Teacher Conference the 1st Week :(

[readyin07]

Poor ds2. He has has so much anxiety going into the school year at a new school (some of this started last year). He is so damn sensitive to everything. He also has major testing anxiety...in 1st grade! And he does well and dh and I always just tell him to sit and try his best. Starting Tuesday he had concerns about a "test" they were taking today. Tears, worries. Dh and I tried to reassure him, but he is so quick to say he can't do something.

Anyway, I went and had lunch with him today and his teacher asked me to see her after school. I am worried. I just hope his behavior has been ok. He has always been such a good kid in class.

To top it off we had a major $$ car repair to make, a hurricane potentially heading this way and I am getting a sore throat. I just want to go back to bed.

[eb777888]

I'm sure everything is fine. Your son sounds just like David, so anxious and sensitive. I like have a sensitive child but sometimes it's so hard to see him struggle with his emotions. He's also at a new school this year and is really anxious about it.

I bet his teacher notices his anxiety about test taking and wants to talk to you about it, which is a good thing. David's kindergarten teacher noticed David's anxiety/OCD very early on last year and talked to me about it. I loved that she was so astute.

[melissa]

I would relax. I agree with the previous poster. It could be that the teacher has noticed his anxiety and just wants to know how she can help. I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

[StephaniePlum]

We really, really had success with a book called "What to do when you worry too much." It's a workbook for parents and kids and we used it with our 6 year old. Good luck and hope you avoid the hurricane!

[Deleted]

My son was the same way, and we had a PT conf early too. She said she was going to focus on helping him to feel more comfortable and raise his confidence. And damn if she didn't do it!

He's doing better this year and I think it had a lot to do with her recognizing it and helping him through.

[savan]

I would view this conference as a good thing. DD also has anxiety and is entering 1st grade. I am envisioning her also having test anxiety. She has not started school yet but I plan to meet with her teacher first thing if possible to discuss her issues and how we can work together to make school a positive experience.

[readyin07]

Aug 28, 2015 11:18:18 GMT -5 eb777888 said:

I'm sure everything is fine. Your son sounds just like David, so anxious and sensitive. I like have a sensitive child but sometimes it's so hard to see him struggle with his emotions. He's also at a new school this year and is really anxious about it.

I bet his teacher notices his anxiety about test taking and wants to talk to you about it, which is a good thing. David's kindergarten teacher noticed David's anxiety/OCD very early on last year and talked to me about it. I loved that she was so astute.

Do you find anything that is helpful? It hurts me b/c he has never been an anxious kid until last year and it's 99% related to school. He started crying before school after he came back for winter break and it took him a few days to get back in the groove. Then he had a substitute that spoke sharply to someone in his class (not even to him) and he would just be in hysterics when he had a sub...which it seems like he had a lot of last year. Then it started with testing anxiety with the computer assessments that they had been using all year despite the fact that he did FINE with them and they weren't made a big deal out of at all. It helped last year that he had two very close friends he knew he was going to see, but now without that safety net it has been tough. I just don't understand and I'm wondering if maybe a child psychologist could help.

DH is pretty stern and dickish about it (IMO) and says I coddle him too much. I mean, yeah, I give him extra snuggles. The kid is crying in the morning, begging b/c he just wishes he could be home with me. I make him go to school, I tell him he needs to do what is expected of him, but I don't think being stern helps when he is clearly anxious and not just putting on a show.

[eb777888]

Oh, gosh. I'm so sorry  . David's anxiety is a bit different than your son's. That is so hard to deal with. With his OCD last year and just general anxiety we seriously considered a child psychologist but did a "wait and see" and it did improve as the year went on. In your case, I would absolutely take your son to a psychologist. H went for anxiety when he was a child and said it helped him so, so much.

[Deleted]

Aug 28, 2015 12:06:08 GMT -5 readyin07 said:

Aug 28, 2015 11:18:18 GMT -5 eb777888 said:

I'm sure everything is fine. Your son sounds just like David, so anxious and sensitive. I like have a sensitive child but sometimes it's so hard to see him struggle with his emotions. He's also at a new school this year and is really anxious about it.

I bet his teacher notices his anxiety about test taking and wants to talk to you about it, which is a good thing. David's kindergarten teacher noticed David's anxiety/OCD very early on last year and talked to me about it. I loved that she was so astute.

