If your SO talks in their sleep

[speckledfrog]

It was a dream. You can't be held responsible for the things you dream about. TBH, your reaction is a bit strange. Is there something else going on?

[Deleted]

I have said some really mean things to people I love when I am asleep and unaware and have been super embarrassed and apologetic later. Cut him some slack. I am 99.9% positive he didn't mean it.

[thebreakfastclub]

I am a sleep walker and talker. Sometimes I am mean or snap at my H in my sleep. I can sometimes vaguely remember it, other times I have no idea what I did.

If I remember it, I feel angry/upset because I am half disoriented, I feel so out of sorts, and it is embarrassing.

H does not engage other than saying I'm ok, go back to sleep.

[charley]

While I agree with the others that he can't help it, I understand how you are feeling. It took a few times of H doing this to me for me to stop being hurt by it. Now I just kind of yell back at him, which is not productive but it makes me feel better and he never remembers ANY of it.

[youbetcha]

Yes. I wake him up, give him a dirty look for waking me up with his nonsense and then forget about it. If it is funny, I tell him about it the next day.

[mich1]

Yeah, he talks a lot in his sleep. Most of the time it is gibberish and hard to make out. Other times, it's a string of numbers, valve and pipe sizes, etc. which is related to his job.

[Alex]

My H once sat up, looked directly at me and said, "Alex, you have no gumption."
That's about as mean as he gets.

I'm sorry you're bothered by it but really, in his dream, you could have been saying similar things to him.

[So_Fetch]

Is he specifically talking to you? Or is he just yelling in your direction? My husband does crazy shit in his sleep. He yells at his employees, he thinks spies are coming down from helicopters. It's nuts. I usually just agree with him if he insists and dragging me in because it's too hard to wake him up. (Like when he kept pointing out the rats that were running across our bed). If it's directed at you and you feel sensitive to the topic or think there is something of merit, then you should probably talk to him when you are both awake and coherent as more of a check in on if anything is bothering either of you.

[tictac]

I'm a sleep talker. And if I'm really stressed about something, I'm also prone to night terrors. He just tells me "everything's fine, go back to sleep." If I remember it in the morning(which I don't always) I'll usually apologize for "being weird" and he'll laugh it off.

If DH ever got mad at me over something that I said in my sleep (or decided my apologies for it needed to be "more sincere") I'd be pretty hurt. We both know it's not something I can actually control.

[CurlyQ284]

I curse in my sleep. DH thinks it's funny, he doesn't get upset but I feel horrible about it. I don't recall the next day, he usually tells me and I don't remember any dreams so I have no clue where it comes from.

I don't know if there's some way to fix it, SD came in the other night and I found out the next day and was worried I said something to her (I didnt, but I would feel horrible if I did!).

[pantsparty]

I wouldn't expect my H to apologize unless he, like, punched me while he was dreaming.

[elleblue]

My H talks in his sleep. A lot. And it's even more frequent when he's under pressure from work and usually his dreams are more of the shouty variety. I wear ear plugs so I don't get startled awake frequently. It'll still wake me but the reduced volume prevents my heart from jumping out of my chest and enables me to be calm while telling him soothingly to go back to sleep.

I know you're upset he was mean to you, but try to remember it wasn't directed at "you" at all, if that makes sense.

[vicky]

J was blowing raspberries in his sleep the other night.
Sometimes he cusses in his sleep.
I give him the stink eye and roll over.

[Serenity9]

Honestly, I think it would matter what was said.

If he was just yelling in general, or seemed to think you had done something you hadn't, then obviously it's just a dream and doesn't mean anything. But if my SO were saying things that ring true to real life, I wouldn't necessarily be offended, but I might be worried that he's harboring some resentment that we need to work out.

[gault]

So, come back please and take in what was said above.

[VeryViolet]

I am a sleep talker and do not wake up well at all if you try and wake me up in the middle of the night (definitely cuss and occasionally I swing which is super awesome). I know you needed to wake him up because there was a noise but really just try and not wake him up if you can help it. Definitely do not talk to him if he is talking while asleep. My DH does that to me sometimes because he doesn't realize I am asleep and it is really bad because I usually kind of wake up and I am really confused and scared and then I am mean.

[agnes]

I am your H. I can be very mean when asleep/half asleep. I do apologize because I wouldn't normally be so nasty, but there's nothing I can do about it. It's really H's fault for waking me up.

[killercupcake]

I'm a sleep talker. If the things I said or did in my sleep determined how my husband felt, we'd probably be divorced.

He's dreaming. Try not to get too Freudian here.

[phdprocrastinator]

DH talks in his sleep but it's almost always gibberish.

I don't usually talk in my sleep but have heard a few horrifying stories of me turning into a giant dick while asleep. For example, one time I was staying with a friend while going to a conference. I recognized that my visit was a total pain in the ass for her (as we weren't really visiting) and did everything I could to minimize my impact (making sure dishes were cleaned and put back exactly where I had found them, being extra super quiet in the morning, etc.). Turns out when she and her boyfriend had come in the night before, while I was already in bed, I had huffed and puffed and... maybe... cussed at them.

I've had this happen a few times. I feel terrible about it but at the same time I can't help but laugh as it has NOTHING to do with my real feelings. Like, really, I was not upset with my friend in any way. I was really grateful for her help and happy to see her for the few moments we were able to get together.

[tictac]

This one time, at like 2am, I bolted upright, screamed WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?!?!" and then immediately laid back down like nothing happened. And I seriously couldn't remember anything the next day.

Like I said in my PP, DH usually is pretty chill about the sleep talking/night terror thing, but he swears he was ready to call a priest over that one.

[sweetpea508]

My husbands nickname is Kelly Clarkson because when he's asleep he gives so much attitude. Usually it seems like he's just talking shit to people he works for. It's really hilarious. He also thrashes and kicks in his sleep. I took an elbow to the nose one time and he almost broke it. That was less funny...he also chokes in his sleep, not apnea, and wakes up spitting. Pretty gross but I really figure all this stuff is just how he's expressing stress and anxiety.