So going from 1 kid to 2 is really that bad?

[Jalapeñomel]

Worse than from 0 to 1?

We were married a long time before D, so it was a huge adjustment for us (still is). If we have another, will it be that times a hundred?

[yourmother]

I would love to see the responses because I'm strongly in the OAD camp and DH isn't.

[mommytutu]

For me the transition from 1-2 was easier than 0-1. My whole world was rocked after having my first. 2-3 was the easiest. With my second I knew what to expect.

[tigress]

I didn't think it was bad. 0 to 1 was much worse. 1 to 2, you are already in the kid mindset. Its more work, obviously. But I don't think its quite the same shock to the system.

[snipsnsnails]

Noooo! 0 to 1 was WWIII in our house, but 1 to 2 was so different.

The first 8-12 weeks are survival mode, nothing more, nothing less, but then it all evens out, you find your new normal and it is a cakewalk. Honestly.

And now, 2 to 3 is a breeze as well. I mean, I'm only 8 weeks in, but so far, so good.

My deal was I just knew what I was doing in a way that I never did the first time. For a control freak like me, that made all the difference.

[jeaniebueller]

For us, going from 1-2 was far easier than going from 0-1. Partially because DD was an easier baby and partially because I changed my parenting style and became much breezier the second time around.

[thebreakfastclub]

The thought of having a second always made me feel kind of sick to my stomach, so that's how I knew I was OAD. H never wanted another.

Now that my 2.5yo is potty trained and doesn't always need a nap, I can see it being harder to go back.

I love babies, it was just 12-18m that I didn't care for.

[pegasuskat]

My 2 oldest are 18 months apart and I thought it was actually really easier that way. My 3rd came along when they were much older and it was almost like starting over, lol. It was a few busy years, but after it slowed down it worked well, they had the same friend group being only 1 year apart in school and the baby stuff was over and done with. I had 2 decent sleepers and my H was always a lot of help with them.

[JamaicanPineapple]

It was for me. DD2 had reflux, I had PPD, and they were 17 months apart. It was really hard but I know everyone's experience is different!

[underwaterrhymes]

Most everything has been easier. I'm not as emotional. I'm getting more sleep (although still not much). We know what we are doing and aren't freaking out over every little noise. We are getting along better. I'm getting more done around the house because I'm better at juggling a kid and household stuff.

But! Toddler jealousy is in full force and that's more challenging. Bedtime is rougghhhh right now. I don't know if we'll get a date anytime soon because bedtime absolutely takes two of us. (And, frankly, a third person is helpful too.) And logistics are more complicated. I went to the ER fearing a blood clot by myself over the weekend so H could stay with both kids. (Not a blood clot, thankfully. Just pneumonia paired with a painful and swollen ankle I must have twisted and not noticed.)

Anyway, emotionally and mentally things are much easier for the most part. Physically it's harder because I haven't yet figured out how to clone myself. And it's hard to see my little buddy K so sad sometimes. We are giving lots of hugs and talking to him and playing with him as much as we can, but I know it's going to just take some time before it is not so tumultuous for him.

[karinothing]

I think the hardest part is the lack of patience that comes with sleep deprivation

[papie]

I found it to be the hardest of all three transitions for the first six months, and then it got so much easier.

[meganew]

Definitely not. I think the shock and adjustment was way harder going from 0 to 1! Plus you kind of work out all your anxiety and fears with the first one, so by the second you're much more relaxed and chill.

The scheduling is harder, getting in and out of the car takes a little longer, but its really not that big of a deal.

[daisybuchannan]

Sept 3, 2015 9:30:39 GMT -5 snipsnsnails said:

Noooo! 0 to 1 was WWIII in our house, but 1 to 2 was so different.

The first 8-12 weeks are survival mode, nothing more, nothing less, but then it all evens out, you find your new normal and it is a cakewalk. Honestly.

And now, 2 to 3 is a breeze as well. I mean, I'm only 8 weeks in, but so far, so good.

My deal was I just knew what I was doing in a way that I never did the first time. For a control freak like me, that made all the difference.

THis!

The first few weeks of #2 were hard bc all of a sudden my toddler was driving me insane. Since then it's been WAY easier than 0-1, and I'm hoping the same will be true for 2-3

[MixedBerryJam]

0 to 1 was a piece of cake, with my first being a super easy baby, sleeping through at 11 days. He so rarely cried no one ever we took a picture of him crying once so people believed us. OMG the transition from 1-2 damn near killed me. Number 2 was so fussy, all the damn time. I couldn't figure out how to leave the house with both by myself ... which one do I leave alone in the house while I carry one to the car? Which one do I leave alone in the car when I run back inside to get the other one? OMG it was awful. After about 10 months, when number 2 started sleeping for more than 3 hours at a stretch, things evened out and we all settled down. I also had pretty severe untreated ppd, which I was afraid to report to the doctor because I thought they'd take my kids away from me. So don't do that. I have heard that 2-3 is the real killer, but I'll never know for sure.

ETA: I should add, for the sake of clarification, that my kids are 15 months apart, and that we were older parents (had my first at 40), and that the above-referenced ppd was, I realize in retrospect, actually part of a lifelong history of untreated depression dating from childhood. 

[meganew]

I do think the spacing makes a difference, too. Ollie and Viv are 3 years apart (almost down to the day!) and that seems perfect for us. He's more independent, he can help out when I need him to, doesn't need to be held, etc. I personally don't think I could handle 2 under 2.

[ninjabridemom]

I dunno about the transition, obv, but having kids who like each other and play together makes a lot of things easier.

[snipsnsnails]

Sept 3, 2015 9:36:02 GMT -5 daisybuchannan said:

Sept 3, 2015 9:30:39 GMT -5 snipsnsnails said:

Noooo! 0 to 1 was WWIII in our house, but 1 to 2 was so different.

