Asking before buying big gifts for kids --am I being shitty?

[FastHands]

Aug 31, 2015 14:41:19 GMT -5 readyin07 said:

Aug 31, 2015 14:31:08 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

this is my thought, that it's not as 'huge' as a four wheeler (for a 1 yo? Jesus) but that it's one of those things that is a parent's gift; one of those I get to give my kid this neat thing for his developmental stage etc. I'd check on this and I'd still probably not get it. 

I do agree with this and would have done so if I was the gift buyer.

But I just don't get getting pissed about it. A puppy or a hamster or something potentially dangerous like a bb gun? Yes, but it's a gift. Say thank you for the spirit it was delivered in and if you don't like it get rid of it for the cash or what have you. If it's something that you would rather have as a parents gift then throw it in the closet and say you gave it to them...the kid isn't even old enough to throw a fit over getting to keep the gift lol.

I think I'm jaded. My closest aunt who spoiled my kids passed away 3 years ago. My parents still spoil them, but those are the only people in the family they get gifts from (well ILs got my son an $10 sticker book for his 3rd birthday last year.) I know people hate when this gets thrown out there, but just be thankful that you have people in your life that love your kids enough to give them big beautiful gifts. If they knowingly disrespect your wishes that is one thing, but just not asking...enh...life is too short.

I'm not pissed at her. I'm annoyed that she didn't check with me first, and I'm questioning whether I'm totally out of line for wanting to return it and tell her that, while super generous, the gift is too physically large and next time please check with us first. I don't have room for ride on toys in my house, and our street isn't conducive to it either. I'm sorry your aunt passed away and that your kids aren't getting spoiled, but this really isn't about that.

[Deleted]

If it's not age-appropriate, I would have no issues with asking them to reconsider the gift, or letting them know I'm swapping it; can't stand having things around the house that can't be used. Plus many big-ticket items like bikes or 4-wheelers, parents are often excited about getting themselves or want to research brands, safety, etc.

However, my brother got C a 'bowling alley' last Christmas. It takes up more space than I'd like, but C does enjoy it/can use it. I just accept that is here for a few years until he's completely tired of it and we can shift it out as he gets other toys. There's a fine line, and I'd ask before assuming.

[dancingirl21]

Yeah, I'd be annoyed. For J's first birthday, we bought him the truck cozy coupe truck. DH's sister bought the exact same thing and built it (she threw away the box) and when we said that's what we got him, she was so irritated with us. She said, "well, I suppose you won't want a second one. What am I supposed to do with this?" I would think she would check with us before building the thing.

[FastHands]

Aug 31, 2015 15:02:40 GMT -5 Jennyanydots said:

This type of thing pisses me off so much. For all the reasons you already outlined, but also - what if you had wanted to give him this later? I would never give such a big gift as a non-parent. Do you know how hard it is to try and come up with significant and exciting gifts for your kids, year after year? I feel like parents should be the ones to get to give the really exciting or milestone type of gifts. We certainly have the most crap to put up with on a day-to-day basis - let us have this at least!

I admit that there is a part of this, but on behalf of my mom. My mom really wanted to get him a power wheels, and I essentially said DUDE, NO. He's 1, we have no place to store it, no real place to use it, and we're trying to *cut down* on the stuff we are going to have to move next year. So now I feel like she's getting the shit end of the stick. *I* don't care (I didn't even GET my kid anything for his birthday, lol), and while my mom probably won't admit it to me, I bet she is disappointed. My aunt apparently even said something to my mom about "oh I got them for all of my grandkids!" Blerg.

[revolution]

I would be slightly annoyed, but because it is something I'd want to buy my kid. I don't think this would be something I would get too hung up on.

And if it is the little one, they aren't overly huge. Probably the same size or smaller than a trike. If I didn't think my kid was ready for it, I'd put it in a closet/basement/garage until they were.

[FastHands]

Aug 31, 2015 15:22:57 GMT -5 Jennyanydots said:

Aug 31, 2015 15:18:09 GMT -5 FastHands said:

I admit that there is a part of this, but on behalf of my mom. My mom really wanted to get him a power wheels, and I essentially said DUDE, NO. He's 1, we have no place to store it, no real place to use it, and we're trying to *cut down* on the stuff we are going to have to move next year. So now I feel like she's getting the shit end of the stick. *I* don't care (I didn't even GET my kid anything for his birthday, lol), and while my mom probably won't admit it to me, I bet she is disappointed. My aunt apparently even said something to my mom about "oh I got them for all of my grandkids!" Blerg.

Well, yeah! I mean, this could apply to someone else as well. I guess, essentially, I am WTFing at the idea that a great-aunt thinks they are so important to your son's life that they give him this huge gift. Some great-aunt and uncles might be an extremely central figure in their lives, but I think it's fair to say most are not. Even besides the whole space/not ready for it issue, it's pretty presumptuous.

She only met him once, at my gma's funeral in May! lol
She is seriously one of my favorite people on the planet, and would give you the shirt off of her back. But she just gets carried away by wanting to do things for people that she doesn't consider all angles. Which is part of my frustration. I DO want to be gracious and honor the spirit of the gift, but I DON'T want to keep the thing (I may be proven wrong.. we shall see), and she absolutely should've talked to me about it first.

I'm starting to think maybe I'll go the route of returning and letting her know that I already told my mom she could get him a power wheels once we are settled in our new state next year, and I have to  honor that promise. Maaaaaaaaaaaybe then she'll remember that before she gets a wild urge next time...?

[miso]

Aug 31, 2015 14:57:35 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

I'd murder her.

Run her over.

With the giant wheels.

[Deleted]

You are not being shitty. The people who are aghast at how horrible aunt is are. I promise, if you call, thank her profusely and tell her how you value those memories, and then tell her you feel so bad but there's nowhere to store it while he gets big enough - and ask if there's anything else you should get with the store credit or if you should just keep the credit until he is old enough to enjoy it - she will understand and tell you to do what you want with it. Whereupon, you buy what you want for him.

And if she does get upset, when she knows, THEN she can be definitively called inconsiderate.

[miso]

Well-meaning or not, your aunt has put you in a really awkward position, and that is thoughtless on her part.

[readyin07]

Aug 31, 2015 15:40:49 GMT -5 elle said:

You are not being shitty. The people who are aghast at how horrible aunt is are. I promise, if you call, thank her profusely and tell her how you value those memories, and then tell her you feel so bad but there's nowhere to store it while he gets big enough - and ask if there's anything else you should get with the store credit or if you should just keep the credit until he is old enough to enjoy it - she will understand and tell you to do what you want with it. Whereupon, you buy what you want for him.

And if she does get upset, when she knows, THEN she can be definitively called inconsiderate.

Obviously I agree there is absolutely nothing wrong with preferring something else and gracefully declining and returning it and mentioing the space/moving issue as a future deterrent from receiving something similar. It is the claims that the aunt is inconsiderate that I just don't understand IF it is like the quad I posted. I clearly don't know other pp's living situation and size of her home, but it is not large to the extent that i could see someone thinking that it would be burdensome and the age on that one is 12 months plus. I 100percent understand parents wanting to get gifts like this on their own, believe me but I don't see it as the aunt being thoughtless or awful. 

[isabel]

Aug 31, 2015 14:08:50 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

I would be really annoyed.
And, I'd accept the gift, sell it, and put the money in his 529. This is ridiculous.
The trike would have pissed me off too.

Sue is wise. In fact, I kind of might consider doing this in general with his gifts while he's young. He needs college money, not more clothes and junky toys that take up my entire house. That's flameful, I know.