Second time moms/ birth plan?

[Deleted]

With DS1 I didn't have a birth plan other than healthy mom, healthy baby. I never found out why DS was admitted to the NICU and my primary reason for choosing another hospital is because of that experience. I also would have preferred that he didn't recieve formula but that wasn't an option for NICU babies. I was so out of it with meds that I didn't really get the importance of that immediate skin to skin and BFing in the first hour that may have improved our BFing relationship. Also because I figured I didn't need any classes to figure out how to have a baby. :/

Basically my laid back FTM approach failed me and I'd like a different outcome this time. So.. Second time moms, did you have a birth plan? Or will you plan to have one? What should it look like? My type B tendencies are brushing up against a formal plan but is there anything I could do in between? I just want a better experience this time, even if something unexpected happens. TIA for reading my novel

[oswin]

I didn't have a real birth plan either time and I was lucky enough not to need to make any decisions beyond saying yes when asked if I wanted to hold him right away on my chest. I'm not sure you need to write anything up really, but just make sure you've discussed anything that's important to you with your husband. For example, I told DH to stay with the baby if we had to be separated for some reason.

[kaycee]

My hospital supplies a card you fill out with your preferences. You just check off boxes based on things they typically do, so it isn't reinventing the wheel.

I filled that out with my husband and then we talked about things we liked or didn't about our last delivery. I told him things that were really important for me, so that he can advocate for me. I also told him what I would like done if I had to be put under general anesthesia.

My main things were: immediate skin to skin, no formula without discussing with me, and my husband cutting the cord. I also talked to my doctor about what she does as standard procedure to feel more comfortable about what would happen if I didn't have a plan.

[anna7602]

I had a birth plan for the first baby, but not the second, mainly because I switched practices in between kids and was confident that the new practice was more in line with my wishes. Also, DH proved himself to be a good advocate for me the first time, so I trusted that I didn't need to write everything down for him the second time.

That said, my first plan wasn't too formal. It just outlined that I wanted to labor med-free and would ask for pain relief if I wanted it (so please don't ask me repeatedly if I want an epidural), that I wanted to attempt to BF immediately, that I wanted delayed cord-clamping, that I would decline the first bath for the baby, that I didn't want a circumcision to occur at the hospital should I have a boy (although it turns out that no one whisks your baby away and circumcises him without your consent at the hospitals where I delivered), that I wanted to room in with the baby and that I wanted DH to be able to stay with the baby should he/she have to be taken from me following birth. I think I had some things in there in case of a c-section, but I can't remember them now. It was seven years ago.

[Deleted]

I had a birth plan the first time. It was helpful for my H and I to highlight the things important to us. I didn't give it to the nurse. We kind of went with the flow and after I got the epi, the plan was out the window.

[halfpint]

I did the first time, but didn't even factor in "if I have a c-section, I want...". Like, it wasn't even a consideration, because I was so sure I'd have the delivery I wanted, and if I had a c-section, well, what options were there? Of course everything went sideways, nothing went as planned, and I had an emergency c-section. He was fine, but I was unable to hold him for longer than I would have liked, and I felt uninformed about what was happening.

This time (assuming I'm lucky enough to get pregnant again), I'm going to have a more frank conversation about c-section options. I plan to try for a VBAC (my OB said I'd be a good candidate), but if I end up in surgery again, I would hope for some different outcomes. I think I just feel a little more empowered to ask questions and ask for what I want, while still being respectful of the medical team's expertise.

Honestly, my OB the first time was mostly really respectful of what I wanted, but everything kind of went out the window once we got to the c-section point. I wish I'd felt a little more knowledgeable and less out of control.

[mcfelix]

I didn't have much of a plan for the first one. I wanted to try med free but wasn't opposed to getting an epidural if I decided I needed one. Immediate skin to skin is something the hospital does normally, so that happened. And my dr knew I was donating my cord blood so they took care of putting everything in the kit right away. I also had a doula, so I relied on knowing she was going to be there more than anything. Ironically it took her a few hours to get there so I was like umm let's wait until my doula gets here when they wanted me to start pitocin because I wasn't contracting.

This time, no real plan. I will probably have an epidural, want skin to skin, and will probably ask for delayed cord clamping since I am not donating this time. (By the time I remembered to do the paperwork, it was too late). Hoping this delivery is as uneventful as the last one.

