Living a looong plane/car trip away from relatives.

[niq]

How often do you visit them, and at what time of year? Do you wish you visited them more?

Flying me, V, msniq, and mom to Atlanta for Thanksgiving would to cost $2200 with a layover or $2800 non-stop. V will be over 2 and has never travelled back there. I feel like my cousins, aunts, uncles, and a few friends ought to get a chance to see him in person while he's still little, not just on FB or the couple of times we've done Skype.

My dad has flown out to visit 4 times, and mom lives with us, so it's just second-level relatives that are missing out.

This post brought to you by the letters "WAH"

[savan]

Both sets of relatives are a plane ride away (in different directions so there is no killing two birds with one stone). We alternate years we visit each. The longest we go between visits is 3 years.

DH's family is in the midwest so we go in the summer when there isn't a foot of snow on the ground. My family we usually visit around Christmas time. We both get off work from Christmas Eve through New Years so it requires no vacation days. No one ever comes to us.

[Deleted]

Well we have only been in LA 18 months but we have gone back to Atlanta once a year, in summer. We choose summer because my parents live on a lake and that's the best time to visit them.

Cost of plane tickets x 4 makes it REALLY hard to go back at peak travel times like Thanksgiving, Christmas, even summer travel is crazy expensive.

I have route fare alerts set up on AirfareWatchdog.com for LAX-ATL sales. There are some great fares at non peak spring, fall, and winter times. E.g. right now there is a sale RT LAX-ATL for $147 on Southwest. We could do that easily if schedule allowed this fall (but it doesn't, and with DD1 starting kindergarten I don't see a lot of opportunities for us to jump on non-peak fares like that).

My parents come out here maybe 3x a year. It is easier for them to travel to us, and cheaper too.

[Muddled]

We have a goal to see my parents twice a year- once in the summer and once around the holidays. If they come here, we don't go there to see other family members.

As for the ILs, it all depends on the story of the hour.


Of course, all this is pre-kid. I don't necessarily plan to change anything, but I recognize that I am not the only one involved in these decisions.

[namasteak]

Family in NJ we see every 18 months - 2 years

Family in the UK we see every 2-3 years.

Our parents are a 4-5 hour drive away and we see them about 4 times a year.

[Deleted]

I would not go during Thanksgiving. Can you pick another holiday. We fly home every labor day. My in laws come here every June. It's expensive still but way cheaper than the times you are looking at. And it's nice to have the extra day vacation. My in laws throw a big party and everyone comes over because people don't really have anything better to do labor day. We have gone back for Xmas and it's a mess because some people have to visit their other side of the family.

[meltoine]

We live in AR and all our family is in NY. The kids and I go back about 2x/year, less in years when I'm pregnant or have a newborn. H goes every few years because o f his work schedule. 

We are fortunate in that FIL travels every week for work and internationally at least once/month, so he accumulates miles faster than it's humanly possible to use them. The get us our tickets most of the time with their miles, which is very generous of them. They also come here 2-3x/year with the miles.

My parents visit us about once every 18 months or so. My mother's work schedule is less flexible and my parents have less money than my ILs.

ETA: we usually go once in the spring/summer that ends up being for a wedding, and once for either thanksgiving or Christmas. 

[dcn]

We lived in Alaska and our family is all on the east coast.

In three years we went once, in July. We had a lap baby and it was still expensive.

My mom came twice (once in November when Ds was 3 weeks old and once for his first bday in October) my dad once, and mil came twice. None of our siblings came.

We met my family in California once in January and that actually was great.

We have spent the last ten years traveling home to see everyone and we are kind of over it. their turn.

[magpie]

Well, we visit my H's family in Australia every other year. It costs a shitload of money and the flight is 15 hours + 1.5 hour connection within the US (always with a 4-6 hour layover!), but it is really important to him that we remain connected to the place and the people (not just family, but also dear friends). His parents visit at least once a year (maybe even a little more often than that), now that we have a kid (the only grandchild in the family). They used to come once every other year.

My parents and sister are a 9 hour drive away. It's only a 1.5 hour flight, but with all the security lines, traffic (especially on the LAX end) and airline bullshit/delays, we prefer to drive. We visit them maybe 2-3 times a year and they visit us about the same. I also have a lot of friends in the LA area, since I grew up there and went to grad school (where I met my bff's) there.

[chickens987]

Generally once every other year. Every year it seems like there's a special circumstance that makes it more frequent though. Last Christmas, we paid $4k for plane tickets so we said we aren't going back for a while. MIL and FIL are actually coming here next christmas which should be nice!

