Coworker complaining that I smell like perfume.

[xokell2]

Long story short, I have a coworker with whom I encounter a couple times a week who complains rather loudly and offensively that I smell like perfume and it's irritating to her. I do not wear perfume or scented lotions at work. I'm tired of this being an issue but I don't know how to approach this. 

I'm aware that people can be super sensitive, I sit as far away from her as I possibly can. 

[dr.girlfriend]

Honestly, I would catch her aside and say, "Listen. I don't wear any perfumes or scented lotions. I'm not sure what scent is bothering you, but it is making me uncomfortable that you keep bringing this up at meetings and discussing it with colleagues. Please stop doing so, or I think this will need to become a conversation involving both our manager and HR."

But I'm in a shit mood tonight, so YMMV. ;-)

ETA:  I missed the pdq, if there's too much info in my post let me know and I'll poof it.  :-)

[Deleted]

This doesn't sound like a BO issue. If it was, she wouldn't ask others if they smell perfume.

I have no real advice here, other than possibly speaking to HR or a trusted supervisor/manager about this situation. This sounds like this is her issue, and not yours. Is this coworker odd in any other ways?

If what I wrote is too close to quoting, please let me know and I will delete.

[thatgirl2478]

Aug 3, 2015 21:01:44 GMT -5 dr.girlfriend said:

Honestly, I would catch her aside and say, "Listen. I don't wear any perfumes or scented lotions. I'm not sure what scent is bothering you, but it is making me uncomfortable that you keep bringing this up at meetings and discussing it with colleagues. Please stop doing so, or I think this will need to become a conversation involving both our manager and HR."

But I'm in a shit mood tonight, so YMMV. ;-)

this. 

and then I'd probably go have a stiff drink because just doing this would take ALL my courage. 

[imojoebunny]

Do you use fabric softener? Also, do you use any scented lotion or have a glad type plug where it could absorb into your clothes? Do you use lavender or some other dried floral in your drawers with your clothes?

Not trying to be a contrarian, but these things cause me to have real difficultly breathing and functioning.

I have only made a big deal about it once at work, it is fairly obvious I have a hard time, since my eyes turn red, swell, and I literally sound like I am gasping for breath, it is really debilitating, sometimes I can barely see. The time I made a big deal was when I had to train a lady who ignored all my symptoms, and continued to rub smelly lotion on herself while in my cube, including on her feet (gross), but the scent got all on the chair she used, the computer, everywhere. It just wasn't reasonable to expect me to spend upwards of 8 hours a day with her, and I felt it was deliberate, since she knew the cause, but continued to use the product in my presence, but I have suffered through many a meeting with people I like, trying to breath.

Can you ask a friend with a good nose to smell you, if you do not use any of those products?

[AAM2012]

Aug 3, 2015 21:01:44 GMT -5 dr.girlfriend said:

Honestly, I would catch her aside and say, "Listen. I don't wear any perfumes or scented lotions. I'm not sure what scent is bothering you, but it is making me uncomfortable that you keep bringing this up at meetings and discussing it with colleagues. Please stop doing so, or I think this will need to become a conversation involving both our manager and HR."

But I'm in a shit mood tonight, so YMMV. ;-)

You're nicer than me. I would go out and buy the cheapest, shittiest smelling body spray and wash my clothes and hair in and then continue to say I am not wearing anything that smells.

I am in a shitty mood as well.

But seriously, I would pull her aside and explain that you don't wear anything smelly and ask her to come to you privately if she continues to have an issue.

PS I am disappointed in this thread as I thought it was going to truly be about BO issues.

[sadlebred]

You could also try to use unscented laundry detergent for a week or two to see if makes any difference. Skip the fabric softener. Skip any lotions, potions, body sprays, scented makeup/lipstick, etc. the morning of that meeting. For those of us with fragrance & chemical sensitives it can be a real issue.

Also, could she be smelling someone else's perfume?

[xokell2]

Aug 3, 2015 21:23:41 GMT -5 carrotsmakemefat said:

Someone once took issue with my smell. Turned out to be those plug in wall scents you get at b&BW and Yankee candle. It just stuck to everything.

That's what I worry it is, my detergent and/or my Capri blue volcano reeds in my bedroom.

[vanillacourage]

"I don't wear any scented lotions or perfumes, Suzanne.  We've talked about this before."  Frosty smile. 

