I just want to be sad -TTC brain dump

[cricketwife]

I've been crying all morning so I figured I might as well post my misery.  Period due today so I took an up & up digital test which was "not pregnant." To be sure, I drove to Target and bought a FRER and it was also negative.   In my perfect world, I would have a 3 month old DC2 right now, but H wasn't ready to TTC again back then. For a while we were "not trying/not avoiding" although, honestly, I was trying...and we are now at month 4 of "really trying". In my head, I know that 4 months isn't that long, but it feels like I've been trying for a year because I have. And we are old. If we get pregnant, I will be 39 at delivery and DH will be 43. I've set November as my limit on how long I want to try. I feel like I need an end point for my sanity. But at the same time, I'm not sure I'll want to quit trying. 

 Plus, this month was the "perfect" month to get pregnant -April baby/school year work schedule.  I just feel really sad. And I know there are many on this board and IRL who have had it much worse. 

This is might be a post and run. Even though I wrote this, I'm not sure I want to read the replies right now. I'm sorry. Im just a mess. 

[Deleted]

I'm sorry I hope it happens for you soon.

[Deleted]

I am so sorry you are going through this. (hugs)

[cinco]

I'm so sorry.

[water*drop]

I'm so sorry.

[simpsongal]

I'm sorry cricket. I was really disappointed this past month too. We're going on our fifth try too. TTC sucks.

[justjen]

I'm sorry. Hugs to you

[sookie]

I'm so sorry.

[dcn]

I'm sorry, ttc is so emotionally draining. Lots of hugs.

[luv2rn4fun]

((hugs)) I'm really sorry you are struggling. TTC sucks big time. Prayers that you get your BFP soon...who knows, you're not out til AF shows up.

[mcfelix]

So sorry - TTC definitely plays with your mind. DH never understood why I cried every month when my period came.

[halfpint]

I'm so sorry. I feel you. We just finished our fifth medicated cycle. My H just confirmed he doesn't want to try anything beyond the medication, so if this doesn't work...?

I always said I'd be happy with one, but the more out of reach it feels, the more I want another child. TTC is the worst. I hope you have good luck soon!

[blueberry10]

I'm so sorry. Hugs.

[Deleted]

Hugs.

[ryry]

Hugs. I'm so sorry.

[momin2013]

I'm so sorry.

[heygrey]

I'm sorry

I wouldn't make any decisions about November when you're months away.

[drloretta]

Hugs. I hope things turn around soon

[cricketwife]

Aug 4, 2015 11:03:22 GMT -5 simpsongal said:

I'm sorry cricket. I was really disappointed this past month too. We're going on our fifth try too. TTC sucks.

I know. I keep hoping that we can do our second kiddos together too. 

[cricketwife]

Aug 4, 2015 11:07:16 GMT -5 h said:

I am so sorry.

I know you didn't ask for advice, and I don't know your history, so forgive me if I am stepping over the line here. But given your age and that you have been trying for a year (when you say you have been trying for a year but your H hasn't, I assume that means you've been having unprotected sex for a year now?), I would think seriously about seeing a doctor sooner rather than later if medical intervention is something you want to pursue.

Thanks. It's not something I want to pursue. I feel like it would be a rabbit hole of despair for me.  If we didn't have DS, I would consider it.  

[bowies]

I'm sorry cricket.

[jaybird]

I'm sorry. We're in the exact same place as you--trying for seven months and feeling as though there's this countdown clock hanging above us because of our ages. I agree with the PP who said you could start discussing further interventions with your doctor.

[cricketwife]

Aug 4, 2015 11:08:55 GMT -5 halfpint said:

I'm so sorry. I feel you. We just finished our fifth medicated cycle. My H just confirmed he doesn't want to try anything beyond the medication, so if this doesn't work...?

I always said I'd be happy with one, but the more out of reach it feels, the more I want another child. TTC is the worst. I hope you have good luck soon!

Thanks. I'm always thinking of you in the TTC weeks checkins. I know it's been hard. Sometimes  I feel like DS is sooooooo amazing and perfect that I shoukd just be content rather than roll the dice again.  And there is so much more we could do for him financially if we don't have another.  But H and I have always pictured two, so it just doesn't feel like our family is complete.  Good luck to you guys too 

[laurenh]

Many hugs.

[timorousbeastie]

Hugs.

[barefootcontessa]

Hang in there. I do not know the particulars of your situation, but time could see be on your side. My third son was born when I was 39 and I had two additional term pregnancies after that. Any chance your thyroid might be off? It is not uncommon for it to go awry at this age and it can definitely mess with your fertility. I wish you all the best.

[Velar Fricative]

I'm sorry.

[jessnpaul]

Aug 4, 2015 12:03:11 GMT -5 cricketwife said:

Aug 4, 2015 11:08:55 GMT -5 halfpint said:

I'm so sorry. I feel you. We just finished our fifth medicated cycle. My H just confirmed he doesn't want to try anything beyond the medication, so if this doesn't work...?

I always said I'd be happy with one, but the more out of reach it feels, the more I want another child. TTC is the worst. I hope you have good luck soon!

Thanks. I'm always thinking of you in the TTC weeks checkins. I know it's been hard. Sometimes  I feel like DS is sooooooo amazing and perfect that I shoukd just be content rather than roll the dice again.  And there is so much more we could do for him financially if we don't have another.  But H and I have always pictured two, so it just doesn't feel like our family is complete.  Good luck to you guys too 

I feel like this 100%. I always pictured us with 2 kids... I think 2 is not going to happen for us at this point (TTC for 2 years now and we've already had 4 rounds of IVF/IUI with no success). I do try to be happy with just our one (and he is a joy!) but I totally get ya!!!

[chicago]

I'm sorry, cricket. I hope it happens for you soon. Hugs.

[jene]

Hugs. I'm so sorry