[starlily]

No, I didn't have a birth plan either time. Its what worked best for me. DD1 ended up being admitted to NICU immediately some things I would've liked such as H cutting the cord, skin-to-skin right after birth, etc. went out the window. DD2 didn't, so we did get a chance to do some of those things.

[Deleted]

Had a birth plan the first time. Nurses and doctor (who said everything would be okay on it) ignored every last thing on it and completely disregarded my verbal requests not to have certain things done.

I did not have a birth plan te second time because I was giving birth at a free standing birth center instead of a hospital and didn't need one because they did a better job of listening to me. My only requirement was that baby stay on my chest for as long as possible after birth (because they took my first away and wouldn't give her back to me while they stitched up the awful tear they caused in the hospital despite my pleas that I wanted to hold her, it was at least an hour before I held her).

[Deleted]

O had a birth plan with number 1. It was basically all my wishes written up for me to dicuss with my doctor. He knew my wishes and we had a conversation about everything. I went in knowing he was going to be supportive. He also is very go with the flow so that helped. I also had a doula and was enrolled in an unmedicated birth program through the hospital. My plan was executed pretty flawlessly because I had all this support.

This baby I am unsure of what to do. I will have a birth plan but I now go to a larger practice so I may actually bring it and give it to the doctor that arrives. It sounds a little crazy but so far I am not feeling this new practice. I have an appointment monday and may need to switch. I am pretty sure I am not getting a doula but if I had one I would just tell her what I wanted and go with that. DH also did a great job advocating for me last time so I think that will help.

[humpforfree]

So I did have a birth plan with #1 and gave my basic list to the nurses. No one paid attention to it. It was mostly like "skin to skin ASAP", "we will BF", "if it's a boy he will be circumcised". We didn't get to do skin to skin (didn't get to even hold him until the next day- he was in the nicu but it wasn't urgent after delivery, this part still pisses me off), they gave him a bottle in the nursery and didn't tell me why they were doing it or why we couldn't try nursing, and like 10 people asked if he would be circumcised. There were lots of other (really basic/normal?) things that were also ignored.
This time I will again have my birth plan with me, but I know more know how to stand up for myself/that I will need to stand up for myself. I'm really hoping that I don't end up with a CS AND a nicu baby again- I think that combination, in addition to being a FTM made it hard for me to know exactly what was going on & what was normal. I think I could take either of those separately this time and deal with the issues. I'm also going to really try and get H on board with being in charge of following through with the birth plan items so I don't have to worry as much about it.

[Deleted]

I had a birth plan with DD1 and it never left my hospital bag and I ended up not caring about it anyway. I had labor complications that dictated a lot of how everything went.

With DD2 I had no birth plan. I just briefed H on stuff I wanted ahead of time, and talked to my OB about it, but I was with it enough at the delivery to ask for the stuff I wanted like immediate skin to skin and nursing.

I generally don't have strong birth preferences other than wanting an epi and wanting skin to skin/nursing immediately and I vocalized and got that both times.

[Deleted]

I think the most important thing is selecting a doctor (or midwife) that for-real backs up what you want and that, should things not happen that way, you trust 100% that what happened was necessary and for the best.

And then, as you discovered, a hospital that backs that up.

Talk to your doc about your feelings from your first birth and your hopes for your second. Talk to your H. Obviously, my second birth didn't follow the plan, but it did actually go really well.

[laurack]

both times I had the same birth plan- to give birth in the birthing center without interventions.

the first time it didn't happen as I was extremely overdue and had a hospital pitocin induction, the second time it happened as planned. I think both my births went well though I enjoyed the second one more.

I think it's fine to have a plan and seek out the care that most aligns with your ideal plan, though of course things may not go according to that plan and that's fine too. I liked knowing that whatever happened my midwives knew what I had in mind and did what they could to keep somewhat to my birth plan even when circumstances dictated it wouldn't be feasible after all.

[Deleted]

With my first I took an eight week natural birth class in addition to the hospital class.  I hired a doula and had an elaborate birth plan involving the music from The Lion King.  I ended up getting to the hospital and begging for an epidural.