We treat our daycare Fsa as our airfare fund.

[Deleted]

My parents live 7.5 hours away in NJ. Unfortunately flying there doesn't cut down much on time or hassle because they live 2 hours away from an airport. You have to get to the airport an hour early, it takes a little over an hour to fly there, then when you add in the time it takes to pick up your luggage and rent a car plus the cost it just seems easier to drive. Usually just once a year in August to take advantage of the fact that they live a few blocks away from the beach. We're going down this weekend actually.

My parents retired last year and bought a condo near where we live with the idea of being up here in the spring and fall. So we actually see them quite a bit after that.

[anna7602]

I have a lot of family outside the US. DD had met all of our relatives in Cuba, Argentina and Spain by the time she was 4. I haven't yet taken DS to any of those places.

We do, however, travel to DH's parents at least once or twice/year. One of those times is usually Thanksgiving, which is $$$ for the four of us.

[darnkatz]

We live in WA. My family all lives in WI, and my H's parents live in OH. My dad usually flies me and the kids out to visit once a year - usually around Thanksgiving because he is home from work in the winter. I see a lot of my extended family on both sides during that time. My ILs fly out all of the time and we usually go out to see them once a year - it used to be Christmas, but we won't be doing that any longer because we have two kids now and it is a PIA to travel during Christmastime. We hardly ever see H's extended family. 

If we could afford it, I would visit my family at least 3-4 times a year. Family is really important to me. It bums me out horribly that my kids don't have the same childhood experiences that I did. I was surrounded by extended family as a child and spent all holidays and summers with them. 

[Marmee]

We visited ILs once every year or 2. They visited us when we did not visit in a year. Infrequently obviously. (NV to VA then CO to VA)

[cricketwife]

We would like to return to England every year, but it's just not feasible. It's unfortunate because his parents and grandmother aren't ohysically able to make the trip here. So far, it's about every two years. The "second tier" relatives -sister, cousins are in Australia and I don't know if we will ever visit them. It's sad to think my son my never know his aunt or cousins.
My mother is only a couple hours by plane so I try to take DS at keast twice a year. That's been very doable since he can still fly free. When that changes, I don't know how often it will be.

[bowies]

I haven't been home in 4 years. I just realized that when I was doing the math. It's hard because a plane ticket is $650 per person. Yay for small town living. I'd rather spend $1300-1950 on something else. We could drive, but a 13 hour car trip sounds like hell even without a kid, plus neither me nor my H has much time off.

My parents drove up about once a year but increased that after DS was born. They've been here 4 times in the past year I think.

ETA: I have no family beyond my parents and brother so that makes it easy. My H's extended family actually lives relatively close - most within 4 hours. We see them most often, but not regularly. His parents are also 13 hours away by car in a similar direction. His mom has visited twice in 4 years, both for major events. Same for his dad.

We are basically on our own.

[spanikopita]

It cost $3k the last time we flew to see my parents, and that was with DD as a lap child. I haaaate it. They come to us 4 out of 5 visits because we simply cannot afford it more than every 2 years. (And even that means that we don't have a vacation budget, because it is eaten up by the mother#@$#% flights).

[rootbeerfloat]

MIL lives in Iowa, but H's siblings live in (different parts of) CA, so we usually try to get together with everyone at least once a year. Sometimes this is at Christmas, which is pricey, but otherwise we try to go during a school break, usually October. His siblings will come out to visit us in HI... not quite yearly, but often, especially if we or they happened to miss a holiday get-together.

It costs at least $2K to fly all of us to the west coast. And we stay in a hotel. And rent a car. It is not cheap, lol.

MIL does not like to make the trip out to us and has only done so a couple of times. We've never been to visit her, but H has flown to her alone.

[VillainV]

We try to fly back to each set of parents at least once per year, and they try to fly out at least once per year. It's expensive for everyone.

[SpartanGirl]

ILs are a 10 hour car ride away. My family is a 14 hour car trip away. Flying x6 is out of the question.

We try to visit twice a year. I wish it were more, but honestly, it's hard to do now that the kids are in school. I do wish the families would make more of an effort to visit us in addition to our visits there, but there's nothing I can do to change that.

[Muddled]

When we do the holiday trip, we often go for New Year's instead of Christmas or Thanksgiving. The prices are so much better and it's close enough to the real holiday to satisfy everyone.

[awkwardpenguin]

Solution: live in the Midwest.

We live a 2 hour plane ride from both sides of our family. We visit my family twice a year and DW's side of the family once a year. I don't expect this will change now that we have DD. They each come visit us an average of once a year.

