Help me not give my kid disordered eating habits

[cjeanette]

Why does she need to eat at meal times? I am a grazer by nature and typically feel the best energy wise when I stick to that.

As long as the snacks are providing nutritional value I wouldn't be too bothered. Our only dinner rule is try everything and don't put more on your plate than you can eat.

[VillainV]

It actually looks pretty good to me? My kid is a lot younger, and I get wanting to control what your kid eats, but it almost seems like there might be a power struggle going on about what and when she eats. I think as long as she is eating relatively healthy stuff (which it looks like from your description) I wouldn't worry about WHEN she eats. Also I think by giving her a little bit more control, it might be less of a struggle.

Having said all that, I totally understand wanting to push healthy options, and I HATE it when food goes to waste because C suddenly won't eat whatever food has been his favorite for the last few weeks.

[cjeanette]

Sept 2, 2015 20:45:06 GMT -5 @domerjen said:

Sept 2, 2015 20:39:29 GMT -5 cjeanette said:

Why does she need to eat at meal times? I am a grazer by nature and typically feel the best energy wise when I stick to that.

As long as the snacks are providing nutritional value I wouldn't be too bothered. Our only dinner rule is try everything and don't put more on your plate than you can eat.

I don't know!  Maybe she doesn't.  It feels wrong for someone to live on fruit and trail mix.  LOL  I feel ill equipped to decide what is "normal" or "ok".

I also want to eat every 2 hours, so maybe I should accept it as a normal way to be vs. a failing on my part and one that I should "fix" in my kid?

This is how I look at it as does our pedi.

If mealtime is still important to you as a ritual you can keep it light and include things you know she wants. Like fruit or trail mix.

She also might surprise you with a growth spurt and want to eat a huge meal randomly.

[CloudBee]

DS rarely eats much at dinner. Tonight he had like 4 bites of corn on the cob, a couple bites of beans, and then asked to get down. This was a good night.

Then before bedtime he asked for "peanut butter spoon". (Sometimes I give him a scoop of PB on a spoon.) So he downed 2 tablespoons of peanut butter and a cup of water.

I've stopped stressing. He gets protein and fat in milk and PB, we serve whole wheat bread at home which is loaded with protein and has fiber, and I'm thrilled that his fruit of choice is berries.

He's hardly touching meat unless it's in nugget form - even then, only a bite.

Whatever. He's not malnourished. Small for his age, but that's genetic.

I'm also a grazer and would be a beast if snacks were withheld. Keep up the snacks and try not to stress about dinner. 

ETA: I also agree that her "menu" is pretty good, considering she's at a typical picky age. I would probably stop serving trail mix with candy, and make that up with the yogurt you know she'll eat. (You wanted to limit sugar.) Have you made your own trial mix before? I used to buy a few different dried fruits and nuts in bulk at Whole Foods and throw them into a large container myself. This way you could add different color / variety to her diet in a simple way. Oh, and then you can get raw or unsalted nuts, too. Most trail mix is heavy on salt.

[anna7602]

Ditto pp. I'm also a grazer. I work at home, so I can usually control how healthy my grazing options are, but there are days on which I just want crap and I figure that's okay if I am eating well overall. Your daughter's diet doesn't look bad to me, but I have to admit that I find it weird that you favor M&Ms (in trail mix) over yogurt. I mean, I get that yogurt has a lot of added sugar, but M&Ms don't? I guess I haven't gotten too worked up about it since DD has never liked milk and yogurt is our main cereal/granola delivery vehicle (and source of calcium). Plus, as I've mentioned on this board before, I'm a little obsessed with yogurt.

[dcn]

I think the eating every couple of hours is fine especially if she's getting relatively healthy stuff. I eat every couple of hours too and always have.

Will she drink a smoothie? You can load those up with all sorts of stuff. I make them for Ds with plain kefir or yougurt, fruit, etc. his had kale today haha.

He also doesn't eat much dinner some nights. I think that is pretty typical for toddlers and preschoolers.

[Willis Jackson]

Her average day actually looks fine to me.

DD rarely eats dinner. I'm not really a dinner person either. It's not a big deal.

Ditto cjeanette with keeping up mealtime for the ritual, and serve healthy stuff, but try not to stress about what makes it down the hatch.

[mmmomof2]

I've given up on dinner. It's normal for them to front load their calories. I mean I still serve it and make them sit at the table, but I no longer worry if they don't eat it. As long as they sleep decently and appear to be growing I will not make dinner time a battle.