DH is pretty stern and dickish about it (IMO) and says I coddle him too much. I mean, yeah, I give him extra snuggles. The kid is crying in the morning, begging b/c he just wishes he could be home with me. I make him go to school, I tell him he needs to do what is expected of him, but I don't think being stern helps when he is clearly anxious and not just putting on a show.

I was an anxious and sensitive kid, and I needed the hugs and kisses.  My mom was always very warm, but I very much remember my dad brushing me off and made me feel bad about it.

Give the hugs and kisses, it's not coddling.

[savan]

Aug 28, 2015 12:06:08 GMT -5 readyin07 said:

Aug 28, 2015 11:18:18 GMT -5 eb777888 said:

I'm sure everything is fine. Your son sounds just like David, so anxious and sensitive. I like have a sensitive child but sometimes it's so hard to see him struggle with his emotions. He's also at a new school this year and is really anxious about it.

I bet his teacher notices his anxiety about test taking and wants to talk to you about it, which is a good thing. David's kindergarten teacher noticed David's anxiety/OCD very early on last year and talked to me about it. I loved that she was so astute.

Do you find anything that is helpful? It hurts me b/c he has never been an anxious kid until last year and it's 99% related to school. He started crying before school after he came back for winter break and it took him a few days to get back in the groove. Then he had a substitute that spoke sharply to someone in his class (not even to him) and he would just be in hysterics when he had a sub...which it seems like he had a lot of last year. Then it started with testing anxiety with the computer assessments that they had been using all year despite the fact that he did FINE with them and they weren't made a big deal out of at all. It helped last year that he had two very close friends he knew he was going to see, but now without that safety net it has been tough. I just don't understand and I'm wondering if maybe a child psychologist could help.

DH is pretty stern and dickish about it (IMO) and says I coddle him too much. I mean, yeah, I give him extra snuggles. The kid is crying in the morning, begging b/c he just wishes he could be home with me. I make him go to school, I tell him he needs to do what is expected of him, but I don't think being stern helps when he is clearly anxious and not just putting on a show.

Working with DD's teacher last year was the best thing for her.  DD would start crying regularly the night before computer lab or music or (insert whatever activity was giving her anxiety at that moment).  I would ask her specifically about her fear.  For example one time they tried a new program in computer lab and DD was terrified she wouldn't be good at it and would be required to stay back in the lab alone until she finished it.  Obviously that's an irrational fear but to her it was very real.  I would immediately email the teacher to give her a head's up and ask her if she could reassure DD that she would never be left behind.  I would also make sure to seek her teacher out at drop off in the morning (we are lucky to have access to the classrooms in the morning) to confirm she got my email and understood.  It was very reassuring to DD to know that I'd relayed her fear to the teacher and that we were taking it seriously.

Another thing we did was the write DD a note in the morning.  Something simple like "Have a great day!  Be brave!  We love you!".  She would keep it in her pocket and whenever she started to get scared she would reach for that note.  Somehow just the presence of it and knowing that we loved her provided her some reassurance.

[readyin07]

Aug 28, 2015 12:13:31 GMT -5 savan said:

Aug 28, 2015 12:06:08 GMT -5 readyin07 said:

Do you find anything that is helpful? It hurts me b/c he has never been an anxious kid until last year and it's 99% related to school. He started crying before school after he came back for winter break and it took him a few days to get back in the groove. Then he had a substitute that spoke sharply to someone in his class (not even to him) and he would just be in hysterics when he had a sub...which it seems like he had a lot of last year. Then it started with testing anxiety with the computer assessments that they had been using all year despite the fact that he did FINE with them and they weren't made a big deal out of at all. It helped last year that he had two very close friends he knew he was going to see, but now without that safety net it has been tough. I just don't understand and I'm wondering if maybe a child psychologist could help.

DH is pretty stern and dickish about it (IMO) and says I coddle him too much. I mean, yeah, I give him extra snuggles. The kid is crying in the morning, begging b/c he just wishes he could be home with me. I make him go to school, I tell him he needs to do what is expected of him, but I don't think being stern helps when he is clearly anxious and not just putting on a show.

Working with DD's teacher last year was the best thing for her.  DD would start crying regularly the night before computer lab or music or (insert whatever activity was giving her anxiety at that moment).  I would ask her specifically about her fear.  For example one time they tried a new program in computer lab and DD was terrified she wouldn't be good at it and would be required to stay back in the lab alone until she finished it.  Obviously that's an irrational fear but to her it was very real.  I would immediately email the teacher to give her a head's up and ask her if she could reassure DD that she would never be left behind.  I would also make sure to seek her teacher out at drop off in the morning (we are lucky to have access to the classrooms in the morning) to confirm she got my email and understood.  It was very reassuring to DD to know that I'd relayed her fear to the teacher and that we were taking it seriously.