We visit extended family on each side about once every two years.

[af1212]

My extended family (have two grandmothers, and all aunts, uncles and cousins) live on the opposite coAst from me, mostly clustered in two different places that are about a 6 hr drive from each other. My husband, kids and I go at least once a year to visit them. I try to take my kids by myself at least one more time a year but we are having kid #3 soon and I don't know if I will be able to keep it up after he/she arrives on the scene.

It is super expensive and a big hassle but the thought of my grandmothers not knowing my kids makes me so sad. They are 101 and 95 right now so I know this won't go on much longer, which is why I try to visit as much as we can now.

My dad and his wife and my inlaws live about a 3 hr flight from us in opposite directions. Right now we go to them 1x a year and they come to us about twice a year. Luckily my mom recently moved to a town nearby so that saves us at least one trip!

[mrsjrd23]

We live in OR and our families are in OH/MI. They are all within 3 hours of each other so we can see everyone in one trip but it is insane because we can usually only go for 1 week which means we have to split up the week - and both of our parents are divorced so that means 4 places to go in 1 week. Before kids, we went 1-2xyear. Now with 2 kids, I don't know when we will be able to afford to go back. Not in the next 1.5 years likely due to an expensive year for us this year with home reno stuff and an unpaid maternity leave.

It sucks not being near family and feeling a little left out, but we can't figure out a place to move to that is closer that has what we want in a place to live. It's really hitting me how much it sucks since DD was born in June. My hope is that when my mom retires in 3-4 years, she will spend 3-4 months a year with us since we have the room.

I need to get working on my teleportation device to make it easier on all of us.

[monsterz]

We have decided to never travel during holidays it is too expensive. We make it home maybe once a year or every other year. Family comes to visit us much more frequently. For the last 5 years my dad has come to visit us during Thanksgiving which is nice.

My sister is pregnant at the moment and keeps talking about me going home at Christmas for the birth of the baby and I have no interest.

[Deleted]

I grew up in CO and my dad still lives there. One brother is in IN, another in IA, and one in CT. The majority of my extended family is in IA and Michigan.

My dad comes out to visit usually 2 to 3 times a year. We have yet to take the girls to CO and only took J once. But this is largely due to the fact that my mom and sister now live here so it is infinitely easier for my dad to just travel to us. My brother from IN and CT I see once or twice a year. IN brother comes to us and CT it's split but we are just outside of Boston and he is in Greenwich so it's just a few hrs by car. I am rather estranged from my brother in IA as is the rest of the family.

I do plan to eventually take the kids to IA to meet my extended family but.I'm honestly not sure when we will do this. Its an expensive trip that just isn't going to be fun lol. We will also take thr kids to CO but will probably be when they are a bit older and I can show them around all to all the places I grew up visiting.

[badtzmaru22]

We live a 5-8hr drive away from most of our family. We see my parents the most, because they are retired, and they come here a lot. Maybe 4-6 times a year? We go there a few times as well, and sometimes manage to meet up with my brother and other relatives. My grandparents are the closest, and on the way home from everyone else, so we often make a stop there.

ILs - currently not seeing DH's parents. His one sister lives about a 12 hr drive away, with the other sister in the middle, so we meet at their house 1-2 a year, or they come here. They all came out 2-3 times in the last year, which has been so nice, bc they hadn't been here that much in the five years we lived here prior.

My sister lives in the UK and comes back once a year. We aren't planning on seeing her this year though.

[lolo]

I'm in the bay area and most of our family members are in Ohio.

We visit 2-3x/year. J has flown there at 2.5m, 7m, 13m, 17m and 26m.

We will also have visited a family member in Maine 2x. Both were for weddings.

It's expensive but a very big priority for me.

Eta: We have visited 3x in July or August and 2x at Christmas. This is mostly dictated by events. We are hoping to go in May next year so we can also hit our college reunion.

[shelbyann]

We are the reverse of you niq! Live on Atlanta, my whole family is in the Seattle area.

Thus far we have been going twice a year but we always take DD as a lap baby. We are headed out there later this month and this will probably be our last trip when she's under 2. I am really not sure what we will do when we have to buy another seat (and eventually two more). Visit less often probably.

It's really tough

[origami]

We visit 1x a year. (Summer) I would like to go 2x/year (summer plus xmas) but it's too expensive and the time change is terrible. BUT when we go we are seeing our parents, sisters, and most of my best friends. If we were just going to see cousins then I'd maybe go once every few years. Even before I had kids we went years between visits with cousins/uncles/aunts so I'm used to not seeing extended family for long periods.