[lurknomore]

i just spent a long time at DDs4 year well visit taking to the pedi about healthy eating habits. DD2 has the opposite problem. She eats all the time and she's huge. She weighs 52#!!! And is in the 97th %ile for height. One of the things we talked about was not making eating a control thing for either one of us. DD will often help herself to whatever she wants. So pedi is having us let her help prepare prepackaged amounts of healthy snacks. So this weekend she helped me cut up a watermelon and we put it into containers that she can get out of the fridge herself. She's helping us prepare meals so she can be an active part of the process. Which veggie do you want with dinner tonight? Green beans or peas? Then she gets a say and getting her to eat her healthy growing foods is less of a struggle because she picked them out and she helped us make them. Opposite issues, but perhaps including N in some of the food decisions may help her to expand her palate a bit. Or at least get her to eat things she has previously liked if she's helped prepare them.

[CloudBee]

I'm so happy to hear that my DS isn't the only one not eating much at dinner, and front loading calories. While we have stopped stressing (as much) about it, I didn't realize it was so common.

[lilac05]

Have you tried adding a tiny bit of jelly/jam to the yogurt? My boys don't like plain yogurt or stuff sweetened with just honey, but if I add even 1/2 teaspoon of jam to a bowl of yogurt, they love it! I made some blueberry chia jam that both kids love & it only has 2 TBSP of honey with a pint of blueberries. It's just blueberries, chia seeds, and honey plus a little lemon juice or vanilla, boil it down and store in the fridge.

[tevagirl]

I found that the less I argue with dd about eating, the more likely she is to eat. She frequently tells me she doesn't like something at dinner and I say, "you don't have to eat it." 90% of the time, she eats it after I say that. I do say no to some things, and I will re offer uneaten meals sometimes.

[MadamePresident]

Sometimes I think the whole trend of assuming that kids will "listen to their body" and eat what they need only makes sense when they are babies. But I still parent that way.

I'm an adult and even though I like green beans my body never craves them. I instead eat them because I know they are good for me. My body wants ice cream cones and cookies.

I do think I would maybe have your daughter shop with you and pick out and help prepare foods. That might make her more excited to try things. But I don't like negotiating at meals, I offer healthy things and let my toddler choose what to eat. Now that she is getting older, I am really encouraging her to eat more veggies, but it's not a fight. More like a suggestion. I don't want it to turn into a power struggle.

[MamaMaui24]

No advice, but a rec for the Ellyn Satter institute division of responsibility. Parents decide what, when and where and the kid decides how much.

ellynsatterinstitute.org/dor/divisionofresponsibilityinfeeding.php

[drloretta]

The best advice I got was that kids eat one meal, throw one meal, and refuse one meal a day. If you're getting 2 out of 3 meals you're doing OK.

She sounds fine. Also keep on mind that growth plateaus happen at this age. DD lives on air during those times.

I might also suggest loosening up a bit on the carbs. If she has a few extra it won't kill her

[jena]

I'd push her to eat more at lunch. Dinner is often the worst meal of the day for kids.

Have you tried muffin tin meals? Use the muffin tin as a plate and you can give little bits of different things. It's cute, gives them variety, and my kids love it. I use it to serve the leftovers when there's not enough for a full serving.

I wouldn't worry about the carbs at all and I wouldn't worry much about sugar in yogurt (my kids eat plain yogurt with a giant dollop of strawberry jam in it so it's probably as sugary as the regular kind!)

[DarcyLongfellow]

My kids basically live on cheese, fruit, and carbs. I just try to make the carbs whole grain -- whole wheat bread, triscuits, oatmeal, high fiber cereala, and if I buy things like goldfish I buy the whole wheat ones.

For dinner, DD1 now gets 1/2 teaspoon of everything I'm serving. I literally get out the measuring spoon. If she eats the food on her plate (maybe 2 to 2.5 teaspoons), she can have more of whatever (usually fruit). We're still working on implementing this strategy, but it's working really well.

I also give up and give them oatmeal or cereal for dinner sometimes.

Will she eat oatmeal? I mix old fashioned oats with milk, microwave for 2 minutes, mix with craisins, and they gobble it up. DD1 likes to add sprinkles to her oatmeal -- since I don't add any sugar (besides what's in the craisins), I let her go to town.

Also, I just try to offer healthy food whenever they want to eat so that I don't have to worry about meals vs snacks. This is easier at home, and much harder when you're running around with older kids. My car snacks are way less healthy (fig bars, granola bars, applesauce, cheese sticks, sometimes yogurt).

I also do the trick of mixing a container of vanilla yogurt with a container of plain.

