I want to run away

[shevacc]

I don't know how I'm going to survive this week. I'm soooo stressed out about work and life. My first review 3 months ago went poorly and my second review should be this coming week. I also have two fire drills at work this week and I'm not even sure exactly what I need to do for them (I've asked).

I was on my computer for 2 hours yesterday afternoon when I finally got G to nap and A was napping with DH. Then I worked from bedtime (9pm) to midnight. A was up from 2-4, then nursing roughly and constantly until getting up for the day at 6. No one will nap this afternoon and everyone is cranky and miserable. I finally passed them off to DH and am trying to start working but my head is spinning.

I also feel totally unsupported by DH. He's been complaining about everything -- having to clean up after himself, that he "never gets time to do anything", that I make him watch the kids. He just complained to me that he's tired bc he couldn't sleep last night in the guest room since he overheard A screaming.

I'm running on 2ish hours of sleep and I can't control my emotions. I left the house with the kids this morning before DH was up so I wouldn't have to see him. We got back at 2pm and in 3 hours I'm already back to BEC with him. I'm so scared I'm going to be fired, but I don't think I physically can pull an all-nighter tonight. And even if I do, I can only work while A sleeps, and he didn't do much of that last night. I've been either working, comforting a screaming baby, or watching the kids while simultaneously doing chores for every hour of this weekend since waking up Saturday morning minus my 2 hours of sleep last night. And I don't even know if it's going to matter if I don't finish my work. There's no point to all of this, other than trying to keep my head from exploding.

[imimahoney]

Oh, I am so sorry. You deserve so much support from your husband, it's not even funny. I wish he would change his tune, it seems so ridiculous. 

I hope your review goes better than you think. So many good thoughts for you this week. 

[chirpchirp]

I can't even imagine Hugs. Hopefully your review turns out ok!

[careyalis]

Huge hugs! I wish I lived close enough to help you.

[dbe100408]

Big hugs. I hope your review goes better than you expect, and that your H steps it up. <3

[laurensmomma]

I'm so sorry, C. If you ever need a weekend away, even bringing the kids, we have an extra bedroom. Just saying. You deserve so much more support than it seems like you're getting.

Workwise, what do you think is going on? I feel like you know your stuff, and your working in an area you know, right? This doesn't make sense....

[ruby412]

Oh man, I am so sorry! Is there anyway you can offer your nanny a lot of money to help with A at night? Maybe just for tonight?

[artgal84]

I'm so sorry this sounds very overwhelming. I wish you had more support. You are such a great mom.

[katfco]

I'm sorry. You need to sit your H down and give him what for. It's unacceptable for him to let you shoulder not only your responsibilities,but also his.

[fusion]

I'm so sorry

[rjamz]

I'm so sorry. I wish he was more supportive, you don't deserve to be treated like that

[shevacc]

I'm being somewhat unfair to DH since he's also working long hours, his job is also stressful, and he does dinner, bath, and bedtime routines for both kids every weeknight until I walk in the door right before it's time for sleep. Both kids love playing with him and he's great with them. He just sucks at doing chores while watching them, lets them take out all their toys, and doesn't insist they pick up nor picks up for them. So lately he's been great as a dad, but sucky as a spouse.

[monarobinson]

I'm so sorry for all the stress you're under...I hope your review goes well and there's an end in sight to all of this craziness.

[jenbelle]

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. That is a tremendous amount of stress. I have a feeling your review will be better than you think. Try and get some sleep. Sending hugs and prayers for you.

[Na]

Oh my goodness. That is so so much. I'm so sorry. So many hugs.

[mlkgls]

I am so sorry and I hope your review goes better than expected this week. Is there anything at all you could let slide for a while? With two busy careers and two small children the house doesn't need to be spotless. Can the chores take a backseat until things even out a bit or be hired out if that's an option financially? I'm so sorry honey that you are so frazzled and feeling unsupported; I hope you guys can talk soon.

[ivegotthemunchkins]

Wow, that sounds like a lot. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. I hope your work situation goes better than expected.

I can commiserate in regards to your H not picking up while watching the kids. My H is terrible about it and is the source of many of our disagreements. Hugs.

[rxbeth]

I'm sorry things are so rough right now. I hope the review goes great and the kids sleep better for you.

[bean47]

I'm sorry you're stressed. You've got a lot going on.

