Post by estrellita on Aug 30, 2015 17:23:35 GMT -5
How did she just leave the hospital? Did they release her or were they just not watching her?
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I can't imagine how you must feel. I really hope she gets help. Isn't there a way they can arrest her or bring her to rehab? I feel like she needs a major wakeup call.
Post by miniroller on Aug 30, 2015 19:02:04 GMT -5
Ack I also deal w/ a sibling who's unfortunately an addict living with my parents. I have no advice- just sending some strong vibes, great thoughts, & lots of hugs, dear girl.
I am so sorry. Lots of hugs your way! At least your niece has your parents to take care of her and be a stable influence, but I can't imagine how traumatizing that must have been for her.
How did she just leave the hospital? Did they release her or were they just not watching her?
It's easy to do when the ERs are understaffed and overloaded with patients. And if a patient wants to leave against medical advice, we can't legally stop them except in certain cases.
anyastroud, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Addiction is horrible and heroin is a helluva drug. I hope that she will be able to clean herself up and soon, of only for her little girl. I'm also thinking of your niece and hoping that she will be able to find some stability with your parents.
((anyastroud))- everything you feel is normal, please don't beat yourself up over this.
My (twin) sister, was into drugs when she was a teen and going through that sucked, she pulled it together after her daughter was born when we were 16. There is a chance that she can pull it all together one day. (FX that she does)
My BIL is currently addicted to drugs of all forms. It's hard, he still lives at home at the age of 33. The ILs pay for and do everything for him.
If you ever need to talk or anything please let me know.
How did she just leave the hospital? Did they release her or were they just not watching her?
It's easy to do when the ERs are understaffed and overloaded with patients. And if a patient wants to leave against medical advice, we can't legally stop them except in certain cases.
anyastroud, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Addiction is horrible and heroin is a helluva drug. I hope that she will be able to clean herself up and soon, of only for her little girl. I'm also thinking of your niece and hoping that she will be able to find some stability with your parents.
That makes me sad. I feel like someone with these kind of issues should be monitored more closely. I can understand though that they can't force her to stay.
Thank you all for your kind words. I'm Struggling all of this. My dad came over with my niece last night because he didn't want her to be there while sister was packing her shit. Sis never showed. I gave my dad a big hug an told him to let me know if there was anything I can do. He said Mom may need a shoulder to cry on. I fee awful. Dh gently mentioned that he had voice his concerns that she was using again. (I felt it was basically a "I told you so") I'm sure he didn't mean it to come off like that. And I had my suspicions as well But fuck man I cut my self out of that part of her life. It wasn't my responsibility to reiterate to my parent what a shitty person she was being. Christ my mom and I have fought about it for YEARS. I'm so heart broke for my folks. I'm sick with worry for my sister. I don't even like her. I'm So Fucking Fuming mad at her I just want to shake her. I'm more than certain that she is going to pull one of her disappearing acts. No one is going to be able to get a hold of her. and this is what I mean by wanting to shake her. we're going to have 0 contact with her and it's going to drive my poor mom barking mad. And she refuses to see this. Her actions are not just hurting her it's hurting our whole family. she is too selfish to care. she has always been a selfish person.
Thank you all for the support. I think I'm going to be leaning hard on you guys for a while. DH just doesn't understand. I mean he does. But he is also tired of her decisions effecting OUR family. All I can do is be strong for my mom and dad and niece. I'm taking this day by day. I'm use to having to be the big sister to my big sister.
To be honest though your sister disappearing for a while and your parents taking care of your niece maybe a good thing at the moment. (I know that will be hard to read and hard to accept) but maybe a new normal for your niece will help her.
To be honest though your sister disappearing for a while and your parents taking care of your niece maybe a good thing at the moment. (I know that will be hard to read and hard to accept) but maybe a new normal for your niece will help her.
I wish it would be good. This is not the first time she has done this though. My Heart breaks for my niece though. This is exactly that I'm talking about when I say she is selfish. Who the hell just drops their kid off and doesn't contact the care givers for days and weeks on end
I'm so sorry your family is going through this. It sounds very stressful and your hurt is completely understandable.
Do you parents have legal guardianship of your niece? If your sister keeps disappearing it may be better for your niece to have the legal care of someone more stable. I couldn't tell from what your wrote if the disappearing happens a lot, or just this one time after a long period of success.
anyastroud- I don't know how people could do that either, it makes me so sad. There are tons of couples struggling to even have kids and (some) of the ones that do get to have kids just don't care.
Have your parents ever thought of trying for custody of your niece? (You can ignore this if you want)
Post by anyastroud on Aug 31, 2015 10:38:20 GMT -5
My parents are going to be looking in to getting custody. I'm just worried because my dad is handicap and on some pretty heavy narcotics for pain management. This shouldn't effect children services' decision should it?
It really depends. As long as he's not taking anymore then the doctor prescribes and the doctor isn't prescribing a questionable amount.
I don't think that though is worse then what your sister has done. Just make sure they keep track of dates and the things that she does.
((Hugs))
No no it's all medically prescribed and taken correctly. I just worry about cps being concerned about his limited mobility and pain management regiment. but it's all totally legit.
The meds and medical situation may or may not have a bearing on custody. As a relative, he will get priority (in my state anyway) over others who are not related.
Have your folks keep records of what your sister has and has not done with regard to caring for your niece, and what they have done as well. Is CPS involved already?
One thing your dad will need to do prior to CPS coming to investigate the home is make sure all meds are locked up and secured. I kept my big Costco-sized supplies in a locked cabinet in the garage and the stuff I used daily in a smaller locked safety case (like a little trunk with a lock) that I kept in a high cabinet in my kitchen. Also secure cleaners and poisons and have a fire extinguisher handy; if you have a second story, we were also required to have a fire escape ladder. But the big thing was lock up poisons and medications (and guns if you have them.)
Good luck to you all.
ETA: Crap, I read your other post and remembered we talked on another board. Have your parents been able to find a good third-party custody attorney or get recommendations for someone that can help navigate? While your sister still has her parental rights, she does have a say in where your niece is placed. But your parents can fight it, especially if she's using. I'd suggest that her medical records from the last stay (when she was at the ER) be subpoenaed to see if she was tested and if the results were positive. They might be able to use that as a "non compos mentis" (not in her right mind) argument. Though, sober, she probably would make the same choice because she's pissed at your parents and wants to strike back at them.
Oh, and I'm not an attorney so take anything I suggest, beyond "find a very good third party attorney or one who is accustomed to navigating the world of DSHS and CPS" with a grain of salt. I have gone through guardianship, talked with attorneys about third-party-custody, and had my granddaughters placed with me as a relative placement and we've adopted my granddaughters after my daughter's rights were terminated so my advice is strictly BTDT.