left right after dinner. And then there are things like it being weird and rude to write things like "I'm out indefinitely" to a text about making plans (if you knew him, you'd read that in a snippy tone). Sorry we're bothering you so much.
I think I'm also kind of all mixed up in having been through terrible career woes recently -- which I'll just say were a lot worse than anything I let on here (and during which he mostly just talked about how he would decorate his office when he made partner, and how he doesn't know how to spend his money, and about all the recruiters who call him). Which SUCKS, but only so much. I think I'm less sympathetic too because I've spent so much time over the past 8 months talking to similarly close friends who are going through truly terrible shit with their kids (one with brain cancer that is very likely terminal, one who had horrific heart failure and is now paraplegic). Not that problems are a competition, but it just gives me a little less sympathy to hand around.
I am posting this mostly because I would like advice on how to help friends who need help but make themselves unavailable to help, but also to vent about me being a shitty friend (and him being a shitty friend). Ugh.
I am having a pity party for myself. Woo! I need to snap out of it, but can't. I can empathize with your friend a bit v. Maybe he needs to hit rock bottom before he can pull out of it? Maybe he needs tough love? Maybe just remind him that you're there to help when he decides he wants it.
v that is really tough. It is hard when people can't get out of their own rut and push it on to others.
I would just keep texting him every once in a while (every week or so), letting him know you are thinking about him and to let you know if he needs anything. Maybe offer to do something one on one if that will help.
Post by irene adler on Jul 30, 2015 10:25:34 GMT -5
I probably would not feel as guilty if I hadn't dropped everything in the last two weeks to hang out with my family, and let all of DH's family stuff slide
I probably deserve every past aggressive text I've gotten in the last few days
I don't know how much you can do, v. It sounds like he withdraws because he really hates being around people while miserable and that's probably because he knows it's apparent and he's not so nice when he's that way. I can be like that when I'm upset, so I avoid the people that live here when I am, but fortunately, I get over most things within the hour. Not sure what I'd do if it was lasting. Do you think it would be better/he might open up more if you two were one on one? I might even consider showing up to see him with takeout to let him be miserable and rant without having to leave home (if you think he would be okay with this). Sometimes, just getting up to go out takes effort when you're in a funk.
v, I think continuing to let him know you are thinking about him (e.g., via periodic texts) but not forcing yourself on him is fair. If he's really miserable to be around, you can only subject yourself to so much of that before it starts to drag you down. But, continuing to check in will make sure he knows he's not abandoned and he'll have a connection when he's ready to be around people again.
I am definitely an introvert, and I know sometimes when I am down I really just need some time to myself to re-center. It's not that I don't appreciate my friends, but I also might not be at my best if I felt like they were trying to force me to hang out. So, I'm writing from this perspective. I do recognize there's a fine balance between healthy alone time and unhealthy reclusiveness.
My boss asked me yesterday why I don't go out for walks with other people in the office when they take them on their breaks. I lied and said it'be because I don't ever wear appropriate shoes for walking around. He totally saw through my lie. In reality I'm an introvert and I don't want to walk with a bunch of other people, and I enjoy the peace and quiet when they leave the office for 15-20 minutes.
Only 3 more sleeps in my old apartment, then I move! I'm ready for this to be over with.
I've been pretty overwhelmed the last month+, between work travel, work overload, my mom's medical drama, other relatives' medical drama, my brother's wedding drama, the road trip for the shower (which wasn't without mom medical drama) a week and a half ago, etc. I will admit that yes, I am tired. It probably shows in my patience.
But I also have some other things going on, partly with Calvin, partly with my ILs, partly just part of being 23+ weeks pregnant, and I find it really condescending when my now-retired parents tell me that all I need to do is cut back at work, and get to sleep earlier. "Maybe take a nap?"
...Like it's so easy to just "cut back." We're short staffed, we know it, we have hired (start date next month) and are looking for one more. But meantime, I have no one to pass the work to, and I can't just let deadlines pass. My work is not like that. So how, exactly, should I just "cut back!"?
...And like a nap will just fix everything that I am not happy about?
