Post by imojoebunny on Aug 12, 2015 8:07:35 GMT -5
DH has always wanted a dog. I told him we could get one when the kids started school, and I had time to train it. He said he wanted to be the one to find it, we spent years doing research, and know exactly the sort of dog we all want/can live with.
He told the kids (6 and 9) we were going to go get it this coming Saturday. Now, directly because DH did not communicate with the people who had the dog, it has been adopted by another family.
The dogs of the size and type we want are very difficult to find. If one ends up in a shelter, it typically isn't good with kids and/or is immediately picked up by a rescue and they have a long wait list, like multiple years, for dogs that are good with children. We can't just go get a different kind of dog. We know DS and I can tolerate this specific breed because we did the research and have kept and been around multiple dogs of this breed.
So now my kids are going to be heartbroken and I am pissed.
What do would you say to your DH? He is out of town for work, and pretty much completely unavailable, so I have some time.
Why do you have to say anything? I am not understanding the situation here. Doesn't he know the dog has been adopted by someone else? You will have to keep looking.
I can't imagine that you'll have to say anything. He knows why this happened.
This. I understand why you're upset but I don't feel that you need to yell/ "talk" to your DH about this. I would hope he realizes the error of his ways and will make sure to not do it again.
I'd say "Nice job, loser! Because of your fuck up, the kids are going to be heartbroken! Why can't you ever do anything right?" <-- sarcasm.
Really, he's probably going to feel awful if he doesn't already. I'd actually try to be nice to my H, tell him it is okay and these things happen, and try really hard to hold my tongue so I don't just make him feel worse about messing up. That's what I would want him to do for me if I had messed up something like this. The kids will make him feel bad enough when they cry and ask a million questions about why they aren't getting a dog on Saturday.
I've actually worked really hard to learn that compassion is more important than being right in a marriage.
I wouldn't say anything except maybe telling him not to beat himself up. He's a grown man. I'm sure he realizes that his kids will be disappointed and feels bad about that.
I'd just let the kids know the plans didn't work out and that there isn't anyone to blame, but you all have to be patient.
But I'm also curious about what this super fancy breed of dog is.
My personal experience was always having little dogs of one specific breed growing up from breeders. But when DH and I got a dog he convinced me to go to a shelter with him and just meet the dogs and be open to a big dog (his preference and what he had growing up). I was nervous. But we've had the most loveable amazing 80lb mutt for 6 years now and I can't imagine life without him.
It looks like you guys have A LOT of conditions for getting a dog. The time must be right, the stars must align, you must have ample time for training, it must be a specific breed (presumably for the ideal hair/size/temperament), etc. Dogs aren't robots. Certain breeds may lead towards a propensity of being a certain way, but there is no guarantee.
If you're really so rigid that there is only one type of dog on earth that you can tolerate, I'd look at this as a blessing and not move forward, in case your dog deviates from the breed standard.
I agree. It sounds like you don't really want a dog. And that's ok. You don't have to get one. DH wanted a dog too, and after weeks of him nagging me, I gave in. Since I SAH, I'm de-facto responsible for the dog's training. I admit I'm resentful for having that responsibility for a dog that only DH wanted. Please spend some time thinking about if *you* want a dog.
Ditto OPs - curious, what type of dog are you looking for?
We have a mutt and he's better than any pure bred dog I've ever met (of course, I'm biased).
We have to have a dog with hair because of DS and I's allergies, we have looked at all kinds of dogs before determining that a mini laberdoodle was the best and pretty much only option that everyone was happy with, everyone had a strong opinion, and legitimate reasons why they didn't want something too big or too small.
I wish we could go get a black lab mixed with something smaller from the ASPCA, but we can't tolerate all the fur. We are looking for a medium sized poodle-lab mix. There was one that came up last week on the Golden Rescue, there were 25 applications the first day, and that didn't include the wait list. DH found this one through a friend of a friend. I won't go to a puppy mill, so we are left with very few options.
It looks like you guys have A LOT of conditions for getting a dog. The time must be right, the stars must align, you must have ample time for training, it must be a specific breed (presumably for the ideal hair/size/temperament), etc. Dogs aren't robots. Certain breeds may lead towards a propensity of being a certain way, but there is no guarantee.
If you're really so rigid that there is only one type of dog on earth that you can tolerate, I'd look at this as a blessing and not move forward, in case your dog deviates from the breed standard.
