Preschool update

[namasteak]

The director FINALLY emailed me back. I guess leaving a message for her boss (director of childrens ministries at the church) did the trick!

DS still has a spot of we want it. I'm irritated about how this all went down and my gut hormone fueled response is "f them". However I do think it would be good for DS to go and for me to have 1 on 1 time with baby. I have our babysitters 2 hours/weekday until baby comes next month and am kind of considering keeping them on for the first few months. But that means we would have a significant (but temporary)reduction in our monthly savings.

Before I talk to DH about this I thought I would get advice from moms of kids close in age. This is worth it to make the first 3 months easier right?

Relevant info:
-$185/month for 10 hours/wk of preschool
-$320/month for 10 hours/wk of mothers helpers (they will play with DS, help with light chores, start dinner & watch baby if I need it).
-DH will be unable to take more than a week of paternity leave (if that)
-I had a semi hard recovery last time (but fx I don't hemorrhage this time and recovery is easier)
-I had PPD/PPA

[namasteak]

And thank you for giving advice on things that should be easy. Idk what my deal is but the support of this community is amazing and I'm very grateful.

[zarapipe]

Do it x10 if you can afford it. You will never regret having the help but may regret not having it.

I'm glad you got a response.

[blueberry10]

If you can afford it, do it. DD went to daycare for much of my leave and it made the adjustment to two much easier - she had her time with friends/routine and I could take care of myself and bond with the baby better.

[Deleted]

If you can afford it, I would say absolutely. We were homebound a lot during the beginning and to have somewhere to send DS1 that he could be silly, loud, and burn energy made a huge difference.

[namasteak]

Aug 6, 2015 11:46:17 GMT -5 zarapipe said:

Do it x10 if you can afford it. You will never regret having the help but may regret not having it.

I'm glad you got a response.

It would just delay is getting our Schwab account (where we had our DP) back to the amount where they would do a really awesome job managing it. But only by 3 months...

[Deleted]

Do the preschool.
Do the mother's helper (adjust hours to how you're feeling).

You can save money later. Do what makes your life easier as you adjust to 2.

[namasteak]

I was pretty sure you guys would say do it but needed confirmation because it seems like a frivolous thing to do.

[londoncalling]

Yes, do it if you can afford it. DD1 went to full time daycare when I was home with DD2.

H took her in the morning and my mom would pick her up a early in the afternoon and then stay with us until H got home. It was glorious.

[carolinagirl831]

Glad they still have your spot, i'd be annoyed but if that's where it works out to send him now, fine at least you have something!

Having just gone through this.. My dd was 26 months when DD2 was born. DD1 was watched by dad while I worked. The plan was she would stay with me on maternity leave and go to daycare , 3 mornings week. The last month we changed day cares and she went 3 full days a week.
I LOVED that time alone with the new baby. I had 3 family members come help for 3 separate weeks after DD2 was born to play with DD1. It wasn't the same with her home, she still needed/wanted my attention. It was so nice having actual alone time with the baby. So i vote send to school vs Mother's helper.

[londoncalling]

Aug 6, 2015 11:50:33 GMT -5 namasteak said:

I was pretty sure you guys would say do it but needed confirmation because it seems like a frivolous thing to do.

Easing a huge life transition and making your recovery process simpler doesn't seem frivolous to me.

[Deleted]

Aug 6, 2015 11:50:33 GMT -5 namasteak said:

I was pretty sure you guys would say do it but needed confirmation because it seems like a frivolous thing to do.

There are points in your life where being "frivolous" is okay. What are you saving for that is more important than enjoying your life RIGHT NOW? There needs to be a balance between present and future, and when you're under new and large stress, I'd say tip towards the present. 

[carolinagirl831]

OH i misunderstood if both is an option absoultely!

[blueberry10]

It's not frivolous. I'm all for throwing money at things to make life a little easier.

[curbsideprophet]

Do it

[longtimenopost]

If you can do both, do both. I am doing both the first month, in the form of 10 hrs a week of preschool and we are flying in my MIL from Denmark. I'm pretty pumped.

[namasteak]

You guys are the best.

Seriously, I would be a crazy person without MMM to talk sense into me.

[oswin]

Definitely get all the help you can. DD is 19 months older than DS and I am so so glad that DD goes to daycare every day because watching both kids on the weekends is so exhausting sometimes (for both me and DH).

[undecidedowl]

Yep. Do it all. We paid over $800/month to keep DS1 in daycare during my leave. I felt guilty about it at first but everyone here recommended it which helped me feel better. SO WORTH IT. Worth every penny.