I have been feeling really unsupported in my pregnancy (and the juggling act that I've been doing) because nobody in my life is willing to hear of it being fucking hard sometimes, or acknowledge that maybe I have a problem or two that might actually be real, and that a nap won't cure. That is making me feel even more exhausted and overwhelmed. Only rainbows and puppies allowed!
I feel like I am living in a college dorm room. We have sold so much prior to the move we are eating off a folding table and folding chairs, my mattress is on the floor, sheets are draped over the window for privacy and clothes are in random boxes on the floor. Our sectional will be gone tomorrow which means moving our last remaining sofa or sitting on the floor to watch TV.
raangoli, we are here if you need us to get out of your funk
Sorry Susie. Pregnancy is tough, and others should recognize that even with their own stuff going on. Do you have any friends with kids from tri club, etc. that you can connect with who will commiserate? The pregnancy and dealing with your mom's illness is enough to put someone over the edge, let alone all of the other crap you have going on.
I'm trying to cut out soda again. Yesterday was my first day not drinking any. I preemptively took some ibuprofen this morning to try to ward off the inevitable caffeine withdrawal headache, so far so good. And now my mom just texted me that she's coming over and offered to pick up a coke from Sonic for me
What about a limeade? Are those soda based?
Then you still get the tiny ice...
I'm not sure if they're carbonated, I honestly can't tell. But it's not the same!!
I'm trying to cut out soda again. Yesterday was my first day not drinking any. I preemptively took some ibuprofen this morning to try to ward off the inevitable caffeine withdrawal headache, so far so good. And now my mom just texted me that she's coming over and offered to pick up a coke from Sonic for me
The answer to this is a cherry limeade. This is not a problem.
I'm trying to cut out soda again. Yesterday was my first day not drinking any. I preemptively took some ibuprofen this morning to try to ward off the inevitable caffeine withdrawal headache, so far so good. And now my mom just texted me that she's coming over and offered to pick up a coke from Sonic for me
The answer to this is a cherry limeade. This is not a problem.
Sonic limeades, at least when I used to work there, are made with Sprite. No caffeine, but still soda.
I hope everyone who is having a tough time gets through it soon.
I just finished walking 2.5 miles outside and for some reason thought it would be a good idea to walk to Whole Foods (1.5 miles round trip) to pick up a few items. It's 90 degrees out ("feels like" 95) and I feel so gross. I'll probably drink a gallon of ice water when I get home.
The movie Dead Poets Society was on last night. I have not seen it in ages and DH has never seen it!!! We started it about 1/4 of the way through it. I asked him how he liked it and he replied at least he could stay awake for it!
I was FB messaging with DD1's former foster mom last night for some information for preschool and we tentatively made plans that I am going to visit her and get her documentation and pictures from when DD1 lived with her. I need to get my schedule to work to get to her house, but I really want this for DD1. If for nothing else, for her to know how far she's come when she's older.
monsterz we lived like that for a little over a month last year until our new house was finished. It felt really good when we could have real furniture again!
Post by irene adler on Jul 30, 2015 13:14:18 GMT -5
You guys". dH's surprise half sister just friend requested me on FB (dh's mom had her sometime when she was absent from their lives and never disclosed this before she passed away, so it was a huge shock to dh to discover he had a younger half sister. )
I met her a few times, and I always enjoyed her company, but still feel like a gossipy teenager because her existence is so hush hush in dh's family
Post by explorer2001 on Jul 30, 2015 13:21:59 GMT -5
Whine: I can barely breathe. I am so congested my boss is giving me flack for getting a summer cold. I just double checked with my ENT's office. I'm still not allowed decongestant meds, just instructed to flush with more saline. It's not helping and I want to go home and curl up in bed which won't happen.
Wonderful: Boyfriend is spoiling me. Not only did he come over Tuesday to help me get ready for having 8 family members over for dinner, plus 2 more joined us for dessert, (which he wasn't a part of since it too early to meet that much family), when I called last night to say goodnight while cleaning up after they left he told me not to stress about it because he'd come over tonight to help me clean up. I'm at a loss for words other than spoiled.