Help me not be an asshole

[gogreengowhite]

I took the kids to my parents' yesterday while my husband built a beautiful oak coffee table for our newly remodeled backroom.

When he told me he was going to stain it last night I asked what he was going to practice on since he had never stained before. His response: "oh I got some tips from my mom. I should be good"

I just got home and it looks bad. I'm pissy, what do I say to not hurt his feelings but make him aware it needs to be fixed?

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[lurknomore]

Whenever DH tries to stain stuff it turns out horrible too. I finally learned long ago that the bare wood look is better! I have learned that pointing out how nice it is and how much time he spent, that it should be finished right. Ask if you can help sand it down so he can get it perfect on the second try!

DH also just suggested making sure he's using a really good stain. Instead of Home Depot or Lowes stains, go to Woodcraft if you have one near you. The better stains will cover much better and evenly. He also said to stay away from the quick drying stains. Those are the hardest to work with.

GL...I feel your pain!!

Eta: I just showed DH the picture. He said. Oh my god. What happened?!? Lol. Sorry!

[gogreengowhite]

I don't think anyone else could come over soon. I just need to calm down before he gets home. It doesn't help I slept like hell and the kids are whiny and he's not responding to my texts.

This was the table before the stain. I love it!

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[gogreengowhite]

Fuck lurknomore I knew it was bad. My parents were all "oh that's fixable"

Shit

[lurknomore]

Aug 30, 2015 11:19:35 GMT -5 gogreengowhite said:

Fuck lurknomore I knew it was bad. My parents were all "oh that's fixable"

Shit

Very fixable. Don't panic. It needs to be sanded down back to bare wood. It is time consuming to sand stain bc it penetrates the wood. That's why I suggested offering to help sand it. Just tell him you want it to be perfect since he worked so hard on it. Don't be upset. You love it. It's a fantastic piece. It will be great.

DH also suggested trying a tinted shellac. And then once you get it to the color you want out a layer of poly on it. That's another approach you could take. Be the fall guy. You love the table but not the color. Can he please try something else. Idk your DH. Mine would be annoyed but would prob fix it for me. ?

[gogreengowhite]

Well trying not to be an asshole didn't work.

He called and asked if I loved it. I said the table is amazing but the stain isn't great. He was flabbergasted. He had no idea why I wouldn't like it.

[ECB]

Aug 30, 2015 11:33:26 GMT -5 gogreengowhite said:

Well trying not to be an asshole didn't work.

He called and asked if I loved it. I said the table is amazing but the stain isn't great. He was flabbergasted. He had no idea why I wouldn't like it.

Oh geez.  I was hoping that when you talked to him he'd be like "yeah, I need to work on the stain".  Not be clueless.  Ugh, sorry.  

[mskitkat]

That poor, beautiful table deserves a much better stain. I'm sorry. I would just start sanding it down on my own.

[Pom]

Stress that it's a gorgeous piece and offer to help sand it back down Sorry that the stain job wasn't a success and that Mr. GGGW doesn't see it.

[lurknomore]

Aug 30, 2015 11:33:26 GMT -5 gogreengowhite said:

Well trying not to be an asshole didn't work.

He called and asked if I loved it. I said the table is amazing but the stain isn't great. He was flabbergasted. He had no idea why I wouldn't like it.

So sorry!! DH said to be careful sanding on the pieces that are oak plywood. Top and sides it looks like. Don't oversand those or you'll sand right through the veneer. I'm sorry he didn't notice the stain problem! If you do refinish post pics!

[dr.girlfriend]

Maybe post on the H&G board for tips? I think the top looks nice, the problem is with the sides. Maybe pre-conditioner or whatever that pre-stain stuff is would help? IDK, I spent ages stripping and sanding a table down to wood, and my efforts to stain looked so awful I ended up just painting it. :-(

[gogreengowhite]

Ugh! He just got home and is all "FINE Let's just give it away. I'll make a new one....blah"

Butt hurt party of one... Your tables ready.

[aurora]

Aug 30, 2015 12:31:10 GMT -5 gogreengowhite said:

Ugh! He just got home and is all "FINE Let's just give it away. I'll make a new one....blah"

Butt hurt party of one... Your tables ready.

Oh, man. I'm sorry. I'd probably let it rest a couple of days before bringing it up again.

Although, who am I kidding? H is way more of a perfectionist than I am so I'd never be you in this situation. :^)

[VillainV]

Aug 30, 2015 12:31:10 GMT -5 gogreengowhite said:

Ugh! He just got home and is all "FINE Let's just give it away. I'll make a new one....blah"

Butt hurt party of one... Your tables ready.

