I left my boyfriend today and I'm due in 5 days. I never thought that I would be a single mother but here I am. This is going to be hard but it will be easier than trying to parent with a partner who is not there for me because he's an alcoholic and a drug addict.
I'm at my mom's and I have tons of family support. I am so lucky in that regard. He wants nothing to do with the baby but thats ok because this baby is going to be loved by so many other people that it won't matter. I'm going to stay here for awhile until I can save some money and get back on my feet.
I don't think there is anyone else on here that is a single parent but if you have any advice or words of wisdom for me I would greatly appreciate it. I just can't believe that it has come to this.
Thank you so much. I know that this is for the best but it feels so awful right now. I just want to move on with my life and I know it is going to take time for it to feel better. I'm just so grateful for my family right now.
I will speak to a lawyer. I don't know how I will get child support if he doesn't willing pay it though. He's self employed and he doesn't have his own bank account so it's not like they can even garnish his wages.
I will speak to a lawyer. I don't know how I will get child support if he doesn't willing pay it though. He's self employed and he doesn't have his own bank account so it's not like they can even garnish his wages.
They will take any income tax refunds. Some areas will do weekend jail. Judgements get filed that harm his credit. Corbin's dad worked really hard not to pay CS and in the end figured out that it was easier to just pay it.
He has gone between self employed and working for someone. Its never be consistent but I have always received it eventually.
For me the lawyer kept him away from Corbin for the the first two years of his life giving him time to get off drugs.
Post by pinkdutchtulips on Aug 4, 2015 23:33:27 GMT -5
@starry thx for the tag
i'll echo what others have said, talk to a lawyer regarding custody and if he's threatening to you or your child in any/way/shape/form get a restraining order ASAP !! and have it include the minor and make sure it contains custody orders. the best thing i ever did was include my dd in my RO. the custody order in the DV RO granted me full legal and physical custody and my ex wasn't even granted visitation. my ex is a chronic meth addict whose addiction was dormant for nearly 15 years and when it came back OMG !! NOT A SINGLE PERSON was safe.
the hardest thing i ever did was leave him and the best thing i ever did was leave him. i had family help when i first left but i've largely parented dd, who was 4 when i left her dad 2 years, on my own w/o breaks (my family lives out of state)and w/o child support either. its not easy but it can be done.
i attended a national night out event tonight and the local DV shelter had a table there - i asked them if they ever needed help w/ DV ROs and told them a bit of my story (there was some DV issues as well in addition to the drug addiction) and they want me to come and do a few workshops and share my story w/ them. that it IS possible to leave and make a better life for your kid(s).
if you have any questions, PM me ... i'm more than happy to help =)
He has not been physically abusive but he says really mean stuff and tries to manipulate me when he is angry. I know he has been been violent to other women in the past though so I am aware that it could have been worse. Thankfully I am 2 hours away from him and he has no vehicle to get here so I do feel safe but I will still look into getting a RO just in case.
He told me that he won't be there for the birth and he will sign over all his rights to the baby. I am still naming him as the father on the birth certificate though because I know if I don't it will be harder to get support.
This has felt like a nightmare for so long and I'm trying to wake up now and forget about the bad dreams. I will continue to post here and please know that I am so grateful for all your kind words and support.
Hugs! I'm a recently single parent as well. I moved out of the state, so it was necessary for me to talk to a lawyer and get a separation agreement signed so that I would have full legal custody.
You can do this! Definitely lean on your family for support. Sometimes that's hard for me to do, because I feel like I should be able to do this on my own. But they love me and they love A and so they genuinely want to be there for us.
Do you have all the baby gear you think you'll need? Do you have a carrier? That definitely helped out in the first few months.
I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this (especially so close to your due date), but it sounds like you're doing what's best for you and your baby, and I'm glad to hear you have a lot of family support. Welcome to the board and congrats on your baby boy!
Post by jeaniebueller on Aug 5, 2015 7:21:12 GMT -5
Hugs to you. I am glad you have a good support system. Ditto the others about talking to a lawyer after the baby is born so you can get it set so that you have sole custody. You don't want to end up in a grey area where there is nothing legai.
I just wanted to say welcome. What you are going through is incredibly hard. The women here are amazingly supportive so please lean on us whenever you need to.
Welcome. I've been separated for a year and a 100% single parent for the last 6 months. It hasn't been easy but doing what is best for my kids keeps me going. Lean on family and don't be afraid to ask for help. You can do it!
I've gotten involved in Al-anon and I can't say enough good things about it!
I don't have advice but I just wanted to say hi and welcome! I am glad you have lots of family support - your baby sounds very lucky to have such a loving mom and family already!
Welcome! I'm so sorry you're going through this, but glad that you have a great support system. Wishing you a safe delivery!
I know your situation is incredibly difficult, but please make sure to allow yourself to be happy and excited about your new baby boy when he gets here. You and he both deserve to be happy, and you should be proud of yourself that you've already taken steps to make sure that happens.
Welcome. This is a great group. While I don't have any experience going through what you are and being a single mom, I do have a very good friend who did (and whose father of her child sounds very similar). I echo all the great advice the other ladies have given you. While the father kept saying he wanted nothing to with the child she was finding that wasn't enough when trying to move forward with certain types of things with her son like getting a passport, consent for a minor medical procedure, etc. Just showing she was applying for sole custody helped.
He told me that he won't be there for the birth and he will sign over all his rights to the baby. I am still naming him as the father on the birth certificate though because I know if I don't it will be harder to get support.
I would think long and hard about putting his name on the bc. Support would make life tons easier but at the same time support opens the door to your x seeking custody and/or visitation which can make your life harder. When dealing w addicts, especially ones w violent pasts, a clean break might be for the best.
I'm in the process of divorcing my DD's dad and I'm not seeking child support. Sure it would be nice to have but knowing him that means he'll ask to see her too and in his current state - sbdolutely not !! and I don't see that changing anytime soon.
Welcome. I've been separated for a year and a 100% single parent for the last 6 months. It hasn't been easy but doing what is best for my kids keeps me going. Lean on family and don't be afraid to ask for help. You can do it!
I've gotten involved in Al-anon and I can't say enough good things about it!
My in laws also have found Al Anon meetings very helpful. I think many offer child care. Worth checking out once you are up for it.
3rd Indian when it comes to Al-Anon ! It played a super vital role in my recovery, it gave me coping mechanisms along w the confidence and courage to leave. after I left they gave me the tools on how to form HEALTHY relationships.
Welcome! I don't have any advice, but as a kid who was raised by a single mom (until I was 10) know that your kid is going to grow up thinking that you're awesome! My mom left my dad about two weeks before I was born, they tried to work it out, and officially separated and went towards divorce when I was 2 months. I know it was hard for her, and it took me being a lot older to realize what all she went through, but she was a great "double parent" and I know she always did her absolute best. I have no contact with my father (my own choice), and I don't feel like I ever missed anything because my whole family made sure I never felt that way.
welcome and congratulations on your sweet little boy!
i'll throw in a second hand cautionary tale regarding naming him as the father - my cousin went through this and now she's fighting a custody/visitation rights battle with the grandparents. i'm sure this is very state dependent, but it complicates things.