Question for all the moms

[spindle92]

so there is this chick back from my nest days that I follow on IG.

- She met a guy 12 weeks ago. (I know this because every week she makes a big production about how long they have been together.)

- They are getting married in a few weeks. (Yeah, I said a few weeks.)

- Dude has two children - a daughter who is 14 and a son who is 18.

- She refers to these children as hers. Like hashtags every other day "Ilovemydaughter", "Ilovebeinghermom", "ThedaughterIhave alwaysdreamedof"..........

Am I wrong in thinking that this is 100% disrespectful to the real mom, the woman who gave birth to these children and just down right messed up?

[doriswe]

I want to punch her in the face. She'll also be the same type of idiot who will post "being a stepparent is sooooo hard" posts on FB, I'm sure.

I think being another loving adult in a child's life is fabulous! Calling yourself their mom (or dad, for that matter) is complete crap.

[ECB]

For the speed at which she is running, there is so much wrong here. So much.

But - that being said, it is possible for stepparents/kids to develop close relationships where they really do see each other as daughter/mom, etc. I can't out and out side-eye that. I think about people who marry and start calling their ILs "mom and dad". It's not MY choice but it's not my place to judge those who do choose to do that.

Heck, I was never able to call my stepmom "mom" - it was just hard for me. But my brother does call her "mom".

BUT BUT BUT. 12 weeks? There is no way she's developed that kind of relationship here and she's seems to be trying to force something that may very well end up blowing up in her face.

ETA: and if I were the mom in this scenario, I'd be PISSED.

[cuddlyevil]

Square peg, round hole. She's making a huge show of it, but I'd be willing to be that things are not as rosy and she's picturing it.

12 weeks? None of that is healthy--for any of them.

I would be livid if I were the kids Mom.

[mags]

She doent even know them. And i agree with cuddly, its all for show.

[dixienormous]

Is there any way to know if bio mom is out of their lives entirely by choice or death?

I'm quick to judge on the quickness and on the stupid hashtagging but I'm curious as to the status of the real mom.

[margarita]

The whole thing smacks of "trying too hard" to me.

Do the kids see their real mom at all? Is she in the picture? I wonder how she feels about all of this.

Either way, I think twelve weeks is way too soon to be pushing those labels on them. That should come up organically, with time, if and when the kids are comfortable with it.

[cuddlyevil]

I know I had a hard time with the kids "running into " "Daddy's friend from high school and her daughter" at the park a month after I moved out but before he told anyone they were dating. I can't imagine how pissed I would be if he'd shifted right into "hey we're getting married--oh btw, this is Jennifer".

Even if the biomom is out of the picture due to circumstances or death it doesn't make this rush to get married any healthier.

[neonpink]

Wow.. huge WTF going on for me. That is crazy.

[spindle92]

Oh I agree 1000000% that their entire relationship is a bunch of red flags but the whole calling the girl her daughter really gets me.

The real mom is in the picture and they have shared custody. I have no children and my blood just boils about this.

[bullygirl979]

Aug 25, 2015 11:28:32 GMT -5 spindle92 said:

  I have no children and my blood just boils about this.

I don't either and I feel the same way.

[starrieskies]

She sounds like my brother's wife. I dislike her already... it's completely disrespectful of her to call herself those children's mom. If the children choose to call her "mom" at some point that's cool. But that is for the children to decide. Not for the step parent to dictate.

[SwimDeep]

I don't have kids and even I know this is insane.
It also reminds me just a touch of a younger sister...which makes me sad

[udscoobychick]

Nope, nope, nope, nope. DH's kids were only a bit older than that when we started dating 15/16 and 21-ish, if I recall correctly. They've had their mom their entire life--it would have been incredibly disrespectful of me to think I could step into that role or to start referring to myself as their mom, even now that we're married.

Don't even get me started on the 12 weeks thing.

[doriswe]

I wonder what the 14 year old thinks of all of this?

[spindle92]

Aug 25, 2015 13:50:50 GMT -5 doriswe said:

I wonder what the 14 year old thinks of all of this?

well from all the pictures on IG I can tell you that this 14 yr old is a tom boy and "wannabe mother" is trying to make her into a girly girl.

So far there has been mani's and pedi's, a haircut at a fancy salon, numerous shopping trips for frilly stuff and the topper - eye brow threading. What 14 yr old need's eye brow threading? Maybe I am out of touch but it all seems insane to me.  

[doriswe]

Aug 25, 2015 14:15:54 GMT -5 spindle92 said:

Aug 25, 2015 13:50:50 GMT -5 doriswe said:

I wonder what the 14 year old thinks of all of this?

well from all the pictures on IG I can tell you that this 14 yr old is a tom boy and "wannabe mother" is trying to make her into a girly girl.