[jamaga2583]

I'm sorry. That's alot to deal with. I really hope your review goes well. Huge hugs.

[jg183]

I'm sorry I wish I could make your life less stressful. So many hugs!!

[onehitwonder]

I'm sorry things are so overwhelming right now. I hope your review goes better than expected and you get some sleep.

[Beener]

I'm so sorry. I can totally understand why you would feel overwhelmed. I hope things get better soon

[lolaburns]

I'm so sorry, C. You are juggling so much professionally and personally. I can't begin to imagine how you working moms do it... I know my brain would explode. I hope this week gives you positive, uplifting news about yourself instead of the negative you are envisioning. Head up! You got this!

[dojo]

sounds like you have so much on the go right now. I'm frustrated for you at your DH (and you're not alone, "I never have any time to myself" are words that have passed my DH's lips too even though it feels like he has oodles more free time than me and seems like your DH does too). I hope you review goes better than you think. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

[fryjack2]

I'm sorry, you have a lot on your plate and not much support.

What about your review makes you nervous? Is there anything you want to talk out here to see if anyone can help?

Maybe you and your H need to alternate weekend mornings. You get one morning to yourself, he gets the other. It never feels like enough alone time but may be a nice break for both of you.

Leave the toys and kids mess. Seriously. It's all going to be back on the floor again in the morning.
Leave the cleaning of other messes for after the kids are down and clean with your H. Maybe a teamwork approach would be motivating to him. You should not be doing it all.

[shevacc]

Thanks for the support, everyone. I really appreciate the kind words. I sent an incoherent update email to my coworkers at 11pm last night then crashed hard. Thankfully A slept better last night -- maybe he was tired too or somehow knew I had reached my breaking point. I'm still stressed today but at least a little more rested.

DH does a similar job for a different company and helped me brainstorm various ways to approach my task. The house is back to being a wreck but he took care of dinner and bedtime too.

[shevacc]

Aug 3, 2015 6:02:09 GMT -5 fryjack2 said:

What about your review makes you nervous? Is there anything you want to talk out here to see if anyone can help?

I don't know if anyone can help but here goes.

3 months ago I was told that the quality of my work is great but that I'm not getting enough done. It was fair criticism at the time and while I've been working much harder I'm not sure it shows. Since then, I've been given several tasks that are vaguely defined with little direction. I've been working on them and making progress but I'm not sure I've gotten enough done.

I'm super stressed bc he gave me a project 2 weeks ago that I thought would take a month and expects nearly complete results by today. The task is unclear ("analyze this data") so I met with him 3x last week looking for clarification and each time I came away feeling like he wasn't happy with what I was doing but with no concrete suggestions for producing something he'd be satisfied with. My review is on Thursday so I'm wondering if he's purposely setting me up for failure?

[earlybird]

Aug 3, 2015 11:54:06 GMT -5 shevacc said:

Aug 3, 2015 6:02:09 GMT -5 fryjack2 said:

What about your review makes you nervous? Is there anything you want to talk out here to see if anyone can help?

I don't know if anyone can help but here goes.

3 months ago I was told that the quality of my work is great but that I'm not getting enough done. It was fair criticism at the time and while I've been working much harder I'm not sure it shows. Since then, I've been given several tasks that are vaguely defined with little direction. I've been working on them and making progress but I'm not sure I've gotten enough done.

I'm super stressed bc he gave me a project 2 weeks ago that I thought would take a month and expects nearly complete results by today. The task is unclear ("analyze this data") so I met with him 3x last week looking for clarification and each time I came away feeling like he wasn't happy with what I was doing but with no concrete suggestions for producing something he'd be satisfied with. My review is on Thursday so I'm wondering if he's purposely setting me up for failure?

I'm sorry to say that you're going through all of this with what sounds like very little support both at home and at work.  Big hugs.

With respect to your work, you have to be your best advocate.  It's awkward (at least for me), but let people know how hard you've been working and talk about the great results you're getting.  I'm terrible at this, but I've seen it pay off for those who excel at self-marketing.  Also, with ill-defined projects, it helps to overcompensate on the communication front.  Give frequent status updates and ask for specific targets/goals.  Get it in writing, if you can.  Go into your review and talk yourself up.  You're awesome, we all know that here.  Your managers should know it, too.  Good luck!  I have my fingers crossed for you.