The first 8-12 weeks are survival mode, nothing more, nothing less, but then it all evens out, you find your new normal and it is a cakewalk. Honestly.

And now, 2 to 3 is a breeze as well. I mean, I'm only 8 weeks in, but so far, so good.

My deal was I just knew what I was doing in a way that I never did the first time. For a control freak like me, that made all the difference.

THis!

The first few weeks of #2 were hard bc all of a sudden my toddler was driving me insane. Since then it's been WAY easier than 0-1, and I'm hoping the same will be true for 2-3

As one of my wisest, dearest friends assured me, the third is really the icing on the cake! So sweet and so wonderful! Except when we've overshot naptime/quiet time and the car is so freaking loud. Then, it's not. Ha.

[whitemerlot]

We were married a long time before having our first and he was born in December. I live in MN and it was cold and dark when he was born. I felt so isolated and lonely.

Having my second was so different. She felt like she was always a part of our family. She was also born in May and I could get out in the fresh air. I had a lot more friends with little kids at that time. I was more relaxed as a parent.

[lilac05]

I don't really know that one was easier than the other. It's just completely different. You're more confident, so things like a crying baby are less stressful than the first time. You know that everything is a phase, and it WILL pass, so that helps, too. But you have two kids who need something now. Twice as many mouths to feed, naps to arrange, clothes to pick out (& wash!), and needs to balance. Two kids crying at once sucks, kids who tag team sleeping at night, jealous siblings, etc. all make things more stressful. We took DS1 almost everywhere, but once we had two kids, we are less likely to go places and do some less kid-friendly things.

And then you see the way they look at each other, and eventually play together. Your heart melts & you realize it's ALL worth it.

[shamrockshake]

I didn't think it was very difficult, after the few few weeks/ months once you get settled in. Adding the third was the easiest for us in case you want to keep going lol

[snipsnsnails]

Oh, this is reminding me of so many factors, though. Yes, my DH is a godsend. He helps so much and is so chill. That is huuuuuge.

Also, I had 2 winter babies and now a summer baby. The summer baby is so much better!! We get to get out, have sunshine, not have a thousand layers of clothing. It's awesome!

[Deleted]

Well, It's not that bad. It was the hardest transition for me, but it still wasn't awful. I don't know if that makes sense. Then again, my circumstance is different because h started working oot 2 months before Theo was born. That was a big transition, and I think things would have been much easier if he was still home every day.

2-3 has been a breeze.

[snipsnsnails]

That hairstylist photo is everything!!!

[louie]

Going from 1 to 2 was harder for me just because they were so close in age (17 months) but I think if there was more of an age gap, it would have been easier. My dd wasn't close to sleeping through the night when I had ds so there were nights when I would basically be going back and forth between them. Being so sleep deprived and dealing with a newborn and a toddler was hard.

But going from 0 to 1 was harder on my relationship with dh. Probably because we had no idea what we were doing or what to expect from each other. Going from 1-2 was easier on our relationship because it felt like we were more of a team and we knew how to handle things together.

[daisy24342]

It's a tie for us. 0-1 was hard, learning curve, didn't know what we were doing, etc

1-2 was hard because DS was 13 months when DD arrived, still very much a baby. It still is hard but getting easier as they get more independent.

[Jalapeñomel]

Sept 3, 2015 9:39:56 GMT -5 puddleofgrace said:

I will also add that if you have a super awesome husband who is really involved and helps, you'll be fine.

This is the part I really want to hear about.

I love my husband, but he can be very challenging. And I can be very controlling, wanting to do everything myself, fix all the wounds, smooth things over, etc. I'm much much more easygoing than he is.

[revolution]

Going from 1-2 was WAY easier for us than 0-1.

0-1 was WWIII and we both almost left the other one. THAT FIRST YEAR SUCKED.

1-2 was really no big deal for us. We knew what to expect. We knew survival mode was set in the first few months. We got through fine and fairly easily.

[litebright]

I thought going from 1 to 2 was harder than 0 to 1. But it really depends on how old your first child is -- IMO, the younger your first is, the harder it is. Mine are 27 months apart.

You can't sleep when the baby sleeps, because your toddler is almost always awake -- I could count on one hand the number of times that they both napped at the same time. Trying to PT a toddler while dealing with an infant who constantly wants to be held is really hard, so that got pushed back. Occupying a toddler and getting them the same level of pre-child-2-activity when you're working around BFing and frequent infant naps can also suck. You have far less down time, because someone always needs to be soothed, fed, changed, dressed, bounced, played with, etc. The sleep deprivation is worse, because you may or may not have fully gotten back to a regular night's sleep consistently before you have the second one. I was also far sicker, for longer, with my second pregnancy -- so I'd be at home puking and dealing with a toddler who shrieked and got really upset when I would throw up, but who also wouldn't leave a closed bathroom door be so I could puke in peace.

Zero to one was a lifestyle adjustment, but I felt like I had a pretty good handle on it. 1-2 made me want to tear my hair out. The upside is that you're a lot more comfortable with all the baby stuff, which I think is what makes it survivable.

[Kristinmo]

For us, it was. Going from 0-1 wasn't that difficult because we were already homebodies. Our lifestyles really didn't change that much. Obviously what we did at home was very different but it's not like we felt like we were missing out on things we used to enjoy.

Going from 1-2 was very difficult. There was no downtime that first year. Our kids are 2.5 years apart and one of them needed us for something constantly. Once Anna was around 1 and they could actually play together for short periods of time and both kids were more self sufficient, it got so much easier. I am SO happy to have 2 kids now but that first year was rough and cemented for me I should never have a third.