I met up with someone for lunch today and I'm trying to gauge if I'm being BEC or if these comments are offensive or at the very least bizarre....
"He is talking like a normal 3 year old now. I know that must make you so relieved".
I never thought of him as not "normal" is what I wanted to respond. A few minutes later this followed:
" L's teeth have changed shape. He used to really look like he still used a pacifier and you could tell by his teeth. They had that bowed out look, you know? Did he quit using his pacifier, finally?".
I don't notice things like this about children belonging to other people so I found it strange someone is being this observant/critical of my son. I really got the urge to get very Mama Bear.
I vote RUDE. Even if they were meant to be compliments, there are better ways to say those things (not that they should have been said in the first place).
Post by sunshineluv on Aug 27, 2015 13:26:12 GMT -5
RUDE... the pacifier one esp. I could see someone not meaning to be rude with the first comment, esp if they didn't have kids themselves. (I mean.. it is rude, but could be intended to be a compliment?)..
What? Is she even a close friend? Those are rude comments by anyone but it depends on the tone and context if it was a close friend.
I mean ....friend. I'm feeling very ex-friend right now. I haven't seen her since E's birthday. We have been mom friends since L was 15 months.
On the verge of acquaintance because she always says stuff like this and it really bothers me. So she's not like my BFF since college who I would take these statements differently from. My BFF would never say things like this about him though. :/
She has two kids that L just loves. Even though her 5 year old is kind of inappropriate and mean to him sometimes. Right now L is asking me to please call them to come to his house. Ugh. :/
Post by autumnfire on Aug 27, 2015 13:33:53 GMT -5
Honestly I think it's beyond rude. TO me there are so many ways this could have been said that wouldn't indicate that your child was anything less than 'normal'
"__ is talking so well!"
Then not even mention the teeth. Honestly if I ever noticed that about a friends child I need help as I'm way to invested in looking at their children's teeth. It's just not my place to point out. Who notices that kind of stuff? Seriously?
Ok so I was right that it wasn't nice. I get how maybe the first comment was just someone perhaps socially awkward but the teeth thing had me biting my tongue. She even went in to comment about how he used to have such a big gap between his teeth! What the ?!
So what do I do? How do you end something like this? Just drop communication?
Who notices teeth?!?! And that much in detail? He quit using his pacifier about 5 months ago and his teeth changed pretty much immediately. She has seen him since they changed, but regardless I wanted to ask her how she would feel if I commented on the appearance of one of her kids like that.
And now that I think about it, L completely understands everything people say and I feel sick knowing he heard an adult criticizing him like that.
Post by monarobinson on Aug 27, 2015 13:56:50 GMT -5
Rude for sure. And I would just drop communication with her. It sounds like she is deflecting attention away from her mean kid. And she knows exactly what she is doing by saying those things.
I vote rude and really judge-y. No one says that but especially someone who has kids. Personally, if it was a one off thing, maybe I'd see her again but only if she asked. If this is a normal thing for her, I'd drop her fast. No one needs to constantly feel judged by a "friend".