Another thing we did was the write DD a note in the morning.  Something simple like "Have a great day!  Be brave!  We love you!".  She would keep it in her pocket and whenever she started to get scared she would reach for that note.  Somehow just the presence of it and knowing that we loved her provided her some reassurance.

Sounds like you dealt with something similar. The issue with the math "test" was both that it was a lot of words on one page (intimidating) and that if he didn't finish in time then there would be no recess and he really didn't want to have to miss recess with the class. WTF the teacher would tell him this is beyond me.

I am hoping DS's teacher will be like your DD's. A few things he has said (like above) makes me feel like she might not be warm and fuzzy so we'll see.

And reading what you said about the note made me smile so big. Yesterday I wrote him a lunch note that said "Be smart. Be kind. Be funny. Be brave. Be DSNAME." And he came home and told me that he loved his note and it was so sweet

[readyin07]

Aug 28, 2015 12:21:05 GMT -5 puddleofgrace said:

Aug 28, 2015 12:06:08 GMT -5 readyin07 said:

Do you find anything that is helpful? It hurts me b/c he has never been an anxious kid until last year and it's 99% related to school. He started crying before school after he came back for winter break and it took him a few days to get back in the groove. Then he had a substitute that spoke sharply to someone in his class (not even to him) and he would just be in hysterics when he had a sub...which it seems like he had a lot of last year. Then it started with testing anxiety with the computer assessments that they had been using all year despite the fact that he did FINE with them and they weren't made a big deal out of at all. It helped last year that he had two very close friends he knew he was going to see, but now without that safety net it has been tough. I just don't understand and I'm wondering if maybe a child psychologist could help.

DH is pretty stern and dickish about it (IMO) and says I coddle him too much. I mean, yeah, I give him extra snuggles. The kid is crying in the morning, begging b/c he just wishes he could be home with me. I make him go to school, I tell him he needs to do what is expected of him, but I don't think being stern helps when he is clearly anxious and not just putting on a show.

My 6 year old is now seeing a therapist for her anxiety. It is helping. They can really talk to kids in a way they understand. It's pretty great.

I had an emergency appt for her last week because N was spiraling due to a lot of anxiety inducing situations coming up and the relief she felt afterwards was amazing. Her whole demeanor changed.

Does she give any specific techniques you could share or just talk her through it? I need to look into finding someone. I think I have felt bad about having a 6 year old with anxiety problems as if I have somehow caused this (my family makes me feel this way...like DH saying I'm coddling him too much).  It wasn't a problem in the summer, but I need to refocus. I think it will impede him academically.

[eb777888]

Aug 28, 2015 12:25:21 GMT -5 readyin07 said:

Aug 28, 2015 12:21:05 GMT -5 puddleofgrace said:

My 6 year old is now seeing a therapist for her anxiety. It is helping. They can really talk to kids in a way they understand. It's pretty great.

I had an emergency appt for her last week because N was spiraling due to a lot of anxiety inducing situations coming up and the relief she felt afterwards was amazing. Her whole demeanor changed.

Does she give any specific techniques you could share or just talk her through it? I need to look into finding someone. I think I have felt bad about having a 6 year old with anxiety problems as if I have somehow caused this (my family makes me feel this way...like DH saying I'm coddling him too much).  It wasn't a problem in the summer, but I need to refocus. I think it will impede him academically.

This isn't your fault. You are an amazing mother. I wondered if David's anxiety was my fault because I am myself very anxious and I wondered if he learned it from me (even though I try so, so hard to not show my anxiety around him). Fact is, doesn't matter. You are being very proactive here.

[readyin07]

Thank for all the reassurance guys. The meeting was good. I underestimated his teacher. She really is great. He has been crying every morning. His behavior isn't bad at all, though when he gets walked to his class, he will stop and refuse to go in :/ She said he was so sad yesterday that it made her cry. We talked about a few things that might help and I told her I am open to ideas anytime. I said I would give it another two weeks and if things don't improve we'll seek out professional help. I just want it to be easy for him. Sniff sniff.

[ginger]

Oh I feel you. I had the teacher's Number stored in my phone on Day 2...

I hope they can get him help about his test anxiety. Poor pumpkin.