I agree. It sounds like you don't really want a dog. And that's ok. You don't have to get one. DH wanted a dog too, and after weeks of him nagging me, I gave in. Since I SAH, I'm de-facto responsible for the dog's training. I admit I'm resentful for having that responsibility for a dog that only DH wanted. Please spend some time thinking about if *you* want a dog.
We do have a lot of conditions because we want to get a dog that we are reasonable sure we can both tolerate from an allergy perspective and that is a size our kids can handle. If that makes us picky, then it does. If more people spent time investigating whether a specific type of dog would work for them before they got it, there would not be nearly as many shelter dogs. I don't take getting a dog lightly, nope, I don't. There are a few other breeds we are looking at, a couple of terriers, but the mini or Australian laberdoodle seems the best option. The other breeds are no easier to find. Pretty much any lower allergy dog is hard to find, unless you go to a breeder. I am sure it is nice to not have to worry about that aspect of things, and I guess you could say, "Well, just don't get a dog." but we want a dog, and there are some we can live with, just not most.
All dogs are different so just because you have researched and think this mix breed will work isn't necessarily true. My entire family have Bichons who are suppose to be "hypo allergenic" but I'm allergic to my moms to the point my eyes swell shut. So be sure and visit each dog your May potential adopt to see if you have a reaction.
ETA: I'll lay off because I do respect that you're not going through a breeder.
Why don't you guys find me a low allergy dog under 40 pounds and more than 20 (or so, not a toy) within driving distance of Atlanta (say 200 miles) that can go to a home with a 6 and 9 year old with a fenced yard! Go!
I will say because they are not bred to a standard it is a complete crapshoot as to what you will get with any -doodle breed. They may end up 30 lbs, they may end up 50; they may have a poodle coat and may have a lab coat that sheds.
I respect that you are going through a rescue, just be careful because these dogs do not breed true.
Is there any reason a straight up poodle doesn't work for you? They are so smart and goofy and you know what you are getting. A mini poodle is probably roughly the same size as a mini doodle (most will be in the 15-20 lb range) and just so much easier to predict in terms of temperament, etc. a lot of people that have not spent much time with poodles write them off but generally they are exactly what people say they want out of a doodle.
ETA: I'll lay off because I do respect that you're not going through a breeder.
Why don't you guys find me a low allergy dog under 40 pounds and more than 20 (or so, not a toy) within driving distance of Atlanta (say 200 miles) that can go to a home with a 6 and 9 year old with a fenced yard! Go!
What else? Do you want high energy, low energy, ability to do things like agility/obedience?
ETA: I'll lay off because I do respect that you're not going through a breeder.
Why don't you guys find me a low allergy dog under 40 pounds and more than 20 (or so, not a toy) within driving distance of Atlanta (say 200 miles) that can go to a home with a 6 and 9 year old with a fenced yard! Go!
The doodle breeds still often times shed and have dander. This might not be the best option for your family.
Off the top of my head for hypos that are tough and make good family dogs, especially with older kids:
Standard schnauzer Poodle--an off sized mini or standard which you are extremely likely to find in rescue would fit your size qualifications Wheaten terrier Tibetan terrier Westie
The terriers are tough, don't let their size fool you. The Tibetan and the Wheaten might be tough to find nearby in rescue but the others are there in droves. If you would prefer to go through a reputable breeder I am sure that they are nearby as well.
Otherwise search poodle on petfinder and go meet some dogs at the shelter to see how you and your son react. There is no telling with the mixes!
Why don't you guys find me a low allergy dog under 40 pounds and more than 20 (or so, not a toy) within driving distance of Atlanta (say 200 miles) that can go to a home with a 6 and 9 year old with a fenced yard! Go!
A greyhound! Heavier than 40 pounds, but they don't really seem it because they are so slim. And you can adopt from a rescue. They are typically low allergy because they do not have an undercoat. My H is allergic to most dogs and never had a problem with our greyhound. They are pretty lazy, but love to play, go for walks, and ours was great with our DS.
A labradoodle isn't guaranteed to be hypoallergenic. Sometimes they are, sometimes they aren't.
My DD1 is really allergic to dogs, but not ours (had since before she was born), it's weird. She's an Irish setter.
We also have friends whose son is very allergic so they got a Portuguese Water Dog. I think that breed would fit your requirements as well.
Also, we are gettin my DD1 and me, although I'm Not allergic to dogs allergy shots to minimize her reactions to dogs in the future. Because even if she's not allergic To our dog now, we will eventually want another dog.