Thanks. I'll probably have some. I'm in an awkward holding position because he wants me to give him hope and tell him what to do to make it better and I'm done, but I don't want to say with certainty for another week bc his mom is living with us.
Post by cuddlyevil on Aug 31, 2015 20:50:47 GMT -5
Yeah. My ex and I shouldn't have married in the first place. Neither of us was happy but I was the one who woke up first. We went to counseling, but it was too late and he never accepted his role in the failure.
As soon as I told him I was done I started to feel like me again. I'm so much more "me" today than I was 2 or 3 years ago.
Yes. We still talk every week and see each other once a month (no kids). People find it strange but we were both miserable married and living together. It's still not easy, but I've never regretted it
Yeah. My ex and I shouldn't have married in the first place. Neither of us was happy but I was the one who woke up first. We went to counseling, but it was too late and he never accepted his role in the failure.
As soon as I told him I was done I started to feel like me again. I'm so much more "me" today than I was 2 or 3 years ago.
Same here except we did not go to counseling. I knew I was done and counseling wasn't going to help us.
Yeah. My ex and I shouldn't have married in the first place. Neither of us was happy but I was the one who woke up first. We went to counseling, but it was too late and he never accepted his role in the failure.
As soon as I told him I was done I started to feel like me again. I'm so much more "me" today than I was 2 or 3 years ago.
Same here except we did not go to counseling. I knew I was done and counseling wasn't going to help us.
XH and I did go to counseling, but I did get to hear the cliche "If there are any problems in the marriage, they're yours, so you need to be the one working on them." Obviously he was only going through the motions, which I kind of knew he was, because when I suggested counseling, he responded "I don't need some quack telling me how to run my family."
We both knew that we needed to split, but were both hesitant to make the final call. When I told him to GTFO, I think he was more upset that he wasn't the one to make the call than he was about splitting up.
Thanks. I needed to hear that it will be better when we move on. Yesterday was hard with counseling and some lady turned into me and now I have to fix my car too.
I did. It's really hard to verbalize our main issues. In the end, I think we just weren't right for each other. Attraction also had a lot to do with it. It sounds stupid since we were together 10 years, but I don't know if I ever saw him as more than a friend. As we got older we slowly had less and less in common and less and less to talk about. I still think he is a great person (although he is acting like a total asshole some days during this divorce process). I just realized I did not want to spend my life with him. I also realized we both deserved to be with someone who truly madly deeply passionately loved the other.
It is hard because I think often people want a REASON. You don't have to justify your divorce to anyone.
My H is slowly, slowly, slowly (I think) accepting it. It's still fresh though.
I did. It's really hard to verbalize our main issues. In the end, I think we just weren't right for each other. Attraction also had a lot to do with it. It sounds stupid since we were together 10 years, but I don't know if I ever saw him as more than a friend. As we got older we slowly had less and less in common and less and less to talk about. I still think he is a great person (although he is acting like a total asshole some days during this divorce process). I just realized I did not want to spend my life with him. I also realized we both deserved to be with someone who truly madly deeply passionately loved the other.
It is hard because I think often people want a REASON. You don't have to justify your divorce to anyone.
My H is slowly, slowly, slowly (I think) accepting it. It's still fresh though.
I could've written the first paragraph. Except we've been together 5 years, not 10. I still like him, but I don't want to be in this marriage 5 years from now.
Yes, and I am really glad I did. Although it was more like I initiated forcing him to go to marriage counseling and that is where the divorce conversations came up. He was very against divorce and separation at first but once we went through a few months of counseling, it was pretty clear that we probably would never be able to work things out.
I was always on the fence about leaving because I knew I would have to be the one to make the decision for us to separate. He would never do it on his own. I spent a lot of time feeling guilty over there not being a "reason" (like cheating) and a book that really helped me overcome this is called Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay. It just helped me realize that my own happiness is a valid reason to separate. It really helped me realize how much happier I would be on my own. Maybe if you already know in your heart that you're done then this book wouldn't be as useful but it was life-changing for me.
Yes, and I am really glad I did. Although it was more like I initiated forcing him to go to marriage counseling and that is where the divorce conversations came up. He was very against divorce and separation at first but once we went through a few months of counseling, it was pretty clear that we probably would never be able to work things out.
I was always on the fence about leaving because I knew I would have to be the one to make the decision for us to separate. He would never do it on his own. I spent a lot of time feeling guilty over there not being a "reason" (like cheating) and a book that really helped me overcome this is called Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay. It just helped me realize that my own happiness is a valid reason to separate. It really helped me realize how much happier I would be on my own. Maybe if you already know in your heart that you're done then this book wouldn't be as useful but it was life-changing for me.
I did. It's really hard to verbalize our main issues. In the end, I think we just weren't right for each other. Attraction also had a lot to do with it. It sounds stupid since we were together 10 years, but I don't know if I ever saw him as more than a friend. As we got older we slowly had less and less in common and less and less to talk about. I still think he is a great person (although he is acting like a total asshole some days during this divorce process). I just realized I did not want to spend my life with him. I also realized we both deserved to be with someone who truly madly deeply passionately loved the other.
It is hard because I think often people want a REASON. You don't have to justify your divorce to anyone.
My H is slowly, slowly, slowly (I think) accepting it. It's still fresh though.