Yikes.   Butt hurt is right.

I agree to let it go for a few days.  He was probably slightly disappointed or unsure of his work, and was hoping you'd say something like, "I think it looks great!" so he wouldn't have to admit it.  Either that or he's getting ready to quit his day job and go into furniture refinishing because he thinks he NAILED IT.

Let it sit for a few days, I think he'll come around.   I agree with the whole "You worked so hard, and the table deserves to look as good as we can get it.  Let me help you sand it down and we'll try again" line.  

[Deleted]

The table before the stain was SO beautiful!
It seems like his forte is in the construction, and perhaps yours can be in the finishing.

This little guy may be in your future:

www.amazon.com/Black-Decker-MS800B-Detail-Collection/dp/B001H0GC04

Though, if he wants to give it away, I'm sure someone would gladly take it. It is a really great piece, the current one just needs some TLC to get back into shape.

[gogreengowhite]

So I've sanded the entire thing down except for the panels which are plywood. I don't know what to do from here. A huge fight ensued because he worked so hard on it and I was so critical. I told him I love the table and I'm just so sad it didn't turn out. That didn't work.

Here's the table now. What the eff do I do now?

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[Susie]

Cringe.  Is that one coat of stain?  My staining projects in the past have all been multi-coat projects, not sure if darker color is along the lines of what you wanted or not but it does tend to even it out some.

Here's one of my projects - a pair of tables I bought on CL.  I used a foam brush to stain, and a cloth to wipe excess off after each coat so some spots didn't wind up darker than others.

Starting point:


Sanded down to bare wood:


1 coat stain:


2 coats stain:


3 coats stain:


polyurethane (and painting the legs black, and new pull):

[gogreengowhite]

I'm thinking of painting it grey instead of stain. What do you think?

[gogreengowhite]

Susie any chance you are in the metro Detroit area?

[VillainV]

Aug 30, 2015 16:03:35 GMT -5 gogreengowhite said:

I'm thinking of painting it grey instead of stain. What do you think?

It would be a sin to paint wood that beautiful. It just needs to be stained correctly.

[Susie]

Aug 30, 2015 16:05:06 GMT -5 gogreengowhite said:

Susie any chance you are in the metro Detroit area?

Nope, sorry!

[sillygoosegirl]

Is it hot where you are? The only time we've ever had stain come out like that was when it was beastly hot and the stain dried too fast.

Of course, it was our first time staining anything, so we didn't know what was going on or why it was coming out so badly...

[OG Jo]

Look into gel stains - I tried them for the first time last week and love them. I'm not sure how they would work on bare wood. I also second/third/fourth the idea that you may need multiple coats of stain to get the coverage you want.

This was my first large staining projects and I nearly had a heart attack after the first coat of stain.

[Deleted]

Go green, my MIL is great at DIY stuff like this. I am trying to think of how I can get her to help you with this project

I also think that painting it would be sinful, it is gorgeous wood. Before you start staining, make sure it is ALL sanded off. There is also a stain "primer" that Minwax makes that is useful to put on right before you stain.

Good luck girl.

[barefootcontessa]

following for tips. GL OP!

[megstoo]

I just restained an old toy chest. He can strip that stain using a paint/stain stripper - that takes about 15 min. After that do a light sand and restain. Staining isn't like painting - you have to go slow.

Minwax makes great products - after doing the first coat of stain, let dry and do a light sand and stain again. Once that's dried than do a polyurathaine coat (1 coat), let dry and do another light sand and then a final coat. It's going to take several days.

I found that the weather needs to be almost perfect if he's doing it in a garage or outside. If not it'll take forever to dry and usually doesn't turn out very nice.

There are some stains (from minwax) that have all 3 coats in 1 (pre, stain and poly) but I found it doesn't work nearly as nice. If you want it to turn out nice take the time to do it right (this is what we just used on the chest we did: www.minwax.com/wood-products/stains/minwax-wood-finish - I think it was dark walnut for the color)

[loreleigilmore]

Is it Pine? That is hard to stain. I would definitely use a tacky cloth to remove all rogue wood dust, then precondition and then stain.

Otherwise, I would paint the sides black and stain the top a dark color.

[gogreengowhite]

Thanks for all of the advice.

It is oak.

It is going to be 80-90 here all week so I don't want to try staining it again until it cools down.

I'm still not sold on staining though, we might just paint it. (Please don't yell)