So far there has been mani's and pedi's, a haircut at a fancy salon, numerous shopping trips for frilly stuff and the topper - eye brow threading. What 14 yr old need's eye brow threading? Maybe I am out of touch but it all seems insane to me.  

My DD gets her eye brows threaded

[spindle92]

Aug 25, 2015 14:17:23 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Aug 25, 2015 14:15:54 GMT -5 spindle92 said:

well from all the pictures on IG I can tell you that this 14 yr old is a tom boy and "wannabe mother" is trying to make her into a girly girl.

So far there has been mani's and pedi's, a haircut at a fancy salon, numerous shopping trips for frilly stuff and the topper - eye brow threading. What 14 yr old need's eye brow threading? Maybe I am out of touch but it all seems insane to me.  

My DD gets her eye brows threaded

Like I said, maybe I am out of touch.

[starrieskies]

Aug 25, 2015 14:15:54 GMT -5 spindle92 said:

Aug 25, 2015 13:50:50 GMT -5 doriswe said:

I wonder what the 14 year old thinks of all of this?

well from all the pictures on IG I can tell you that this 14 yr old is a tom boy and "wannabe mother" is trying to make her into a girly girl.

So far there has been mani's and pedi's, a haircut at a fancy salon, numerous shopping trips for frilly stuff and the topper - eye brow threading. What 14 yr old need's eye brow threading? Maybe I am out of touch but it all seems insane to me.  

Lol I could have used eyebrow threading at 14. I looked like a cross between Charlie Chaplin and a Sesame Street character.

[10nille]

What the hell is wrong with the Dad? I'd be bashing a woman for marrying a stranger so quickly, so I'll be fair and bash him, too. This guy is bringing this woman into his children's lives, he's an arsehole and she is AW. At least the son is an adult, but that girl will be in her dad's custody for a few more years.

[SwimDeep]

10nille - good point!

[lyssbobiss, Command, B613]

I would be livid if I were the kids' mom. It's disrespectful and frankly it's weird.

Like others have said, any caring grownup in my son's life is great. But it seems like she's looking for a way to validate her existence in their lives and you cannot rush or force a relationship between step-parent and child, regardless of how ducky everything seems initially. It takes a lot of time and trial and error. This seems more about insecurity than anything else. I also think she's looking for other people to be like "oh how great of you to take this on when they're not really your kids!" And I fucking hate that shit. You don't have to advertise being a good parent, or stepparent, I promise.

[spindle92]

Aug 25, 2015 15:43:32 GMT -5 lyssbobiss, Command, B613 said:

I would be livid if I were the kids' mom. It's disrespectful and frankly it's weird.

Like others have said, any caring grownup in my son's life is great. But it seems like she's looking for a way to validate her existence in their lives and you cannot rush or force a relationship between step-parent and child, regardless of how ducky everything seems initially. It takes a lot of time and trial and error. This seems more about insecurity than anything else. I also think she's looking for other people to be like "oh how great of you to take this on when they're not really your kids!" And I fucking hate that shit. You don't have to advertise being a good parent, or stepparent, I promise.

There are tons of people on her feed who keep saying shit like "you make a great mother" or "oh what a beautiful family you have".

I just role my eyes on a daily basis.

[spindle92]

Just wanted to share today's ridiculous hashtag.

#iamsogladgodchosemetobeyourmother.

What the ever loving fuck?

[neonpink]

I hate this I loathe her and I don't even know her.

edited for anger clarification.

[SwimDeep]

Aug 27, 2015 10:57:46 GMT -5 spindle92 said:

Just wanted to share today's ridiculous hashtag.

#iamsogladgodchosemetobeyourmother.

What the ever loving fuck?

[starrieskies]

Aug 27, 2015 10:57:46 GMT -5 spindle92 said:

Just wanted to share today's ridiculous hashtag.

#iamsogladgodchosemetobeyourmother.

What the ever loving fuck?

I really despise this woman... this is ridiculous

[Muddled]

Does no one watch RHOC? This has been a big topic this season.

[cuddlyevil]

Aug 27, 2015 10:57:46 GMT -5 spindle92 said:

Just wanted to share today's ridiculous hashtag.

#iamsogladgodchosemetobeyourmother.

What the ever loving fuck?

C&P my signature. 

[SwimDeep]

Aug 27, 2015 11:37:33 GMT -5 Muddled said:

Does no one watch RHOC? This has been a big topic this season.

I do not... *hangs head in shame?*