[Marmee]

She'll be fine. My DD3 is not an eater...she'd eat the same way you mention plus she had sensory issues with many textures. She's 40lbs at 6yrs old & we are tall/big people. But she's getting better now just like DD2 did at this age. Tonight she ate jerk pork roast & raved about it. This is a kid won't eat jelly/jam for example. Just give it time, she'll come around I bet. Grazing is fine & by school, she won't be able to snack all day.

[stretchad]

Looking at what she's eating, it sounds like she probably fine, but some strategies that a nutritionist we met with a few times when DS was first diagnosed w/ Failure To Thrive suggested to limit the all-day grazing and to make sure sufficient time was between snacks and meals. For example, DS gets a snack at 5pm at daycareand nutritionist suggested dinner at least 2 hrs after snack, even if it is close to bedtime. It allows their hunger to build up.
Additionally, she said oftentimes parents are concerned about getting their kids to eat and just feed them small bits at all time throughout the day, but what ends up happening is they actually eat less over the course of the day vs. having focused meal & snack times. She reminded me that often the advice given to adults who are trying to lose weight is to eat small amounts of (healthy) food throughout the day...they ultimately eat less over the course of the day with this approach.

Eating food of any kind is SUCH a struggle for us. So stressful!

ETA: My son is a lot younger than yours at 2 years old...and this advice was given to us when he was about a year, year and a half old or so, and I'm not sure if the advice would be different from a nutritionist for an older kiddo.

[mrshandy]

This sounds pretty familiar. DS rarely eats dinner. His two-old sister usually eats more than him.

Since he goes to daycare we only have to worry about this in the evenings. Basically my rule that I try to follow. He needs to eat a few bites of his dinner if he wants anything else later. This usually translates into him eating some kind of dinner + snack at 745 every night (we usually sit down for dinner at 530-6).

It's a tough situation. I just try to offer in the hopes he'll eat his dinner someday.

[gibbinator]

That's about what my 26lb 3yr old eats. I generally am happy if he eats one decent meal per day and he seems to live on air the rest of the time. I think it's pretty normal for that meal to be lunch rather than dinner.
He pretty much only eats chicken, ham and grain products, no fruit or veggie besides the occasional pouch. He usually has a small afternoon snack of a few crackers or pretzels.
Dinner is always a crap shoot. I can put his favourite food in front of him and he'll still tell me he's done after 2 bites, but then try to negotiate dessert.

[Deleted]

My kids eat 3 "meals" and 3 "snacks" a day. I don't try to limit how often they eat (other than when J says I'm hungry and dinner is in 20 mins, that sort of thing.) But, I do control what they eat/what choices they have.

J is not good about eating fruit or veggies, unless in pouch form. So I did have to stop offering things like crackers, pouches, etc. as afternoon snack choices because he was choosing to fill up on those and then not eat anything offered at dinner which I felt was more nutritious choices. So now for afternoon snack I offer a choice of fruit. I'm still allowing him the option to snack but making sure he doesn't fill up on crackers rather than chicken at dinner kwim?

We do save left over breakfast and offer it as a morning snack. It's usually his muffin that he has to eat every day (allergy challenge) a ww waffle, chicken sausage, and fruit.

As a bedtime snack/dessert the kids get one graham cracker. If J is still hungry I offer dinner leftovers, fruit, or veggies, sometimes yogurt.

Basically, I just try to make sure that the snacks they eat are as nutritious as possible. But don't liMIT how often they eat.

[Deleted]

I'm sort of in the same spot with #2. He likes to snack which leaves him not so hungry for meals but then he wants to eat again because he didn't fill up during lunch or dinner so it's annoying to me as the food provider, lol. I go back and forth on it because I know that grazing (eating six small meals) is actually better for you diet wise than eating three heavy ones but I also think it's important that he learns to eat a variety of food and also what I give him because I'm not running a restaurant here. If I let him, he'd have cereal three times a day and that would be it.

So my rules are: he has to eat a healthy cereal for breakfast because it's more filling than the sugary ones he prefers (he eats plain bran flakes with skim milk fwiw), a real sandwich at lunch time, and at least a little bit of whatever I made for dinner. He can fill up on fruit and veggie snacks and foods that are higher in protein (he likes Greek yogurt and peanut butter) in between but that's it.

[Deleted]

Sept 2, 2015 21:52:39 GMT -5 @fivedogs said:

Mine both eat more in earlier in the day. I allow alternates/backup protein after they try a bit of what we are eating for dinner, but they are not "preferred" foods. I don't follow this plan 100% (because I have more than one backup option), but it was helpful for me to avoid dinner battles.

itsnotaboutnutrition.squarespace.com/home/tag/backup-meals

Snacks are almost always fruit or some kind of protein/lower carb - cheese, a spoonful of peanut butter, plain yogurt. Sometimes a Fiber One bar because they always need more fiber. It seems like they only want a snack if they are really hungry - they don't go nuts for those options like they would for crackers.