If she keeps it up then take it to your boss. If she's not coughing when you sit across the room from her (just saying she's able to smell it) then it's not a medical thing and she needs to knock it off. 

[mcsangel2]

I saw a thread like this once by someone who was allergic to vanilla - REALLY allergic, and the office housekeeping switched the bathroom soap to something with vanilla in it, and she was having a reaction.

My guess is that this chick is also having some kind of allergic reaction to something that's clinging to you or someone else. Also, what about your shampoo? Is it particularly scented?

I would consider going to a scent free detergent and getting rid of the reeds (?) in your bedroom.

[drloretta]

2 things

1. She could have a legitimate issue. I have a coworker with Tourettes and a host of sensitivities that goes along with it. She's a great person but very abrupt, and has been known to grill people about perfumes and lotions.

2. She seems to be taking advantage of your meekness in these situations. You need to answer her with some force. "Susan, I don't wear any perfume or lotion due to my work, so I don't think it's me."

You may want to try getting rid of the scent sticks and see if it makes a difference.

And yes, I too was expecting a BO story

[sfy]

What dr.girlfriend said, and I'm actually in a great mood. I just think that makes the most sense.

[whitemerlot]

I don't think this is embarrassing. I think it could be the reeds in your bedroom. I have a super sensitive nose and think that would be something I would smell. I'm not allergic or anything and wouldn't complain.

Could you wash your clothes for work in free and clear detergent and store work clothes away from the reeds?

[MadamePresident]

My sisters have strong sensitive to artificial fragrances like air fresheners and scented laundry detergent. However, they don't have a doctor's note or a visible reaction like breaking out in hives. Instead they lose their ability to focus and have behavioural issues. I'd guess this lady has something similar. So I think it's worth it to be understanding. You say you don't wear lotions and stuff, but air freshener smell sticks to you just as badly.

I do think that last really needs to learn tact and how to shortish'll approach people with kindness.

[ddi741]

I may go to HR and tell them she is making you uncomfortable. That you have explained repeatedly that you are not wearing perfume or scented lotion .

[drloretta]

Aug 4, 2015 5:21:17 GMT -5 ddi741 said:

I may go to HR and tell them she is making you uncomfortable. That you have explained repeatedly that you are not wearing perfume or scented lotion .

But she hasn't. She said she either mumbles something or says it must be her deodorant. IMO before this goes to HR she needs to be more forceful in answering this woman

[xokell2]

Aug 3, 2015 22:56:12 GMT -5 whitemerlot said:

I don't think this is embarrassing. I think it could be the reeds in your bedroom. I have a super sensitive nose and think that would be something I would smell. I'm not allergic or anything and wouldn't complain.

Could you wash your clothes for work in free and clear detergent and store work clothes away from the reeds?

The embarrassing part is how she calls me out publically and asks other people if they can smell anything. My responses always are: "maybe its my deodorant? My laundry detergent? My shampoo?" This has happened about 8 times. "I can smell it AGAIN!" 

[xokell2]

Aug 4, 2015 6:15:06 GMT -5 drloretta said:

Aug 4, 2015 5:21:17 GMT -5 ddi741 said:

I may go to HR and tell them she is making you uncomfortable. That you have explained repeatedly that you are not wearing perfume or scented lotion .

But she hasn't. She said she either mumbles something or says it must be her deodorant. IMO before this goes to HR she needs to be more forceful in answering this woman

I have directly denied wearing anything but when she insists I smell like something that's when I'm stumbling at what to say. 

[mbcdefg]

Aug 4, 2015 6:17:42 GMT -5 xokell2 said:

Aug 3, 2015 22:56:12 GMT -5 whitemerlot said:

I don't think this is embarrassing. I think it could be the reeds in your bedroom. I have a super sensitive nose and think that would be something I would smell. I'm not allergic or anything and wouldn't complain.

Could you wash your clothes for work in free and clear detergent and store work clothes away from the reeds?

The embarrassing part is how she calls me out publically and asks other people if they can smell anything. My responses always are: "maybe its my deodorant? My laundry detergent? My shampoo?" This has happened about 8 times. "I can smell it AGAIN!" 

Stop responding like this. You're just feeding into her rudeness.