[ECB]

Look, I'm OAD but I've truly never ever understood this "dilemma". I remember how hard it was the first few weeks w/ a baby. Granted, it was my first and that's a HUGE learning curve that you don't have to go through w/ the 2nd.

But. but. but. I remember how tired I was, how desperate I was to have SOME time for me (when DS napped), how I enjoyed the time w/ just him too.

It's never even a QUESTION in my mind. If you have the option to have care for your older one, then USE it. Have that one on one time w/ your new baby AND also take advantage of what little down time you can get when the baby naps.

I SO agree w/ what mrsbecky said above.

[Deleted]

Do both if you can afford it! Yes it might mean less savings right now but it's temporary, just to get you over the initial hump Definitely do preschool though. It'll be good for both of you.

[anna7602]

My kids are not even close in age and it was heavenly to have DD at camp, then at school when DS was a newborn. Babies are so all-consuming.

If I'm reading your post right, this only affects what you are saving for a few months, not hitting any other budget lines? Absolutely do it!

[namasteak]

Aug 6, 2015 12:39:26 GMT -5 anna7602 said:

My kids are not even close in age and it was heavenly to have DD at camp, then at school when DS was a newborn. Babies are so all-consuming.

If I'm reading your post right, this only affects what you are saving for a few months, not hitting any other budget lines? Absolutely do it!

You are correct.

This would mean on Tues/Thurs I am only on my own with both for a 2 hours before dropping DS1 off at 930 and for 2 hours before DH gets home!

[Deleted]

Absolutely do it if you can afford it. Those prices seem very reasonable to me. DS was 3 when DD was born, and I am very glad I took all the help available to me. I convinced DH to use all his PTO (3 weeks) to be home with us when DD was born. My mom is a college professor and was off for the summer, so she took DS 2x a week for "grammy summer camp." Those days were INVALUABLE. I could focus on DD, take her to appointments, run errands. Or just eat a brownie at Panera

[Deleted]

I would do it. We kept J in daycare for 3.5 months after the girls were born. We knew we were pulling him permanently because my mom was going to be our nanny when I returned to work but having him stay in daycare made the transition easier for all of us. I was on maternity leave for almost 6 mos but keeping him in the first few months allowed me time to get past the worst of the nursing hassles without also trying to entertain J all day.

[thatgirl2478]

I would do it all if you can afford it.

We paid $110 for 3 days of preschool for DD1 - it started 1 month before DD2 was born. It was SO NICE to have a break from 2 kids (particularly the one that is super active...). If I could have paid that much for a 'helper' I would have - that's not something that's offered around here.

[namasteak]

Oooo I just realized I can use some of the small inheritance check from my grandmother to pay for the mothers helpers!

The location of the preschool can't be beat (3/4mile from our house) so I'm glad we don't need to find somewhere else to send him. Once the weather cools down it will actually be a nice walk in the mornings.

[sporklemotion]

Dd1 (20 months) is in full time care while I am home with DD2 (2 months). It's been good for all of us, including DD1. It's a little bit of a different situation, because it's not a new placement for DD1, but it is still good for her to have a place to go that is tailored to her.

When DD1 was a newborn, she was super fussy and had to be held all of the time. This was hard for me to deal with. I didn't have PPD, but I definitely struggled with that feeling of being touched out all of the time. Luckily, DD2 is easier (still likes to be held but will chill in the RNP or bassinet for a few minutes at a time), but when DD1 is home, I have someone on me at all times. As soon as I set DD2 down, DD2 wants to be picked up, sit in my lap, etc. if she were home all of the time I don't think I would be up to it. You may not have the same issue of feeling swamped, but if you do, I would do the day care and the mother's helper just to stave off that potential emotional drain.

[Deleted]

Aug 6, 2015 11:52:52 GMT -5 @mrsbecky said:

No, it is not frivolous. I'm just going to shut down that line of thinking lol. First, the preschool will be good for your DS. The mother's helper will also be good for your DS. And both of those things will be really good for you.

And what is good for you will be good for the new baby.

is it necessary? No, of course not. But that doesn't mean it is frivolous.

Mrsbecky is wise. 

[redpenmama]

Yes, definitely fit whatever help you can into the budget.

DD (who was 2.5 at the time) went to preschool just 6 hours a week when DS was born, and it was still a lifesaver. He always napped all morning, and it gave me 6 hours of extra sleep a week while she was in school.