Second time around my only plan was to get to the hospital in time for the epidural. I failed.

[anna7602]

@notquiteblushing, I'm never sure if you realize how hilarious some of your turns of phrase are. Micropenis nipples and now Lion King birthing music.

[water*drop]

My hospital has a form to fill out. Even if you didn't fill it out, the nurses went over it with me upon admitting me both times, even though some of my preferences didn't matter a whole lot with DS since he was having heart decels when I was admitted. Both times, they definitely respected and referenced my preferences during L&D when it was possible. It's basically stuff like whether or not you want meds, do you want music on during labor, do you prefer occasional monitoring instead of continuous monitoring if mom and baby are both tolerating labor well, who do you want to cut the cord, etc, but I can send it to you if you want to see a copy for ideas.

[amaranth]

The first time things went pretty well (I did have a birth plan that was mostly followed), however there were a few things I didn't appreciate and to address them next time I have switched providers. The new provider was willing to listen to my concerns about my previous experience and desires for the future. I feel that next time things are in better hands and at the very least, there will be better communication.

I think if you want to still be a bit plan B and not write everything out you could find a provider you trust more and who is willing to personally talk through everything. I would have no hesitations switching doctors to find this perfect match. It makes all the difference.

[hilwithonelary]

I didn't write up a formal birth plan, but I did spend more time researching and finding a provider I felt would give me care more in line with my wishes. I'm so glad I switched because the second time went much better.

[namasteak]

I don't have a birth plan because I completely trust my birth team. All of my midwifes standard procedures are things I would want (delayed cord clamping, immediate skin to skin, etc) and she was fantastic with DS's birth.

[bcarp30]

No. I thought it was a waste of time for me because I just wanted the baby. I had complete faith in all my OBs that whatever decision was made would be in the best interest of me and my baby. I also am the type of person that if I expect something and it doesn't go the way I want I get very upset and agitated. Since I knew those chances with birth are high I didn't bother. I ended up having the exact labor I wanted. Waited until 7cm for the epi and immediate skin to skin. My plan for this baby is to do the same thing.

[Deleted]

Aug 12, 2015 14:35:31 GMT -5 @notquiteblushing said:

With my first I took an eight week natural birth class in addition to the hospital class.  I hired a doula and had an elaborate birth plan involving the music from The Lion King.  I ended up getting to the hospital and begging for an epidural.

Second time around my only plan was to get to the hospital in time for the epidural. I failed.

LOL
I remember this. Your birth story was hilariously awesome (I hope that doesn't sound insensitive - I don't mean it that way).

[Deleted]

Aug 12, 2015 14:54:36 GMT -5 water*drop said:

My hospital has a form to fill out. Even if you didn't fill it out, the nurses went over it with me upon admitting me both times, even though some of my preferences didn't matter a whole lot with DS since he was having heart decels when I was admitted. Both times, they definitely respected and referenced my preferences during L&D when it was possible. It's basically stuff like whether or not you want meds, do you want music on during labor, do you prefer occasional monitoring instead of continuous monitoring if mom and baby are both tolerating labor well, who do you want to cut the cord, etc, but I can send it to you if you want to see a copy for ideas.

Sure I'd love to see it

How are you doing btw? Thinking of you!

[Deleted]

Aug 12, 2015 14:15:23 GMT -5 humpforfree said:

So I did have a birth plan with #1 and gave my basic list to the nurses. No one paid attention to it. It was mostly like "skin to skin ASAP", "we will BF", "if it's a boy he will be circumcised". We didn't get to do skin to skin (didn't get to even hold him until the next day- he was in the nicu but it wasn't urgent after delivery, this part still pisses me off), they gave him a bottle in the nursery and didn't tell me why they were doing it or why we couldn't try nursing, and like 10 people asked if he would be circumcised. There were lots of other (really basic/normal?) things that were also ignored.
This time I will again have my birth plan with me, but I know more know how to stand up for myself/that I will need to stand up for myself. I'm really hoping that I don't end up with a CS AND a nicu baby again- I think that combination, in addition to being a FTM made it hard for me to know exactly what was going on & what was normal. I think I could take either of those separately this time and deal with the issues. I'm also going to really try and get H on board with being in charge of following through with the birth plan items so I don't have to worry as much about it.