Pull her aside, say you heard her the first time and have made sure to not wear perfume, and then firmly say you don't appreciate that she's unprofessionally announcing it in front of everyone - if she has a question for you she should see you privately. See HR if she does it again.

Don't go out and buy all new detergent and stuff.

[v]

I have terrible allergies and am sensitive to perfumey things (particularly air freshening things -- those are the WORST -- so I could imagine having a problem being around someone who was carrying that scent).

But this woman is being rude and bizarre, so even if there's a legitimate concern there my approach would be that she can go fuck herself.  If she continues to annoy you, talk to HR.

BUT... this would baffle me enough that I'd probably ask a friend to sniff me and see if they detect anything.  Because if there was something legit going on there, I'd want to know and would change my ways.  Not for that bitch, but for anyone else who may be allergic to it.

Also, there's absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about here.  There's no allegation that you smell bad -- just that you smell perfumey.  And hey, if that wasn't such a super desirable quality my trips to Sephora would be a lot more pleasant...

[xokell2]

You guys are right, I need to be more forceful. Thanks for the advice

[lindyanne]

Can you politely talk to her and ask her what she thinks you smell like? Maybe you could narrow it down to your body wash or something that would be easy to change up.

[mbcdefg]

Is she a new coworker, or is this the first time you're really interacting with her? If not then I'm wondering why she's complaining about her sense of smell NOW.

I can understand if she has some sort of medical issue, or if she's pregnant and smells are starting to bother her, or something like that ... but in that case she needs to talk to you about this privately. If someone pulled me aside and said, "Look, I'm sensitive to smells lately and I'm wondering what might be causing it," then I'd have no problem working with her to figure it out. 

But the way she's embarrassing you in front of everyone else? Fuck that. She's being incredibly rude and unprofessional here. I'd stop wearing perfume but there's no way I'd bend over backward to help her if she was being an ass about it. 

If you've known her for a while, is she a petty person? A complainer? Someone who calls others out publicly in order to move herself ahead (I have a colleague like this)? 

[magdala]

I have severe allergies. I had a reaction to a co-worker's aroma once--out of the blue. I had worked with J for 10 years. Out of the blue, I started sneezing and got itchy eyes whenever J got near. J said she wasn't using any new products or any reformulated products. We put our heads together (by telephone) and eventually figured it out. Her daughter, a teenager, would spritz body spray in the car while J drove her (the daughter) to school. I was reacting to the body spray that was near J because the school was near our office. J was nice enough to ensure that her daughter did not use that product near J so that we (J & I) could continue working together. Do you have children using products near you?

[aurora]

Aug 3, 2015 21:37:19 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

"I don't wear any scented lotions or perfumes, Suzanne.  We've talked about this before."  Frosty smile. 

If she keeps it up then take it to your boss. If she's not coughing when you sit across the room from her (just saying she's able to smell it) then it's not a medical thing and she needs to knock it off.

Although I agree in principle with your comment, and with everyone that CW is being a jerk and that OP needs to deal with it directly at this point, I just wanted to point out that scents can cause various medical reactions besides coughing. For example, I get raging headaches when exposed to room air fresheners.

[dr.girlfriend]

Although to be honest, those blue volcano things sound like they are deliberate scent-makers, so foregoing those for a short period of time doesn't seem like a lot to ask.

[Deleted]

Well, I'd get rid of the air fresheners because they're bad for everyone.
home.howstuffworks.com/home-improvement/household-safety/tips/air-freshener-dangers.htm

But she's ridiculously rude. I have a coworker with scent issues; I do forgo actual perfume at work, but still wear antiperspirant. I gave up scented laundry many years ago because of the "what the hell is in this shit" concerns over scents in those products.

[dexteroni]

It's probably the air freshener. While your coworker is handling it terribly rudely, continuing to deny that a scent exists isn't going to get you anywhere. If it can be detected across the room, it must be pretty strong. What do people say when she asks if they can smell it?

I second the suggestion to stop by her cube/office first thing tomorrow and talk to her about it. At the very least, ask her to stop bringing it up in meetings. It's so unprofessional. But I would also tell her you'll try to pinpoint what the scent is, and that you're going to stop using room scent and see if that makes a difference. It might take some time and a few laundry cycles to get the scent out of your clothes and bedding, but it's worth a shot. But be absolutely clear that any further conversation about this topic needs to take place between just the two of you from now on, not in front of a room full of people.