I think I'm going to try this backup option. I just have to decide on a backup food lol.

Right now I just always make sure there is at least one item on the plate that I know they like. Then when they say they don't want to eat this or that, I just say ok, you don't have to eat it and leave it at that. I don't make them take bites etc. It's not worth the fight.

[Willis Jackson]

Sept 2, 2015 22:27:15 GMT -5 MadamePresident said:

Sometimes I think the whole trend of assuming that kids will "listen to their body" and eat what they need only makes sense when they are babies. But I still parent that way.

I'm an adult and even though I like green beans my body never craves them. I instead eat them because I know they are good for me. My body wants ice cream cones and cookies.

To me, "listen to your body" means eat when you're hungry and stop when you're full (or not hungry anymore). Cajoling kids into eating "2 more bites" or whatever before they can leave the table teaches them to ignore their hunger signals. 

As to your second point, my body absolutely craves veggies if I've been eating too much junk.

[Deleted]

It looks like she is eating a good amount of food. My DS has days where he only snacks and days where he eats huge meals. I just stopped worrying about his food intake and it balances itself out.

Yesterday - Breakfast whole milk, mini muffins, banana
snack mini bagel with cream cheese and graham crackers
lunch half a sunbutter and jelly
dinner other half of sun butter and jelly a TON of green beans, whole milk and granny smith apple slices.
treat soft serve

Other days it's more like
breakfast brocolli and milk ( he ASKs for broccoli for breakfast wierdo)
snack goldfish
lunch half a slice of pizza
snack goldfish
dinner AIR and whole milk.

I just figure he gets what he needs. He's growing and active and TALL but average weight.

[Deleted]

Sept 3, 2015 8:07:10 GMT -5 Willis Jackson said:

Sept 2, 2015 22:27:15 GMT -5 MadamePresident said:

Sometimes I think the whole trend of assuming that kids will "listen to their body" and eat what they need only makes sense when they are babies. But I still parent that way.

I'm an adult and even though I like green beans my body never craves them. I instead eat them because I know they are good for me. My body wants ice cream cones and cookies.

To me, "listen to your body" means eat when you're hungry and stop when you're full (or not hungry anymore). Cajoling kids into eating "2 more bites" or whatever before they can leave the table teaches them to ignore their hunger signals. 

As to your second point, my body absolutely craves veggies if I've been eating too much junk.

I think you have to know your kid.
My child says im full so we say - okay. And she gets down. Then we say 'do you want ice cream?' And she says okay.
Other times she says she is full. We say fine but she has to sit with us or we won't play with her yet whatever. Then she picks up her food and eats the whole plate. Wasn't full. Just got distracted. And for the record, I want my kid to be full earlier. She is big.

For us, limiting the size of afternoon snack was key in enabling dinner.

[Deleted]

And the refrain of 'who cares about meal times?' It is good in theory. We can graze at our jobs or at home all day. But at school they need to learn to eat at the right times.

[thebreakfastclub]

This seems pretty similar to how my son eats at 2.5yo.

DS will clean his plate at daycare but is generally uninterested in dinner. It works well because we usually don't cook dinner and it's just sandwiches and soup or quesadillas. I don't serve vegetables at home really, but he eats fruit.

A typical dinner for DS is half of a peanut butter sandwich and an apple.

[brady2012]

My DD stopped eating vegetables at 2 except in pouch form until she was almost 3.  During that time my pedi just told me to keep putting them on her plate along with everything else and eat the same thing with her for dinner.  We did and we kept offering until one day she started eating them again.  Now she will only eat specific vegetables but at 4 I will take it.

She eats 3 meals a day but dinner is by far the smallest and I think I read somewhere that is typical of toddlers/preschoolers anyway.  She eats much better in her daycare/school setting.  I offer 2 snacks a day, but if either kid tells me they are hungry throughout the day I give them a snack.  I feel like they are starting to learn their hunger cues and I try to roll with it.

I am a person who doesn't do well with large meals, so it makes sense there are kids out there the same way.  Keep offering, and eating the healthy foods in front of your daughter.  But if she is a bit of a grazer right now that is ok too.  I feel like making sure they recognize when they are hungry at this age is so important because not listening to those cues as we get older is where we get in trouble (well, for me anyway).