This sounds eerily similar to my experience. WTF, hospitals?! I'm also thinking of an RCS just because I don't want even the possibility of a labor that is tough on DS2 and therefore ending up in another NICU stay. I don't know. FEELINGS.

[karinothing]

Aug 12, 2015 15:11:54 GMT -5 namasteak said:

I don't have a birth plan because I completely trust my birth team. All of my midwifes standard procedures are things I would want (delayed cord clamping, immediate skin to skin, etc) and she was fantastic with DS's birth.

This was me too. No birth plan because I sought out providers whose default was what I wanted

[humpforfree]

Aug 12, 2015 15:35:22 GMT -5 karinothing said:

Aug 12, 2015 15:11:54 GMT -5 namasteak said:

I don't have a birth plan because I completely trust my birth team. All of my midwifes standard procedures are things I would want (delayed cord clamping, immediate skin to skin, etc) and she was fantastic with DS's birth.

This was me too. No birth plan because I sought out providers whose default was what I wanted

Everything that I had researched said that my doctors AND hospital defaulted to our preferences. It didn't turn out that way, either due to birth circumstances (CS, nicu), the nurses not being on board (?) or maybe even the weather (there was a large snowstorm and all of the nurses were trapped in the hospital with us.. I don't know if this played into it at all). Just putting it out there that even trusting your care providers doesn't mean it will go according to plan. I DO trust my my actual doctors enough to deliver with them (and the same hospital) again. Nurses we don't get to pick, but we will be more proactive this time.

[laurack]

Aug 12, 2015 15:47:21 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

I kind of had one the first time (avoid pain meds), which I didn't follow at all because it turns out I really want to feel comfortable while in labor. lol. My birthplan with E was elective induction and epidural and please try to keep me from tearing again.

If I did it a third time, I would make sure everyone knew I wanted to do the first feeding if at all possible. E was FF, and I never even anticipated that a nurse would give her the first bottle without asking.

[br
This still angers me. That they would give her her first bottle without asking you

Like because she's ff there's no emotion attached to feeding your newborn so it doesn't matter who does it?!

[redpenmama]

I had nothing documented for either pregnancy but talked to my OB both times about my goals: vaginal delivery if possible, no episiotomy, immediate skin-to-skin if baby is healthy, BFing as soon as possible after delivery. Oh, and give me the epidural as soon as possible.

I was lucky that we hit on all of those points with both deliveries.

[karinothing]

Aug 12, 2015 15:41:17 GMT -5 humpforfree said:

Aug 12, 2015 15:35:22 GMT -5 karinothing said:

This was me too. No birth plan because I sought out providers whose default was what I wanted

Everything that I had researched said that my doctors AND hospital defaulted to our preferences. It didn't turn out that way, either due to birth circumstances (CS, nicu), the nurses not being on board (?) or maybe even the weather (there was a large snowstorm and all of the nurses were trapped in the hospital with us.. I don't know if this played into it at all). Just putting it out there that even trusting your care providers doesn't mean it will go according to plan. I DO trust my my actual doctors enough to deliver with them (and the same hospital) again. Nurses we don't get to pick, but we will be more proactive this time.

Well I agree with that. But I gave birth outside of the hospital, so my birth plan ideas were pretty much the only option available. ..so a little more likely in that situation

[humpforfree]

Aug 12, 2015 16:03:22 GMT -5 karinothing said:

Aug 12, 2015 15:41:17 GMT -5 humpforfree said:

Everything that I had researched said that my doctors AND hospital defaulted to our preferences. It didn't turn out that way, either due to birth circumstances (CS, nicu), the nurses not being on board (?) or maybe even the weather (there was a large snowstorm and all of the nurses were trapped in the hospital with us.. I don't know if this played into it at all). Just putting it out there that even trusting your care providers doesn't mean it will go according to plan. I DO trust my my actual doctors enough to deliver with them (and the same hospital) again. Nurses we don't get to pick, but we will be more proactive this time.

Well I agree with that. But I gave birth outside of the hospital, so my birth plan ideas were pretty much the only option available. ..so a little more likely in that situation

I'm guessing because of the birth center you don't have the issue of a bazillion nurses around too. I wish this was an option for me.